The Aussie Army was experiencing huge (Darryl Eastlake type Huge) budget cuts due to "The recession Australia had to have" (and apparently never ended)…
Anyway, a government representative and a General are inspecting the field medical facilities in the Middle East with a renowned military doctor.
"As you can see" explained the doctor, "We've aimed to keep our spending down, and being a field hospital we've had to improvise a lot of our treatments. But I can safely say that we are within our budget. The soldiers are so motivated by the medical treatments here on offer they'll do anything to avoid injury in the field."
"Amazing." said the government rep as he poured over the financial figures, "According to this, not only is your unit under budget, but you're the only unit in this territory that's actually in surplus. I have to know how you do it!"
"Right this way, gentlemen." said the doctor ushering them down a hall of tents. The stop at a bay of tents, and the doctor introduces them to one of his patients.
"This man seems fit and ready for active service, what's he doing here?" asked the General.
"Jekins, sir. Major" answered the patient, " I was admitted with a prolonged case of constipation."
"Which resulted in the worst case of piles I've ever seen in 20 years of medicine. But thanks to our treatment, he's on the mend." added the doctor.
"I see, and how are you treating this, doctor?" asked the General.
"A wire brush, and dettol, sir" answered the doctor.
The General asked the soldier "Jenkins, what are your goals?"
"To return to active service, sir" he answered
The doctor leads them to the next tent where another soldier in seemingly good health is in his bunk.
"What's your ailment, Major...?" asked the General.
"Russell, sir. I had accumulated a lot of leave and I spent it the only way I knew how. I must have visited every brothel, cathouse, bordello, and back alley in the territory." answered the patient
"Major Russell seems to have caught serious cases of almost every STI there is. Herpes. Gonorrhoea. Chlamydia. And those are just the ones we know about." explained the doctor as he handed the General a large list of Major Russell's infections.
"How are we treating this?" asked the General.
"A wire brush and dettol, sir" answered the doctor.
The General asked the soldier "Russell, what are your goals?"
"To return to active service, sir" he answered.
The doctor then leads them to a third tent where a soldier is laying in his bunk with a pained expression.
"Ah, let me guess." said the government rep "This soldier has already been treated with the wire brush and dettol?"
"Lieutenant Gordon?" said the doctor, "Oh my, no. Gordon here has a case of severe tonsillitis that's so extreme he had to be admitted."
"How are we treating this?" asked the General.
"A wire brush and dettol, sir" answered the doctor.
"What are your goals, Lieutenant Gordon?"
Gordon reaches for a pen and paper, scribbles a note, points to the other two tents and hands it to the General.
The General reads aloud "To get the wire brush and dettol before those dirty *******s!"
