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Continuing Jokes Thread

Discussion in 'Humour & Jokes' started by Bribie G, 19/2/09.

 

  1. Woong

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    Posted 10/7/19
    FB_IMG_1562730983925.jpg
     
    Lager Bloke, Garfield and Lemon like this.
  2. Brewer Tom

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    Posted 17/7/19
    Bono and Edge walk into a bar and the bar tender says "not U2 again"
     
    Brew Bama and Woong like this.
  3. Paddy Melon

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    Posted 18/7/19
    Sound logic
    upload_2019-7-18_9-14-24.png

    A man was walking down the street , when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.


    The man took out his wallet , extracted ten dollars and asked : "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"


    "No , I had to stop drinking years ago ," the homeless man replied.

    "Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food ?" the man asked

    "Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

    "Well ," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead , I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

    The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

    The man replied : "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."
     
    huey, krz, Reg Holt and 4 others like this.
  4. Woong

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    Posted 29/7/19
    The telephone company needed to hire four more telephone pole installers
    and the choice came down to two from Poland and two Irishmen.


    So the boss met both teams and said "Here's what we'll do. Each team will be
    installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs
    the most poles gets the job."


    Both teams headed right out.


    At end of the shift, when the two Polish guys reported back, the boss asked
    them how many they had installed. They said it was tough going but
    they'd put in twelve.


    Forty-five minutes later, Paddy and Mick came
    back in, totally exhausted.


    "Well, how many poles did you guys
    install?" said the boss


    Mick wiped his brow and sighed, "Paddy and
    me, we got three in. "

    The boss gasped, "Three? Those two Polish
    blokes put in twelve!"

    "Yeah," said Mick, "but did ya see how much
    they left sticking out of the ground.”
     
  5. Grmblz

    Well-Known Member

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    Posted 30/7/19
    I thought my vasectomy would prevent my wife getting pregnant.
    Turns out it just changes the colour of the baby.
     
  6. Woong

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    Posted 31/7/19
    FB_IMG_1564608982107.jpg
     
    wide eyed and legless likes this.
  7. Brewer Tom

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    Posted 1/8/19
    I heard that corduroy pillows are making headlines.
     
  8. Woong

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    Posted 3/8/19
    To the person who stole my anti depression tablets, I hope you're happy
     
    wide eyed and legless likes this.
  9. wide eyed and legless

    Pro Pro

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    Posted 5/8/19
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
     
    Woong and Grmblz like this.
  10. Grmblz

    Well-Known Member

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    Posted 5/8/19
    Just love "The Far Side" Gary Larson was a genius (I have every book)
     
    wide eyed and legless likes this.
  11. wide eyed and legless

    Pro Pro

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    Posted 6/8/19
    I don't think I have every book but I have quite a few, he was thought of being to far from the norm when he first started and people complained about him, it really isn't like the run of the mill American humour.
    [​IMG]
     
    Reg Holt likes this.
  12. Woong

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    Posted 6/8/19
    FB_IMG_1564839392019.jpg
     
  13. Grmblz

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    Posted 12/8/19
    Local paedophile found dead with 27 bullets in his head, police reckon it's the worst case of suicide they've ever seen.
     
    Woong likes this.
  14. Woong

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    Posted 13/8/19
    FB_IMG_1565721477810.jpg
     
  15. Brewer Tom

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    Posted 19/8/19
    There was good reason the lifeguard couldn't save the hippy.

    He was just too far out.
     
  16. Woong

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    Posted 19/8/19
    facebook_1566077924409.jpg
     
    Cian Doyle likes this.
  17. Brewer Tom

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    Posted 30/8/19
    I have a fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it...
     
    Mr B likes this.
  18. peteru

    Here, taste this!

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    Posted 30/8/19
    How do you express the opposite of "like"?

    You know, the "un-like", "that's shite" or "could do better" kind of response?
     
  19. Woong

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    Posted 4/9/19
    facebook_1566683318060.jpg
     
  20. Brewer Tom

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    Posted 8/9/19
    Two Cannibals were eating a clown.

    One said to the other: "Does he taste funny to you?"
     

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