Brewer Tom
Active Member
Bono and Edge walk into a bar and the bar tender says "not U2 again"
Continuing Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Bribie G
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Sound logic
A man was walking down the street , when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet , extracted ten dollars and asked : "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No , I had to stop drinking years ago ," the homeless man replied.
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food ?" the man asked
"Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Well ," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead , I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
The man replied : "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."
A man was walking down the street , when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet , extracted ten dollars and asked : "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No , I had to stop drinking years ago ," the homeless man replied.
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food ?" the man asked
"Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Well ," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead , I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
The man replied : "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."
The telephone company needed to hire four more telephone pole installers
and the choice came down to two from Poland and two Irishmen.
So the boss met both teams and said "Here's what we'll do. Each team will be
installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs
the most poles gets the job."
Both teams headed right out.
At end of the shift, when the two Polish guys reported back, the boss asked
them how many they had installed. They said it was tough going but
they'd put in twelve.
Forty-five minutes later, Paddy and Mick came
back in, totally exhausted.
"Well, how many poles did you guys
install?" said the boss
Mick wiped his brow and sighed, "Paddy and
me, we got three in. "
The boss gasped, "Three? Those two Polish
blokes put in twelve!"
"Yeah," said Mick, "but did ya see how much
they left sticking out of the ground.”
and the choice came down to two from Poland and two Irishmen.
So the boss met both teams and said "Here's what we'll do. Each team will be
installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs
the most poles gets the job."
Both teams headed right out.
At end of the shift, when the two Polish guys reported back, the boss asked
them how many they had installed. They said it was tough going but
they'd put in twelve.
Forty-five minutes later, Paddy and Mick came
back in, totally exhausted.
"Well, how many poles did you guys
install?" said the boss
Mick wiped his brow and sighed, "Paddy and
me, we got three in. "
The boss gasped, "Three? Those two Polish
blokes put in twelve!"
"Yeah," said Mick, "but did ya see how much
they left sticking out of the ground.”
Grmblz
Well-Known Member
I thought my vasectomy would prevent my wife getting pregnant.
Turns out it just changes the colour of the baby.
Turns out it just changes the colour of the baby.
Brewer Tom
Active Member
I heard that corduroy pillows are making headlines.
wide eyed and legless
Well-Known Member
Grmblz
Well-Known Member
Just love "The Far Side" Gary Larson was a genius (I have every book)
wide eyed and legless
Well-Known Member
I don't think I have every book but I have quite a few, he was thought of being to far from the norm when he first started and people complained about him, it really isn't like the run of the mill American humour.
Grmblz
Well-Known Member
Local paedophile found dead with 27 bullets in his head, police reckon it's the worst case of suicide they've ever seen.
Brewer Tom
Active Member
There was good reason the lifeguard couldn't save the hippy.
He was just too far out.
He was just too far out.
Brewer Tom
Active Member
I have a fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it...
Brewer Tom
Active Member
Two Cannibals were eating a clown.
One said to the other: "Does he taste funny to you?"
One said to the other: "Does he taste funny to you?"
Bushbear
Active Member
“We’re looking for a Treasurer for the Xmas fund”, said Paddy.
“Didn’t you take on a new one last month?” said Murphy.
“That’s the one we’re looking for”, Paddy replied
“Didn’t you take on a new one last month?” said Murphy.
“That’s the one we’re looking for”, Paddy replied
