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Continuing Jokes Thread

Discussion in 'Humour & Jokes' started by Bribie G, 19/2/09.

 

  1. wide eyed and legless

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    Posted 17/2/19
    So, now we know.

    I was watching the London Marathon, I saw one guy dressed as a chicken and another as an egg. I thought now this could be interesting.
     
    Last edited: 17/2/19
    Woong and Chods1 like this.
  2. DU99

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    Posted 18/2/19
    A man thought he would give his wife a birthday surprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shop, rather intimidated, but the salesgirls took charge to help him.

    "What colour?" they asked. He settled for white.

    "How much does it cost?" he asked. "Twenty-four dollars".

    'Expensive, but okay' he thought.

    All that remained was the size, but he hadn't the faintest idea.

    "Now sir, are they the size a pair of melons? Coconuts? Grape fruits? Oranges?" "No" he said "nothing like that". "Come on, sir, think. There must be something your wife's bust resembles". He thought long and hard and then looked up and said "Eggs, fried, on a plate”
     
    Chods1 likes this.
  3. DU99

    Well-Known Member

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    Posted 18/2/19
    A huge lumberjack is interviewing for a job at a major logging company. The foreman decides to take a practical route and hands the lumberjack an axe.

    "Take a couple swings at that tree over there" the foreman said.

    The lumberjack walks over to the tree and fells it in a single chop.

    "Holy smokes, you've got quite the arm! You're absolutely hired, but I need to know what you can do. Try your hand at this tree over here". The foreman points out a much larger tree.

    One, two swings and the tree crashes to the ground.

    "That's incredible!" Cried the foreman. "Wherever did you learn to chop like that?!"

    "In the Sahara Forest" replied the lumberjack.

    "Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?" asked the foreman.

    "That's why I'm here!!"
     
    Chods1 likes this.
  4. wide eyed and legless

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    Posted 18/2/19
    My wife told me sex is better while on holiday. I hate it when she sends me postcards like that.
     
  5. Chods1

    Chuggin Charlie. Pro

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    Posted 19/2/19
    HAHA
     
  6. razz

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    Posted 19/2/19
    That reminds me of.
    “How do you piss the wife off during sex?”
    “Ring her up!”
     
    wide eyed and legless likes this.
  7. wide eyed and legless

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    Posted 19/2/19
    Yeah, if it doesn't put her off it might put the guy off.
     
  8. Feldon

    caveat brasiator

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    Posted 20/2/19
    Or try the rodeo method.

    During sex whisper in her ear, "You're not as tight as your sister."

    Then see if you can stay on for seven seconds.
     
    razz likes this.
  9. DU99

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    Posted 12/3/19
    What is the difference between girls/women aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?
    At 8: You take her to bed and tell her a story

    At 18: You tell her a story and take her to bed

    At 28: You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed

    At 38: She tells you a story and takes you to bed

    At 48: She tells you a story to avoid going to bed

    At 58: You stay in bed to avoid her story

    At 68: If you take her to bed, that'll be a story

    At 78: What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?
     

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