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Continuing Jokes Thread

Discussion in 'Humour & Jokes' started by Bribie G, 19/2/09.

 

  1. Bushbear

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    Posted 10/9/19
    “We’re looking for a Treasurer for the Xmas fund”, said Paddy.
    “Didn’t you take on a new one last month?” said Murphy.
    “That’s the one we’re looking for”, Paddy replied
     
    wide eyed and legless likes this.
  2. Brew Bama

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    Posted 10/9/19
    I was pulled over last night and the officer asked me if I had a police record.

    I told him “no but I have a couple albums by Sting.
     
    razz likes this.
  3. Brewer Tom

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    Posted 13/10/19
    Love this one with the kids in the car . . .

    'Reversing . . . Ahh, this takes me back'
     
    wide eyed and legless likes this.
  4. wide eyed and legless

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    Posted 17/10/19
    Another one for the car.
    I going to try something in a minute, Iv'e seen it done in a cartoon but I think I can do it.
     
  5. Woong

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    Posted 25/10/19
    facebook_1566077924409.jpg
     
    razz likes this.
  6. Brewer Tom

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    Posted 7/11/19
    another funny Screenshot_20191108-075422_Photos.jpeg
     
    Norbert likes this.
  7. Brewer Tom

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    Posted 22/11/19
    Waitress: Sees that dad hasn't eaten all his food 'Do you want a box for that?'

    Dad: 'No, but I'll wrestle ya for it!'"
     
  8. Brewer Tom

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    Posted 22/11/19
    Yesterday, a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships...

    Apparently 'In HD' wasn't the correct answer!
     
    Woong likes this.
  9. Grmblz

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    Posted 7/12/19
    My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!". As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
     
    Woong, Barge, razz and 1 other person like this.
  10. wide eyed and legless

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    Posted 7/12/19

    'Still Game' top comedy show from Scotland well worth watching, sadly ended now.
     
    Grmblz and DU99 like this.
  11. Barge

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    Posted 8/12/19
    What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

    I wouldn't pay to have a lentil on my face.
     
    krz, Woong, Grmblz and 1 other person like this.
  12. Woong

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    Posted 9/12/19
    FB_IMG_1574683370475.jpg
     
    Chods1 likes this.
  13. Brewer Tom

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    Posted 13/12/19
    It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub.
    It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.
    The difference is staggering.
     
  14. wide eyed and legless

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    Posted 13/12/19
    I've had some mileage out of this joke.
     
    Chods1 likes this.
  15. krz

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    Posted 13/12/19
    I know that one brilliant
     
    Chods1 and aamcle like this.
  16. Woong

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    Posted 14/12/19
    Beer
    1a3-2.jpg
     
    Chods1 and Danscraftbeer like this.
  17. Chods1

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    Posted 16/12/19
  18. Grmblz

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    Posted 19/12/19
    Bob the builder goes up to a girl in a night club and says "I've got an 8 inch dick and can shag all night"
    After a few drinks she takes him home.
    The next morning she says "hey you said you had 8 inches and could go all night but you've only got 5 inches and lasted 3 minutes"
    Bob replies "I'm a builder love, it was an estimate"
     
    Chods1 and wide eyed and legless like this.
  19. wide eyed and legless

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    Posted 20/12/19
    I don't know if I have posted this before.
    A ventriloquist cowboy comes across a ranch, and looking for a place to stay the night rides up to the farmhouse and the farmer came out to greet him. Thinking he will have some fun with this country bumpkin the dog comes up first wagging his tail, the ventriloquist asks the dog how the farmer is treating him. The dog replies I have plenty of exercise, and I am fed well and I am happy here, the farmer is amazed, next he goes up to the farmers horse and asks how are you treated here horse, the horse replies I am treated well have plenty of food and a warm barn to sleep in. The farmer is flabbergasted, he turns to the cowboy and says, 'Don't you go talking to those sheep in yonder meadow, they are nothing but goddamn liars'.
     
    Chods1 and Grmblz like this.
  20. Grmblz

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    Posted 20/12/19
    An oldie but goody.
     
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