Depression........Its real

[MastersBrewery]

My Missus has battle mental illness since she was 8 years old, traumatic events from that time still haunt her. She also suffers chronic pain, so she fair rattles when she jumps. I have known her for 11 years and we have been together for 6 years. The last 3 of which I think we'd both agree have been more than most relationships would survive, after nearly 12months being separated we are now back together, but still on a very long hard road.
Just before last Christmas everything went to ****, she moved out, and not a month later, she ended up being admitted to hospital, then because of this her ex-husband decide not to return her daughter from xmas access (no orders ). Over the next few months things didn't go well, but she saw some new specialists and her diagnosis was reviewed: Bi Polar and Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD) (now that sounds like some scarey **** right!-Basic Instinct. anyone) well hollywood didn't do any favours to mental illness when they made that movie, so glad things have changed.
Through out the year I really tried to be proactive with her and help her with her legal issues and making sure she had lots of time with our son. I had to do a lot of reading and I think the best book I came a cross was "loving someone with BPD". I swear the first 3 chapters were written about my life with the woman I love, really, I felt like the author had been watching the whole time. As BPD is very often misdiagnosed as BI Polar, I would seriously recommend this book to those having trouble coming to grips with the mental illness of a loved one it has tools to help you and them.
We have a big year ahead, with a court case for custody of my step daughter, her mum still battles most weeks and the stress of this will tell, together we'll get through.

For those supporting a love one with mental illness, it's it fucken tough road, when you love them, you do it with out thought for yourself. Remember one thing, you can't help others if your struggling yourself. There are support services out there for you. If google won't help drop me a PM

 

[Pickaxe]

Nice post masters, it's a long road for the ones that live with sufferers. I lost 2 very close mates to suicide that were long term sufferers and now watching one mates brother and mother battle the demon. Unfortunately, my mates went down from not talking about it. It's now very out in the open for us left behind. Even talking about "warning signs" we still reckon we'd not see it coming. Open dialogue is the only channel we think may have prevented my mate's suicide.
I'm one anti "harden up" advocate. Open up, dint harden up.

pickaxe

 

[MastersBrewery]

Have to agree Pickaxe, top tips:

Assess: ask what has happened.

Listen Actively: without judgement or contradiction, don't say they're over reacting.

Validate: find some thing in what has happened that makes sense and is understandable, that you can relate to; say what that is.

Ask if you can help, not solve the problem but to get through the moment.

If the answer is no, give them space and remember emotions of emotionally vulnerable people last longer


Of course be more fluid, squishy,soft and warm like a good mash

MB

 

[Mardoo]

Great advice Masters. Thanks.

 

[tazman1967]

Hi guys,
Just been diagnosed with chronic depression,
Been fighting it for the last 3 months, but it has got me..
I havnt brewed a beer for 3 months, sad because brewing is one of my joys in life.

I have reached the bottom, and have now seeked professional help, and have a mental health plan in force.
It feels like a weight has been lifted off me shoulders.
To all you guys battling it, i feel for you.
Cheers

 

[DU99]

Mate..glad you got help..

 

[wereprawn]

Hi guys,
Just been diagnosed with chronic depression,
Been fighting it for the last 3 months, but it has got me..
I havnt brewed a beer for 3 months, sad because brewing is one of my joys in life.

I have reached the bottom, and have now seeked professional help, and have a mental health plan in force.
It feels like a weight has been lifted off me shoulders.
To all you guys battling it, i feel for you.
Cheers

Your not alone there mate. Was diagnosed with severe chronic depression around 15 years ago myself. Luckily the meds the shrink put me on, worked wonders. Was like a light had been turned on. Feel quite ashamed of how i treated my family and friends back then. Being a big bloke it must have been terrifying for them as my depression often presented itself as aggression. Not that i was physically violent toward loved ones, but still...

 

[Ducatiboy stu]

Mate, glad you got help. Dont ever be afraid to face the black dog and talk about it

Your on a difficult road, trust me.

Antidepressants will help, but they are not the magic bullet..

Diet, exercise, life style will all affect how you deal with it

get the book " The Happiness Trap " by Russ Harris and have a read...its not a self help book, or a guide, or a manual...dont worry, it can be a difficult read when you get into it, but well worth it

We all get depression for different reasons, and there is no reason why any of us should be scared of it

Learn to put the black dog on a least and take him for a walk, instead of the other way around

 

[Ducatiboy stu]

Your not alone there mate. Was diagnosed with severe chronic depression around 15 years ago myself. Luckily the meds the shrink put me on, worked wonders. Was like a light had been turned on. Feel quite ashamed of how i treated my family and friends back then. Being a big bloke it must have been terrifying for them as my depression often presented itself as aggression. Not that i was physically violent toward loved ones, but still...

All those feelings and more. You dont really know what you are doing and how other people get affected by it, its like your in a tunnel

 

[MastersBrewery]

I posted top of this page more than a year ago.
Whats changed?
A lot!!! I live with a different woman (same girl though), she has done a lot of hard work, and knows there is always more to do. and it is a huge weight that has lifted from both of us. This was a long long fight 5-6 years and at times there seemed no end and no light at the end of the tunnel. Life is doing good things for her and that has a snow ball effect.
And yep the custody case she is in continues (actually we have two separate cases running in different courts for different kids mine and hers) and even with all that she has continued down the road to recovery. But she didn't do it alone it took a lot of work from many people, loved ones, friends and professionals.

MB

 

[droid]

over in the west visiting my siss as she mentioned suicide on the phone the other day
feel like I'm treading on eggshells, she left work sick today because her medication was increased yesterday
not being a subtle sort of person has caused lots of tongue biting
I'm making dinner, walking the dog, cups of tea, washing clothes but this time next we ill be gone
Don't really know what to say, bit scared of saying the wrong thing, when it's siblings the rough edges are hard to work around

Thanks for providing some links, I hear of a psychologist in wa that is helping super moms deal with the day to day

 

[wereprawn]

over in the west visiting my siss as she mentioned suicide on the phone the other day
feel like I'm treading on eggshells, she left work sick today because her medication was increased yesterday
not being a subtle sort of person has caused lots of tongue biting
I'm making dinner, walking the dog, cups of tea, washing clothes but this time next we ill be gone
Don't really know what to say, bit scared of saying the wrong thing, when it's siblings the rough edges are hard to work around

Thanks for providing some links, I hear of a psychologist in wa that is helping super moms deal with the day to day

Being family is always hardest droid. Just letting her know you will be there for her, no matter what, is often the best you can do.

 

[Ducatiboy stu]

over in the west visiting my siss as she mentioned suicide on the phone the other day
feel like I'm treading on eggshells, she left work sick today because her medication was increased yesterday
not being a subtle sort of person has caused lots of tongue biting
I'm making dinner, walking the dog, cups of tea, washing clothes but this time next we ill be gone
Don't really know what to say, bit scared of saying the wrong thing, when it's siblings the rough edges are hard to work around

Thanks for providing some links, I hear of a psychologist in wa that is helping super moms deal with the day to day

Just to pull a few things out of what you said....Dont worry, It will make sense

Living with depression gives you highs and lows....just depends on the equation

Changes in medication should be taken VERY LIGHTLY AND WITH CAUTION ..I have been there...not good...

I went from Citalopram (SSRI) to Cymbalta (SNRI) to finally Mirtazapine (NaSSA)

Citalopram was great first up....but after 12mnths it lost its function....Cymbalta made me sick as a dog, headaches, brain snaps, lethargy, bad nausea..after 2 weeks

Mirtazapine for me seems to work well....

Please.... Do NOT take my experience with different drugs ...It wont work

Sometimes throwing to much support to quick is the worst thing....

Going in and saying.. " Mate...lets go out and have a good time " or " We came down to help you out " can be detrimental.

Think about it.......Your mates and family all come in and say " We are here to help.."

So you go and catch up and have a few beers and all of a sudden you feel great.......


..........then it stops..........

 

[droid]

thanks guys

yep I don't know how far to go at this point and my other sister who is 20 minutes away can be a bit abbrasive, should I say a bit more than me. Then it begs the question am I here for her or for me? at least we've had a couple of good chinwags.

unfortunately she doesn't get much help around the house and I'd like to tell her partner and her 11 year old daughter to help out but then when I leave maybe they'll just drop the ball,

 

[wide eyed and legless]

One can only imagine what having a mental health problem is like let alone living with someone who has it, Ducatiboy stu said above that exercise helps, a healthy body makes for a healthy mind is not just a saying, I read an article recently from Biomedical Research Centre for Mental Health in London who did research on this and it is true.
Though I have never had any mental health issues, the demon I am facing (cancer) I found that a side effect of the chemotherapy is depression, would hate to think what effect it could have had on me if not for a strong mind which could beat it.
At the moment I am running 7 kilometers each morning as well as attending the gym not drinking too much and I feel as good as I did 10 years ago, and my mind is a lot sharper, though my cancer has now moved on to metastatic cancer I feel mentally prepared for the next stage of treatment.
So that advice that stu gave is good advice, and I would be really going for fitness even if it is only going for long walks, you can only benefit from it, so good luck to you tazman and anyone else affected by mental illness.

 

[Grott]

One big step here with those suffering depression- your talking about it. Keep up with this as unfortunately those that hide it, don't discuss the issue, often struggle.
I wish you all the best and never ever give up.

 

[dannymars]

Yep, mate of mine took his life over Easter...

Heavy **** :-(

Took up smoking ice six months prior and kept it secret from everyone, we didn't even know he'd been doing it until it was too late.

 

[spog]

Depression , I know people who suffer from it.
Dementia , I know people who suffer from it.
My Mum is suffering from both, it's ******* heart breaking.
Trying to understand/comprehend the WHY is ........
Giving a stuff is the easy part.

 

[Lincoln2]

I recently read an article referencing a scientific study that showed gardening can be more effective and longer lasting than Prozac for battling depression. Apparently there is a beneficial bacteria in soil that you are exposed to by breathing and working your hands in soil. They trialled some patients in the UK with very positive results. Plus being active, fresh air, sunshine, productiveness etc.

Most gardeners would agree that there is a mild high that comes after a good day in the vege patch. I don't have a link the study handy but if anyone's interested
ii should be able to dig it out.

 

[malt and barley blues]

I also read that article, do you get the International Express? I think that is where I read it.