I think the theory is that out of the H/Ex is going to be the warmest part of the system, so measure here. Wort comes in at say 66C, it might drop slightly but by constantly recirculating, every part of the mash will be 66C. I found my dial thermo in the body of the mash quickly settling at 66C also. If liquid is regularly cycling through the H/Ex, you can be sure it is hitting 66C.
For my setup, 4:1 seems to be about perfect for the ratio, very loose by more traditional Cooler MLT standards but works for me. My return is just some coiled silicone tube sitting on top, no way is any grain missing out on a nice warm bath. my probe is at the MLT return in a T piece, as above.
Does everyone recirculate for the full mash, or pause and restart throughout? I've been recirculating for 90 minutes but wondering if I really need to?