Continuing Jokes Thread

[WarmBeer]

There are 10 types of people in the world.


Those who understand binary and those who don't.

If we're going to get nerdy here, prepare to be out-nerded...

 

[jonocarroll]

If we're going to get nerdy here, prepare to be out-nerded...

</restraint>

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first goes up to the bartender and says, "I'll have a pint of lager, please." The next one says, "and I'll have half of what he's having." The bartender says, "You're all idiots," and pulls two pints.





The Sex Life of an Electron

by Eddie Currents

One night when his charge was pretty high, Mirco-Farad decided to seek
out a cute little coil to help his discharge.

He picked up Milli-Amp and took her for a ride in his Megacycle. They
rode across the Wheatstone Bridge and stopped by a Magnetic field with
flowing currents and frolicked in the sine waves.

Micro-Farad, attracted by Milli-Amp's characteristic curves, soon had
her fully charged and proceeded to excite her resistance to a minumum.
He gently laid her at ground potential, raised her frequency, and
lowered her reluctance.

With a quick arc, he pulled out his high voltage probe and inserted it
in her socket, connecting them in parallel. He slowly began short
circuiting her resisitance shut while quickly raising her thermal
conductance level to mill-spec. Fully excited, Milli-Amp mumbled
"OHM...OHM...OHM!"

With his tube operating well into class C, and her field vibrating
with his currently flow, a corona formed which instantly caused her
shunt to overheat just at the point when Micro-Farad rapidly
discharged and drained off every electron into her grid.

They fluxed all night trying various connectors and sockets until his
magnet had a soft core and lost all of its field strength.

After wards, Milli-Amp tried self-induction and damaged her solenoids,
and, with his battery fully discharged, Micro-Farad was unable to
excite his field. Not ready to be quiescent, they spent the rest of
the evening reversing polarity and blowing each other's fuses.







... your move, WarmBeer.

 

[WarmBeer]

</restraint>

[snip]

... your move, WarmBeer.

Ummm, I believe your xml is not well-formed.

Boo-ya!!! Right back atcha

 

[jonocarroll]

Ummm, I believe your xml is not well-formed.

Boo-ya!!! Right back atcha

yeah, but <restraint /> just implies lack of content, not the ending of my restraint.





:lol:

 

[chappo1970]

:lol:

It's like watching a game of chess... POINTLESS!

 

[antains]

In posting the binary joke, I knew I would draw one of the nerds. I didn't expect I would hook both!

Funny, funny stuff.

 

[WarmBeer]

You got me with the LOL Cats, awww they so cute! :lol:

It's like the Chewbacca Defense, impossible to argue against, so I must graciously bow out of the one-up-nerdship.

Besides, it's just gone beer'o'clock, there's drinkin to be done.

So long, and thanks for all the laffs.

 

[jonocarroll]

:lol:

It's like watching a game of chess... POINTLESS!

 

[peas_and_corn]

Ahh yes, the comic that spurned a thousand theme park ejections.

 

[jonocarroll]

Ahh yes, the comic that spurned a thousand theme part ejections.

:blink:

Had to read that twice. Ahem. Typo.

 

[peas_and_corn]

Cheerfully corrected.

 

[jonocarroll]

Ahh yes, the comic that spurned a thousand theme part ejections.

http://xkcd.com/chesscoaster/

Gotta love the Jenga one!

 

[leiothrix]

There are 10 types of people in the world.


Those who understand binary and those who don't.

There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand trinary, those that don't, and those that mistake it for binary h34r:

 

[antains]

There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand trinary, those that don't, and those that mistake it for binary h34r:

Damn you. Now I've learnt something.

 

[Sully]

A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together, when gramps pull a beer out of his cooler. The little boy asks: "Can I have a beer Grandpa?"
Grandpa replies: "Can your pecker touch your ***?"
The little boy answered: "No Grandpa. It's just a little pecker."
Gramps says: "Well then, you're not man enough to have a beer!"

A little later, Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asks: "Can I have a cigar Grandpa?"
Once again, Grandpa asks: "Can your pecker touch your ***?"
Once again, the little boy replies: "No, it's too little.
Grandpa says, "Then you're not man enough to have a cigar!"

A little later, the little boy comes out of the house with milk and cookies.
Grandpa asks: "Hey there young feller, can I have a cookie?"
The boy asks: "Can your pecker touch your ***?"
Laughing, Gramps replies: "HELL Yes, my pecker can touch my ***!"
The little boy replies: "Then go f--k yourself! Grandma made these for me!"

 

[Sully]

When I was younger I hated going to weddings.

It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, 'YOU'RE NEXT'.. They stopped that **** after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

 

[antains]

[I thought about changing this for the Australian context, but I know we've got some international members.

Replace ASDA with whatever the latest cheap food chain is. Replace Celtic with Collingwood or whatever is the current bogan club. Replace Castlemilk with Moe, Frankston or whatever the crappiest 'burb is.]


A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger, woman wearing a Celtic top walked into ASDA in Castlemilk with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F*ck naw, they're nae twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the f**k would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupid?'

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam' replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe you've been sh*gg*d twice. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.'

 

[petesbrew]

Absolutely pissed myself over that one!

 

[raven19]

Thought for the day...

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

 

[raven19]

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

David Bissonette

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Sacha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Anonymous

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?

Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Sigmund Freud

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

Anonymous

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.. It's called marriage.'

Sam Kinison

'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'

James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Patrick Murra

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....

Nash

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'.. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same

thing: 'You can have mine.'

Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'

Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

Anonymous