normell
Winter's Flat's #1 Brewer, now that XXXX have move
- Joined
- 14/12/04
- Messages
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Male vs Female at the ATM ...
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the below outlined procedures when accessing accounts.
MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed after months of careful research.
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
3. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
4. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
5. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down
4. Find handbag; remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Turn the radio down.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open the car door to allow easy access to machine due to its excessive distance from the vehicle.
8. Insert card.
9. Reinsert card the right way up.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check make up in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Recheck make-up again.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate cardholder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver lined up behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull away.
25. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
26. Release Parking Brake.
Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early
morning hours and went home their separate ways.
The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the
night before. The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying,
"I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got
through the door, I blew chunks."
The second said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and
wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have
insurance!"
The third proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home,
I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and
burned the whole house down!"
The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again,
"Listen girls, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my dog."
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the below outlined procedures when accessing accounts.
MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed after months of careful research.
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
3. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
4. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
5. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down
4. Find handbag; remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Turn the radio down.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open the car door to allow easy access to machine due to its excessive distance from the vehicle.
8. Insert card.
9. Reinsert card the right way up.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check make up in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Recheck make-up again.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate cardholder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver lined up behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull away.
25. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
26. Release Parking Brake.
Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early
morning hours and went home their separate ways.
The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the
night before. The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying,
"I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got
through the door, I blew chunks."
The second said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and
wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have
insurance!"
The third proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home,
I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and
burned the whole house down!"
The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again,
"Listen girls, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my dog."
