About time I got around to adding to this ..
My depression is a chronic long term form. This is possibly one of the worst.
Being a sufferer you do not even realise that you are a sufferer, a classic catch 22. To me everything seems ok. But to every one else it is not. The problem is that you keep going day to day as if everything is ok.
As a sufferer you tend to live day to day. And every days seems to be the same. The reality is that you loose interest in things. Your hobbies, family, work, food and enjoyment. Things that others find enjoyable just dont seem interesting, in fact nothing really does. You know your freinds and family are there, in the room, but its like you dont particularly care what they do or even why. In fact it would not even matter if they where not there. It is hard when you have younger kids as they want to do things and you just dont really want to. My ex told me I was "Boring" because I didnt want to do anything. the problem was that I didnt find anything enjoyable. And when I did did it was short lived. I could go out for a BBQ, have a good time, but when it was over, it was like "yeah it was OK". You just go back into your own world. You tend to become anti-social in some ways. I get the feeling that I dont fit in, even if I did, and didnt really want to talk or associate. Some days I would be happy as larry with a group of freinds and the next day just didnt feel like talking to them for no particular reason.
When I was first put on anti-depressants I felt unbelievable. For the first time in years I wanted to do things. I felt great. and I could see what I was like in the real world. Unfortunatly after a few years the meds lost their punch and I started slipping .
Now for the fun bit
My first medication was an SSRI (
selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) call Citalopram. this is a fairly safe widely used anti-depressant. Worked great, but if you missed a day or two the withdraw effects where terrible...I really fealt scatty and like shit. I felt great when on it initially. My whole body would tingle and feel alive. I could not stop wanting to do things. I was on this for about 3-4 years
The GP and Phsyc then put men onto ans SNRI (
serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor) called cymbalta when the first basically stopped working. FARRKK....I hated it, gave me terrible headaces and nausea... 3-4 weeks of that and I was ready to kick it. I was a mess for those weeks.
Now I am on a NaSSa (
noradrenergic and specific serotonergic antidepressant ) ( similare to a
tetracyclic antidepressant ) called Mirtazapine, which is slowly starting to kick in
The feeling being in on the meds is like chalk and cheese. You become normal, so to speak, and life in general seems a lot more fun. You find that things become enjoyable and worth doing. Its like being on a strange drug that seems to open you up. The only prob is when you miss a day. It does not take long for withdraw symptoms to appear. Talking 12hrs. I felt vague with wierd pulses in my brain.. very hard to describe. It wasnt like you where back in depression mode just wierd.
Now not all meds are the same. There are several classes of antidepresents and they all work slightly different. SSRI & SNRI work by stopping the brain from absorbing
seratonin and/or
norepinephrine/noadrenaline or by
antagonizing the receptors as in Nassa
The main thing is that there is help and the modern drugs do help. Its just finding the one that works.
Unfortunatly ( or maybe fortunatly ) my meds have stopped me from wanting to drink. I enjoy a few beers/wines etc but dont really feel like getting drunk. Maybe its cause I am older or just the way the drugs work. Either way I dont care casue they make me feel good and thats all that matters.
