Haha. That's so good. "Don't mess with the Queen"
Continuing Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Bribie G
- Start date
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Brewer Tom
Active Member
Apparently if you buy cabbage from Coles you also have to but carrots and mayonnaise.
It's Coles law . . .
It's Coles law . . .
wide eyed and legless
Well-Known Member
Well, she doesn't do it by using the desk.
DU99
Well-Known Member
A sprightly 101-year-old cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbour that the secret of living a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the ripe old age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great grandchildren, five great-great grandchildren... and a 40-foot HOLE where the crematorium used to be.
DU99
Well-Known Member
One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there were problems. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the bottle and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the bottle and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Brewer Tom
Active Member
I swallowed a dictionary.
It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.
It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.
wide eyed and legless
Well-Known Member
The thesaurus is great, there's no other word for it.
Brewer Tom
Active Member
Did you hear John Travolta was hospitalised last night with suspected corona virus.
Turned out it was just Saturday night fever.
Turned out it was just Saturday night fever.
wide eyed and legless
Well-Known Member
Is he stayin alive?
Bob65
Well-Known Member
The staff at the local Dan Murphy's told me that they thought that I had been panic buying for the last 9 years.
gone brewing
Well-Known Member
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The guy who invented hand sanitiser would be rubbing his hands together right now.
Edward Rowe
Active Member
Grmblz
Well-Known Member
wide eyed and legless
Well-Known Member
Makes no sense, your better off reading Edward Roe's posts, not one piece of useful information in them.
Grmblz
Well-Known Member
Oh dear, touched a nerve did we? The guys a flog and you're the only one that can't see it. Time for spec savers.
wide eyed and legless
Well-Known Member
I can see it, its those encouraging him which maybe can't see it.Oh dear, touched a nerve did we? The guys a flog and you're the only one that can't see it. Time for spec savers.
Maybe Edward might in a position to be able to fill us in on what is happening in the legal arena, now that might be worth a giggle.Back to proper jokes.
I went to the hardware store and asked the woman "What's best for getting red wine stains off a carpet?"
"Ammonia cleaner." she replied.
"I'm sorry" I said, "I thought you worked here."
Ghostie
Active Member
What about this
