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Continuing Jokes Thread

Discussion in 'Humour & Jokes' started by Bribie G, 19/2/09.

 

  1. Woong

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    Posted 15/1/20
    FB_IMG_1579092820673.jpg
     
    Chods1, Blackman and Grmblz like this.
  2. Chods1

    Chuggin Charlie. Pro

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    Posted 17/1/20
    Haha. That's so good. "Don't mess with the Queen"
     
  3. Brewer Tom

    Active Member

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    Posted 19/1/20
    Apparently if you buy cabbage from Coles you also have to but carrots and mayonnaise.
    It's Coles law . . .
     
    NoClue2Brew and razz like this.
  4. Woong

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    Posted 23/1/20
    image (1).png
     
  5. wide eyed and legless

    Pro Pro

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    Posted 23/1/20
    Well, she doesn't do it by using the desk.
     
    Woong and razz like this.
  6. DU99

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    Posted 29/1/20
    A sprightly 101-year-old cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbour that the secret of living a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the ripe old age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great grandchildren, five great-great grandchildren... and a 40-foot HOLE where the crematorium used to be.
     
  7. DU99

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    Posted 29/1/20
    One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there were problems. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

    Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

    Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the bottle and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.

    He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"

    Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
     
    Woong, Tomo, bird and 1 other person like this.
  8. Brewer Tom

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    Posted 3/2/20
    I swallowed a dictionary.

    It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.
     
    Mr B likes this.
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