Continuing Jokes Thread

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As she walks into the pet shop, she asks the owner,

“How much are your parrots?”

The owner replies,

“The orange one is $150,

the yellow one is $150 and

the red one is $30.”

The woman asks,

“Why is the red one so cheap?”

The owner replies,

“He used to work at a strip club.”

The woman decides to buy the parrot

and brings it home to the family.

After bringing it home the parrot says

“Wow, you have a lovely house.”

The wife then introduces him to the children.

The parrot says “You have very nice children.”

Finally, when the wife introduces him to her husband,

the parrot says, “I haven’t seen him since last week!”
The nuns walk up to the Pearly Gates and
are greeted by St. Peter.

"Hello ladies. In order to get into Heaven
you have one final task. You all must answer
one question each to enter the
Holy Gates of Heaven."

The nuns each looked at each other
and nodded in agreement.

Nun #1 steps up preparing herself for the
question she has to answer for eternal life.

St. Peter asks the first nun,
"Who was the first man on the earth?"

Nun #1 answers,
"Adam, of course."

Bells rang, Angels sang,
and the gates of Heaven open.

She walks through and they close behind her.

Nun #2 steps up and says,
"Ok, I am ready."

St. Peter asks,
"Who was the first woman on earth?"

Nun #2 hides a small chuckle,
in disbelief of the simple question,
"Eve was the first woman on the earth."

Bells rang, Angels sang,
and the gates of Heaven open.

She passes through the gates and they close.

Nun #3 prepared herself for the question
to follow her sisters to everlasting life.

St. Peter cleared his throat and asks,
"What was Eve's first thought the first time
she saw Adam naked?"

Nun #3 pauses.
Thinks for a while.

Perplexed, she thinks out loud,
"Hmmm, that's a hard one..."

The Bells rang, Angels sang,
and the gates of Heaven open.
Alaskan woman opened the door to 2 park rangers who have been looking for her missing husband
Oh have you found him? she asked
Well we have some bad news, some good news and some very good news, they say
Well whats the bad news, she said
We found your husband in the bay drowned
What could be the good news then? she asked
When we pulled him out he had a dozen Alaskan King Crabs hanging on. They are worth a lot of money at the moment and you are entitled to a share.
Wow she said, then what is the very good news?

Were pulling him up again in the morning!
To all the young fellas out there, you should marry a girl like this..

and not one like this...

Visitor to Iowa farm sees one-legged pig, asks farmer what happened.

"It's a real story, yup, yup. Ernie is the smartest hog in the world, helped the little 'uns with homework. House caught fire one night. Ernie broke out of the pen. broke into the house, sounded the fire alarm and hauled the baby outside. Hero, yup."

"So the pig lost his leg in the fire?"

"Oh no, that happened later. Hog like that you don't eat all at once."
Time for the annual bump of Dominic Frisby's 12 Drunk Days of Christmas.

"Stick with it - friggin' hilarious."

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^ This news story from 1942 (see attached PDF) about wartime clothing rationing in Australia might help explain the context of the above cartoon (particularly for younger readers).


  • Daily Mirror (Sydney) Sat 13 June 1942 p5.pdf
    585.8 KB · Views: 0
For some time, my wife's had this ridiculous idea that I'm playing too much golf. Actually, it came to a head at about 11.30 last night. She suddenly shouted at me: "Golf, golf, golf. All you ever think about is bloody golf!". And I'll be honest, it frightened the life out of me. I mean, you don't expect to meet somebody on the 14th green at that time of night.
Ok I'll kick off with a couple.

Did you hear about the masochist who loved to take cold showers so he didn't.


Paddy and Seamus had missed the last bus and were walking home at midnight, when they passed the bus depot. A window was open so Paddy hopped in to steal a bus. After much banging and crashing Paddy came back out through the window.

"We're out of luck, Seamus, there wasn't a number 153 in there"

"Bloody Idiot Paddy you could have nicked a number 180 and we could have walked from the roundabout....."
Why was the Aussie so clean? He took daily barramundi showers!

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