Alaskan Bob has waited his whole life to bag a bear, but his permit just never seemed to come up. Then finally, one day the heavens open and Bob gets his bear tag. He is SOOOOOO stoked. Totally stoked!!!! He can't wait and starts planning his trip, packing his F150, just getting totally ******* ready to go.
The big day arrives and he heads out to black bear territory, pack on, rifle in hand with his sweet new sight. Bob investigates the area, finds some fresh bear sign and sets up his blind. He settles down for a long, patient wait. A few hours and a few nips from his flask later a nice size blackie walks into view. Not championship, but Bob isn't picky at this point and he sets his stance, shoulders his weapon and BLAM!!!! One black bear falls down dead. Bob jumps out of his blind whooping and he can't believe his luck. Fuckin' hell he's waited years for this! Suddenly there's a tap on his shoulder. Bob turns around and sees the biggest grizzly he's ever seen standing RIGHT behind him. After Bob wets his pants in fear the big grizzly grabs Bob, yanks down his pants and fucks Bob in the ass like no one's ever been fucked in the ass before. The grizzly says, "Don't shoot ******* bears you asshole," and walks away, leaving Bob in a world of pain.
While Bob is in the hospital and the doctors laugh at him behind his back, Bob plans his revenge. No tag, no permit, no waiting. A year later he's all set up and walking pretty much normal again. Bob and his F150 head out again. He's gonna find that grizzly and make him pay. Bob gets a bush pilot to do flyovers so he can scout the area and work out where that grizzly lives. Finally, after much setup (ba-doom pish!) Bob is ready and heads out to what he thinks is the grizzly's home ground. He goes through the same routine again, hike, scout, blind, wait, nips and his sweet revenge is finally in his sights. There's that same damn grizzly. Bob knows for sure because his ass hurts just looking at the bear. He lets loose his round and again the heavens open for Bob as the grizzly drops to the ground. "**** you bear! ****! YOU!" Bob shouts as he jumps for joy. Suddenly he feels a tap on his shoulder. "No Bob. **** you," and the most ginormous polar bear Bob has ever seen gives him the ass ******* of three lifetimes. Bob lays back and thinks of England.
After a few months of reconstructive surgery and recovery, after a few months reassuring himself he's still a man, after another six months of preparation, Bob hits the road again. The polar bear must die. Reconnaissance, hiking, tracking, setup. Sweet, deadly revenge is in Bob's grasp. He's waiting. Waiting. Waiting. No bear. Where's the ******* bear? He waits some more. Finally a polar bear walks into his sights. It's not the same one though! But dammit, it's time for Bob to reclaim his manhood from these ******* bears. He raises his rifle, breathes out slowly, and feels a tap on his shoulder. There, behind him, is the same polar bear from last year. Bob clenches his teeth, closes his eyes and tries to man up for the inevitable when he hears the bear say, "Bob, here you are again. Let's be honest, this isn't about the hunting, is it?"
Edit: And yes, for wankers like me,
their territories do overlap.
