A Message to the citizens of America.
>
> The USA is about, once again, to become a colony of
> The Great British Empire.
>
> In light of your failure to elect a competent
> President of the USA,
> with at least half a brain, and thus to govern
> yourselves in a serious
> manner, we hereby give notice of the REVOCATION of
> your independence,
> effective immediately.
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
> monarchical duties
> over all states, commonwealths, and territories
> (excepting Kansas,
> which she thinks is a bit of a shit-hole].
> Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a
> governor for
> America without the need for further elections.
> Congress and the senate
> will be disbanded as they are useless anyway.
> A questionnaire may be circulated next year to
> determine whether any of
> you noticed.
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown
> Dependency, the following
> rules are to be introduced with immediate effect:
> You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
> Dictionary, so
> you know what we are talking about.
> Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation
> guide. You will be
> amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing
> it all these
> years. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such
> as 'favour' and
> 'neighbour.'
> Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without
> skipping half the
> letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the
> correct suffix
> "ise."
> You will cease to use stupid words like 'sidewalk,
> muffler, ball park
> figure, etc.
> Generally, you will be expected to raise your
> vocabulary to acceptable
> levels. (Look up vocabulary).
> Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with
> filler noises such
> as "like" "you know" " man" etc. is an unacceptable
> and inefficient
> form of communication. There is no such thing as US
> English, [unless of
> course it is an abbreviation for useless.]
> We will let your real President Bill Gates, know on
> your behalf. The
> Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
> account of the
> reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.
> You will relearn your original national anthem, God
> Save The Queen.
> July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday,
> more as a temporary
> lapse of common sense.
> You will learn to resolve personal issues without
> resorting to using
> guns,lawyers, or therapists.
> The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists
> shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.
> Guns should only
> be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to
> sort things out
> without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then
> you're not grown
> up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no
> longer be allowed to
> own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable
> peeler.
> A permit will be required if you wish to carry the
> said vegetable
> peeler in public.
> All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and
> this is for your
> own good. When we show you good European cars, you
> will understand what
> we mean. All intersections will be replaced with
> roundabouts, and you
> will start driving on the left with immediate effect,
> except in Kansas
> on alternate days, at the special request of Her
> Majesty. At the same
> time, you will go metric and without the benefit of
> conversion tables.
> Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
> understand the British
> sense of humour. [with an f'ing 'U']
> The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which
> you have been
> wrongly calling gasoline) - roughly $6/US a gallon.
> Get used to it.
> You will learn to make real chips. Those things you
> call French fries
> are not real chips, and those things you insist on
> calling potato chips
> are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut,
> fried in animal
> fat, and dressed not with Ketchup/Catsup but with
> vinegar.
> The cold tasteless stuff you persist upon on calling
> beer is nothing
> like beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British
> Bitter will be
> referred to as
> beer, and European brews of known and accepted
> provenance will be
> referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred
> to as
> 'Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine', so that all can be sold
> without risk of
> further confusion. Hollywood will be required
> occasionally to cast
> English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be
> required to cast
> English actors to play English characters. Watching
> twats like Andie
> MacDowell attempt English dialogue in 'Four Weddings
> and a Funeral' or
> Prick Van Dyke in 'Mary Poppins' was vomit making to a
> true Brit and an
> experience akin to having one's ears removed with a
> cheese grater.
> You will cease playing American football. There is
> only one kind of
> football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave
> enough will, in time,
> be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities
> to American
> football, but does not involve stopping for a rest
> every twenty seconds
> or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of
> puffter ballet
> dancers).
> Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not
> reasonable to host
> an event called the World Series for a game which is
> only played in
> America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there
> is a world beyond
> your borders, your error is understandable.
> You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us
> mad. We know it
> was one of your lot, but who and why ?
>
> Finally an Inland Revenue agent (i.e. tax collector)
> from Her Majesty's
> Government, will be with you shortly to ensure the
> acquisition of all
> moneys owing to the UK (backdated to 1776).
> We shall use the proceeds to have a huge 'piss-up' at
> your expense.
>
>
> Thank you for your co-operation.
>
> RULE BRITANNIA
>
>
>
> The USA is about, once again, to become a colony of
> The Great British Empire.
>
> In light of your failure to elect a competent
> President of the USA,
> with at least half a brain, and thus to govern
> yourselves in a serious
> manner, we hereby give notice of the REVOCATION of
> your independence,
> effective immediately.
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
> monarchical duties
> over all states, commonwealths, and territories
> (excepting Kansas,
> which she thinks is a bit of a shit-hole].
> Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a
> governor for
> America without the need for further elections.
> Congress and the senate
> will be disbanded as they are useless anyway.
> A questionnaire may be circulated next year to
> determine whether any of
> you noticed.
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown
> Dependency, the following
> rules are to be introduced with immediate effect:
> You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
> Dictionary, so
> you know what we are talking about.
> Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation
> guide. You will be
> amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing
> it all these
> years. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such
> as 'favour' and
> 'neighbour.'
> Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without
> skipping half the
> letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the
> correct suffix
> "ise."
> You will cease to use stupid words like 'sidewalk,
> muffler, ball park
> figure, etc.
> Generally, you will be expected to raise your
> vocabulary to acceptable
> levels. (Look up vocabulary).
> Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with
> filler noises such
> as "like" "you know" " man" etc. is an unacceptable
> and inefficient
> form of communication. There is no such thing as US
> English, [unless of
> course it is an abbreviation for useless.]
> We will let your real President Bill Gates, know on
> your behalf. The
> Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
> account of the
> reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.
> You will relearn your original national anthem, God
> Save The Queen.
> July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday,
> more as a temporary
> lapse of common sense.
> You will learn to resolve personal issues without
> resorting to using
> guns,lawyers, or therapists.
> The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists
> shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.
> Guns should only
> be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to
> sort things out
> without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then
> you're not grown
> up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no
> longer be allowed to
> own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable
> peeler.
> A permit will be required if you wish to carry the
> said vegetable
> peeler in public.
> All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and
> this is for your
> own good. When we show you good European cars, you
> will understand what
> we mean. All intersections will be replaced with
> roundabouts, and you
> will start driving on the left with immediate effect,
> except in Kansas
> on alternate days, at the special request of Her
> Majesty. At the same
> time, you will go metric and without the benefit of
> conversion tables.
> Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
> understand the British
> sense of humour. [with an f'ing 'U']
> The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which
> you have been
> wrongly calling gasoline) - roughly $6/US a gallon.
> Get used to it.
> You will learn to make real chips. Those things you
> call French fries
> are not real chips, and those things you insist on
> calling potato chips
> are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut,
> fried in animal
> fat, and dressed not with Ketchup/Catsup but with
> vinegar.
> The cold tasteless stuff you persist upon on calling
> beer is nothing
> like beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British
> Bitter will be
> referred to as
> beer, and European brews of known and accepted
> provenance will be
> referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred
> to as
> 'Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine', so that all can be sold
> without risk of
> further confusion. Hollywood will be required
> occasionally to cast
> English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be
> required to cast
> English actors to play English characters. Watching
> twats like Andie
> MacDowell attempt English dialogue in 'Four Weddings
> and a Funeral' or
> Prick Van Dyke in 'Mary Poppins' was vomit making to a
> true Brit and an
> experience akin to having one's ears removed with a
> cheese grater.
> You will cease playing American football. There is
> only one kind of
> football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave
> enough will, in time,
> be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities
> to American
> football, but does not involve stopping for a rest
> every twenty seconds
> or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of
> puffter ballet
> dancers).
> Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not
> reasonable to host
> an event called the World Series for a game which is
> only played in
> America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there
> is a world beyond
> your borders, your error is understandable.
> You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us
> mad. We know it
> was one of your lot, but who and why ?
>
> Finally an Inland Revenue agent (i.e. tax collector)
> from Her Majesty's
> Government, will be with you shortly to ensure the
> acquisition of all
> moneys owing to the UK (backdated to 1776).
> We shall use the proceeds to have a huge 'piss-up' at
> your expense.
>
>
> Thank you for your co-operation.
>
> RULE BRITANNIA
>
>
Too many septics here already
