Letter To Mrs Gillard

[kario]

Dear Ms. Gillard,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing Australia 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of dollars to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan..

It's a 5 billion dollar plan....You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 5 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them $1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire.
Five million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new Australian car.
Five million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -
Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy $100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .......
and there's your money back in duty/tax etc

6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know. If not, please disregard.

Grumpies of the World Unite
********************************************************
Also .

Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical
treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual
counselling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with
gardens.
Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay $600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.
Think about this (more points of contention):
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE AUSTRALIAN CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ... Why don't we just give them ours?
It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we're not using it anymore.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...... It creates a hostile work environment.

 

[Supra-Jim]

5 Billion dollars would only allow for 5000 people to receive 1 Million dollars, not 5 Million people. You would need 5 Trillion dollars to fund your scheme.

Cheers SJ

 

[Airgead]

5 Billion dollars would only allow for 5000 people to receive 1 Million dollars, not 5 Million people. You would need 5 Trillion dollars to fund your scheme.

Cheers SJ

Not if you use an old Imperial British Billion (a million million) instead of an American Billion (thousand million)....http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_scale

But as we all use the newer Billion these days you are right. The 5 Billion needs to be 5 Trillion which is larger than the whole GDP (which is around 1 Trillion).

Maths is good. And helpful.

Cheers
Dave

 

[DJR]

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
Housing Crisis fixed

I know this is a joke and all, but I don't think forcing people to buy overpriced property right now at the peak of the market will really help the crisis here, which is actually a shortage of new homes, plus too much government assistance for investors in the sector unnecessarily pushing up house prices (the real issue is more complicated than that but let's just say the current prices are unsustainable). When prices come down or just stagnate as nobody can afford to buy them then there will be a lot of people who have used the house as the single retirement fund and will have not much left besides an inadequate pension and little super, bit sad really

 

[Maheel]

actually "forcing" people to BUILD a house would be a better idea that would better help the housing industry

 

[Liam_snorkel]

Can't believe I just read most of the OP, **** I must be bored.

 

[Wolfy]

------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE AUSTRALIAN CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ... Why don't we just give them ours?
It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we're not using it anymore.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Constitution of Australia was approved, drafted and enacted in 1900, but was only given legal force by an Act of the United Kingdom parliament; the Australia Act in 1986.
So it's not worked for centuries and it's still a relatively new thing.

 

[Robbo2234]

Jokes ppl

I would like to complain about another joke.

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face?
due to strict OHS laws I dont think the horse would get all the way to the bar!
I find this joke no realistic enough.

 

[Airgead]

The Constitution of Australia was approved, drafted and enacted in 1900, but was only given legal force by an Act of the United Kingdom parliament; the Australia Act in 1986.
So it's not worked for centuries and it's still a relatively new thing.

And we are still using it...

The Americans seem to have thrown their constitution out recently and given that this is an American joke with a quick search and replace of America for Australia, in its original form, that part would be quite true...

A baby fur seal walks into a club
Boom Boom.

 

[bum]

Why is this letter written to the PM's mum?

 

[bradsbrew]

I dont think the baby seals would be allowed to walk into a club either

 

[loikar]

Dear Ms. Gillard,

Please extradite kario to some other country like Uganda, so he can SPAM their forums\Villages\Humpys with the copy and pasted emails he receives, containing the complete and utter bollocks from his SPAM spreading friends who should also be tracked down and extradited to a foreign country on a 10ft skiff with nothing but a boning knife, some stale bread, a portable stove and some dipping sauce.

this would:

a) employ at least 1 person
B) set an example to other SPAMMERS
c) provide some entertainment to those less fortunate when it comes to grey matter
d) Keep cannibalism alive at sea and off the land
e) Make a shitload of people feel like a ranger like you can actually do something good for this country
f) make it appear as though red heads do actually have a soul

Please, it's for the good of the nation

BeerFingers

 

[manticle]

Why is this letter written to the PM's mum?

Only the title is written to the PM's mum.


@everyone: Imagine your mate tells you a joke you think isn't funny or realistic?

You are then a complete arsehole to him for the rest of the evening.


It's a joke, maybe a shit one but **** me. Some of you go out of your way to make other people feel small.

 

[Ivan Other One]

@everyone: Imagine your mate tells you a joke you think isn't funny or realistic?

It's a joke, maybe a shit one but **** me. Some of you go out of your way to make other people feel small.

+1 for this comment, And as far as being correct goes,

On the news recently, they showed a horse in an outback QLD pub having a beer, and reported this to be a regular occurance, Oh, and can baby seals actually walk??? I thought that they just shuffle along.

I for one do wish that some folk would just pull their heads out of their arses and just have a good laugh once in a while.

That said, I for one have have always liked this joke, even though it may not be politically correct or some animal lovers don't think it's funny,,,,



A seal WALKS into a pub,

the barman asks "What'll it be"

The Seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club"

 

[super_simian]

It's a joke

I disagree. Jokes have punchlines...

 

[manticle]

Well it's a thing.

With stuff on it. Kind of just so.

Arguing about the constitution in this context seems a bit odd, no?

Times a million billion.

 

[glenwal]

Ms. Gillard

It's a joke

Looks about right to me.

 

[dougsbrew]

lol beerfingers, loved a, d, and f. especially d, captain james cook would have met a much better demise if this was so.
a d f - theres an area that gilard has ripped a heap of cash out of, soon well be fighting the enemy with sticks and stones.