Domestic Violence

[Droopy Brew]

Depression, anxiety and bipolar are treatable all with drugs and I doubt whether anyone in those three categories would physically, psychologically or emotionally abuse people, it is those with anger management who are the issue here.
The only treatment for those people is counselling, but they first have to admit they have a problem and seek treatment.

That guy Little in Port Lincoln drove into the bay, his wife and friends told him he had a problem but refused to admit to it leading to the tragic deaths of those children. Sane people don't do things like that.

Of course something can be done about anger management but it is up to the person who cannot control his anger, as I have said previously, to admit there is a problem and go to counselling. The other question is why would someone stay in a relationship which is violent abusive and controlling, we can't make them leave.

Your last paragraph supports what I have been saying, they have a problem and need help, but this is what is being done now, its a complex issue so what is the next step to getting an acceptable standard of social responsibility those who carry out these acts of violence .

No I think you are wrong here. You seem to think it is only people with anger issues that perpetrate DV and that is the only cause. While that makes up some of the cases, what you are not taking into consideration is offenders perception of what is DV.
They may not see controlling their spouse with mental or psychological or physical behaviour as domestic violence because that is a normal relationship to them. Either through experiences within their own family or cultural experiences through peers or extended family. It isnt necessarily someone with anger problems or mental illness, it can often be a result of learned behaviours.
That is why there is a big push for education through schools to young people so that those with a perception that sees this sort of behaviour as normal may work out that, hang on a sec, this isnt normal. Keeping in mind that it is as important to educate kids that are not only potential offenders but also potential victims. Often the victims of DV have a skewed perception and think it is normal to be treated like that and gravitate towards those types of partners. There are a lot of generational patterns with both offenders and victims when it comes to DV.
To say it is human nature and you cant stop people with anger issues is a cop out. I have no doubt that addressing this issue and using tools like education can reduce the instances of DV substantially. You will never eliminate it but lets have a crack at minimising it hey?

 

[Ducatiboy stu]

No I think you are wrong here. You seem to think it is only people with anger issues that perpetrate DV and that is the only cause.

There are a lot of generational patterns with both offenders and victims when it comes to DV.

To say it is human nature and you cant stop people with anger issues is a cop out. I have no doubt that addressing this issue and using tools like education can reduce the instances of DV substantially. You will never eliminate it but lets have a crack at minimising it hey?

Exactly !

 

[MastersBrewery]

Unfortunatly things like DV are a learnt thing. Kids see their parents do it, so naturally they follow suite. Its basically "well my parents did it, and thats all I know"

And it doesnt come just from fathers. I live across the street form a " very unhappy" house with a single mum and 4 kids. I dont hear much laughter coming from that place, but I do hear lots of crying, yelling and abuse almost daily

I feel sad for those kids. They seem like nice kids, just in a fucked up environment.

If those kids only know violence, abuse, denigration then they will take that into adulthood. And its very hard to make whole eggs from an omelet

Sure I go of at my kids at times, but with the regularity and depth that goes on across the street

You pretty close here. But in reality there are parents who really do try and still fail miserably.(your neighbours across the road probably don't fit in this category) It comes down to attachment style. Every kid is different and those differences mean working with the child infront of you. My son at times won't listen unless my voice goes up a notch, if I did the same with my daughter it wouldn't work she's a quite have a serious chat kinda kid.
All this boils down to the child being comfortable and safe in the relationship.

If you really want to be a great parent STUDY ATTATCHMENT THEORY.
Your relationships with your kids will be the best, and they will confide in you. You will know what is really going on in their lives when they're teens because they'll tell you.
Yes you still have to stop them drawing on walls and stealing chocolate from the fridge for breakfast, but how you do that will define your relationship with them, and them as a person later in life.

 

[contrarian]

This absolutely is an inter generational problem and will take generations to fix as I think most people parent the way they were parented. There is a lot that can be done but it is difficult work and requires long term intervention with families at risk. I currently work in the area and it is amazing the changes that can come out of families who really have the deck stacked against them badly.

I agree that it is helpful if people want to get help but if someone doesn't want it then there needs to be supports in place to get their partners and kids out of that situation quickly and easily. There's currently a lot of barriers to that including very limited options in places to go.

Increasing police power to prosecute without the permission of the victim can also make a big difference as had police capturing video evidence when attending domestic disputes. The responsibility to prosecute people needs to be removed from their victims who are often very afraid of the consequences, believing it is their own fault and often psychologically, emotionally and financially disempowered as a fault of years of controlling and abusive behaviour. That is also the reason people don't leave.

From my perspective I am glad that there seems to be a genuine discussion taking place on the matter and there seems to be some funding following all the hot air so hopefully that will make a difference too.

 

[wide eyed and legless]

To say it is human nature and you cant stop people with anger issues is a cop out. I have no doubt that addressing this issue and using tools like education can reduce the instances of DV substantially. You will never eliminate it but lets have a crack at minimising it hey?

Anger is a part of human psyche, but fortunately the majority of us can control that anger others can't if that was the case we wouldn't be having this discussion, why is it a part of our make up I don't know except it could be some sort of defense mechanism which is and has been in our society for thousands of years.
I have 2 young daughters and I know I would lose self control if anything happened to them.
It will never be eliminated, as murder has never been eliminated, we all know how wrong it is to take another life even under punishment of death it still goes on, and how many murders are committed through anger, would be far more than premeditated murders, so it isn't a cop out saying it can't be stopped if we can't stop killing each other.

 

[Droopy Brew]

Yes anger is in all of us. Is it the only reason for domestic violence? No.
Should we not do anything because we cant ELIMINATE it? Cop out.

 

[Ducatiboy stu]

I believe it will eventually become less prevalent over time. Like racism, and allowing women to vote.

These things take time to filter through society. And the younger generation are far more mobile in their cutting of ties with the established ways.

 

[wide eyed and legless]

Yes anger is in all of us. Is it the only reason for domestic violence? No. Should we not do anything because we cant ELIMINATE it? Cop out.

I don't believe anyone on here as stated anger is the only reason for domestic violence nor have I seen it stated in any of these posts that nothing could be done, no it will never be eliminated but it could be reduced, not by issuing AVO's but a proper prison term and counselling in having respect for women.

 

[Black Devil Dog]

Great to see the Western Bulldogs in the AFL taking a stand.

Also, big thumbs up to Jimmy Bartel from Geelong.


There is more than 1 woman a week murdered in Australia, in a domestic violence situation.

There are thousands of women either raped, murdered, bashed and abused inside and outside of relationships.


I really hope the message starts getting through.

 

[GalBrew]

I don't believe anyone on here as stated anger is the only reason for domestic violence nor have I seen it stated in any of these posts that nothing could be done, no it will never be eliminated but it could be reduced, not by issuing AVO's but a proper prison term and counselling in having respect for women.

I'm very dubious as to whether counselling/education programs and the like would have any impact on the sort of man that thinks violence against anyone let alone their partner (who they supposedly care about) is acceptable. It's like the notion of 'anti rape' education. What sort of normal person needs to be sat down and told that rape/violence towards women is a no-no? If this notion is contrary to your system of beliefs then no amount of 'education' will change that and you should be promptly removed from society.

 

[wide eyed and legless]

The results of a $36 million VRC into domestic violence hasn't come up with anything to prevent it, apart from all of the obvious notions which have been put forward previously.
I doubt whether many of the offences committed are premeditated, as much as I doubt anything the Commission has come up with will curb it apart from keeping the parties involved apart, but that will not prevent both parties finding themselves in a similar situation with another party down the track.
http://www.rcfv.com.au/MediaLibraries/RCFamilyViolence/Reports/RCFV_Full_Report_Interactive.pdf