Depression........Its real

[Cube]

I would think DS is an exception as most close family would bend over backewards to help another.

 

[StalkingWilbur]

Unless your family doesn't understand what you're going through or believes you should just harden up.

As for friends, it can be an insanely hard thing to be there for someone going through this. I imagine many have their breaking points or weigh up the cost v benefit ratio of the friendship and break ties at some point.

 

[hyjak71]

One of my best mates went through a real bad stretch of depression from 18-21, the amount of hours we spent just talking (and drinking) was huge. It's funny but he had closer mates at the time but never spoke to them about it where as he opened up to me although I was the one who brought up the topic first albeit in a round about way.
I reckon if some of our other mates had known how much of a **** time he was having and how much he was hiding it through heavy recreational drug use and partying then I dare say some of them would have bailed.
His friends were his family at the time, his old man took his life when he was quite young,his mum was housebound by illness and a sister that had her own demons to deal with.

 

[Scooby Tha Newbie]

I dance the dance. Sometimes the black dog is on his leash sometimes he sits on my chest. I've dealt with it for a long time but never told anyone. Even my wife. I've found a profession that allows me to hide. It's funny because I have everything in life I'm successful. But I'm never happy. When my first was born I was proud not happy. When my second came to be I felt emotions but I couldn't describe them, I've never bonded with him.

I find my own balance one day at a time. This thread & Tonys was hard to read. It may be time to talk to someone. I just got off the beyond blue site. It will have to do for now.

 

[manticle]

Do it mate. Asthmatics use ventolin.

No different in that regard. Just want to add to the depression thing that other mental unwellness exists (bipolar, schizophrenia, schizo-affective, etc) and is equally hard for sufferers and carers to deal with. Don't try and do it alone. It's not a matter of strength - strength comes from the fact that you cope with it on whatever level required to get by day to day.

 

[Scooby Tha Newbie]

Lol twice now I've gone in to delete that post. I'm embarrassed,but the honesty and bravery of others will push me to change.

 

[manticle]

Stigma around mental health is rife and one of the main things that holds sufferers back from getting support.

There was a great study on it I read recently - I think it was on the SANE website. There is a very slow shift among the general population as people start to open up and realise they are not alone. So many have either gone through it or know someone close who has.

Very few understand it - even those that suffer first hand but don't clam up. No need to tell every person you meet but those that matter most and those who you trust can help. They might not be able to change your brain chemistry but just knowing someone else gives a **** can make a huge difference.

 

[manticle]

Hopefully this link works

http://www.sane.org/images/stories/media/ALifeWithoutStigma_A_SANE_Report.pdf

 

[DU99]

my wife has depression and my daughter has bi polar and another is getting over cancer..Hate to say this life aint easy in my house..Me triple heart bypass 6 years ago

 

[Scooby Tha Newbie]

Pm sent manticle. Thanks

 

[Scooby Tha Newbie]

This has been a big leap for me. But one of the worst things I feel is the fact I've got it good. Like why hell? Many people have bigger problems I feel a bit silly. DU99 I do wish you the best mate. I will start the journey.

 

[_HOME_BREW_WALLACE_]

I've been on pretty serious meds for a while now, I noticed a couple of posts regarding the inability to climax. I discussed this with my GP and its got a lot to do with the with the depression less than the meds. I cant to even get in the mood.

 

[rheffera]

Been depressed since i was 18 myself, i'm very stolid and i can neither cry nor laugh. On max dosage of Meds. sorta helps. (at least i can sleep now, no more 36 hour's straight reliving the past) It can happen to all of us. There are people who have had worse in life and those whom have had it better. I don't understand how anyone who has had it better than I or anyone else could possibly be depressed(this applies to me too, probably has sometihing to do with the fact we are very self-centered beasts), but i DO know what it's like. When i Was 12 or there about My Dad offed himself and i didn't understand why. I do all too well now though how the old man was feeling, and i don't think ill of him for his choice.. Good luck fighting your own demons everyone...

My advice to anyone on high dosage meds, never miss a day. The next time you'll take em you'll feel extremely trash. You'll wish you were hungover.

 

[Mardoo]

I dance the dance. Sometimes the black dog is on his leash sometimes he sits on my chest. I've dealt with it for a long time but never told anyone. Even my wife. I've found a profession that allows me to hide. It's funny because I have everything in life I'm successful. But I'm never happy. When my first was born I was proud not happy. When my second came to be I felt emotions but I couldn't describe them, I've never bonded with him.

I find my own balance one day at a time. This thread & Tonys was hard to read. It may be time to talk to someone. I just got off the beyond blue site. It will have to do for now.

Zero shame for posting this mate. I've had similar feelings about posts I've made in other forums and every one has helped me feel just that bit more free. Our honesty is one of the most important tools we have to work with our demons.

 

[manticle]

I would think DS is an exception as most close family would bend over backewards to help another.

Unfortunately there's a lot of people out there without any support.

 

[Ducatiboy stu]

And the fact that sufferers tend to withdraw and become to what others see as anti social

 

[manticle]

Vicious cycle.

 

[DU99]

my question is how many of you guys where told to withold your emotions/feelings because you a MAN..

 

[Lord Raja Goomba I]

Well done all of you.

Bigger men than those who beat another cricket side today, though you won't get the same accolades.

 

[MartinOC]

I can equate with a lot said here.

My demons are similar, but different - PTSD.

Just in case some folks have wondered why I suddenly stopped brewing 10 years ago & why it's taken me so long to get back into it, well, now you have your answer.

I bottled-up stuff from the past & didn't deal with it. Then, a bomb went-off in my head & I basically withdrew from everything & everyone. Drank myself into a stupor every day for a few months (I don't think I was ever sober, plus the dope). Contemplated topping myself (absolutely ANYTHING to stop the "replays") & decided that fighting (to the) death was better than giving-in to it.

Wild, raging anger, then seconds later bawling my brains-out. I called it having a "brain-snap". I used to listen to Motorhead & Pennywise to calm-down.

I was put on meds for awhile, but I felt so dull & lifeless, I stopped taking them. That, for me, was a good move.

'Still struggle with it occasionally, 'still drink heavily.

Still alive.

 

[MastersBrewery]

My Missus has battle mental illness since she was 8 years old, traumatic events from that time still haunt her. She also suffers chronic pain, so she fair rattles when she jumps. I have known her for 11 years and we have been together for 6 years. The last 3 of which I think we'd both agree have been more than most relationships would survive, after nearly 12months being separated we are now back together, but still on a very long hard road.
Just before last Christmas everything went to ****, she moved out, and not a month later, she ended up being admitted to hospital, then because of this her ex-husband decide not to return her daughter from xmas access (no orders ). Over the next few months things didn't go well, but she saw some new specialists and her diagnosis was reviewed: Bi Polar and Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD) (now that sounds like some scarey **** right!-Basic Instinct. anyone) well hollywood didn't do any favours to mental illness when they made that movie, so glad things have changed.
Through out the year I really tried to be proactive with her and help her with her legal issues and making sure she had lots of time with our son. I had to do a lot of reading and I think the best book I came a cross was "loving someone with BPD". I swear the first 3 chapters were written about my life with the woman I love, really, I felt like the author had been watching the whole time. As BPD is very often misdiagnosed as BI Polar, I would seriously recommend this book to those having trouble coming to grips with the mental illness of a loved one it has tools to help you and them.
We have a big year ahead, with a court case for custody of my step daughter, her mum still battles most weeks and the stress of this will tell, together we'll get through.

For those supporting a love one with mental illness, it's it fucken tough road, when you love them, you do it with out thought for yourself. Remember one thing, you can't help others if your struggling yourself. There are support services out there for you. If google won't help drop me a PM

 

[Pickaxe]

Nice post masters, it's a long road for the ones that live with sufferers. I lost 2 very close mates to suicide that were long term sufferers and now watching one mates brother and mother battle the demon. Unfortunately, my mates went down from not talking about it. It's now very out in the open for us left behind. Even talking about "warning signs" we still reckon we'd not see it coming. Open dialogue is the only channel we think may have prevented my mate's suicide.
I'm one anti "harden up" advocate. Open up, dint harden up.

pickaxe

 

[MastersBrewery]

Have to agree Pickaxe, top tips:

Assess: ask what has happened.

Listen Actively: without judgement or contradiction, don't say they're over reacting.

Validate: find some thing in what has happened that makes sense and is understandable, that you can relate to; say what that is.

Ask if you can help, not solve the problem but to get through the moment.

If the answer is no, give them space and remember emotions of emotionally vulnerable people last longer


Of course be more fluid, squishy,soft and warm like a good mash

MB

 

[Mardoo]

Great advice Masters. Thanks.

 

[tazman1967]

Hi guys,
Just been diagnosed with chronic depression,
Been fighting it for the last 3 months, but it has got me..
I havnt brewed a beer for 3 months, sad because brewing is one of my joys in life.

I have reached the bottom, and have now seeked professional help, and have a mental health plan in force.
It feels like a weight has been lifted off me shoulders.
To all you guys battling it, i feel for you.
Cheers

 

[DU99]

Mate..glad you got help..

 

[wereprawn]

Hi guys,
Just been diagnosed with chronic depression,
Been fighting it for the last 3 months, but it has got me..
I havnt brewed a beer for 3 months, sad because brewing is one of my joys in life.

I have reached the bottom, and have now seeked professional help, and have a mental health plan in force.
It feels like a weight has been lifted off me shoulders.
To all you guys battling it, i feel for you.
Cheers

Your not alone there mate. Was diagnosed with severe chronic depression around 15 years ago myself. Luckily the meds the shrink put me on, worked wonders. Was like a light had been turned on. Feel quite ashamed of how i treated my family and friends back then. Being a big bloke it must have been terrifying for them as my depression often presented itself as aggression. Not that i was physically violent toward loved ones, but still...

 

[Ducatiboy stu]

Mate, glad you got help. Dont ever be afraid to face the black dog and talk about it

Your on a difficult road, trust me.

Antidepressants will help, but they are not the magic bullet..

Diet, exercise, life style will all affect how you deal with it

get the book " The Happiness Trap " by Russ Harris and have a read...its not a self help book, or a guide, or a manual...dont worry, it can be a difficult read when you get into it, but well worth it

We all get depression for different reasons, and there is no reason why any of us should be scared of it

Learn to put the black dog on a least and take him for a walk, instead of the other way around

 

[Ducatiboy stu]

Your not alone there mate. Was diagnosed with severe chronic depression around 15 years ago myself. Luckily the meds the shrink put me on, worked wonders. Was like a light had been turned on. Feel quite ashamed of how i treated my family and friends back then. Being a big bloke it must have been terrifying for them as my depression often presented itself as aggression. Not that i was physically violent toward loved ones, but still...

All those feelings and more. You dont really know what you are doing and how other people get affected by it, its like your in a tunnel

 

[MastersBrewery]

I posted top of this page more than a year ago.
Whats changed?
A lot!!! I live with a different woman (same girl though), she has done a lot of hard work, and knows there is always more to do. and it is a huge weight that has lifted from both of us. This was a long long fight 5-6 years and at times there seemed no end and no light at the end of the tunnel. Life is doing good things for her and that has a snow ball effect.
And yep the custody case she is in continues (actually we have two separate cases running in different courts for different kids mine and hers) and even with all that she has continued down the road to recovery. But she didn't do it alone it took a lot of work from many people, loved ones, friends and professionals.

MB