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Continuing Jokes Thread

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Chods1

Chuggin Charlie.
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Mmmm, just had a thought, we're sitting dumb fat and happy here in Oz, I'm a pominoz and have family in the Uk dealing with the results of stupidly moronic leadership similar to, although not on such a monumentous fktardiness scale as the US, so all jokes aside yank hope yours are travelling well and safe. Cheers G
Yes sobering thoughts. I care for my cousins in the US as well.
 

carrobrew

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A guy comes home pissed one night and walks in to his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

He looks at his wife in bed and says "See honey, this is the pig I **** when you're not in the mood"

His wife says "You're pissed, that's a sheep not a pig"

"I wasn't talking to you" He replies.
 

philrob

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carrobrew,
I sent you a personal message about tonight's HUB club meeting, if you're interested.
 
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You can never lose a homing pigeon if your pigeon doesn't come home you've just lost a pigeon.

I met a drunk ventriloquist, she said she wanted to sleep with me,I didn't know if it was her or the beer talking.

Every year kids are sent off to mime school, never to be heard from again.
 

Grmblz

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You can never lose a homing pigeon if your pigeon doesn't come home you've just lost a pigeon.

I met a drunk ventriloquist, she said she wanted to sleep with me,I didn't know if it was her or the beer talking.

Every year kids are sent off to mime school, never to be heard from again.
[/QUOTE
My god never thought I'd hear/read those again, ancient yes but clever AND funny, a rare commodity these days.
 

Grmblz

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Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases told the President: "This morning, 3 Brazilians were killed by Covid-19."

Trump's face went egg-shell white with shock. The blood drained from his face and to everyone’s amazement he collapsed on the floor.

Minutes passed and to everyone’s relief President Trump got up shakily and then sat back on his chair.

His staff was nothing less than stunned at this display of emotion n from their President, nervously watching as he sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and with a shaky quivering voice asks the Dr Fauci, "How many people is a brazillion?"
 

DU99

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Bubba and Billy Bob are walking down the street in Gainesville,
and they see a sign on a store which reads,
'Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each.'

Bubba says to his pal, 'Billy Bob, look here!
We could buy gobs of these, take 'em back to Tallahassee,
sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune.
Just let me do the talkin' cause if they hear your accent,
they might think we're ignorant, and won't wanna sell
that stuff to us. Now, I'll talk in a slow Georgia drawl
so's they don't know we are from Florida.'

They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Georgia drawl,
'I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each,
50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each.
I'll back up my pickup and ......'

The owner of the shop interrupts, 'Y'all played football for
Florida State, didn’t y’all?'

'Well...yeah,' says a surprised Bubba.....
'How come you knowed that?'

'Because this is a dry cleaners.'
 
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