Continuing Jokes Thread
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carrobrew
Well-Known Member
A guy comes home pissed one night and walks in to his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
He looks at his wife in bed and says "See honey, this is the pig I **** when you're not in the mood"
His wife says "You're pissed, that's a sheep not a pig"
"I wasn't talking to you" He replies.
He looks at his wife in bed and says "See honey, this is the pig I **** when you're not in the mood"
His wife says "You're pissed, that's a sheep not a pig"
"I wasn't talking to you" He replies.
carrobrew,
I sent you a personal message about tonight's HUB club meeting, if you're interested.
I sent you a personal message about tonight's HUB club meeting, if you're interested.
carrobrew
Well-Known Member
Thanks for the invite mate
Grmblz
Well-Known Member
wide eyed and legless
Well-Known Member
You can never lose a homing pigeon if your pigeon doesn't come home you've just lost a pigeon.
I met a drunk ventriloquist, she said she wanted to sleep with me,I didn't know if it was her or the beer talking.
Every year kids are sent off to mime school, never to be heard from again.
I met a drunk ventriloquist, she said she wanted to sleep with me,I didn't know if it was her or the beer talking.
Every year kids are sent off to mime school, never to be heard from again.
Grmblz
Well-Known Member
wide eyed and legless
Well-Known Member
The only one I had heard before was the pigeon one, just come across a site with all the other one liners.
Bob65
Well-Known Member
Speaking of pigeons, I just sold my homing pigeon on ebay for the 34th time
scomet
Well-Known Member
Seen on German brewing forum
Grmblz
Well-Known Member
Was going to put this on a thread titled "New Tech that you need"
But somebody would have complained.
But somebody would have complained.
Grmblz
Well-Known Member
Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases told the President: "This morning, 3 Brazilians were killed by Covid-19."
Trump's face went egg-shell white with shock. The blood drained from his face and to everyone’s amazement he collapsed on the floor.
Minutes passed and to everyone’s relief President Trump got up shakily and then sat back on his chair.
His staff was nothing less than stunned at this display of emotion n from their President, nervously watching as he sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and with a shaky quivering voice asks the Dr Fauci, "How many people is a brazillion?"
Trump's face went egg-shell white with shock. The blood drained from his face and to everyone’s amazement he collapsed on the floor.
Minutes passed and to everyone’s relief President Trump got up shakily and then sat back on his chair.
His staff was nothing less than stunned at this display of emotion n from their President, nervously watching as he sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and with a shaky quivering voice asks the Dr Fauci, "How many people is a brazillion?"
Grmblz
Well-Known Member
DU99
Well-Known Member
Bubba and Billy Bob are walking down the street in Gainesville,
and they see a sign on a store which reads,
'Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each.'
Bubba says to his pal, 'Billy Bob, look here!
We could buy gobs of these, take 'em back to Tallahassee,
sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune.
Just let me do the talkin' cause if they hear your accent,
they might think we're ignorant, and won't wanna sell
that stuff to us. Now, I'll talk in a slow Georgia drawl
so's they don't know we are from Florida.'
They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Georgia drawl,
'I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each,
50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each.
I'll back up my pickup and ......'
The owner of the shop interrupts, 'Y'all played football for
Florida State, didn’t y’all?'
'Well...yeah,' says a surprised Bubba.....
'How come you knowed that?'
'Because this is a dry cleaners.'
and they see a sign on a store which reads,
'Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each.'
Bubba says to his pal, 'Billy Bob, look here!
We could buy gobs of these, take 'em back to Tallahassee,
sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune.
Just let me do the talkin' cause if they hear your accent,
they might think we're ignorant, and won't wanna sell
that stuff to us. Now, I'll talk in a slow Georgia drawl
so's they don't know we are from Florida.'
They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Georgia drawl,
'I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each,
50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each.
I'll back up my pickup and ......'
The owner of the shop interrupts, 'Y'all played football for
Florida State, didn’t y’all?'
'Well...yeah,' says a surprised Bubba.....
'How come you knowed that?'
'Because this is a dry cleaners.'
wide eyed and legless
Well-Known Member
A good hide and seek partner is really hard to find.
I was shot 400 times with an upholstery stapling gun, but now I am fully recovered.
I was shot 400 times with an upholstery stapling gun, but now I am fully recovered.
Froffies and coffees
Member
Sofa so good?
wide eyed and legless
Well-Known Member
My doctor gave me a prescription for daily ***, my wife swears its for dyslexia.
DU99
Well-Known Member
During his physical, the doctor asked the
patient about his daily activity level.
He described a typical day this way:
"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake,
drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush,
jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and
down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out
of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees."
Inspired by the story, the doctor said,
"You must be one hell of an outdoors man!"
"NAH," he replied,
"I'm just a crappy golfer."
patient about his daily activity level.
He described a typical day this way:
"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake,
drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush,
jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and
down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out
of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees."
Inspired by the story, the doctor said,
"You must be one hell of an outdoors man!"
"NAH," he replied,
"I'm just a crappy golfer."
