Mardoo
Noob What Craps On A Bit
Future conedienne! Give her "Raw" for Christmas!
Continuing Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Bribie G
- Start date
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Mardoo
Noob What Craps On A Bit
OK, just got this one from Reddit and I must share here:
A young cowboy goes into a bar. He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chicken congee.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowboy, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning in it with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse. The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the congee back into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."
A young cowboy goes into a bar. He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chicken congee.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowboy, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning in it with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse. The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the congee back into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."
wide eyed and legless
Well-Known Member
Very funny mardoo made my evening 
Another old cowboy joke, a young cowboy full of himself was drinking in a saloon, upon leaving he is astonished to find someone had painted his horse green. He strode back into the bar furious and demanded, "Who's painted my horse green". No one moved or spoke, once again he demanded,"Who has painted my ******* horse green". A chair scraped back and a big mean looking cowboy stood up and said."It was me, I painted your ******* horse green" To which the young cowboy replied meekly, "Well can I borrow your paint brush you missed a bit behind its ears".
Another old cowboy joke, a young cowboy full of himself was drinking in a saloon, upon leaving he is astonished to find someone had painted his horse green. He strode back into the bar furious and demanded, "Who's painted my horse green". No one moved or spoke, once again he demanded,"Who has painted my ******* horse green". A chair scraped back and a big mean looking cowboy stood up and said."It was me, I painted your ******* horse green" To which the young cowboy replied meekly, "Well can I borrow your paint brush you missed a bit behind its ears".
wide eyed and legless
Well-Known Member
Yet another cowboy joke, A cowboy ventriloquist rode onto a ranch and the rancher and his dog approached him, he leant over to pat the dog, and asked the dog how he was, the dog said fine I am looked after really well, good food and lots of exercise.
The rancher was astonished, the cowboy went over to the ranchers horse and asked how he was, the horse said real good lots of oats and stabled every night and the rancher is really good to me. The rancher was absolutely gob-smacked, the cowboy spotted some sheep and said to the rancher lets go over and talk to the sheep, the rancher said, "No way them there sheep aint nothin but danged liars.
The rancher was astonished, the cowboy went over to the ranchers horse and asked how he was, the horse said real good lots of oats and stabled every night and the rancher is really good to me. The rancher was absolutely gob-smacked, the cowboy spotted some sheep and said to the rancher lets go over and talk to the sheep, the rancher said, "No way them there sheep aint nothin but danged liars.
Eagleburger
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The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub. A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle. A tipsy-looking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing. 'Fishing,' the old man said simply. 'Poor old fool,' the gentleman thought and he invited the ragged old man to have a warming drink in the pub. As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, ‘And how many have you caught?' 'You're the eighth,' the old man answered.
DU99
Well-Known Member
A millionaire informs his attorney, "I want a stipulation in my Will that my wife is to inherit everything, but only if she remarries within six months of my death."
"Why such an odd stipulation?" asks the attorney.
"Because," he says, "I want someone to be sorry I died."
**************************************************************************************************
A man received the following text from his neighbor:
I am so sorry mate. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been helping myself to your wife, night and day when your not around, in fact more than you.
I do not get it at home, but that's no excuse.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope that you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't, ever happen again.
The man anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without uttering a word shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later a second text came in:
Bloody auto spell! I meant "Wifi, not Wife"
***************************************************************************************
A man boarded a plane with 6 kids.
After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked,
"Are all of those kids yours?"
He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
"Why such an odd stipulation?" asks the attorney.
"Because," he says, "I want someone to be sorry I died."
**************************************************************************************************
A man received the following text from his neighbor:
I am so sorry mate. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been helping myself to your wife, night and day when your not around, in fact more than you.
I do not get it at home, but that's no excuse.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope that you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't, ever happen again.
The man anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without uttering a word shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later a second text came in:
Bloody auto spell! I meant "Wifi, not Wife"
***************************************************************************************
A man boarded a plane with 6 kids.
After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked,
"Are all of those kids yours?"
He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
DU99
Well-Known Member
Why Did Man Invent BEER
GrumpyPaul
Well-Known Member
Funniest thing about that joke is me try ing to look at it with the auto rotate on the stupid phone.DU99 said:Why Did Man Invent BEER
Eagleburger
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- Reaction score
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The ATO decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to their office.
The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his lawyer.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the ATO finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's lawyer as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the waste basket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own lawyer moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the lawyer. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'
The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his lawyer.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the ATO finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's lawyer as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the waste basket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own lawyer moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the lawyer. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'
Eagleburger
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- 6/2/14
- Messages
- 493
- Reaction score
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Not often an old joke with a new twist, makes me laugh as hard as I did, when I read that one.
DU99
Well-Known Member
Mr. Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck:
"I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."
The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from Reliance Energy (Electricity supplier in India ) because the electricity bill has not been paid.
“Am I speaking to Mrs. Sharma?”
"Yes... speaking"
Reliance guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the Reliance guy.
"What are you saying? It's in your files ...HOW?????"
“Yes ............. We have a system of finding out who's overdue”
“GOD!!!!!!... ........ This is too much........ .."
"Madam, I am sorry... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue"
"I know that ... let me talk to my husband about this tonight..... He will speak to your company tomorrow”
That night, she tells her husband about the incident, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to Reliance office the next day morning.
"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at Reliance, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? And if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle." !!!!!!!!!
"I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."
The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from Reliance Energy (Electricity supplier in India ) because the electricity bill has not been paid.
“Am I speaking to Mrs. Sharma?”
"Yes... speaking"
Reliance guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the Reliance guy.
"What are you saying? It's in your files ...HOW?????"
“Yes ............. We have a system of finding out who's overdue”
“GOD!!!!!!... ........ This is too much........ .."
"Madam, I am sorry... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue"
"I know that ... let me talk to my husband about this tonight..... He will speak to your company tomorrow”
That night, she tells her husband about the incident, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to Reliance office the next day morning.
"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at Reliance, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? And if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle." !!!!!!!!!
DU99
Well-Known Member
[SIZE=16pt]Farmer talk about computers...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=16pt]* Log On - Makin' the wood stove hotter.* Log Off - Don't add no more wood.
* Monitor - Keep an eye on th' wood stove.
* Download - Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
* Mega Hertz - When ya ain't careful downloadin' (watch th' toes!).
* Floppy Disk - Whatcha get from pilin' too much firewood.
* Disk Operating System - Equipment Doc uses when you have a floppy disk.
* RAM - The hydraulic thing that makes the woodsplitter work.
* Hard Drive - Gettin' home in mud season.
* Prompt - What you wish the mail was in mud season.
* Windows - What to shut when it's 30 below.
* Screen - What you need for bug season.
* Byte - What bugs do.
* Chip - What to munch on.
* Micro Chip - What's left in the bag when the chips are gone.
* Infrared - Where the leftovers go when Fred's around.
* Modem - What you did to the hay fields.
* Dot Matrix - John Matrix's wife.
* Printer - Someone who can't write in cursive.
* Lap Top - Where little kids feel comfy.
* Keyboard - Where you hang your keys.
* Software - Them plastic eatin' utensils.
* 486 - One of them fancy imported cars.
* Mouse - What eats the horses' grain in the barn.
* Main Frame - The part of the barn that holds the roof up.
* Port - Hole on top a th' silo
* Enter - C'mon in!
* Random Access Memory - When you suddenly can't remember how much that antique tractor costs when your wife asks.
* Digital - Like those numbers that flip on your alarm clock.
* Apple - If you don't know what an apple is, I ain't tellin'.
* Program - What's on the TV when there's reception.[/SIZE]
wide eyed and legless
Well-Known Member
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realises he is lost, he spots a man in the field below and brings his balloon down lower and asks the man,'Do you know where I am'? The man replies,'You're approximately 30 foot in the air above this field'.
The man in the balloon replied,'You must be an engineer'. 'I am,how do you know' replied the man. The man in the balloon replied,'Well everything you have told me is technically correct, but it is no use to anyone'.
'You must be in management' replied the man on the ground. 'I am, how do you know' said the man in the balloon.
The man on the ground replied,'Well you don't know where you are or which way to go, but you expect me to help, you are in the same position as you were before we met but now it's my fault.
The man in the balloon replied,'You must be an engineer'. 'I am,how do you know' replied the man. The man in the balloon replied,'Well everything you have told me is technically correct, but it is no use to anyone'.
'You must be in management' replied the man on the ground. 'I am, how do you know' said the man in the balloon.
The man on the ground replied,'Well you don't know where you are or which way to go, but you expect me to help, you are in the same position as you were before we met but now it's my fault.
Brew Forky
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- 14/11/14
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- Reaction score
- 114
At knock off time tonight the boys were talking about an ape drinking a beer at a bar and I thought of this old lame joke, but decided not to hold them up with 5 days off coming up. So I'll get it off my chest here.
An ape walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says "We don't serve apes here." Ape angrily says "GIMME A BEER". Bartender says "Nope, Sorry mate." Ape goes nuts and bites a chunk off the bar and spits it on the ground and screames "GIMME A ****** BEER!!" Bartender says "Nope, we don't serve drug addicts here." Ape looks confused and asks what he means. Bartender points at the floor and says "Look at that bar-bit-you-ate".
An ape walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says "We don't serve apes here." Ape angrily says "GIMME A BEER". Bartender says "Nope, Sorry mate." Ape goes nuts and bites a chunk off the bar and spits it on the ground and screames "GIMME A ****** BEER!!" Bartender says "Nope, we don't serve drug addicts here." Ape looks confused and asks what he means. Bartender points at the floor and says "Look at that bar-bit-you-ate".
DU99
Well-Known Member
Office Xmas Party
[SIZE=11pt]FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]TO: All Employees[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]DATE: October 01, 2014[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]RE: Christmas Party[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time![/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Merry Christmas to you and your family.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Patty[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]TO: All Employees[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]DATE: October 02, 2014[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]RE: Holiday Party[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Happy now?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Happy Holidays to you and your family.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Patty[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]To: All Employees[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]DATE: October 04, 2014[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]RE: Holiday Party[/SIZE]
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
[SIZE=11pt]Did I miss anything?!?!?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Patty[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]TO: All F***ing Employees[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]DATE: October 05, 2014[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]RE: The F***ing Holiday Party[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f**king salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, [/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]The B*tch from HELL!!!!!!!![/SIZE]
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
[SIZE=11pt]DATE: October 06, 2014[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Happy Holidays![/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]TO: All Employees[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]DATE: October 01, 2014[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]RE: Christmas Party[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time![/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Merry Christmas to you and your family.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Patty[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]TO: All Employees[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]DATE: October 02, 2014[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]RE: Holiday Party[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Happy now?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Happy Holidays to you and your family.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Patty[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]To: All Employees[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]DATE: October 04, 2014[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]RE: Holiday Party[/SIZE]
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
[SIZE=11pt]Did I miss anything?!?!?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Patty[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]TO: All F***ing Employees[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]DATE: October 05, 2014[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]RE: The F***ing Holiday Party[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f**king salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, [/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]The B*tch from HELL!!!!!!!![/SIZE]
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
[SIZE=11pt]DATE: October 06, 2014[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]Happy Holidays![/SIZE]
wide eyed and legless
Well-Known Member
A man holidaying on the isle of Corfu comes across a quaint tiny fishing village, he stops in the local tavern for a drink, while inside he spots an old man sitting in the corner, alone and miserable. The holiday maker bought a bottle of the local wine asked for 2 glasses and went to sit with the sad looking man, they had a few drinks together and the holiday maker asks the sad old man what his problem was.
The old man turned to look at him with his sad eyes and said,"The cobbled street you walked up,I laid those cobblestones, but do they call me Theo the cobblestone layer, no. The sails on the fishing boats you saw in the harbour,I made those sails, but do they call me Theo the sail maker,no. The terracotta tiles on the roofs of the houses, I made those tiles but do they call me Theo the tile maker, no. But **** one goat".
The old man turned to look at him with his sad eyes and said,"The cobbled street you walked up,I laid those cobblestones, but do they call me Theo the cobblestone layer, no. The sails on the fishing boats you saw in the harbour,I made those sails, but do they call me Theo the sail maker,no. The terracotta tiles on the roofs of the houses, I made those tiles but do they call me Theo the tile maker, no. But **** one goat".
