Continuing Jokes Thread

[wide eyed and legless]

Did you hear John Travolta was hospitalised last night with suspected corona virus.

Turned out it was just Saturday night fever.

Is he stayin alive?

 

[Bob65]

The staff at the local Dan Murphy's told me that they thought that I had been panic buying for the last 9 years.

 

[gone brewing]

The guy who invented hand sanitiser would be rubbing his hands together right now.

 

[Edward Rowe]

Sometimes the best laughs come from within...

 

[Blackman]

Can't read it.

 

[Grmblz]

Can't read it.

It's post #15 on the thread WTB: keg coupler.

 

[wide eyed and legless]

Can't read it.

Makes no sense, your better off reading Edward Roe's posts, not one piece of useful information in them.

 

[Grmblz]

Makes no sense, your better off reading Edward Roe's posts, not one piece of useful information in them.

Oh dear, touched a nerve did we? The guys a flog and you're the only one that can't see it. Time for spec savers.

 

[wide eyed and legless]

Oh dear, touched a nerve did we? The guys a flog and you're the only one that can't see it. Time for spec savers.

I can see it, its those encouraging him which maybe can't see it. Maybe Edward might in a position to be able to fill us in on what is happening in the legal arena, now that might be worth a giggle.
Back to proper jokes.
I went to the hardware store and asked the woman "What's best for getting red wine stains off a carpet?"
"Ammonia cleaner." she replied.
"I'm sorry" I said, "I thought you worked here."

 

[Ghostie]

What about this

 

[Ghostie]

 

[wide eyed and legless]

I can see you are starting to get the hang of uploading.

 

[simon_fiona1]

I can see you are starting to get the hang of uploading.

Hehe......I've never uploaded anything to the internet let alone post something....so I take it one step at a time.

 

[Chods1]

Oh dear, touched a nerve did we? The guys a flog and you're the only one that can't see it. Time for spec savers.

I can't read it either.

 

[DU99]

A girl was given a tea set for her second birthday. It became one of her favourite toys, and when her mother went away for a few weeks to care for her sick aunt, the toddler loved to take her father a little cup of tea, which was just water really, while he was engrossed watching the news on TV. He sipped each "cup of tea" he was brought and lavished generous praise on the taste, leaving the little girl immensely proud. Eventually the mother returned home and the father couldn't wait to show her how his little princess had been looking after him. On cue, the girl took him his "cup of tea" and he sipped it before praising it to the heavens. The mother watched him drink it and said: "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

 

[wide eyed and legless]

As reported in the Australian financial section.

10% of Australia's richest,owns 50% of the nations wealth. While 10% of Australia's most stupid, owns 50% of the nations toilet rolls.

 

[Woong]

 

[Brewer Tom]

Who can drink 5l of petrol and not get sick?

Jerry can

 

[Bob65]

I was told that all you needed to do to go to the supermarket was wear a face mask and gloves.

That was a lie though.

Everyone else was also wearing clothes.

 

[wide eyed and legless]

Good to see the Spanish have a sense of humour considering the coronavirus has hit them pretty hard.

 

[Chods1]

hahaha

 

[Hangover68]

Hollywood are about to make a movie about building kegerators, it will be called " The short-shank Redemption ".

 

[Grmblz]

Prince Charles is self isolating at Balmoral with Covid - 19
Prince Andrew is self isolating at Windsor with Jennifer - 14

 

[wide eyed and legless]

I was at the Doctor's yesterday - He told me I needed to stop masturbating. I said "Why.....am I going blind?"
He replied " No......I'm trying to examine you!"

 

[Danscraftbeer]

So terrible jokes. Please continue In the conservative sense or not!
Try not to indulge on toilet paper. It goes far beyond that now.

 

[Hangover68]

Adam Sandler is doing a new movie, Dont mess with the Wuhan.

 

[sponge]

You could've stopped at 'Adam Sandler is doing a new movie'.

That's all the humour we need..

 

[Hangover68]

You could've stopped at 'Adam Sandler is doing a new movie'.

That's all the humour we need..

True except i don't think hes funny, he has done a couple i like but generally don't rate him.

 

[sponge]

Sarcasm font was lost in the text..

 

[Chods1]

Who's Adam Sandler. I'm fair dinkum. I dont know of him.