I like this review:
Don't get me wrong, I hate Crown Lager as much as any Aussie with a modicum of taste. Everyone knows that just because it's got a gold label and a cool-looking, unusual bottle, it's not necessarily a good beer. But I'm reviewing this even-handedly and without bias.
I wrote the above while admiring the apt head retention, ubiquitous lacing and perfectly effervescent body of the beer. Slightly too dark amber, but good appearance otherwise.
Smell: Not as bad as the non-premium offerings from Carlton, but there is nothing natural in there to speak of. Apart from a very faint maltiness (so distant it's hardly worth mentioning), there is a smell of preservative/adjunct. I don't recognise the chemical (I'm a chemistry student and have come to recognise the smell of chemicals I encounter regularly). Wait, what is this? This is meant to be a beer to enjoy, not sniffing the glass to determine whether it contains poison. The smell is better than Carlton or VB, but not what a beer should smell like.
Taste is where this beer is really let down. It looks good, it smells... inoffensive, but the taste is rough as guts. A little bit sour, a little bit adjuncty... it would taste better if it had no taste, and was just amber bubbly water with a head. It's been so long since I've bothered to drink one of these that I forgot how ***** it was. Basically no different from your ordinary Australian macro, only I'm rating it more harshly because this is supposed to be premium. This doesn't stand up against Boag Premium or Squire Pilsener, other popular macros of a similar price and style. I can't think of any other Aussie macros like this, apart from the cheap Carlton and Tooheys offerings. Still, if you slam it down, drink it cold and out of the bottle at the footy, you won't notice the unpleasant ashy aftertaste. Someone spilt beer in this ashtray! No wait, it's how it normally tastes.
Mouthfeel is pretty crap too. Rough going down, though undoubtedly smoother than its non-premium cousins, the worst aspect is the sticky afterfeel... it doesn't taste like anything except nasty beer aftertaste, but it's sticky on the roof of my mouth.
Drinkability: If it's free, ice-cold, a hot sunny afternoon, and you're doing an activity to take your mind off the taste, and you've been working hard all day, this is fine to drink. Most Australians would be happier to drink this regularly than VB, merely because of its price and 'premium' allure. But it's not great. However, it does contain alcohol.
Attention All Crown Lager Drinkers - set your sights higher. It gets a LOT better than this! Non-Crownie Drinkers - Don't bother trying this, it is a complete and utter waste of time and an insult to our country that people pay $60 a case for this crap.
Serving type: bottle
