Malted
Humdinger
- Joined
- 15/5/10
- Messages
- 2,301
- Reaction score
- 115
What's with reading on the khazi? I don't get it.
If reading before depositing, why sit on the porcelain throne with your bare bum above a vessel of water? In tropical areas that just makes your butt and bits get humid and sweaty. In cooler regions it just makes you get a cold butt and bits. Is it the act of waiting for Mr Hankey to arrive? Why not wait somewhere more comfortable like on the couch watching TV, or reading a book there? Why not go to the porcelain throne when Mr Hankey's arrival is imminent?
If reading after Mr Hankey has arrived, do you wipe then read, or read then wipe? I really don't like sitting with traces of Mr Hankey about, it just goes cold and is not nice to smear around then. If you have cleaned up after Mr Hankey then read, well why sit around any longer? Your butt and bits will still get either humid and sweaty, or cold. Why the hell socialise with Mr Hankey? Heck you may as well take him for a drive and buy him a beer at the pub if you really want to socialise with him.
So maybe you get the business done, make Mr Hankey a submariner, pull up your pants and wash your hands then sit atop the throne for some reading? Do you put the seat and the lid down, or just the seat? I find the lid buckles and seems like it might break if you sit upon it. So maybe you sit atop the seat with the lid up, with your pants on. Surely it would be a better environment sitting on the couch reading? Why read when there may be wafts of Mr Hankey's odour drifting about? Your couch shouldn't smell like shit, surely it would be a better place to read?
So maybe you spray a bit of air freshener, after Mr Hankey has taken the kamikaze speed slide round the s-bend, you've pulled your pants back up, washed your hands and sat atop the buckling throne bowl lid? So the smell puts you into the mental ambience of fresh rain in a pine forest and you're happily skipping through it until you're foot goes splat into a fresh turd; bears shit in the woods you know. You can't hide ambience de Hankey in a pine forest, you will find it. Damm, I don't want a forest like that. Why spoil the woods with odour de turd? Go and spray your couch with fresh rain in a pine forest smell if you like it so much. Similarly you've sprayed fresh flowers scent about the throne room and you're tip toeing through the tulips until you stumble into a field ditch of turbid, swampy, foul smelling ooze. No thanks I rather stop to smell the flowers whilst not being waste deep in putrid mud. Go spray your couch with flower scent if your granny has not already done so.
So maybe you strike a match to attempt to engulf odour de Hankey? No I don't want to sit around the sulphur pits of Beelzebub, with faint ambience de Hankey whilst reading a book, thank you very much! Where do you put the match? Near the source or further away? This one time at Uni, I saw a guy set fire to his pubes and they appear to burn quite voraciously, I wouldn't want the match too near my pubes just in case. Do you wave the match about or just hold it steady? How long do you let it burn for? What if you burn your fingers instead of your pubes? How do you stop it smoking when you blow it out? Do you lick your fingers before extinguishing it with your saliva. Do you want traces of Mr Hankey in your mouth? Should you wash your hands then strike the match? What if odour de Hankey has dispersed too much by then? No a match seems too complicated to me.
My Dad reads in the throne room. He often has some very interesting looking magazines in there such as the Top Gear magazines. I'd really like to have a look at some of them that appear on the cover to be highly appealing but just can't figure out how to go about it, comfortably. I also look at them wondering if they could have trace amounts of Mr Hankey on them or if by repeated exposure, that they have absorbed some ambience de Hankey.
Maybe it is such a small room, in most situations, that it is one of the few places that you can be assured that the only person who will be in there is you? In this instance perhaps it is more the fortress of solitude and reflection rather than the throne room? Sitting and reading on the couch that smells like fresh rain in the pine forest might make you vulnerable to attacks of, "Whatya doin Daddy?" or, "Right if you're going to just sit around, why don't you do something useful like wash the car?" Perhaps ambience de Hankey is like a defensive aura? They won't trouble you in the fortress if they are worried about the threat of being engulfed by biological warfare. Ok, maybe this works so why not just drop a big fart on the couch? It would certainly be a more comfortable place to sit than the porcelain throne room. The kids will laugh at the rumble de Hankey at first but once it reaches their nostrils they'll skulk away, the wife will call you disgusting and storm away. However defensive aura de Hankey can be employed without him needing to visit. If you want to triple the effectiveness of the defensive aura de Hankey, feed your dog tinned cat food and sit reading your book nearby to it but don't blame it, take the credit yourself. The whole house could be your fortress of solitude and reflection then.
My only conclusion is that those who read on the porcelain throne, or in the fortress of solitude and reflection, must be shit sniffers. Look I don't mean to judge and if that is what you like to do then so be it, I am just saying that shit sniffing is not for me and that I don't know how I could read on the khazi without doing so.
If reading before depositing, why sit on the porcelain throne with your bare bum above a vessel of water? In tropical areas that just makes your butt and bits get humid and sweaty. In cooler regions it just makes you get a cold butt and bits. Is it the act of waiting for Mr Hankey to arrive? Why not wait somewhere more comfortable like on the couch watching TV, or reading a book there? Why not go to the porcelain throne when Mr Hankey's arrival is imminent?
If reading after Mr Hankey has arrived, do you wipe then read, or read then wipe? I really don't like sitting with traces of Mr Hankey about, it just goes cold and is not nice to smear around then. If you have cleaned up after Mr Hankey then read, well why sit around any longer? Your butt and bits will still get either humid and sweaty, or cold. Why the hell socialise with Mr Hankey? Heck you may as well take him for a drive and buy him a beer at the pub if you really want to socialise with him.
So maybe you get the business done, make Mr Hankey a submariner, pull up your pants and wash your hands then sit atop the throne for some reading? Do you put the seat and the lid down, or just the seat? I find the lid buckles and seems like it might break if you sit upon it. So maybe you sit atop the seat with the lid up, with your pants on. Surely it would be a better environment sitting on the couch reading? Why read when there may be wafts of Mr Hankey's odour drifting about? Your couch shouldn't smell like shit, surely it would be a better place to read?
So maybe you spray a bit of air freshener, after Mr Hankey has taken the kamikaze speed slide round the s-bend, you've pulled your pants back up, washed your hands and sat atop the buckling throne bowl lid? So the smell puts you into the mental ambience of fresh rain in a pine forest and you're happily skipping through it until you're foot goes splat into a fresh turd; bears shit in the woods you know. You can't hide ambience de Hankey in a pine forest, you will find it. Damm, I don't want a forest like that. Why spoil the woods with odour de turd? Go and spray your couch with fresh rain in a pine forest smell if you like it so much. Similarly you've sprayed fresh flowers scent about the throne room and you're tip toeing through the tulips until you stumble into a field ditch of turbid, swampy, foul smelling ooze. No thanks I rather stop to smell the flowers whilst not being waste deep in putrid mud. Go spray your couch with flower scent if your granny has not already done so.
So maybe you strike a match to attempt to engulf odour de Hankey? No I don't want to sit around the sulphur pits of Beelzebub, with faint ambience de Hankey whilst reading a book, thank you very much! Where do you put the match? Near the source or further away? This one time at Uni, I saw a guy set fire to his pubes and they appear to burn quite voraciously, I wouldn't want the match too near my pubes just in case. Do you wave the match about or just hold it steady? How long do you let it burn for? What if you burn your fingers instead of your pubes? How do you stop it smoking when you blow it out? Do you lick your fingers before extinguishing it with your saliva. Do you want traces of Mr Hankey in your mouth? Should you wash your hands then strike the match? What if odour de Hankey has dispersed too much by then? No a match seems too complicated to me.
My Dad reads in the throne room. He often has some very interesting looking magazines in there such as the Top Gear magazines. I'd really like to have a look at some of them that appear on the cover to be highly appealing but just can't figure out how to go about it, comfortably. I also look at them wondering if they could have trace amounts of Mr Hankey on them or if by repeated exposure, that they have absorbed some ambience de Hankey.
Maybe it is such a small room, in most situations, that it is one of the few places that you can be assured that the only person who will be in there is you? In this instance perhaps it is more the fortress of solitude and reflection rather than the throne room? Sitting and reading on the couch that smells like fresh rain in the pine forest might make you vulnerable to attacks of, "Whatya doin Daddy?" or, "Right if you're going to just sit around, why don't you do something useful like wash the car?" Perhaps ambience de Hankey is like a defensive aura? They won't trouble you in the fortress if they are worried about the threat of being engulfed by biological warfare. Ok, maybe this works so why not just drop a big fart on the couch? It would certainly be a more comfortable place to sit than the porcelain throne room. The kids will laugh at the rumble de Hankey at first but once it reaches their nostrils they'll skulk away, the wife will call you disgusting and storm away. However defensive aura de Hankey can be employed without him needing to visit. If you want to triple the effectiveness of the defensive aura de Hankey, feed your dog tinned cat food and sit reading your book nearby to it but don't blame it, take the credit yourself. The whole house could be your fortress of solitude and reflection then.
My only conclusion is that those who read on the porcelain throne, or in the fortress of solitude and reflection, must be shit sniffers. Look I don't mean to judge and if that is what you like to do then so be it, I am just saying that shit sniffing is not for me and that I don't know how I could read on the khazi without doing so.
