My recipe is simple. Half a bucket of pale wheat malt, half a bucket of pils malt. Whack it in the tun with hot water. Adjust temp with immersion heater or cold water until 64C is achieved. Mash for an hour while heating sparge water. Recirculate a couple litres, then run into kettle. Bitter ~16IBU with a noble hop. Ferment, serve. Easy beer, no need to agonise over it.
PostM, that is the of funniest posts I have read for a longtime.
Wheat beers can be so easy and also so difficult. Yeast, not malt makes a wheat (banana, clove ,bubblegum) not the long and convoluted malt rests. Little to no hop is best.
I must also point out that the recent mass-introduction of single strains of dry-yeast will severely limit brewers ability to produce a good wheat beer. This also applies to production of great homebrew with dry lager and ale yeast. With no affiliation, I support the pure liquid culture.
cheers
Darren