Help Support Aussie Homebrewer by donating using the link above.

Continuing Jokes Thread

Discussion in 'Humour & Jokes' started by Bribie G, 19/2/09.

 

  1. Drewgong

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    11/4/17
    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    57
    Gender:
    Male
    Posted 22/4/18
    A big angry biker standing 6"9 140kg angrily walks into a bar looking for a fight. The biker yells " EVERYONE ONE THIS SIDE OF THE BAR IS A COCKSUCKER AND EVERYONE ON THIS SIDE OF THE BAR IS A MUTHER FUCKER ANYONE GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? An old man from the right side of the bar gets up and starts walking toward the biker. "YOU GOT A PROBLEM OLD MAN" yelled the biker, no replied the old man "I'm just on the wrong side of the room.
     
  2. jackgym

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    3/8/15
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    40
    Gender:
    Male
    Posted 22/4/18
    Paddy and Mick decided to go to London to donate sperm.
    The trip was a complete disaster.
    Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus.
     
  3. Woong

    Member

    Joined:
    17/5/16
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    38
    Posted 25/4/18
    Never employ a one armed Butler.
    They can take it, but they can't dish it out!
     
  4. DU99

    Pro

    Joined:
    7/6/10
    Messages:
    6,673
    Likes Received:
    946
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    VICTORIA
    Posted 13/5/18
    An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town.
    The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked.
    As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.
    The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
    Later, they passed some people that remarked, “What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.”
    They then decided they both would walk!
    Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride.
    So they both rode the donkey.
    Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.
    The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.
    As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

    **The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye.**
     
    Garfield and bungers like this.
  5. DU99

    Pro

    Joined:
    7/6/10
    Messages:
    6,673
    Likes Received:
    946
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    VICTORIA
    Posted 13/5/18
    A drunk is in a bar, lying on the floor and looking the worse for wear.

    Other patrons decide to be Good Samaritans and take him home.
    They pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door.
    On the way to the car, he falls down three times.
    When they get to his house, they help him out of the car and he falls down four more times.

    Mission accomplished, they prop him against the doorjamb and ring the doorbell.
    Here's your husband! they exclaim proudly.
    *Where's his wheelchair?* asks the puzzled wife.
     
    Chods1 likes this.
  6. Chods1

    Chuggin Charlie.

    Joined:
    17/1/18
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Just retired.
    Location:
    Pemberton
    Posted 13/5/18
    A Ghost walks into a bar and asks for a glass of rum. The barman says sorry we don't serve Spirits here!
     
  7. Grmblz

    Member

    Joined:
    19/6/17
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    As little as possible
    Location:
    South Coast
    Posted 14/5/18
    A good oldie!





    A truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind him.

    The waitress asks them for their orders.

    The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?' - 'Sounds great, the same,' says the emu.

    A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.

    The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A burger, chips and a coke.' - 'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu.

    Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

    This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

    'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 'Brilliant idea, same for me,' says the emu.

    Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.60'

    Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

    The waitress cannot hold back any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'

    'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

    My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

    'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'

    'That's right. Whether it's a carton of milk or a new car, the exact money is always there,' says the man.
    Still curious the waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'






    The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.
     
    razz likes this.

Share This Page