# Butters My Airlock Isn't Working? What Can I Do?



## chappo1970 (16/2/09)

buttersd70 said:


> Kill me. Kill me now. Please.
> Airlocks were invented by Adolf Hitler, in association with Joseph Stalin, just to confuse new brewers, and bring scorched earth poloicy to fruition.....
> A more accurate determination of fermentation can be made by reading tea leaves.
> 
> ...



I seem to remember something like this kinda rant last week too...

Anyway just to help our mate Butters vent some more please ask all the silly questions of butters here. I am sure he will answer them!

To kick things off:
Butters? Why does my beer taste fruity? I have brewed it in the normal way, kilo of white table sugar and the kit yeast dated best before 4/4/04 Oh! and fermented at nice stable 32 degs?

You are a legend Butters... I just love your work! :lol:


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## zebba (16/2/09)

Sounds to me like you've thrown in too much yeast. Thing is, those little buggers get freaky together at any opportunity. Sitting in your cupboard for 5+ years, they've had a lot of time for "self love", so they've probably multiplied something like 1000x since they were first pakaged. 

I'd chuck a small amount of sanitizer into the fermenter - enough to kill, say, 50% of the yeast. To calculate how much sanitizer you will need, you just calculate the size of your wort divided by the size of your fermenter, divided by two. This is the percentage of sanitiser that you should use, compared to what you would use for full sanitization.

So, 30L fermenter, 23L of wort, you get (23/30)/2 = 38%. So, if you use 4 TBS of sanitizer for your original clean, you will need to use 1.5 TBS of sanitizer to kill half the yeast.

Happy hunting!


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## Mantis (16/2/09)

Ditch the table sugar and use castor sugar instead. Its finer and ferments quicker. That should get your airlock bubbling big time :lol:


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## chappo1970 (16/2/09)

What if I tried icing sugar? Would that help with a full fermentation?

Cheers Zebba for the advice so in other words maybe I souldn't use lemon scented dishwashing liquid and metho to sanitize?


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## muckey (16/2/09)

Zebba said:


> Sounds to me like you've thrown in too much yeast. Thing is, those little buggers get freaky together at any opportunity. Sitting in your cupboard for 5+ years, they've had a lot of time for "self love", so they've probably multiplied something like 1000x since they were first pakaged.
> 
> I'd chuck a small amount of sanitizer into the fermenter - enough to kill, say, 50% of the yeast. To calculate how much sanitizer you will need, you just calculate the size of your wort divided by the size of your fermenter, divided by two. This is the percentage of sanitiser that you should use, compared to what you would use for full sanitization.
> 
> ...



that would work because you kill all the ones that are slow and worn out from luvvin each other leaving all the healthy yeasties to do the work.
Alternatively if you are a tighta**e like butters, you'll get a fresh tin of farmland larger and a bag if castor sugar and get a new brew in a second fermenter. If you leave the 2 fermenters with their lids off the extra unwanted yeasties will hop out of the overpitched 1 and get cracking on the new brew - 2 for the price of 1 and no need to use any expensive sanitiser!


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## Mantis (16/2/09)

Icing sugar is a great idea. I reckon it would help with head retention


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## muckey (16/2/09)

Chappo said:


> What if I tried icing sugar? Would that help with a full fermentation?
> 
> Cheers Zebba for the advice so in other words maybe I souldn't use lemon scented dishwashing liquid and metho to sanitize?



you could if you are brewing coronas


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## robbo5253 (16/2/09)

Butters

Looking at doing a Newcastle Brown ale clone, does this mean i use 1kg ofBrown Sugar?

Thanks in advance

Robbo


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## WarmBeer (16/2/09)

Chappo said:


> Oh! and fermented at nice stable 32 degs?



Remember your laws of thermodynamics, kids, increase the temperature of the surrounding environment, increase the speed of your ferment. 

So, I heartily recommend a nice, constant 64 deg Celcius for your fermenter.


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## muckey (16/2/09)

WarmBeer said:


> Remember your laws of thermodynamics, kids, increase the temperature of the surrounding environment, increase the speed of your ferment.
> 
> So, I heartily recommend a nice, constant 64 deg Celcius for your fermenter.



Are you saying I should put a gas burner under my fermenter to speed up fermentation?


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## zebba (16/2/09)

Chappo said:


> Cheers Zebba for the advice so in other words maybe I souldn't use lemon scented dishwashing liquid and metho to sanitize?


Funny you ask that. I actually do special brews following the instructions on the kit to the letter. I* then use the results to clean the tiles in my shower. Metho should not be underestimated as a cleaner.

* Not entirely true. I then give the results to my wife so she can use them to clean the shower.


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## brettprevans (16/2/09)

_butters im trying to watch my wieght can I substitute Equal or some other diarty non-sugar instead of table sugar?_

lmao. actualy i wonder now that ive said it :huh:

EDIT: actually that may be how they make pure blonde!!


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## atkinsonr (16/2/09)

Butters,
I've made a Coopers Lager kit at 65 degrees and now I'm ready to bottle.
I want to make a Belgian Double. Is 1KG of dex enough to prime my bottles for secondary fermentation?


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## chappo1970 (16/2/09)

robbo5253 said:


> Butters
> 
> Looking at doing a Newcastle Brown ale clone, does this mean i use 1kg ofBrown Sugar?
> 
> ...



I am also interested in making a Newcastle Ale. 

Butters As I can't be bothered to go to the LHBS and alway get my brewing stuff from the supermarket, BTW they have the best gear, can I use say HOME BRAND 250gr Icing sugar, 250gr Table Sugar and 500gr Brown sugar to get the same results?


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## jonocarroll (16/2/09)

citymorgue2 said:


> actually that may be how they make pure blonde!!


Not really, low carb beers are made with special enzymes that break down more sugars than usual and ferment further. On that topic though, sweeteners are used in most ginger beer kits.


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## WarmBeer (16/2/09)

Richy said:


> Butters,
> I've made a Coopers Lager kit at 65 degrees and now I'm ready to bottle.
> I want to make a Belgian *Double*. Is 1KG of dex enough to prime my bottles for secondary fermentation?



Note the beer is called a DOUBLE. So, you will need to DOUBLE the amount of priming sugar. 2 kgs will be sufficient


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## zebba (16/2/09)

WarmBeer said:


> Note the beer is called a DOUBLE. So, you will need to DOUBLE the amount of priming sugar. 2 kgs will be sufficient


I thought it was for double alcohol AND double the bubbles, meaning you should quadruple the sugar. I'd go with 4kgs - better to go over then to go under and have your mates accuse you of feeding them lolly water.


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## chappo1970 (16/2/09)

WarmBeer said:


> Note the beer is called a DOUBLE. So, you will need to DOUBLE the amount of priming sugar. 2 kgs will be sufficient




In each bottle? Or should I just whack ALL into the fermentor now, shake the sh#t our of it cocktail style and wait a day or two and then bottle?


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## unterberg (16/2/09)

Chappo said:


> What if I tried icing sugar? Would that help with a full fermentation?
> 
> Cheers Zebba for the advice so in other words maybe I souldn't use lemon scented dishwashing liquid and metho to sanitize?



Icing sugor will wurk just fine - remember - the finer the sugor the quickur the yeasties can incopulate them. I have heard that yeasties are a type of amoebe? Thats true Butters, isnt it?




WarmBeer said:


> Note the beer is called a DOUBLE. So, you will need to DOUBLE the amount of priming sugar. 2 kgs will be sufficient



That must be wrong! DOUBLE just means you have to add DOUBLE the amount of belgian shepherd to your wort for aroma. I guess 10 mins to the end of the brew should be fine, but make sure they got enough space to paddle!


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## atkinsonr (16/2/09)

Zebba said:


> I thought it was for double alcohol AND double the bubbles, meaning you should quadruple the sugar. I'd go with 4kgs - better to go over then to go under and have your mates accuse you of feeding them lolly water.



Yep sounds good. Wouldn't want my mates to come round and call my beer piss weak.

So with that much sugar I guess I should add more yeast. Is it OK if I just tip some from the fermenter into the bottles before I cap them?

Thanks a lot!


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## Cracka (16/2/09)

Mantis said:


> Icing sugar is a great idea. I reckon it would help with head retention




Nah. Ask Beer-0-Clock, raw suga is the go h34r:


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## unterberg (16/2/09)

buttersd70 said:


> If by action, you mean airlock activity, I'm going to drop everything I'm doing, come over to your house, and choke a kitten in front of you as an object lesson. h34r:
> Airlocks are meaningless....look for other signs. Condensation inside the lid (usually this is the first sign), foaming on top of the wort, krausen ring forming on the fermenter at the fluid level, and of course drop in SG......
> 
> But, as others have said, there is always a lag time....this can vary from a couple of hours to 48 hours....in this case, I would expect it's likely that you'll start getting signs of activity, maybe later this afternoon/tonight. (given that you aerated the wort, giving it a damn good thrashing. The more you do, the better.)



Love it


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## chappo1970 (16/2/09)

Unterberg said:


> Love it


 :lol: 

WHY, WHY WON"T BUTTERS ANSWER OUR QUESTIONS????


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## pint of lager (16/2/09)

It works out cheaper if you buy your sugar in 25 kg sacks.

To save more money, only buy your kits from the supermarket when they are on special. 

One kit is plenty for two brews. Open the tin, pour half into the fermenter and put the tin away in the cupboard. Use the other half in the next brew, there may be a bit of mould on top but this won't hurt your beer.

Add 2 kg of sugar and a packet of yeast. When you bottle the batch, leave the sludge in the bottom of the fermenter, add the second half of the tin, 2 kg of sugar and top up with water. Saves on cleaning.

No need to buy fresh bottlecaps if you use twist tops. After you have finished your bottle of beer, rinse the bottle and retighten the lid. At bottling time, it is dead easy to just pop in some priming sugar, fill with beer and re-use the same lid.


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## muckey (16/2/09)

Chappo said:


> :lol:
> 
> WHY, WHY WON"T BUTTERS ANSWER OUR QUESTIONS????



probably something to do with the amount he drank last night


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## brettprevans (16/2/09)

QuantumBrewer said:


> Not really, low carb beers are made with special enzymes that break down more sugars than usual and ferment further. On that topic though, sweeteners are used in most ginger beer kits.


QB I know how they make it. i was having a go at pure blonde and a bad pun at low joule sugar low joule beer. bad joke but still a joke.


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## chappo1970 (16/2/09)

Absolute Classic :lol: 

"I'm going to drop everything I'm doing, come over to your house, and choke a kitten in front of you as an object lesson" Buttersd70


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## Ronin (16/2/09)

Chappo said:


> Absolute Classic :lol:
> 
> "I'm going to drop everything I'm doing, come over to your house, and choke a kitten in front of you as an object lesson" Buttersd70



I know, 

I'm at work sitting in the corner trying not to laugh out loud...


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## wakkatoo (16/2/09)

citymorgue2 said:


> QB I know how they make it. i was having a go at pure blonde and a bad pun at low joule sugar low joule beer. bad joke but still a joke.



A bad joke? On this thread? Nah.....


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## unterberg (16/2/09)

Ronin said:


> I know,
> 
> I'm at work sitting in the corner trying not to laugh out loud...



I thought I had to quote this here because it made me laugh out loud at work and earn some evil looks, hehe.

_Also I have heard that you can re-culture hops. A friend of a friend of his friend said that it is really easy and he can get good quality hops over many generations as long as he makes sure to bulk hop in his bathtub. My question for Butters now is weather it is possible to actually sit in the bath at the same time or if it needs to be gladwrapped so that you can use your airlock with it?_


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## brettprevans (16/2/09)

how about

_Butters, ive dropped my airlock into my brew and i know about cleanleness so i grabbed a plastic bag out of the cupboard put it over my arm and had a swish around in the fermentor to try and get it out. do you think my beer will be ok._

actually the best one i heard (and it wasnt asked of butters) was a guy who froze chickens and put them into a sealed bag then dropped them into his fermentor to cool it down! sorry dude if your still on here and i offend you, but seriously thats gross and a bit silly.


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## warrenlw63 (16/2/09)

butters can you take a closeup lightbox shot of my beer or deep-etch out the background for the "What's In The Glass" thread? Oh and I want the densitometer scale included also.  

Warren -


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## chappo1970 (16/2/09)

pint of lager said:


> It works out cheaper if you buy your sugar in 25 kg sacks.
> 
> To save more money, only buy your kits from the supermarket when they are on special.
> 
> ...



Wow that sounds great Butters recipe...  

I might give that one ago tonight... 

Butters Instead of the fermentor can I use a semi clean garabe bin with a hole pricked in the bin liner? Oh! Oh can I use bakers yeast instead? It's cheaper at the supermarket $4 for 5 foilies?


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## muckey (16/2/09)

citymorgue2 said:


> how about
> 
> _Butters, ive dropped my airlock into my brew and i know about cleanleness so i grabbed a plastic bag out of the cupboard put it over my arm and had a swish around in the fermentor to try and get it out. do you think my beer will be ok._
> 
> actually the best one i heard (and it wasnt asked of butters) was a guy who froze chickens and put them into a sealed bag then dropped them into his fermentor to cool it down! sorry dude if your still on here and i offend you, but seriously thats gross and a bit silly.



at least it wasn't a frozen leg of ham


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## zebba (16/2/09)

citymorgue2 said:


> how about
> 
> _Butters, ive dropped my airlock into my brew and i know about cleanleness so i grabbed a plastic bag out of the cupboard put it over my arm and had a swish around in the fermentor to try and get it out. do you think my beer will be ok._
> 
> actually the best one i heard (and it wasnt asked of butters) was a guy who froze chickens and put them into a sealed bag then dropped them into his fermentor to cool it down! sorry dude if your still on here and i offend you, but seriously thats gross and a bit silly.


This thread is about to reach a new low:

After noticing that the output from a boil on my back was very similar to what sits in the bottom of my fermenter after I'm done bottling, I thought I'd culture some up as an experiment. The result was interesting, and I've decided to market it under the name _staph_ale.

Bah dum chah!


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## peas_and_corn (16/2/09)

Butters, if I double the sugar does it make it twice as good?


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## brettprevans (16/2/09)

we really should stop. it makes us sound elitist and snobby.

now where the tea lady with my scone and earl grey jerky and Deus Brut Flanders


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## thunderchild (16/2/09)

I'm desperately trying to speed up carbonation so is it OK if I drop my airstone in each bottle before I cap it to ensure that the yeast are going to have the best chance?


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## chappo1970 (16/2/09)

citymorgue2 said:


> we really should stop. it makes us sound elitist and snobby.



CM2 not at all! We just know how much butters likes questions especially when airlocks are concerned...

This won't stop till Butters answers us! We have questions, real questions, that need answering and we are being ingored... 

Why do others get their kitten choked and not us?


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## brettprevans (16/2/09)

Chappo said:


> we know how much butters likes questions especially when airlocks are concerned...


in that case. Hey butters where is the best place to buy airlocks? can you organise a bulk buy?


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## atkinsonr (16/2/09)

citymorgue2 said:


> in that case. Hey butters where is the best place to buy airlocks? can you organise a bulk buy?



ROFL.

Nice idea CM2. If you're going to do that maybe I should organise a kittens bulk buy?


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## muckey (16/2/09)

Richy said:


> ROFL.
> 
> Nice idea CM2. If you're going to do that maybe I should organise a kittens bulk buy?



better make it quick. I suspect butters is plotting his revenge at this very minute ( do I sense a new sig is about to make an appearance)


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## Doogiechap (16/2/09)

pint of lager said:


> It works out cheaper if you buy your sugar in 25 kg sacks.
> 
> To save more money, only buy your kits from the supermarket when they are on special.
> 
> ...



I know someone who does the above red text with a Coopers Stout Kit  .

PS The Frozen Chicken Comes from:

QUOTE(LovesToBrew @ Jul 26 2007, 11:52 PM) *

i tend to use the frozen chicken method. I get a frozen chicken still in it's vacuum seal bag, then put it inside another water tight bag (very important as raw chicken juice will give you food poisoning), and put it inside the fermenter. I find anything over a size 14 chicken is hard to get through the opening on the top. If you need to warm your wort, cook the chicken first.


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## chappo1970 (16/2/09)

Doogiechap said:


> I know someone who does the above red text with a Coopers Stout Kit  .



Spill it! Who?


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## unterberg (16/2/09)

Richy said:


> ROFL.
> 
> Nice idea CM2. If you're going to do that maybe I should organise a kittens bulk buy?



Or even bulk choking kittens?


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## Ducatiboy stu (16/2/09)

Butters..

I have a Goat, If I sprinkle sugar on him what will happen...


Will I need an airlock or will glad-wrap be enough


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## chappo1970 (16/2/09)

Unterberg said:


> Or even bulk choking kittens?



Bawhahahahaha! :lol: 

Seriously can you get those? :huh:


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## lczaban (16/2/09)

There is a couple of groups of people who frequent this forum. The first group seem to be a group who like to use the forum as a pseudo chat room, and there is definitely a time and a place for this type of poster. The second is the type who uses this forum as a research tool and brewing knowledge resource. There is a lot of really useful information on here that is contained in the thousands of threads and posts that have been gathering since Dane & Co got AHB up and running. It doesn't matter what type of forum you happen to peruse (brewing or otherwise), one of the first thing any newbie has to realise is that 99% of their dumb questions have been dealt with before. By not being lazy and taking advantage of the search tool at the top RHS of each AHB screen, they can type in a couple of key words and generally get a plethora of knowledge that covers the problem at hand.

Of course there are two types of people who exist when it comes to solving a problem - those who ask questions and those who look for an answer. The idea of this forum is to provide a place where the less obvious questions can be answered by a range of people with a vast brewing knowledge. Now knowing whether your fermentation has started 24 hours after pitching your yeast because of a lack of airlock activity would fall into the Top 20 newbie question category - anyone who uses this forum properly should be able to find out the information they need to answer their questions without having to start a new thread.

To this end I find that this thread is pretty offensive to Butters. From the posts of his that I have read, he is most patient with new brewers and has an impressive amount of knowledge that he generously imparts to all and sundry. He would have to have answered all of the Top 20 newbie questions numerous times, and I can understand why he would get sick and tired of answering the same old questions because people are too lazy to do a proper search and spend 5 minutes trawling through some old threads or the "Please read this before posting" airlocked thread at the top of the K&E page. They assume that Butters will come to their rescue by either answering their question or by doing the search himself and posting a link to the appropriate thread. The fact that he comes across as sarcastic is not really surprising IMHO. The fact that people want to take this sarcasm and chastise him for it when they should have gone away and done their own homework is pretty poor form, and I think that they should take whatever criticism flows their way.

Start respecting this forum, treating others with more experience with respect (especially when you are starting out) and learn to use this resource properly. If it weren't for the likes of Butters, not nearly as many brewers would be churning out tasty beer. I for one hope that Butters sees this threat as a light-hearted ribbing and nothing more, as I think that AHB would be worse off if he decided not to continue contributing posts in a meaningful way.

Edit - sp


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## unterberg (16/2/09)

Na mate I work at Uni and have to comply with animal ethics. 
No choking of animals allowed but humans is a different story


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## WarmBeer (16/2/09)

We only mock because we love.


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## buttersd70 (16/2/09)

Ok, to try and sumarise...

yes, for belgian doubles, you use double the hops, double the sugaz, and double the yeast. Obvious, its in the damn name...

Oh, and its SUGAZ people, get it right. There was only one person in this thread knowledgable enough to make a beeroclock reference....makes me wonder, you know...

Icing sugar is finely powdered sugar and a starch of some sort. So a/ it ferments quicker, because it is finely powdered, and b/ it aids in head retention. 

The realtive speed of fermentation as determined by the fineness of the sugaz can be expressed mathematically....
*S is proportial to size of the grains (in microns) divided by the number of grains, multipled by the yeast cell count. When using bakers yeast, multiply by a correction factor of 0.978885.
*
If you get a Brett infection, stop sleeping with Brett and sleep with Bruce instead.

If you pitch your brew whilst dressed like a morris dancer, and singing "I am a cider drinker" by the Wurzels (), you are almost guaranteed to end up with excessive acetaldehyde.

Wearing a condom whils brewing is a guarantee that you will not get an infection. For those that have an aversion to latex, a similar, but less effective method, would be to play "Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats whilst brewing. Unless you are wearing a hat at the time, in which case, it voids any protection the song gives.

In order to save money, urine is, without a doubt, one of the best sanatisers you can get. It is also incredibly cheap if you produce it yourself. If used as a no rinse, then you are almost guaranteed to end up with a West End Draught clone.

"actually the best one i heard (and it wasnt asked of butters) was a guy who froze chickens and put them into a sealed bag then dropped them into his fermentor to cool it down! sorry dude if your still on here and i offend you, but seriously thats gross and a bit silly."
the scary thing is, CM2 isn't making this up....I actually remember that post. Edit..doogie has quoted it. Classic. So instead of choking a kitten as an object lesson, maybe I _should _choke the a chicken. :lol: 

Yes, double the sugaz makes it twice as good.

Bulk buying of airlocks may be possible, however I will not involve myself in such a thread, if it were to begin....mainly because a certain person starts to salivate whenever they see the words 'bulk buy', because they see it as another opportunity to 'stick it to the retailers'. I refuse to take part in any discussion with such a person, because basically, they're thick as shit and twice as wooden.

65C is too hot for fermentation. Thats just silly. Anyone that has ever caught a yeast infection from some scrubber in a back alley knows that the optimum temperature for yeast growth is roughly the same as body temperature, slightly higher if you want more cheesy esters. Poor personal hygeine is also a good alternative source of free yeast.

Adult shops are also a good source of mash paddles. Other items for sale in those types of stores can also be retro fitted to make functional (and humourous) stirplates.

And finaly, thanks for the sentiments, GG. I saw this thread go up right at the very start....I've just been sitting back, biding my time, laughing my guts up all day. No offense was taken, and I'm sure that no offense was intended, either by the OP or by any of the contributers.


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## lczaban (16/2/09)

WarmBeer said:


> We only mock because we love.



I just hope Butters sees it that way... :unsure:


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## bradsbrew (16/2/09)

GravityGuru said:


> There is a couple of groups of people who frequent this forum. The first group seem to be a group who like to use the forum as a pseudo chat room, and there is definitely a time and a place for this type of poster. The second is the type who uses this forum as a research tool and brewing knowledge resource. There is a lot of really useful information on here that is contained in the thousands of threads and posts that have been gathering since Dane & Co got AHB up and running. It doesn't matter what type of forum you happen to peruse (brewing or otherwise), one of the first thing any newbie has to realise is that 99% of their dumb questions have been dealt with before. By not being lazy and taking advantage of the search tool at the top RHS of each AHB screen, they can type in a couple of key words and generally get a plethora of knowledge that covers the problem at hand.
> 
> Of course there are two types of people who exist when it comes to solving a problem - those who ask questions and those who look for an answer. The idea of this forum is to provide a place where the less obvious questions can be answered by a range of people with a vast brewing knowledge. Now knowing whether your fermentation has started 24 hours after pitching your yeast because of a lack of airlock activity would fall into the Top 20 newbie question category - anyone who uses this forum properly should be able to find out the information they need to answer their questions without having to start a new thread.
> 
> ...



I have only just skipped through this thread and had a bit of a chuckle. And I am only laughing at the posts because I know Butters is a respected contributer and his input is valued and this is a good old aussie pisstake on a mate. Not that Ive ever met the guy or know him.
Take a chill pill dude.
Cheers Brad

Edit - Oh yeah I only read the first2 sentences and last paragraph of your post so I hope I didnt miss anything important.


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## muckey (16/2/09)

buttersd70 said:


> If you pitch your brew whilst dressed like a morris dancer, and singing "I am a cider drinker" by the Wurzels (), you are almost guaranteed to end up with excessive acetaldehyde.




very dissapointed butters. Thought you of all people would know how evil morris dancers are and that this could only result in a roont brew.

Oh, and I thought it was spelt coiyderrrh h34r:


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## Ducatiboy stu (16/2/09)

I like the mix of Humour and knowledge of this site.

BOTH of which I contribute to h34r: 

Hopefully Butters will see thru this, and I am sure he will... :beer: 


GG....A lot have been on here for a long time....sometimes a post like this is good for the soul


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## mwd (16/2/09)

Muckey said:


> very dissapointed butters. Thought you of all people would know how evil morris dancers are and that this could only result in a roont brew.
> 
> Oh, and I thought it was spelt coiyderrrh h34r:



Hey Morris Dancers have you seen James and Oz tour of Britain before the rest of us ?

Name changed to BMC dancers in 1975 after the Morris Marina was introduced.


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## flattop (16/2/09)

Like the idea of icing sugar, that way the head will set hard and i can crack it with a straw to drink it!


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## Pollux (16/2/09)

What, no mention of gravel?? No poll??

Oh, and I want to be able to identify my fermenters, can I buy colour-coded airlock grommets??


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## wambesi (16/2/09)

This is classic, aussie's (and others) taking the piss. Thanks for the laugh guys. 
Love your work butters, your a top bloke!


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## InCider (16/2/09)

Chappo, you'll need a sheep, a bottle top and some Khe Sahn and all your problems will be solved. :lol:


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## muckey (16/2/09)

Tropical_Brews said:


> Hey Morris Dancers have you seen James and Oz tour of Britain before the rest of us ?
> 
> Name changed to BMC dancers in 1975 after the Morris Marina was introduced.



ask butters about kentish fairy juice.......



Pollux said:


> What, no mention of gravel?? No poll??
> 
> Oh, and I want to be able to identify my fermenters, can I buy colour-coded airlock grommets??



perhaps write the name of the beer on a paper boat and float it in the top of the fermenter. as long as the boat has an airlock in it and hasn't been made by Brett you should be OK h34r:


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## Cocko (16/2/09)

F*cking Classic!!

ROFLMO.


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## jonocarroll (16/2/09)

All those questions, and not one along the lines of

"_Help me buttersd70! I spent $100 on ingredients for my latest lager, cultured the yeast from the purest of hand-selected cells, brewed in a nitrogen filled sterile clean-room whilst wearing a hazmat suit, and have kept ferment temperature at 18*C to within 0.001*C. I had a sample tested after the ferment finished (checked with a $10,000 refractometer) and it turns out the brew is 5 IBUs over the BJCP *limit*. I've thrown the brew out since it's clearly no good. My question is; how can I avoid this next time?_"



All said with due respect, mate.


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## buttersd70 (16/2/09)

Muckey said:


> ask butters about kentish fairy juice.......


2 names have been considered for my mid year case swap beer....Either, "Molly Sugden's Bridesmaid", or alternatively "'Eadless, Southern Nancy, Stick Bangin', 'anky Wavin, Bell Ringin', knickerbocker wearing, recorder playing, Maypole twirling, badger shagging, Kentish F'in' Fairy Juice."

If 1469 is used for it, the former will win. Otherwise, it will be the latter.



QuantumBrewer said:


> All those questions, and not one along the lines of
> 
> "_Help me buttersd70! I spent $100 on ingredients for my latest lager, cultured the yeast from the purest of hand-selected cells, brewed in a nitrogen filled sterile clean-room whilst wearing a hazmat suit, and have kept ferment temperature at 18*C to within 0.001*C. I had a sample tested after the ferment finished (checked with a $10,000 refractometer) and it turns out the brew is 5 IBUs over the BJCP *limit*. I've thrown the brew out since it's clearly no good. My question is; how can I avoid this next time?_"
> 
> ...


Obviously, if it is outside of the BJCP requirements, it goes without saying that the beer is shit. Even 1/10th of an IBU out renders the beer entirely undrinkable.


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## Goofinder (16/2/09)

buttersd70 said:


> yes, for belgian doubles, you use double the hops, double the sugaz, and double the yeast. Obvious, its in the damn name...


That's all well and good, but I'm trying to brew an Ordinary Bitter. That means I can use ordinary sugar, right? Also, the BJCP says that I have to make it 25-35 IBUs. Is my can of Coopers Bitter going to have enough IBUs or do I need to dry hop to add some more IBUs?


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## Jase71 (16/2/09)

Dear Butters, 

I am a 14 year old bearded youth from Kabul. Can you tell me if it is easier to suffocate a kitten or to choke a chicken?


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## Steve (16/2/09)

Dont fret GG. Coming from Yorkshire this pisstaking is nowt. Water off a ducks back.
Cheers
Steve


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## haysie (16/2/09)

Jase71 said:


> Dear Butters,
> 
> I am a 14 year old bearded youth from Kabul. Can you tell me if it is easier to suffocate a kitten or to choke a chicken?




The spawn of David Hicks?


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## shellnaf (16/2/09)

Pollux said:


> What, no mention of gravel?? *No poll??*



You can't have a poll for everything, so maybe we should have a poll to see if it's worth having a poll, there's no use wasting valuable time on a poll if it's not going to be a good poll.


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## unterberg (16/2/09)

Seriously - we all know Butters as a fountain of knowledge and good bloke.
But I am still waiting for an answer on my re-culturing hops question. Sitting in my bathtub atm with it. 
Is it safe to use dandruff shampoo or is that affecting the hops growth?


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## Mantis (16/2/09)

Muckey said:


> at least it wasn't a frozen leg of ham



Yes, well that just wouldnt be kosha eh h34r:


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## MarkBastard (16/2/09)

butters have you got any good crown lager recipes


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## Cocko (16/2/09)

Mark^Bastard said:


> butters have you got any good crown lager recipes



Hey hey hey... lets not get silly now!


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## buttersd70 (16/2/09)

Mark^Bastard said:


> butters have you got any good crown lager recipes



Actually, I do. Add 4 kilo of white sugar to 23L of water, add 1/4 of a cup of gravy browning. Then pitch the following yeast.....



Zebba said:


> After noticing that the output from a boil on my back was very similar to what sits in the bottom of my fermenter after I'm done bottling, I thought I'd culture some up as an experiment. The result was interesting, and I've decided to market it under the name _staph_ale.


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## muckey (16/2/09)

buttersd70 said:


> add 1/4 of a cup of gravy browning.



I beleives its homebrand brown onion gravy and the yeast is at its best just before the boil bursts :blink:


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## chappo1970 (17/2/09)

buttersd70 said:


> And finaly, thanks for the sentiments, GG. I saw this thread go up right at the very start....I've just been sitting back, biding my time, laughing my guts up all day. No offense was taken, and I'm sure that no offense was intended, either by the OP or by any of the contributers.



h34r: Well being the original poster I hope that you and others on here see it for what it was mate and if you have in anyway taken offence, which I am sure you haven't by the sound of it, then I am very sorry Mate. GG I agree whole heartedly with your sentiments mate and good on you for saying something but I can assure you my intention was very far removed from running Mr Butters down. 

Butters and like Elk (you know who you are) make this forum and I reckon there are very very few here that have 2500 plus posts to their credit. Just think for a minute every post takes what, say 5 mins to respond to?, Butters not only imparts a big hunk of his time but also his knowledge to this forum. My point for this post was for those, especially the likes of Butters was to take the p#ss and air their frustration in a comical manner. We have all got to admit we see some crazy stuff get posted here, LOL the frozen chickens for example, but we also see a mind numbing amount of the same thing. "Why is my airlock not burping?" 

The fact that Butters was the object of this post was simply because I read the "Kitten" rant (found Butters response hugely funny) and could feel the pain of yet another dumb question but to Butters and others absolute credit went on to answer the question, as he always does. The fact is Butters and a hand full of others regularly respond to the dumbest of the dumb to the best of the rest subject matters on this forum with the same encouragement and enthusiasim day in day out, I am very appreciative of that. But I have got to admit I also like the every so often big loose and rant.

So mate if your ever in Brisbane or if I get to Adelaide, I want to kiss (I will take my teeth out) and make up and buy you your fill of beer!



Ducatiboy stu said:


> ....sometimes a post like this is good for the soul


That's what I thought too!



wambesi said:


> This is classic, aussie's (and others) taking the piss. Thanks for the laugh guys.
> Love your work butters, your a top bloke!


Agree!



InCider said:


> Chappo, you'll need a sheep, a bottle top and some Khe Sahn and all your problems will be solved. :lol:


That's very true mate, can I borrow your sheep Baa Bra, a bottle top and your CC CD? Do I mash them at 70 for 90mins and what hops would you recommend?

Now Butters for the final time! My bloody airlock has stopped bubbling should I now bottle my beer?


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## zebba (17/2/09)

Chappo said:


> yet another dumb question


It's not a dumb question, IMO. It's just lazy on the part of the person asking it for not doing a search first. 

Picking on someone for not knowing something is poor form. Picking on someone too lazy to do a search... I'll take each one on a case by case basis I think 

TBH, I asked my mate WarmBeer the exact same airlock question on my first brew. He answered, then pointed me here. Since then, the number of questions I _haven't_ asked could fill half of this forum


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## chappo1970 (17/2/09)

Zebba - your right mate... wrong/poor wording on my behalf. There are no dumb questions just the ones not asked!

 

Now do you have an answer to my airlock question or not?


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## zebba (17/2/09)

Chappo said:


> Now do you have an answer to my airlock question or not?


I'm working on a new type of bottle top that has a spring assembly holding it down. When pressure in the bottle gets too high, the lid lifts and lets some of the pressure out. In order to stop infection, I then added a further housing around the neck of the bottle and the lid. This housing contains an airlock (which I have learnt is redundant in the actual main fermentation phase anyway). This contraption has multiple benefits:
1. No more bottle bombs
2. The housing causes a "toot" sound whenever pressure is released
3. The frequent "toots" are a sure sign that carbonation is working
4. When the "toots" stop, you can be assured that carbonation is complete and it's ready to drink!

If it works, I'll have to join in on an airlock bulk-buy as the cost could get excessive over a 50+ bottle batch...

If you are interested, I'll be happy to draw up a rough blueprint for you over lunch so that you can create your own.


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## Adamt (17/2/09)

Zebba: Heard of Oztops?


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## pint of lager (17/2/09)

"My Airlock Isn't Working" must come up once a week. It is usually by a brand new brewer who has just found this forum. They jump on, don't know how to search, don't read any of the older posts on the forum, see the easy nature of the forum and the members and make their very first post. At this stage, rather than gruffly telling them to do a search (the comment "3rd worst thread" springs to mind,) they need some good basic information on their brewing. Once they have been a member for a while, they work out how to access the enormous amount of information.

Everyone, think back to your very first post. How would you feel if your first post was ignored, or told to do a search? A good response would be to say welcome to the forum, explain how to do a search and also provide a link to a thread that answers the OP's question. Butters has done a great job, but it is something that every member of this forum could do standing on their head. So next time a newbie question pops up, look at the count number and join date, before mentioning kittens or chooks.

Well done Butters. I hope your belly has recovered from laughing yesterday.


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## zebba (17/2/09)

Adamt said:


> Zebba: Heard of Oztops?


LOL - No, and that looks awesome! 

Although I still think my over-engineered design is better


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## Ronin (17/2/09)

pint of lager said:


> Everyone, think back to your very first post. How would you feel if your first post was ignored, or told to do a search? A good response would be to say welcome to the forum, explain how to do a search and also provide a link to a thread that answers the OP's question.



I was thinking the same thing just recently...people forget all too easily how naive (and much more polite) they were when they first came to the forum.  I'm sure after years of seeing the same questions pop up it's easy to get rather terse with your replies. It never hurts to remember what you were like when you first started something.

When I first started years ago, I was guilty of thinking amber ales had to have amber malt, brown ale had to have brown malt etc. Luckily I never actually asked those questions and just read a lot of past posts and learnt how much I didn't know.

Same with everything in life, I just saw some footage of myself doing a martial art I've been doing for 8 years. This was a year in, and it was a bit of an eye opener. I now have a lot more tolerance for new people.

Good concept...


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## chappo1970 (17/2/09)

pint of lager said:


> Everyone, think back to your very first post. How would you feel if your first post was ignored, or told to do a search? A good response would be to say welcome to the forum, explain how to do a search and also provide a link to a thread that answers the OP's question. Butters has done a great job, but it is something that every member of this forum could do standing on their head. So next time a newbie question pops up, look at the count number and join date, before mentioning kittens or chooks.
> 
> Well done Butters. I hope your belly has recovered from laughing yesterday.



Can't agree with you more. I try to get to 'em when I can if the other boys/ladies don't beat me that is. I have to admit I was having a hard time stopping myself from laughing out loud in the office. I reckon everyone had a bit of innocent fun.



Zebba said:


> Although I still think my over-engineered design is better



Zebba I dare you nah... Double dare you PM it to Butters ROFL :lol: . 

On second thoughts post a New Topic: Butters? Will my over engineered kitten powered airlock work?


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## Darren (17/2/09)

citymorgue2 said:


> actually the best one i heard (and it wasnt asked of butters) was a guy who froze chickens and put them into a sealed bag then dropped them into his fermentor to cool it down! sorry dude if your still on here and i offend you, but seriously thats gross and a bit silly.




Maybe he was making cock-ale

http://brewery.org/cm3/recs/13_23.html

Procedure:
"Take 10 gallons of ale and a large cock, the older the better; parboil the cock, flay him, and stamp him in a stone mortar until his bones are broken (you must gut him when you flaw him). Then, put the cock into two quarts of sack, and put to it five pounds of raisins of the sun - stoned; some blades of mace, and a few cloves. Put all these into a canvas bag, and a little before you find the ale has been working, put the bag and ale together in vessel. 
In a week or nine days bottle it up, fill the bottle just above the neck and give it the same time to ripen as other ale." 

Alternate recipe:
Brutal, eh? I was also given a modern recipe written by some guy named C.J.J. Berry.... Here goes this one... 
"Take a few pieces of _cooked_ chicken and a few chicken bones (approx one tenth of the edible portion of the bird) well crushed or minced. 

Also take half of pound of raisins, a very little mace, and one or maybe two cloves. Add all these ingrediants to half a bottle of string country white wine. Soak for 24 hrs. Then make on gallon of beer as follows:

1 lb Malt extract
1 Oz Hops
1/2 lb demerarra sugar
1 gallon water
Yeast and nutrient


Add the whole of the chicken mixture to the beer at the end of the second day. Fermentation will last six or seven days longer than usual and the ale should be matured at least one month in the bottle. This cock ale is of the barley wine type. 


cheers

Darren


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## chappo1970 (17/2/09)

You have got to be kidding Darren? Has anyone actually made that stuff, drunk it and survived to tell the tale?

:icon_vomit:


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## reviled (17/2/09)

Hey at least they say to cook the chicken first, I was reading that thinking, selmonella ale :lol:


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## muckey (17/2/09)

might see if I can catch an emu and then brew a big batch


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## chappo1970 (17/2/09)

Muckey said:


> might see if I can catch an emu and then brew a big batch



What the hell! Let's keep this alive!

Muckey you have to ask butters mate! Like this....

BUTTERS? Can I substitute a road kill emu for a chicken in a cock-ale?


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## Luka (17/2/09)

LOL, love it guys. Nothing wrong with a good bit of friendly ribbing and I can't believe some of the responses to this thread! Seriously there are certain individuals on AHB that just need to lighten up and take threads like this how they're intended, although I laugh harder at the posts that complain about "disrespect" and such in a thread that is purely meant for a bit of fun.

Cock-Ale.... i won't go there


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## muckey (17/2/09)

Chappo said:


> What the hell! Let's keep this alive!
> 
> Muckey you have to ask butters mate! Like this....
> 
> BUTTERS? Can I substitute a road kill emu for a chicken in a cock-ale?



I was also wondering if bush turkey would work and if butters could recommend some cooking tips, for example could I roast the emu in the same oven I'm toasting some base malt


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## chappo1970 (17/2/09)

Muckey said:


> I was also wondering if bush turkey would work and if butters could recommend some cooking tips, for example could I roast the emu in the same oven I'm toasting some base malt



Do I have to remove the road debris and rubber tyre marks or will that add to total IBU and ECB?


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## lczaban (17/2/09)

Steve said:


> Dont fret GG. Coming from Yorkshire this pisstaking is nowt. Water off a ducks back.
> Cheers
> Steve



I am reminded of a tea mug (about pint size) that my step-dad got from his brother back home in West Yorkshire. It had a Dickensian picture on the side entitled "A Yorkshireman's advice to his son" which went something along the lines of "See all, hear all, say nowt. Don't do owt for nowt, and if you do alwus do it for the father". Wise words...



Chappo said:


> GG I agree whole heartedly with your sentiments mate and good on you for saying something but I can assure you my intention was very far removed from running Mr Butters down.



I am just very wary that on written forums like this sarcasm can be taken completely the wrong way. Harassment is never about how words are meant to be interpreted, it's how they are interpreted when received. I also could tell that Butters has been a tad iritable of late and so I thought that this might tip him over the edge. I'm glad that isn't the case! 



Chappo said:


> Butters and like Elk (you know who you are) make this forum and I reckon there are very very few here that have 2500 plus posts to their credit. Just think for a minute every post takes what, say 5 mins to respond to?, Butters not only imparts a big hunk of his time but also his knowledge to this forum. My point for this post was for those, especially the likes of Butters was to take the p#ss and air their frustration in a comical manner. We have all got to admit we see some crazy stuff get posted here, LOL the frozen chickens for example, but we also see a mind numbing amount of the same thing. "Why is my airlock not burping?"
> 
> The fact that Butters was the object of this post was simply because I read the "Kitten" rant (found Butters response hugely funny) and could feel the pain of yet another dumb question but to Butters and others absolute credit went on to answer the question, as he always does. The fact is Butters and a hand full of others regularly respond to the dumbest of the dumb to the best of the rest subject matters on this forum with the same encouragement and enthusiasim day in day out, I am very appreciative of that. But I have got to admit I also like the every so often big loose and rant.
> 
> So mate if your ever in Brisbane or if I get to Adelaide, I want to kiss (I will take my teeth out) and make up and buy you your fill of beer!



+1 to that! I'm sure there are quite a lot of members here who would agree to that sentiment and a cold frosty one to Butters from anyone he has ever responded to would be just reward for all his AHB efforts!




Chappo said:


> Now Butters for the final time! My bloody airlock has stopped bubbling should I now bottle my beer?



It's a free country the last time I checked, but it may not be the best course of action... link



pint of lager said:


> "My Airlock Isn't Working" must come up once a week. It is usually by a brand new brewer who has just found this forum. They jump on, don't know how to search, don't read any of the older posts on the forum, see the easy nature of the forum and the members and make their very first post. At this stage, rather than gruffly telling them to do a search (the comment "3rd worst thread" springs to mind,) they need some good basic information on their brewing. Once they have been a member for a while, they work out how to access the enormous amount of information.
> 
> Everyone, think back to your very first post. How would you feel if your first post was ignored, or told to do a search? A good response would be to say welcome to the forum, explain how to do a search and also provide a link to a thread that answers the OP's question. Butters has done a great job, but it is something that every member of this forum could do standing on their head. So next time a newbie question pops up, look at the count number and join date, before mentioning kittens or chooks.
> 
> Well done Butters. I hope your belly has recovered from laughing yesterday.



Your sentiments are pretty spot on POL. Generally I would say that this happens 99% of the time, and the general vibe on AHB is brilliant. I have been on different forums where newbie etiquete is tightly controlled and the Top 20 basic questions tend to get thrown back peoples faces. While I'm not here to condone this course of action, newbies knowing how forums operate and going through the "Read-me" type posts certainly help solve a lot of obvious problems and save the countless "Airlock" type threads appearing quite so frequently.



Chappo said:


> What the hell! Let's keep this alive!
> 
> Muckey you have to ask butters mate! Like this....
> 
> BUTTERS? Can I substitute a road kill emu for a chicken in a cock-ale?



Ewwww. A mechanic friend of mine visited a house run by some rough bikie types (who I also happened to know) chasing up payment for some work he had done on their bikes. There was a stew bubbling away in the kitchen who's smell was wafting through the house. The mechanic asked what was cooking, and the reply was that it was a goanna stew made up of some vegies and a fresh piece of roadkill one of them had found earlier in the day. The bikies proceded to tell the mechanic about how they have eaten all maner of roadkill in the past (birds, rabbits, snakes etc.) and that any roadkill was fine to cook up unless it smelled "off". They even mentoned to him that they would gladly accept any fresh roadkill he happened to come across if he felt obliged to pick up and drop off to them. Needless to say that this never happened, and the mechanic's intrigue and appetite for what was in the pot quickly evaporated. :icon_vomit: 

I'm sure if someone ended up brewing a roadkill emu ale I could probably find someone willing to partake in such a brew :icon_cheers:


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## chappo1970 (17/2/09)

Hey Butters!

GG wants to know if you have a recipe for roadkill stew ale?


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## lczaban (17/2/09)

Chappo said:


> Hey Butters!
> 
> GG wants to know if you have a recipe for roadkill stew ale?



Don't forget to let me know what sort of yeast I need to use too. Oh, and btw - how do I tell when fermentation has stopped again?? Thanks Butters!! B)


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## oldbugman (17/2/09)

citymorgue2 said:


> _Butters, ive dropped my airlock into my brew and i know about cleanleness so i grabbed a plastic bag out of the cupboard put it over my arm and had a swish around in the fermentor to try and get it out. do you think my beer will be ok._


I once had a schooner glass full of yeast taken from a fermenter, so i could clean the fermenter and repitch it. problem is when tipping it in the whole glass went in too. I let it ferment out and when I drained the fermenter the glass was standing upright full of beer. I had a swig, tasted pretty good.


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## rclemmett (17/2/09)

Darren said:


> Maybe he was making cock-ale
> 
> http://brewery.org/cm3/recs/13_23.html
> 
> ...



h34r: What did you type into google to turn that up?

Good onya butters :lol:


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## InCider (17/2/09)

I'm working from home today, and my keg of cider just blew. Fortunately I had force carbed another just before...

Thanks heavens for small mercies.... :lol:


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## chappo1970 (17/2/09)

InCider said:


> I'm working from home today, and my keg of cider just blew. Fortunately I had force carbed another just before...
> 
> Thanks heavens for small mercies.... :lol:



Didn't you fit the airlock properly?


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## buttersd70 (17/2/09)

InCider said:


> I'm working from home today, and my keg of cider just blew. Fortunately I had force carbed another just before...
> 
> Thanks heavens for small mercies.... :lol:



Playing the Wurzels at low volume on a continual loop, next to the coiderrrh kegs will prevent this from happening in future...

Edit: and why was it in a keg? it should be in an earthenware jug. Didn't you watch the video I linked to in my previous post? It explains everything, relating to cider.


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## Darren (17/2/09)

Rob2 said:


> h34r: What did you type into google to turn that up?




I was looking for ass (donkey) and pussy (neighbours cat) beer recipes and just came across it I guess.

cheers

Darren


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## InCider (17/2/09)

Well Chappo & Butters,

I force carb using a bible, airlock and a D cell battery.

What I do is take the cider from the Eathernware jug, (love that word, Jug, reminds me of underbelly last nite)

Fill the airlock with cider, and holding the D cell battery(2 piece airlock) above the cylinder of cider,
bang down as hard as I can with the bible on the battery, compressing the cider. 
It's a bit messy, but force carbing made easy.

When my wife sees what I'm doing she yells out JESUS CHRIST! 

PS I'm drinking from shot glasses.


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## chappo1970 (17/2/09)

InCider said:


> Fill the airlock with cider, and holding the D cell battery(2 piece airlock) above the cylinder of cider,
> bang down as hard as I can with the bible on the battery, compressing the cider.
> It's a bit messy, but force carbing made easy.



And your helping me set up my kegging? Fark me sound like fun! Should I get 12V deep cycle battery to really kick things along?


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## InCider (17/2/09)

Chappo said:


> And your helping me set up my kegging? Fark me sound like fun! Should I get 12V deep cycle battery to really kick things along?



We'll need a 4l ice cream container to force carb with a 12v battery. Have you made a force carb beer bong with a witches hat and a funnel? :lol: 

InCider.


----------

