# Can someone please recommend me a beer?



## stonedpirate (4/2/14)

Hello

I was hoping someone here could give me a recommendation on a decent lager that i can brew as a cheap staple to my life.

Basically, i have drank spirits most of my life but due to recent crazy events i have decided to switch to beer. I never drank much beer in the past because wasnt really fond of the taste it it doesnt get me drunk.

Anyway, i have purchased 6 cartons of beer over the past 2 weeks to get a general idea of what i like.

None of them really did it for me and i didnt like the prices either. Bottom line, commercial beer is no good.

After trying coopers pale ale i have decided ale isnt too bad but due to cloudiness, floaties and flatness, ale is probably not what i'm after.

So i think i am looking for a clean, crisp ice cold, non hoppy lager with high alcohol content 8%+.

If someone knows an extract kit that fits that requirement i would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks


----------



## yum beer (4/2/14)

Coopers Cerveza
1kg Light Dry Malt
1kg Dextrose
500gm Demerara or Raw sugar.
Made up to 22 litres.
Will give about 8-8.2% in the bottle.

You will need a good lager yeast and temp control around 12c. Probably need a starter or 2 packs plus to handle the alcohol.
Should be fairly malty with little to nil in the way of hops.
Ferment for 3 weeks or so followed by 2-3 weeks as cold as possible before bottling.

*disclaimer....can not attest to the drinkabilty of said brew but does fit your request.


----------



## dibby33 (4/2/14)

How about ginger beer?

In Scotland (from whence I came once upon a time) it was normal to ask for a lager and lime (lager with a shot of lime cordial in it to get rid of the lager taste). Like training juice.
Bitter and twisted is a real ale from Harvieston Brewery which is along the same lines. ....or you could just brew cheap lager and chuck in some lime juice!


----------



## yum beer (4/2/14)

Exactly what lager flavour were you trying to get rid of...


----------



## stonedpirate (4/2/14)

Thanks all

Basically just want something cold and crisp to get me pissed without making me go rum crazy.

The hop flavour whether mild or strong doesnt appeal to me.

My parents and pretty much my whole family are scottish hence the spirits but just getting too old for that shit now.

Looking for a cheap cold drink the gets me drunk without a hangover or nasty over pissed side effects.

I know, not really a good set of requirements on what could be considered a "beer snob" site (no offence) but thats what i'm after.
So far from this thread i have gleaned that higher alcohol content requires lower temperatures and more temperature control?


----------



## Dan Dan (4/2/14)

What were the beers you bought? And what didn't you like about them?


----------



## stonedpirate (4/2/14)

I bought most mainstream beers bought at most aussie bottleshops.

Cartlon Cold
Cartlon Dry
Carlton Pale Ale
EB
VB
Corona
Emu Export

plus my girlfriend had a few weird beers in the fridge that i tried. Bees Neez and Hans super dry.

I can only describe it as when i started smoking. All ciggies tasted the same, like smokey poison. But with years of experience i could tell the difference between the brands. Without the aquired taste of an experienced beer drinker, i couldnt tell much difference between them beyond that most were drinkable except for VB and Emu export. The rest kind of tasted the same but could tell the difference between ale and lager.

If i could find maybe a milder carlton cold with better head and higher alcohol content that would do me.


----------



## peas_and_corn (5/2/14)

Given that the beers you list all aim for pretty much the same flavor profile, it's understandable they pretty much taste the same. I couldn't pick Carlton cold out of a blind tasting line up, and I'd say few people would.


----------



## zarniwoop (5/2/14)

How do you feel about dark low hopped stouts? Think Guiness etc.


----------



## DU99 (5/2/14)

monteiths black beer


----------



## indica86 (5/2/14)

Try the Coopers APA, that has little to no hop taste. If you cold crash before bottling there will be little to no cloudiness or floaties. 1kg BE2, 1kg Dex will be strong.


----------



## sp0rk (5/2/14)

stonedpirate said:


> Hello
> 
> I was hoping someone here could give me a recommendation on a decent lager that i can brew as a cheap staple to my life.
> 
> ...


The majority of Ales aren't cloudy, flat or have floaties
Also, the cloudiness is purely aesthetic, if you hadn't of seen it you probably wouldn't have noticed it


----------



## mxd (5/2/14)

http://danmurphys.com.au/product/DM_139211/pilsner-urquell-pilsner

http://danmurphys.com.au/product/DM_733678/sail-anchor-cat-s-shank-k-lsch

http://danmurphys.com.au/dm/search/dm_search_results.jsp?bmForm=search&bmFormID=kfZvyaJ&bmUID=kfZvyaK&bmIsForm=true&bmPrevTemplate=%2Fproduct%2FDM_139211%2Fpilsner-urquell-pilsner.jsp&bmEditable=searchterm&bmHidden=searchterm&searchterm=kolsch&bmEditable=search&bmHidden=search&search=kolsch&bmEditable=searchText&bmHidden=searchText&searchText=&bmEditable=attribute&bmHidden=attribute&attribute=&bmEditable=value&bmHidden=value&value=&bmHidden=searchSubmitted&searchSubmitted=true&bmText=searchInput&searchInput=kolsch&bmFields=bmFormID%2CbmHidden%2CbmIsForm%2CbmUID%2CbmForm%2CbmEditable%2CbmPrevTemplate%2CbmText&bmHash=74766ddaf9652f5218a1cd97ed2eb61b81ecabf6


----------



## NewtownClown (5/2/14)

Too old to drink spirits any more yet young enough to seek a palatable alcohol delivery system with the aim being to get drunk.
Tried Breezers?


----------



## stakka82 (5/2/14)

Surprised bribie hasn't chimed in with his patented malt liquor recipe.. 
3... 2...1....


----------



## fletcher (5/2/14)

my 2c. 

1. buy a commercial lager - eg carlton dry
2. buy a bottle of vodka - eg, whatever
3. put a measured shot in the glass/bottle
4. drink it

i think that's probably more the taste you're after and will 'get you pissed without getting rum crazy'. at least one can hope. by reading your posts i get a sense of the _kind_ of drink not being the issue, but perhaps more the effects on the drinker? would love to be proven wrong however.


----------



## NewtownClown (5/2/14)

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alcoholism/basics/symptoms/con-20020866

Alcoholism signs and symptoms include those below. You may:

Be unable to limit the amount of alcohol you drink
Feel a strong need or compulsion to drink
Develop tolerance to alcohol so that you need more to feel its effects
Drink alone or hide your drinking
Experience physical withdrawal symptoms — such as nausea, sweating and shaking — when you don't drink
Not remember conversations or commitments, sometimes referred to as a "black out"
Make a ritual of having drinks at certain times and become annoyed when this ritual is disturbed or questioned
Be irritable when your usual drinking time nears, especially if alcohol isn't available
Keep alcohol in unlikely places at home, at work or in your car
Gulp drinks, order doubles or _*become drunk intentionall*_*y* to feel good, or drink to feel "normal"
Have legal problems or problems with relationships, employment or finances due to drinking
Lose interest in activities and hobbies that used to bring you pleasure
If you binge drink or have other problems with alcohol, you may have many of the signs and symptoms above, although you may not feel as much of a compulsion to drink compared with someone who has alcoholism. Also, you may not have physical withdrawal symptoms when you don't drink. But this pattern of drinking can still cause serious problems and lead to alcoholism. As with alcoholism, you may not be able to quit problem drinking without help.


----------



## zarniwoop (5/2/14)

Actually if I'm reading this right the OP has purchased 6 slabs in two weeks - that's ~10 beers a day. Emmm.... that's quite a lot...

I'm not wanting to preach here but dude you may want to pull it back a bit.


----------



## stonedpirate (5/2/14)

Thanks all.

Yeah, admittedly I am borderline alcoholic with none of the negative side effects. Finances are fine, relationships are fine, health is reasonable, could lose a feew kilos but then, who couldnt?

What can i say, i like to drink 

10 beers a day is cutting back 

Rum and Whiskey just dont agree with me anymore but 10 beers puts me into a deep restful sleep with zero hangover plus get the health benefits of vitamins and shit 

I'm going to buy a coopers DIY kit today and see what thats like. People have suggested i will like the taste because its a nice clean lager that i'm after then i'll try figure out a way to increase alcohol content without adding spirits.

Cheers


----------



## .DJ. (5/2/14)

where to start.... :huh:


----------



## pat86 (5/2/14)

I don't want to chime in on the drinking thing, but to answer the beer choice question I would really recommend you go your local bottlo and pick and mix 10-20 different beers and see which ones you prefer. 

If you don't really like hops / beer tasting beers, I don't like your chances of finding many 7-9% beers that you will enjoy. They tend to be more bitter, hoppy to balance with the higher abv and maltiness.


----------



## Snow (5/2/14)

stonedpirate said:


> Thanks all.
> 
> Yeah, admittedly I am borderline alcoholic with none of the negative side effects. Finances are fine, relationships are fine, health is reasonable, could lose a feew kilos but then, who couldnt?
> 
> ...


Mate if you don't like beer because it tastes like hops, then a coopers kit isn't going to solve it for you. If you really want to stick to beer, try making an extract brew with unhopped liquid malt in the style of a bock or some such, which is more malt driven, high in alcohol, and has just enough bittering hops to balance out the sweetness of the malt. A recipe for a pale bock, using swiss lager yeast might do the trick.

Alternatively, have you considered making cider? Quite a few cider recipes on here which look the goods and are a lot cheaper than most commercial beer or cider.

Good luck!

Cheers - Snow.


----------



## Batz (5/2/14)

If you just want to brew something cheap and high alcohol so you you can get drunk but you don't really like the taste.....I think you would be better off seeking medical help.

Good luck with it all. 

Batz

P.S. :drinks:  This thread smells a little of troll to me. :chug: :icon_drunk:


----------



## zarniwoop (5/2/14)

Batz said:


> P.S. :drinks:  This thread smells a little of troll to me. :chug: :icon_drunk:


I did wonder if I heard the clip clop of goats going over a bridge....


----------



## Florian (5/2/14)

Another option is to just move across the ditch and enjoy the likes of Berthold Keller Super strength (a clean 9% lager)for not much more than $3 per half litre can. They have a few different ones at your local countdown supermarket over there, similar to Tuborg elephant beer in Europe or Chang in Thailand etc.


----------



## Scooby Tha Newbie (5/2/14)

.


----------



## stux (5/2/14)

I normally wouldn't recommend it, but perhaps you should try Toohey's Extra Dry?

Pretty much tastes like fizzy water with mild beer flavour.

Alternatively, I would suggest going to Dan's and just going to the single beer fridge and picking up 10-20 single beers. One of everything.

Take notes on what you like and dislike with each beer, and then report back


----------



## adryargument (5/2/14)

stonedpirate said:


> ... admittedly I am borderline alcoholic with* none of the negative side effects*. Fina.....
> 
> *...Rum and Whiskey just dont agree with me anymore* but 10 beers pu.....
> 
> Cheers


So, im at a loss....
What made you think that Rum does not agree with you? Obviously that must be a negative side effect?

Go seek help. And not on doctors.com.


----------



## Batz (5/2/14)

Scooby Tha Newbie said:


> Yep noob alert.
> The mods should step in. This isn't helping the site or the op.


Well if the op. reads it and understands it just may help him.

If your having a go about me being a Mod. I'm no longer a Mod. I have no access to areas Mods do and do not choose to ATM. One day I may that may change, I don't know.

If I have some how offended you I apologize. 

Batz


----------



## Scooby Tha Newbie (5/2/14)

If any one should apologize its me. 
Sorry Batz
I feel this thread is a troll.


----------



## Scooby Tha Newbie (5/2/14)

stonedpirate said:


> Thanks all
> 
> 
> 
> I know, not really a good set of requirements on what could be considered a "beer snob" site (no offence)


That I feel isn't fair to the people in this site.


----------



## stonedpirate (5/2/14)

> I would suggest going to Dan's and just going to the single beer fridge and picking up 10-20 single beers. One of everything.


Thats good advice, i will do that next time. Just got back from Dans with a carton of Coopers Pilsner 62. I think I might have picked a dud going by beer advocate reviews. Will see for myself when they get cold. Went looking for Oettinger Pils Cans 500mL or Pilsner Urquell as per suggestions on this site but they didnt have either so i chose the coopers 62 because it looked fancy in premium looking bottles.

I noticed that pretty much every beer has close to 5 stars on the dan murphy site and most beers rank poorly on beer advocate so i guess i just have to make up my own mind.

I'm no troll, just thought it would be easier asking the experts to help me narrow down a beer before spending thousands trying heaps i dont like.

Bought some random Jap beer called Sapporo to start me off and see how it goes.

I considered cider but the word cider reminds me of old nannas for some reason and only girls drink it even though it is quite tasty like gummy bear juice.





> That I feel isn't fair to the people in this site.


Fair enough, my apologies. I would only apply it to people here that can taste the whiff of a salty summers breeze rounding out to an austrian medow in beer.


----------



## stonedpirate (5/2/14)

Ok, maybepilsner 62 is not a dud after reading more reviews. The foreigners claim its typically weak watery aussie beer and the locals thinks its cold crisp and goes down smooth. I have a feeling that my style of beer would rank low on the beer snob scale so it might be a winner afterall.


----------



## Liam_snorkel (5/2/14)

Let your own tastebuds decide


----------



## stonedpirate (5/2/14)

Yeah, i guess thats the only way 

Dan Murphy rates just about everything 5 stars because i figure that only customers who buy the products regularly review the products so if their spending money on it they obviously like it.

Beer Advocate and other foreign beer review sites rate all australian beer as duds.


----------



## manticle (5/2/14)

Commercially, try and find Warka Strong and Budvar super strong.

No-one on a brewing site should be judging people on the amount they drink. if it's a troll - so be it. Troll wins an award for making someone on the internet answer their question.

Stonedpirate - many people drink and have drunk cider throughout history. Some of them are women, some aren't. if you like the taste, you can make it very easily and make a strong version very easily.


----------



## stonedpirate (6/2/14)

Thanks Manticle.

Well, after more beer experimentation i think i am closing in on my staple. 

Firstly, after 8 coopers pilsner 62s, verdict, hate them. Flat, no head and has a funky background taste.





> Warka Strong and Budvar super strong


I will try and seek those out.

I will continue to try new beers but after tonight, a mate gave me an ice cold emu export and it has changed my mind. Its watery, almost tastless and cold with reasonable alcohol if i drink them quickly. Break up the night with one tasty cider. I would go full cider but they are just too sweet and after several and they give me acid reflux so i will use them as a dessert and as an intermission. I find that i like all ciders, from full apple through to girly pink strawberry and mixed berries. They are just an alcoholic fruit cordial with bubbles so i doubt anyone would dislike them exept for maybe hitler or young men on a macho trip.

So for now, the staple is emu export and one or two ciders of any type.

If i find an emu export with 3 or more % higher alcohol i'm set.

Then if i can find a way to brew it on my own for cheaper than commericial over the long haul, even better.

Cheers all


----------



## stonedpirate (6/2/14)

Ok, the saga continues.

A guy on another forum called me a retard for pouring pilsners at 4 degrees celcius straight out of the fridge.

In the name of honesty and fairness, i kept one out of the frige and warmed it up to around 14c.

Nice head now, more fizz but the same weird back flavour and now warmer and more funky.

+10 points for more fizz but -50 for intensified funkiness and warmness on a hot aussie night.

Pilsner just aint for me.

Pale ale, same boat.

Its got to be lager, got to be cold and watery.

The foreigners might knock us for our watery tastless beer but they have never lived in the desert before and probably never did a hard days work in their life either.

FDifferent strokes for different folks i guess.

If emu export is coons piss then i'm just a coon piss drinker f it.


----------



## Econwatson (6/2/14)

I think you're getting into brewing for the wrong reasons but best of luck to you in your endeavours.


----------



## mxd (6/2/14)

try the kolsch I mentioned earlier


----------



## acarey (6/2/14)

pacific ale. I defy anyone to not like this beer. Stupidly drinkable but only standard strength.


----------



## sp0rk (6/2/14)

I think the problem with the ciders you've been drinking is they're all the mass marketed cordial kind
Try a good proper British cider or a scrumpy, most of the Weston's ciders are pretty decent


----------



## DJ_L3ThAL (6/2/14)

Instead of spending money taking a punt at whatever label grabs your attention in Dans, how about you spend some time researching beer style and descriptions one night that are more in line with what you are after, it won't be very hard.

So far you've had ales and lagers and mostly 'megaswill' which in some shape or form will always have what you are deeming a "funky" taste.

Also super cold = no taste, because the cold temperature masks a lot of the flavours. So perhaps if you better inform yourself on such things it will help you decide truly what is the style you like.

Pilsners are generally bitter, so I'd suggest steering clear of those, perhaps if you go to the start of this post and do the researching thing I suggested it will help.

Sorry if I come across as blunt.


----------



## stonedpirate (6/2/14)

Speaking of chilled, i just had a beer that blew my mind.

Left it in the freezer for too long.

It was still liquid in the bottle.

As i poured it into my glass, it turned to ice. Now i have a beer that has a tiny bit of liquid and a hude head of ice.

Its like a beer slushy.

Quite tasty.

Will try more ciders as suggested and will do more research on style.

Cheers


----------



## manticle (6/2/14)

acarey said:


> pacific ale. I defy anyone to not like this beer. Stupidly drinkable but only standard strength.


OP wants a non hoppy beer.

I don't like it much by the way. Consider me defied.


----------



## acarey (7/2/14)

manticle said:


> OP wants a non hoppy beer.
> 
> I don't like it much by the way. Consider me defied.


Yeah I know, I just think this one is different to the hoppieness/bitterness that the OP might be objecting to. To me its a very crisp, clean tasting beer that lots of my 'non beery' friends enjoy.

Re: you not liking it, that's fine. You are just wrong . Kidding obviously.


----------



## Liam_snorkel (7/2/14)

It tastes like pasito.


----------



## Spiesy (7/2/14)

Liam_snorkel said:


> It tastes like pasito.


I quite like Pasito. And passion fruit.


----------



## manticle (7/2/14)

acarey said:


> Re: you not liking it, that's fine. You are just wrong . Kidding obviously.


I don't think it's a bad beer by any stretch- just too much galaxy and not enough malt for my palate.

I am often wrong though.


----------



## TimT (7/2/14)

Hey, you could try Grand Ridge Breweries Moonshine - a Dark Scotch ale. 8.5 per cent alcohol, a wonderful maltiness and sweetness; it is low-hopped but I suspect the dark malts provide a lot of the bitterness. I've had it twice and loved it. Check out their list of beers; you might also like the Hatlifter Stout or the Supershine.

http://www.grand-ridge.com.au/our_beer_.html


----------



## Logman (7/2/14)

I can relate to this because I went off beer for some time and drank spirits, eventually decided after 5 or so years they were just too easy to drink so I went back to beer and found my taste buds had changed a lot.

As a youngster I just drank XXXX all night, but after being a spirits drinker that totally changed and I started to drink many different beers in a session - plus I wasn't such a 'gulper'. These days I generally drink Pale Ale, then IPA, then Stout (more and more flavor). You can nurse your taste buds along through the session as each beer isn't doing the business.

Try some some beers like Coopers Dark Ale, Newcastle Brown Ale, even a Guinness - you might find a beer that you're happy to switch to after a few beers quench the thirst.


----------



## acarey (7/2/14)

manticle said:


> just too much galaxy and not enough malt for my palate.


Yeah, different strokes for different folks. I use it as a session beer I find its dryness and 'not much maltiness' really nice in that situation. 

Its stops me from having sessions on my 9% IIPA and cracking my head on the bathroom floor again h34r:


----------



## manticle (7/2/14)

I have a special helmet.


----------



## zarniwoop (7/2/14)

Ok now this could be entirely co-inicidental and not the same OP but a quick google search on the OP's username reveals the following activity at other forums over the few years:

Bicycle Network Australia:

http://www.bicycles.net.au/forums/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=29340&hilit=stonedpirate%C2 - Plans to ride around Australia on a bicycle, thread is basically a windup, final comment from site admin before he's banned and thread is locked is: For the record, the user stonedpirate was warned already for personal attacks which breach the forum guidelines.The posters last post (before being banned) will remain - though if you feel it has no place here - pm me and it will be removed. Sorry, but a lot of members got sucked into trying to provide genuine feedback and help for this poor soul who was just taking us for a ride.

http://www.bicycles.net.au/forums/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=29330&sid=51315aa7e9886a47c30ce114d77b1e72%C2 - Asks for critique of cycling performance diet that involves 20 hours fasting - gets various levels of disbelief type comments. 

Woodwork forums - presumably the boat building part:

http://www.woodworkforums.com/f32/anyone-experienced-ply-115874-print/ - asks for advice on building an ocean going ten foot boat when he has no experience with boat building, final comment from site admin is: 

Stoned Pirate,
You have asked questions of experienced builders and sailors.
Having received that advice, freely, you seem to place little value on it.

Your initial post provided very little information about the information that you actually sought. Instead, you seemed to assume others have knowledge of your endeavors from other web forums to this one. Nowhere did you mention an attempt to circumnavigate or a need to break a record until much later in the thread, after a number of posts by yourself and others.

It is clear the lack of success with a suitable response is the result of a failure to provide adequate initial information by yourself. Your attitude indicates a personality ideally suited for solo navigation, well in advance of your knowledge and skills preparation.

Consequently, It is our feeling that you should desist.....plainly put...STOP, and whenever or indeed, if, you mature enough to understand the advice offered to you, that you have enough sense to take it.
Until then, please cease your pollution of a very benign, and knowledgeable forum

Regards,
Noel Watson
*Administrator*


Now as I said before this may be a completely differnent OP and if so my apologies for making the connection but personally I don't think I'll be suggesting anything more.


----------



## manticle (7/2/14)

We are talking about helmets now


----------



## zarniwoop (7/2/14)

Sorry missed one:http://www.aussiestockforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=20934 - Wants to trade family and friends money in foreign exchange deals. 

But I don't own a helmet!


----------



## Liam_snorkel (7/2/14)

hahaha that's great. Yasmani? Is that you?


----------



## Three Sheets (7/2/14)

Hi Pirate. Assuming you are not baiting the forum, the beers you've tried are pretty bland. Takes a while to appreciate different beers and indeed beer in general, you just cant love it from your first one. I'd work your way through the James Squire beers to find the style you like (as suggested by other). If you seek to get hammered you could punish a carton of Coopers Sparkling Ale, that can do a nice job.

As for a staple quick brew, I use to do a lot of Coopers Canadian blonde to fill the masses. (tweak as you desire)

I know about rum crazy and rarely go past two spirits. Beer is good, because God wants us to be happy.

Cheers

TS


----------



## Spiesy (7/2/14)

zarniwoop said:


> Sorry missed one:http://www.aussiestockforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=20934 - Wants to trade family and friends money in foreign exchange deals.
> 
> But I don't own a helmet!


Maybe stonedpirate was just drunk whilst posting on those other forums?


----------



## Liam_snorkel (7/2/14)

Aw, can we keep him? Trolls can be fun as long as things don't get out of hand.


----------



## stonedpirate (7/2/14)

lol

I aint trolling.

I do appreciate the advice and this forum is helping me appreciate beer and close in on a staple.

As for the other threads, some are mine, 2 werent.

I wasnt even trolling on them either. Guess people are just prejudiced against alcoholic stoned pirates which is fair enough.

The cycling forum turned on me because i claimed lance armstrong was on steroids years ago and they were like, as if, hes been thoroughly tested blah blah. Guess i was right.

Anywho.

If anyone here feels if i have personally attacked them, ignored good advice or been a dick in general by all means ban me.

Will try James Squire beers on my next run along with guiness and other stouts.

I have only tried ales and lagers so far so a creamy stout might be more palatable.

Cheers all.


----------



## Liam_snorkel (7/2/14)

Although beer might taste odd now because you're used to drinking spirits, a study has shown that the more beer you drink, the more you like it (all to do with flavour, not alcohol). So my advice to you would be to just drink more and more beer.
http://news.medicine.iu.edu/releases/2013/04/kareken-beer-taste-dopamine.shtml


----------



## stonedpirate (7/2/14)

Sounds like a good plan 

I figured it would be an aquired taste like wine and smoking etc.

I never liked rum when i first had it but ended up drinking it by the gallon


----------



## Batz (7/2/14)

stonedpirate said:


> Speaking of chilled, i just had a beer that blew my mind.
> 
> Left it in the freezer for too long.
> 
> ...


----------



## Florian (7/2/14)

Well, actually...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T68TvdoSbI

Posted it elsewhere not long ago, haven't tried it myself and apparently it needs a sugary drink to work, but who knows?
I'll give it a try one day.


----------



## Scooby Tha Newbie (7/2/14)

Can that be done with pee and the correct helmet? 

Well maybe in Finland. 
Who wants to sail to Finland on my bicycle?


----------



## stonedpirate (7/2/14)

Todays beer review.

Guinness Extra Stout. Pours nice and black like a coke with a creamy head on it. Smells like 2c coins steeped in hot water.

Tastes like beer then 3 seconds later, mouth full of vegemite. Yuck. What are the irish thinking?

Second up, thought i would try a scottish beer. Innis and Gunn barrel aged beer. Looks golden like honeyy, nice little head. Tastes like beer then a mouthful of off honey mixed with bourbon. Yuck.

3rd up, Koppaberg mixed fruit cider. Poured like a gay strawberry cordial with a little head. Tasted like gummy bear juice. Got rid of that horrid scottish and irish beer taste. 10 out of 10 lol.


----------



## stonedpirate (7/2/14)

Oh, and i'm not lying about the super cooled corona.

Did some more research, its actually quite common.

Leave a beer in the freezer till its almost at freezing point.

Pour, instant beer slushy.

Makes a nasty corona almost drinkable.


----------



## Liam_snorkel (7/2/14)

Loving these reviews man, keep it up.


----------



## manticle (7/2/14)

Good luck in your search for palatable high strength booze.

Try a duvel. if that fails, go back to rum.

All the best.


----------



## Northside Novice (7/2/14)

Surely the loss of members would energise fresh new members ? 
Resurrection , touching cloth n science bitches


----------



## Liam_snorkel (7/2/14)

They tried that, and this is the result.


----------



## Northside Novice (7/2/14)

The end isn't the end ? Didn't Bribie spoil the end though ? You mean there us more ?
More ! 
You want more !


----------



## Northside Novice (7/2/14)

Please Texas I want more !!!!


----------



## wavemaker (8/2/14)

Gooday Stoned Pirate. If you want to brew strong beers to keep cost down and to stay away from the rumbos, you might have to invest a few hundred bucks in getting some gear. Having said that, here is a recipe I use for a clear lager with flavour but not overly hoppy. I am going to be brewing lagers with more hops myself. 1 can Morgans Blue Mountain lager, 1kg dry malt extract, .5kg corn syrup. A good lager yeast helps too. Now if you brewed that you would get around 4.5% alc. throw in another kilo of DME or dextrose or corn sugar or a mixture of all three and it will take you up in the vicinity of where you want to be, I would put another sachet of the same yeast in too. Couple of issues for you though. I have a fermenting fridge where I can strictly control temperature, I have the time and patience to faff about with brewing all day if I want. I have prolly $1000 plus of equipment and I think I need more. The minister for war and finance has different ideas. Temp control is key here, as is cleanliness, and you live in Perth where this time of year it is usually bloody hot, so you have some thinking to do there.
Lastly I say, you may have a few skanky brews but don't lose faith. Brewing becomes a joy, in fact I have a book called The Joy of Brewing by an American author Charlie Pappazian.
It won't take you long to get something close to what you want and you can then tweak to perfection as your knowledge and enthusiasm increase. Research (Google) is your friend.
All the best.


----------



## stonedpirate (8/2/14)

Thanks Wavemaker. Yeah, I will stick with it.

As for temperature control, my coopers DIY brew is on day three and i have managed to keep it at a constant 21 degrees by sitting it in front of my air conditioner which i run 24/7 in summer.

If lagers need lower temps then i will have to invest in a fridge.

Cheers


----------



## wide eyed and legless (8/2/14)

Give Zywiec Porter ago its a wee bit dearer but you won't be able to drink as much.


----------



## wavemaker (8/2/14)

stonedpirate, if you are going to invest in something to keep your beers cool whilst fermenting, look for a tucker box type freezer and buy a temperature control unit for it, the bigger the better. You will need at least 3 fermenters on the go all the time to keep up with your intake. Personally I would want something that could take 5, just so you can get ahead and be drinking nicely conditioned beer from the tap on our keg fridge,
.. These units cost around $80 but are well worth it. 21 degrees constant isn't too bad but I would be looking for sub 18 if I could. I keep mine around 15/16 C. If you can afford to go with Kegging you will be paid back in double. There is something oddly satisfying about walking up to your fridge, pulling an ice cold mug from the freezer then pouring a beautifully brewed ale/lager/beer. It's twice as good again when you have people around and they watch with slack jaws as you complete the ritual with a long pull on your beer and say, " Ahhh, better than the swill they sell in pubs!"


----------



## stonedpirate (8/2/14)

Sounds good 

Well i'll keep reading. I might as well go all out and buy a keg system and fridge for fermenting.

And thanks Rab, i''l keep an eye out for it.

Cheers


----------



## stonedpirate (10/2/14)

lol

This article summed it all up nicely for me: http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2014/02/05/comment-craft-beer-exists-so-guys-who-don-t-drink-wine-still-get-be-pretentious

Beer is beer people.

Buy it cheap and cold and you're set. If you need beer with a hint of caramel, vanilla and bacon then you need to find a woman that can cook.


----------



## Econwatson (10/2/14)

stonedpirate said:


> lol
> 
> This article summed it all up nicely for me: http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2014/02/05/comment-craft-beer-exists-so-guys-who-don-t-drink-wine-still-get-be-pretentious
> 
> ...


The prophet has arrived.


----------



## DJ_L3ThAL (10/2/14)

stonedpirate, I'll lend you this picture of a spider I drew. You can give it back once it helps you find the beer you are after.


----------



## zarniwoop (10/2/14)

And I refer back to my previous post.... Do not feed.


----------



## manticle (10/2/14)

stonedpirate said:


> lol
> 
> This article summed it all up nicely for me: http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2014/02/05/comment-craft-beer-exists-so-guys-who-don-t-drink-wine-still-get-be-pretentious
> 
> ...


Why? Food is food yeah? Buy it cheap and filling and get on with building your boat.

This is a forum devoted to a particular hobby. Should you wish genuine advice on pursuit of said hobby, you'll find it here. Should you wish for amusement by internet troll behaviour, you can find it elsewhere.

You've been given some reasonable advice by genuine people trying to help. If you want to act like a knowitall in the face of that, then that's up to you but your time here will be short lived.


----------



## GrumpyPaul (10/2/14)

DJ_L3ThAL said:


> stonedpirate, I'll lend you this picture of a spider I drew. You can give it back once it helps you find the beer you are after.


Why wasnt I offered a helpful spider when I was new???


----------



## peas_and_corn (10/2/14)

The one I paid for had a leg missing


----------



## Mardoo (10/2/14)

HA! I think the helpful spider posts are among the funniest things I've ever seen on here.

Is there an internet forum for trolls to talk about the passion for and techniques of trolling? And do people go on there to troll the trolls?

(I'm sure it's a Reddit subforum...)


----------



## DJ_L3ThAL (10/2/14)

GrumpyPaul said:


> Why wasnt I offered a helpful spider when I was new???


You thief! That one was meant for stonedpirate, give it back.


----------



## GrumpyPaul (10/2/14)

DJ_L3ThAL said:


> You thief! That one was meant for stonedpirate, give it back.


You can have it back - it was faulty anyway. One of the legs fell off.


----------



## stonedpirate (10/2/14)

> Why? Food is food yeah? Buy it cheap and filling and get on with building your boat.


Good point. Food snobs with their endless cooking shows on tv are even worse than beer and wine snobs.

I dont see why people have to over analyse consumption. Are their lives really that empty and meaningless?

To each their own i guess...






> This is a forum devoted to a particular hobby. Should you wish genuine advice on pursuit of said hobby, you'll find it here.


Fair enough. I guess i made this thread without really knowing what i was looking for and what this whole scene is all about.

I am still interested in home brewing for the cost savings and health benefit factors, its just that taste profiles and styles and all the other wank that comes with it are no longer factors for me.

If i can find a homebrew that is comparable to mainstream macro lagers minus the excessive taxation and chemicals then i'm done. I can brew, drink and be merry without participating in the pretentious scene of craft beer.


----------



## rehab (10/2/14)

Homebrewing and craft beer are not one and the same. It can actually be much harder to nail a lager than some of the "Craft" styles you may be referring to. You are in good hands on this site if you want to make a macro lager type brew. Temp control and sanitisation are your friend. Looking after the yeast is a key for lagers also, even faux lagers.


----------



## Snow (10/2/14)

stonedpirate said:


> lol
> 
> This article summed it all up nicely for me: http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2014/02/05/comment-craft-beer-exists-so-guys-who-don-t-drink-wine-still-get-be-pretentious
> 
> ...


Dude you are definitely on the wrong forum. There are beers and then there are Beers. I reckon you might find this website http://www.drunkard.com a little more to your tastes 

Cheers - Snow.


----------



## brouhaha (10/2/14)

stonedpirate said:


> lol
> 
> This article summed it all up nicely for me: http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2014/02/05/comment-craft-beer-exists-so-guys-who-don-t-drink-wine-still-get-be-pretentious
> 
> ...


Man, I lost count of how many times I had this article emailed to me... I don't know why people feel the need to try and bring others down for enjoying something.


----------



## barls (10/2/14)

Sail and anchor draught seems like the beer for you


----------



## stonedpirate (10/2/14)

> I don't know why people feel the need to try and bring others down for enjoying something.


It's usually the other way around though.

I cant go out these days and order emu export or VB at a bar without some some bartender telling me to go to the bottle shop you cheap bogan drunkard peasant idiot or have a bunch of yuppies look down thier nose at me for drinking crap macro peasant beer. You must pay $10 for my craft beer or you are shit. Go drink sail and anchor and leave us to our barrel aged wonder beverage.

Hence why the bogans like sending snobs articles validating what they always knew about beer.

2 classes in every society. The snobs vs the bogans. 

The snobs want to intellectualize eating and drinking and taking a shit whereas the bogans just get on with it.


----------



## zarniwoop (10/2/14)

I've changed my mind, I think we should keep him as a pet and maybe try and start a small troll farm. Question is can they eat spent grain?


----------



## stonedpirate (10/2/14)

yes, all people who cant distinguish buttery diacetyl from passionfruit banana ester are trolls..


----------



## breakbeer (10/2/14)

stonedpirate said:


> yes, all people who cant distinguish buttery diacetyl from passionfruit banana ester are trolls..


Yes, anyone who claims to know nothing about brewing yet can reel off things like 'buttery diacetyl' is Trollin'


----------



## stonedpirate (10/2/14)

yeah, that 3 minute beer snob youtube video has given me a wealth of knowledge on the complexities of beer


----------



## Yob (10/2/14)

stonedpirate said:


> I am still interested in home brewing for the cost savings and health benefit factors .


Interesting choice of words... At a minimum of 10 beers a day, health benefits are somewhat mitigated..


----------



## stonedpirate (10/2/14)

maybe so, but 20 years of macro chemicals vs 20 years of homemade grain goodness might pay off after a liver transplant.


----------



## Camo6 (10/2/14)

One things for sure stonedpirate. Since you've started drinking beer your posts have become more and more articulate. It truly is the Nectar of the Gods.

This thread is just the evidence I need to prove my wife wrong.


----------



## whitegoose (10/2/14)

stonedpirate said:


> The snobs want to intellectualize eating and drinking and taking a shit whereas the bogans just get on with it.


Man, that's where all the fun is! When you're not just consuming stuff as a mechanism to get drunk or get sustenance - but you're really thinking about it, talking about it, enjoying it, broadening your horizons, learning etc etc. Shit, same goes for everything in life doesn't it?


----------



## damoninja (10/2/14)

West end draught


----------



## stonedpirate (10/2/14)

> When you're not just consuming stuff as a mechanism to get drunk or get sustenance - but you're really thinking about it, talking about it, enjoying it, broadening your horizons, learning


That is one argument but i dont the the conversation when drinking beer should be the beer you are drinking. Drinking is a social lubricant designed for personality, dance, laughter, sex and conversation. Beer is only the conversation when you are with dentists and doctors and accountants or some other bland boring segment of yuppy society that missed out on the personality gene. They might have the money to buy an obscure imported craft beer but to me, it doesnt make them any more interesting.


----------



## Sea_Eagle (10/2/14)




----------



## Scooby Tha Newbie (10/2/14)

stonedpirate said:


> That is one argument but i dont the the conversation when drinking beer should be the beer you are drinking. Drinking is a social lubricant designed for personality, dance, laughter, sex and conversation. Beer is only the conversation when you are with dentists and doctors and accountants or some other bland boring segment of yuppy society that missed out on the personality gene. They might have the money to buy an obscure imported craft beer but to me, it doesnt make them any more interesting.


 Try wine in a box.


----------



## stonedpirate (10/2/14)

the old winos drinking goon on the street are funnier than you sad beer snobs


----------



## whitegoose (10/2/14)

Can we just ban this guy already?


----------



## Scooby Tha Newbie (10/2/14)

Um didn't you come here for information?

To the "sad beer snobs" website ?

Mate that's a fail in the world of trolling ,poor effort try harder your boring us.


----------



## Bridges (10/2/14)

stonedpirate said:


> That is one argument but i dont the the conversation when drinking beer should be the beer you are drinking. Drinking is a social lubricant designed for personality, dance, laughter, sex and conversation. Beer is only the conversation when you are with dentists and doctors and accountants or some other bland boring segment of yuppy society that missed out on the personality gene. They might have the money to buy an obscure imported craft beer but to me, it doesnt make them any more interesting.





stonedpirate said:


> the old winos drinking goon on the street are funnier than you sad beer snobs


 And you think that what you are doing gives you personality, and makes you interesting? What a sad life it must be to have to join a random forum and then stir shit just so someone will talk to you.
Sad, sad, sad.


----------



## stonedpirate (10/2/14)

sorry beer snobs

brew on


----------



## Florian (10/2/14)

whitegoose said:


> Can we just ban this guy already?


Just stop clicking on this thread then.


----------



## rehab (10/2/14)

He is not even an amusing or entertaining troll  Yawn. On to the next one.


----------



## stonedpirate (10/2/14)

Sorry to have an opinion different to yours.

Not here to entertain or to troll.

Just making my own mind up about the beer situation in this country.

Kind of sad really..


----------



## Yob (10/2/14)

...not invited to the next case swap...


----------



## stonedpirate (10/2/14)

aww


----------



## Camo6 (10/2/14)

Oh Yasmani, where art thou?


----------



## Liam_snorkel (10/2/14)

Baww. So are you going to have a crack at brewing?


----------



## stonedpirate (10/2/14)

On day six of my cooper DIY kit.

About to do a hydro test.


----------



## Camo6 (10/2/14)

Hasn't he been having a crack this whole time?


----------



## stonedpirate (10/2/14)

only at snobs

beer lovers, drinkers and good blokes are fine by me

if you are offended by my posts then so you should be


----------



## Tahoose (10/2/14)

My only input here is that if you actually are drinking so much beer, and plan on brewing a lot of beer, just make sure you save your bottles....

Unless you decide to be cool and get kegs.. :super:


----------



## manticle (10/2/14)

Go find somewhere else to play stonedpirate.

Thread locked.


----------

