# Uh, guys.. lil' help?



## CmdrRyekr (13/8/13)

So i've been brewing lagers with coopers cans from big w for a long time now, probably 8 years or so. Always made a good beer! But I want to make it better, so now i've gone All Grain. I made my first beer but it didn't turn out very well, my good old can brews came out much better. Can you guys help me? I'll cover what I did.

I watched a brewing video on the internet which showed making beer with grain to find out how much I needed, he said he used about 5kg of grain. I don't get why he used a chilly bin (probably borrowed from his dad!), I laughed and thought that will melt on his stove when he tried to heat it up. He clearly had no idea, so I turned it off. I should link it, you guys would find it pretty funny! Watched another video, this guy had a pot, he used the same amount of grain, so I went with that. When I got the grain I picked up 20 of the 250g Caramunich grainbags from the local brew shop and tipped it into the wife's big pot (I said POT you grubs!). Some of it overflowed, so I scooped it up and put it back in the pot. I think I washed most of the dirt off first but some might have got in - oh god hopefully that's not what ruined the beer!

Anyway I put some water in the pot with the grain until it just covered the grain, which is pretty much how I do rice too. I put it on the stove to heat up and boiled it for 90 minutes to get all the sugar into the beer. I think it's then wort, right? I got a couple of the hop bags from the local brew shop and put them in the fermenter after I had tipped the bleach out, then I strained the beer into the fermenter and used the garden hose to top it up to 23L like I did with my coopers cans. I put so much water in with the grain though I don't know where it all went?

I'm not dumb though, I waited for it to cool down enough to put the yeast in, I used a spare dry yeast packet from an old tin of Coopers Lager. I made it a couple of years ago but it got stuffed up before I put in the yeast. I checked the temp and on the temp sticker it said about 40c I think when i put the yeast in. I put the fermenter in the bathroom because it's cool there usually, and it only gets used for showers a few times a week.

I don't bother with checking gravity readings, I never had one go longer than a month so I always leave it that long and it's gaurenteed to be finished by then, and no wasted beer; which was handy because I had to go away for two months the next day. I had my cousins dad bottle it up for me, he said it wasn't like any beer he's ever tasted but it was probably because it wasn't bottle conditioned yet.

Now that it is bottle conditioned, it does taste a bit strange, a bit sweet (I didn't add any sugar!), and not much head (just like my wife!). I think it might be a bit of a burnt flavour too? And caramel? what the hell is that doing in my beer!

Did one of the flaming kids ruin my beer, perhaps even sabotage it by putting caramel lollies in it? That would explain the sweetness and the caramel flavour... I know going all grain was a great idea and my process was perfect, I spoke to a brewer at work who said that was basically what he did, so it can't have been any of that!


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## Dan Dan (13/8/13)

Dear oh dear.... More reading required on this one buddy.


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## jyo (13/8/13)

Coopers lager
Garden hose
Old kit yeast
All crystal
Boiling grain
Using bleach then not rinsing
Picthing at 40'
Never using a hydrometer.

Are you trolling, bud?
I'll delete this if you are legit and offer some help.


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## doon (13/8/13)

Pretty sure he's trolling


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## manticle (13/8/13)

Hi,
If you are a genuine poster wanting help and not a troll, I'd be happy to help tomorrow when near a work pc.

There's a number of issues with your processes which are easily fixed if you're not taking the piss.

I like giving people the benefit of doubt but my doubt is pretty massive in this instance.


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## Ducatiboy stu (13/8/13)

Nah.......he didnt use a kitten and he prob rehydrated his yeast.

His method seems pretty sound. The only prob I can see is he didnt stir the grain with his hand when it was on the stove boiling.


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## CmdrRyekr (13/8/13)

Ducatiboy stu said:


> Nah.......he didnt use a kitten and he prob rehydrated his yeast.
> 
> His method seems pretty sound. The only prob I can see is he didnt stir the grain with his hand when it was on the stove boiling.


My brewer mate said something about a statter? Do you know what a statter is Ducati? She said something like makes the beer taste better or grow the yeast for fermenting the starches in the beer a lot quicker?


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## meathead (13/8/13)

There's 90 seconds I won't get back


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## jyo (13/8/13)

CmdrRyekr said:


> She said something like makes the beer taste better or grow the yeast for fermenting the starches in the beer a lot quicker?


Now that's yasmani-like!


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## CmdrRyekr (13/8/13)

jyo said:


> Now that's yasmani-like!


Jasmani, like the rice? Curry is good..


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## MartinOC (13/8/13)

manticle said:


> I like giving people the benefit of doubt but my doubt is pretty massive in this instance.


AHEM!!!


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## Cocko (13/8/13)

Breast

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Titties)


This article is about the human breast. For other mammals, see Udder and Mammary gland. For other uses, see Breast (disambiguation).
"Boobs" redirects here. For other uses, see Boob (disambiguation).




_Breast_





The breasts of a pregnant woman

Latin

_mamma (mammalis "of the breast")[1]_

Artery

internal thoracic artery

Vein

internal thoracic vein
The *breast* is the upper ventral region of the torso of a primate, in left and right sides, containing the mammary gland which in afemale can secrete milk used to feed infants.
Both men and women develop breasts from the same embryological tissues. However, at puberty, female sex hormones, mainlyestrogen, promote breast development which does not occur in men due to the higher amount of testosterone. As a result, women's breasts become far more prominent than those of men.
During pregnancy, the breast is responsive to a complex interplay of hormones that cause tissue development and enlargement in order to produce milk. Three such hormones are estrogen, progesterone and prolactin, which cause glandular tissue in the breast and the uterus to change during the menstrual cycle.[2]
Each breast contains 15–20 lobes. The subcutaneous adipose tissue covering the lobes gives the breast its size and shape. Each lobe is composed of many lobules, at the end of which are sacs where milk is produced in response to hormonal signals.[2]


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## Ducatiboy stu (13/8/13)

CmdrRyekr said:


> My brewer mate said something about a statter? Do you know what a statter is Ducati? She said something like makes the beer taste better or grow the yeast for fermenting the starches in the beer a lot quicker?


You can purchase a statter from your local electrical retailer. You will also need a can of compresion to get it to work.


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## Ducatiboy stu (13/8/13)

CmdrRyekr said:


> My brewer mate said something about a statter? Do you know what a statter is Ducati? She said something like makes the beer taste better or grow the yeast for fermenting the starches in the beer a lot quicker?


You can purchase a statter from your local electrical retailer. You will also need a can of compresion to get it to work.


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## Blitzer (13/8/13)

Cocko said:


> Breast
> 
> From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
> (Redirected from Titties)
> ...


It wasn't the breasts that got me.. though they are fantastic.
It was that you were redirected from 'titties' :lol:


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## Cocko (13/8/13)

Blitzer said:


> It wasn't the breasts that got me.. though they are fantastic.
> It was that you were redirected from 'titties' :lol:


 :icon_chickcheers:


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## Charst (14/8/13)

this bloke needs to be porkspinned cocko


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## Ducatiboy stu (14/8/13)

Cocko has been stealing urine


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## yum beer (14/8/13)

Cocko, what has Led Zeppelin got to do with this thread, FFS...back on topic.

OP, great read, try the video with the chilly bin, might be beneficial.


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## punkin (14/8/13)

Chilly bin will definately melt. You are using the recipe for sweet beer, try googling one for high alcohol beer.


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## sp0rk (14/8/13)

Toasting in an epic bread


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## MastersBrewery (14/8/13)

Great thread, just need to read these at an appropriate drinking hour.


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## shaunous (14/8/13)

I just wee'd a little...


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## Ross (14/8/13)

MastersBrewery said:


> Great thread, just need to read these at an appropriate drinking hour.


Maybe i'm just becoming a grumpy old fart... but I see no value & certainly nothing great, from these troll threads....


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## doon (14/8/13)

I was thinking same thing ross!


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## DU99 (14/8/13)

There's plenty of GOOD INFO around look at this especially under BIAB


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## Lord Raja Goomba I (14/8/13)

I'm a grumpy young fart and still don't see any value.


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## sponge (14/8/13)

jyo said:


> Now that's yasmani-like!


A bit of NickJD pishab?


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## Camo6 (14/8/13)

Cocko said:


> Breast
> 
> From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
> (Redirected from Titties)
> ...


Reported.


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## pist (14/8/13)

Whilst i do like the tits this kind of shit will get someone sacked if they happen to be at. Work doing a bit of research for their next brew during their lunch break


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## Camo6 (14/8/13)

Research. That's what I should've told the missus I was doing. Curse you Cocko. Twice reported!


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## Cocko (14/8/13)

Cursing.

Reported.


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## Byran (14/8/13)

" I don't get why he used a chilly bin"

I had a mate from NZ that used one of those, but he kept calling it a "chully bun" I had no idea what he was talking about for ages.


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## Spiesy (14/8/13)

Ross said:


> Maybe i'm just becoming a grumpy old fart... but I see no value & certainly nothing great, from these troll threads....


Sadly, I'm with you mate. I love a laugh more than the next man, but these posts makes it tough on genuine calls for help - which sometimes aren't too far removed from the OP.


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## Cocko (14/8/13)

Really?

"These posts" make you realise the internet is full of people who undermine everything AHB is apparently, used to be is about.

Obvious trolling is funny, sad and some what a waste of all our time but its gonna happen... [More and more, as it seems]

You, being spiesy and ross, have both posted in this thread thus have somewhat contributed to this shit.

Maybe just leave it alone if it is so offensive?

Go help someone.

Titties.


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## shaunous (15/8/13)

Its the Moderators and Admins job to not delete these ramblings, but move them into an appropriate subforum, this one being 'Off Topic', there the drunk and bored forum posters can have there fun.. No point wingeing about it, message the Mods and highlight the topic to them, they are clearly to busy to read into all of them....

The only way this OP was written seriously is if he was priming his beers with LSD soaked sugar cubes...


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## Camo6 (15/8/13)

I dont really like these threads.

But ah sho like titties.


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## Spiesy (15/8/13)

Cocko said:


> Really?
> 
> "These posts" make you realise the internet is full of people who undermine everything AHB is apparently, used to be is about.
> 
> ...


sc.


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## pcmfisher (15/8/13)

Nick you scallywag........


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## QldKev (15/8/13)

Camo6 said:


> Reported.


Reported as being a nice titty?


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## Camo6 (15/8/13)

8.5 8.5 8.0 9.0 8.5


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## petesbrew (16/8/13)

Seriously who ever says "my cousin's dad"?
So much easier to say uncle.

I reckon he's a Nigerian prince.


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## Toper (16/8/13)

petesbrew said:


> Seriously who ever says "my cousin's dad"?
> So much easier to say uncle.
> 
> I reckon he's a Nigerian prince.


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