# Stupid things you have done on brewday.



## QldKev (18/4/13)

We haven't had one of these threads for awhile.

I've decided to pull out my 1V system and brew some beers I only want 1 cube off, and also try an experiment with a new recipe. Yesterday I made a milk stout. Brew day went as planned. Got to mashout and it's time to remove the return arm out of the way so I can lift the bag. As I removed the arm I dropped it into the mash. So as not to disturb the bed too much I decided to leave it and fish it out later after the bag was removed from the vessel. A couple of mates turn up and a few beers drank and it's getting dark. I go outside to clean out the brew gear, emptying the bag of grain directly into the rubbish bin. I decided no need to use a plastic rubbish bag as it's bin day in the morning and I can hose out the bin. This morning comes, bin is empty and I decide to brew again. After 30mins searching for the return arm I remember, doh!

What have you done?


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## Lord Raja Goomba I (18/4/13)

Drink.

Leave tap on.

Boil an Ale way too long, no-chill it and then forget to dilute back to the required gravity when I pitched the yeast. Not sure if that counts, as it was neither brew day (it was 'pitch day') and winning an award for 2nd place in QABC for a stuff up, may not (or it may be) stupid. The beer that beat me, won the nationals as well (courtesy of tallie).


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## Mikedub (18/4/13)

mashed in at 6.30am still half asleep, put the lid on and went inside, came back an hour later and realised I had not insulated the urn with my trusty sleeping bag, this IPA might take a few months for the bitterness to round round out a bit
forgot the salts too that morning..and my checklist


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## Logman (18/4/13)

I brewed about 10 double batches in a row so I'd grown accustomed to the water volumes etc - decided to do a single of a test batch, but went on to brew it as though I was doing a double - thought the refractometer had shat itself when it came time to cube. A quick visit to the LHBS for various goop made it drinkable


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## Adr_0 (18/4/13)

A few years back I decided to try to carbonate half a batch of Czech pils - that had been lagering wonderfully - with salt... :unsure:


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## DarkFaerytale (18/4/13)

fruit beer without the sediment reducer in the tap, had to glad wrap my arm to clear the line. beer turned out fine


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## rehab (18/4/13)

First All grain I stuffed up and went to check Mash Temp and my mate came over and spotted my issue right away. I thought it had taken ages to get up to 69 but I had the cover on and it was really mashing at 85!

Had to tip in the end as I couldn't get gravity to drop under 1.030 and had just replaced plastic bottles with glass swappas!


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## WarmBeer (18/4/13)

I brewed a lager once.


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## Truman42 (18/4/13)

Invited a couple of work mates over to have a few drinks and help me brew. All they did was drink beer and become more of a hindrance than a help.

(Note:- Another member on here came over too, if your reading this you were not a hindrance as at least you knew what to do and were helpful)


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## seamad (18/4/13)

Last weekend forgot to turn a tap off when draining into cube, undid camlock and 95C wort shot out over my hand, feet and kitchen floor. blisters on hands and feet. Managed to get the kitchen floor mopped up before the missus got home. Wasn't even drinking.


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## jyo (18/4/13)

I once didn't have a beer at mash in and hit all my targets.

Once.

The worst for me is regularly burning my hands and feet and forgetting hop additions.


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## bradsbrew (18/4/13)

A few things I have done over the years

Left HLT element on after emptying it. - Oh the glow

Forgot to put false bottom in MLT- funtime finding enough containers to empty the mash into.

Got absolutely hammered and cant remember much after mashing in, woke up on the floor right next to a perfectly cubed brew with slayer on repeat. (My very own episode of home alone)

Oh and who can forget the old broke the new pump threw stupidity on a brewday full of hecklers. 

Cheers


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## Adr_0 (18/4/13)

bradsbrew said:


> Got absolutely hammered and cant remember much after mashing in, woke up on the floor right next to a perfectly cubed brew with slayer on repeat. (My very own episode of home alone)


that's just outstanding.


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## Hippy (18/4/13)

Kicked a red hot cube of wort right on the tap and had boiling wort gushing everywhere while trying to screw it back in. After burning the shit out of myself flipped it on it's back and walked away. Brew ended up fine.


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## Yob (18/4/13)

turned off the wrong switch and fried the HEX... ummm... didnt check how much gas I had prior and ran out.. BBQ one gave me 30 seconds... camping one gave me 30 seconds... left tap open on the cube.. many many many things


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## Truman42 (18/4/13)

Forgetting to turn the volume on my computer up and not hearing the 60 min hop addition alarm. And when I finally checked I had 20 mins to go and missed 2 hop additions. Shit that time went quick..


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## iralosavic (18/4/13)

I forget to aerate wort prior to pitching way too often. I've had some shockers with infusion step mashes and way under/over shooting etc HX is the best thing ever.


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## kezza (18/4/13)

drop my march pump and bust the outlet off the housing :angry:


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## iralosavic (18/4/13)

kezza said:


> drop my march pump and bust the outlet off the housing :angry:


 if you do that again, the Chugger stainless heads fit  although that would require extremely bad luck!


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## lukiferj (18/4/13)

Not as dramatic as some but filling a no-chill cube for the first time was interesting. Ended up with blisters on my knee because the cube got hot real quick. 

Technically not brew day but have left the tap open on the fermenter a few times after cleaning when pouring wort in. Sticky mess all over the floor.


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## Cocko (18/4/13)

Ring jyo. h34r:


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## vic45 (18/4/13)

Mrs and kids out for the day so decided to brew and mow the grass at the same time.
Couple of hours, and too many pints later the picnic table is on fire and the ride on mower is out of fuel down at the front gate, 200 meters away.


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## jyo (18/4/13)

Cocko said:


> Ring jyo. h34r:


Funny, I had a prank call the other night but it was from some high-pitched drunk girl!


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## bradsbrew (18/4/13)

jyo said:


> Funny, I had a prank call the other night but it was from some high-pitched drunk girl!


That was cocko with a "little bit of help" from Nev.


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## Cocko (18/4/13)

Thats my normal voice you pricks!


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## jyo (18/4/13)

bradsbrew said:


> That was cocko with a "little bit of help" from Nev.


Ahh, the old strangle hold...


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## petesbrew (18/4/13)

Walk away from boiling pot.
Be lazy and take short cuts.
Not learn from last brewday's mistakes on the next brewday.


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## bullsneck (18/4/13)

I have been brewing for 7 or so years. I have smashed 11 hydrometers. 

Imagine what kind of hydrometer or refrac I could have bought for $250 I have spent so far!


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## Byran (18/4/13)

I left my boil on in the shed one day for 10 mins....came back to a blazing 4 foot high inferno, the hose from the gas bottle had burst. ****. Turned it off quickly, changed the hose.
Brew turned out fine. Kettle and shed was covered in acrid black soot. Fuckn scary, could have burned the shed down. ( And fucked up a good brew)


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## mackysm (18/4/13)

First brew with braumeister..... heat water, fit malt pipe, add 4.5 kg of grain..... turn and look at table..... why are there two filter plates on the table ...... holy f#ck........ 4.5kg wasted grain..... sigh massive clean up......


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## Florian (18/4/13)

^^ Managed to do that on my second brew. First one was straight following the manual, no mistakes there.

another 'stupid' thing was to buy a cheap enough pot for hot water infusions into esky mash tun. When water reached boiling point i lifted the pot up, one handle failed and 15L of boiling water straight on my foot with shoes and socks on. Took me a good few seconds to realise that it might help to take that boiling sock off and run to the pool. That was about three years ago and there's still a nice big mark on that foot.

the pot got retired and replaced by a new stainless one with pump, element and controller, so no more accidents.


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## edschache (19/4/13)

I left a decent amount of starsan in a cube, filled it with wort and realised near the end that something was wrong with the volume. I brewed the same receipe the next weekend so I had a 'normal' batch and then decided to have some fun with the slightly dodgy batch. I fermented on the yeast cake from the good batch, dumped in all my left over odds and ends of hops (quite a bit), at the end of fermentation I had other things going on so I couldn't keg it so I dropped the fermenter to -8 degrees figuring that would buy me some time. I eventually kegged the results (without letting too much of the ice melt). It's not the most balanced beer and I'm certainly not going to be able to reproduce it but it was a bit of fun. I might bring a bottle to the next BABBs meeting for sh**s and giggles.

I'm sure I've done plenty of other stupid stuff but that was the most disappointing at the moment I realised what I'd done.


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## chunckious (19/4/13)

My 1st ever brew..NickJD stovetop AG.
Coffee grinder packed it in after 3 seconds, had to mill 4kg of grain with a rolling pin.
Brew day went awesome.
First tastings tasted of nail polish....after some research, found out that you had to put water in to the FV air-lock douvy. She was oxidised.
Been a grad wrap man since.


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## jaypes (19/4/13)

Tried to look after 3 kids under 3 years old


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## yum beer (19/4/13)

Not timed a boil and ended up 30-40 minutes short on a pilsner....say it with me...boiled cabbage.


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## chunckious (19/4/13)

Goo



yum beer said:


> Not timed a boil and ended up 30-40 minutes short on a pilsner....say it with me...boiled cabbage.


Good source of vitamins Yum.


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## Adr_0 (19/4/13)

yum beer said:


> Not timed a boil and ended up 30-40 minutes short on a pilsner....say it with me...boiled cabbage.


 :beerbang: D M S :beerbang: D M S :beerbang: D M S :beerbang:
Gooooooo cabbage!!


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## sponge (19/4/13)

Byran said:


> I left my boil on in the shed one day for 10 mins....came back to a blazing 4 foot high inferno, the hose from the gas bottle had burst. ****. Turned it off quickly, changed the hose.
> Brew turned out fine. Kettle and shed was covered in acrid black soot. Fuckn scary, could have burned the shed down. ( And fucked up a good brew)


Very similar experience here. Went upstairs just after the boil-over danger had subsided, to come back down to the brew dungeon to a huge flame coming out the end of the hose. Quickly turned the gas bottle off to find that the hose connection on the burner was a little loose. Got the old spanner out and haven't had a problem since (touch wood).

Another time (only a few brews ago actually) there were a couple of things that went wrong. I have set up my little brown pumps and whatnot and decided to give them their first run with a simple weizen. Realised after filling the kettle that I didn't once allow the wort to clear from the MT before transferring to the kettle. I also noticed that when mashing out, I needed a lot more boiling water to get to 76'C than normal (by using the STC I have set up for the MT). I then remembered I was using my dodgy 3" dial thermometer to check the mash temp which is about 10'C out for my 66'C rest, so wouldve actually been mashing at around 56'C.

It got down to 1.005 using 3068... :mellow:

At least that was the base I was using for a blueberry weizen and have since added some DME and lactose (along with a few kilos of blueberries) and is starting to taste alright. Plus it was brewed for some mates and their gf's for a party coming up so it doesn't bother me too much. I made myself a keg of APA which I'll be drinking on the night instead.


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## Mikedub (19/4/13)

I [SIZE=medium]left a jerry can of petrol for the lawnmower next to a bag of grain I'd just cracked for the next day's brewing, wasn’t till I'd just finished mashing in I noticed a lovely petrochemical aroma in my wort, [/SIZE]
[SIZE=medium]tip, clean, hand grind another 5kg,[/SIZE]


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## breakbeer (19/4/13)

Hoisted the bag in the crab cooker, let it drain & then removed the crab cooker full of grain & put it aside. Had a few beers during the boil, forgot about the used grain until about a week later. Mould & bug infested grain & bag :unsure:


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## Online Brewing Supplies (19/4/13)

jyo said:


> Ahh, the old strangle hold...


But Cocko told me he likes it !
Nev


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## citizensnips (19/4/13)

Doing Biab
Dough in
Forgot the bag


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## hsb (19/4/13)

Everything running smoothly, fire up the H/EX in readiness for recirculating, wait 10 minutes, just enough time to let the element in the - completely empty H/EX - melt.
The only saving grace was that I hadn't wet the grain yet so could at least save that.

*Note to self #42 - H/EX is first vessel filled on any brewday!


Note to self #2 was never *ever *dump spent grain in the drain overflow in the backyard, that took 6 months to really clear out and smells that will never truly leave me, but it just seemed _so conveniently placed_ at the time.


The gas bottle shooting out flames stuff on p.2 is scary. Remember camping one time and seeing the campsite next door suddenly shoot a 20 foot high tower of flame straight up in the air, still not entirely sure how they managed it, no one hurt thankfully.
I never leave the burner unattended for this kind of reason.

I don't drink until it's in the cube either, my potential for abysmal failure is just far too high if I've touched a drop.


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## Mikedub (19/4/13)

eddy22 said:


> Doing Biab
> Dough in
> Forgot the bag


 I've done that also, though realised after doughing in just the first 100g, remember thinking how cool the grain looked reflecting off the bottom of the urn as it went in, then thinking WTF is wrong here


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## Yob (19/4/13)

Oh yeah.. That one time.. At bandcamp.. I put a teaspoon of PBW in the mash thinking it was 5.2... Wasn't till I put the container back in the cupboard and saw the 5.2 sitting there I realised that keeping both tubs near each other was a bad idea... they look identical from above. Ha!


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## Edak (19/4/13)

On bottling day I eye out every bottle to verify that it is clean before sanitising it, forgot that one already had some starsan in it when I held it up to the light, think flooding your eye with starsan... Rinsed for 10 mins straight under cold water and (probably during the rinsing) I got some sort of bacteria in my eye.

Eye got infected, required operation to drain it.


Vision is now slightly blurry in that eye... 

Edit: Clarifying my engrish.


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## Mikedub (19/4/13)

[SIZE=10.5pt]telling SWIMBO I'll be finished brewing at x o clock, so we can go out to the thing she had planned, [/SIZE]

[SIZE=10.5pt]x o’clock comes around and I explain I’m nowhere near finished as the step mash took longer and I’ve had to adjust my boil time due to a lower than expected efficiency, [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]I think where I went wrong is I mentioned, after her 10 minute animated response, that a low OG at this mash temp will not balance out the IBUs[/SIZE]

[SIZE=10.5pt]Have since built in a 2 hour buffer, [/SIZE]


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## sponge (19/4/13)

Mikedub said:


> [SIZE=10.5pt]telling SWIMBO I'll be finished brewing at x o clock, so we can go out to the thing she had planned, [/SIZE]
> 
> [SIZE=10.5pt]x o’clock comes around and I explain I’m nowhere near finished...[/SIZE]


I learnt after the first time this happened to always add on an extra 2hrs for any possible issues that may be encountered during the brew day. How foolish of me to think everything will always run smoothly...


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## Adr_0 (19/4/13)

Mikedub said:


> [SIZE=10.5pt]telling SWIMBO I'll be finished brewing at x o clock, so we can go out to the thing she had planned, [/SIZE]
> 
> [SIZE=10.5pt]x o’clock comes around and I explain I’m nowhere near finished as the step mash took longer and I’ve had to adjust my boil time due to a lower than expected efficiency, [/SIZE]
> [SIZE=10.5pt]I think where I went wrong is I mentioned, after her 10 minute animated response, that a low OG at this mash temp will not balance out the IBUs[/SIZE]
> ...


  that's awesome "But you don't understand - I need to make sure my OG will balance out the IBU's..."


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## winkle (19/4/13)

edschache said:


> I left a decent amount of starsan in a cube, filled it with wort and realised near the end that something was wrong with the volume. I brewed the same receipe the next weekend so I had a 'normal' batch and then decided to have some fun with the slightly dodgy batch. I fermented on the yeast cake from the good batch, dumped in all my left over odds and ends of hops (quite a bit), at the end of fermentation I had other things going on so I couldn't keg it so I dropped the fermenter to -8 degrees figuring that would buy me some time. I eventually kegged the results (without letting too much of the ice melt). It's not the most balanced beer and I'm certainly not going to be able to reproduce it but it was a bit of fun. I might bring a bottle to the next BABBs meeting for sh**s and giggles.
> 
> I'm sure I've done plenty of other stupid stuff but that was the most disappointing at the moment I realised what I'd done.


Note to self - "No thanks Ed, I'm driving" next BABBs meeting.


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## Fish13 (19/4/13)

Cocko said:


> Ring jyo. h34r:


repeat offender



jyo said:


> Funny, I had a prank call the other night but it was from some high-pitched drunk girl!


lol did she offer to milk your prostate....



bradsbrew said:


> That was cocko with a "little bit of help" from Nev.


nev just found out i caught a huuuuuuge fish
cocko was the tool he took it out on



Cocko said:


> Thats my normal voice you pricks!


lol all i can think of is bam meagaras mate... trying to hit on his wife.



jyo said:


> Ahh, the old strangle hold...


is wayne grady going to have to choke a bitch?


Walked away to cook dinner and had a boil over. not once but twice. Lucky it was outside. Dinner was awesome roast chicken and potatoes.
Have done the run out of gas thing too.


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## citizensnips (19/4/13)

Mikedub said:


> I've done that also, though realised after doughing in just the first 100g, remember thinking how cool the grain looked reflecting off the bottom of the urn as it went in, then thinking WTF is wrong here


haha I did the exact same thing, remember thinking how good it looked and couldn't figure out why.....then it hit me. Difference was I had 6kg in there.... :mellow:


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## Fish13 (19/4/13)

jaypes said:


> Tried to look after 3 kids under 3 years old


 I'll raise you 4 kids under 4 and #3 is a walker and #4 is a crawler. The eldest is a good helper though. I do try to brew when they are a sleep (#3 and #4 that is) and let #1 and #2 play outside while i brew


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## Tony (19/4/13)

tried to crack a kg of pilsner malt for my first ever partial experiment.

I followed instruction from the internet that said to wrap it in a T-towel and crack it with a rolling pin.

you will never fully understand how stupid this idea is until you try it!............ I dare you 

Next stupidest thing was when one night at about midnight, while cubing an IPA after WAAAAY too many beers, the cube started to tip over when it was almost full. I lurched down and grabbed the handle to stop the cube going all the way, and as i did, my hand passed through the stream of 95+ deg liquid pouring from the open top. I remember thinking........ Ahhhh crap that's burning me, and then thinking..... well I'm burnt now, no point losing the beer as well. So i stood the cube back up and spent 2 hrs with my burnt hand under a running tap. I removed my wedding ring and it took half the skin off my finger with it. OUCH!

Third on my list is when i was recently emptying infected bottles of old ale that had sat in my garage for years. I was just casually taking the caps off and tipping them out. Untill i got one that was on the verge of explosion.
When i started to turn the cap it went BOOM, and fired the cap into my face, hitting me in the nose with the sharp edge, bouncing up into my eye socket and then flying 10 meters across the yard.

I felt like i had been king hit in the eye and i instantly put my hands over my eye, and it felt wet. I thought i had popped my eyeball and ran inside to find my wife. Was just blood thank god.


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## seamad (19/4/13)

Mate I'm gutted, why did you put that photo up ?
Made plenty of your beers and they've all been crackers. As I've been drinking them the picture in my mind of you as a caveman with some dental hygiene problems has further enhanced the experience, to find out you look like a bit of a chinless 12 year old, well, your beers will never taste the same again.
Next thing I'll be finding out is manticle is not some drunk irish singer and yardy is not in possesion of some wonderful bouncing bosoms.
At least I am as handsome as a bull terrier.


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## Oakers (19/4/13)

seamad said:


> Mate I'm gutted, why did you put that photo up ?
> Made plenty of your beers and they've all been crackers. As I've been drinking them the picture in my mind of you as a caveman with some dental hygiene problems has further enhanced the experience, to find out you look like a bit of a chinless 12 year old, well, your beers will never taste the same again.
> Next thing I'll be finding out is manticle is not some drunk irish singer and yardy is not in possesion of some wonderful bouncing bosoms.
> At least I am as handsome as a bull terrier.


holy crap..that's a rough comment but i haven't laughed so hard in a long time!


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## WarmBeer (19/4/13)

seamad said:


> Mate I'm gutted, why did you put that photo up ?
> Made plenty of your beers and they've all been crackers. As I've been drinking them the picture in my mind of you as a caveman with some dental hygiene problems has further enhanced the experience, to find out you look like a bit of a chinless 12 year old, well, your beers will never taste the same again.
> Next thing I'll be finding out is manticle is not some drunk irish singer and yardy is not in possesion of some wonderful bouncing bosoms.
> At least I am as handsome as a bull terrier.


I do regularly tell people to bite my shiny, metal ass, if that helps maintain the illusion.


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## 431neb (19/4/13)

Squirted my garage door opener (the machine not the clicker) with a jet of hot water courtesy of a brass bottle washer that sometimes sticks. It's never been the same.

Not as funny as various bottle washing assistants getting hosed in the chest with aforementioned hot water.

Actually the dumbest thing for me was was on bottling day. I was bottling some Aldi Cider on a sunny arvo so I put the tilt door on the garage halfway down to block the sun. Curious to see what the cider would be like carbonated, I went into the house to get a sodastream bottle. As I walked back to the shed I was fiddling with the lid on the deformed bottle ( don't put sodastream bottles in the washing machine ) and BAM! Headfirst into the corner of the garage door. It took a nice scallop of meat out of my forehead ( I found it stuck to the garage door later) and left another little bit dangling by a thread from my forehead. 

I ate Christmas lunch at the outlaws place with a bandaid on my forehead like a retard. I still have a scar but the cider was a big hit - so to speak.


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## Cocko (19/4/13)

WarmBeer said:


> I do regularly tell people to bite my shiny, metal ass, if that helps maintain the illusion.


And I often use the phrase: "Say hello to my little friend.." If that helps.


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## Tony (19/4/13)

seamad said:


> Mate I'm gutted, why did you put that photo up ?
> Made plenty of your beers and they've all been crackers. As I've been drinking them the picture in my mind of you as a caveman with some dental hygiene problems has further enhanced the experience, to find out you look like a bit of a chinless 12 year old, well, your beers will never taste the same again.
> Next thing I'll be finding out is manticle is not some drunk irish singer and yardy is not in possesion of some wonderful bouncing bosoms.
> At least I am as handsome as a bull terrier.


 :lol: sorry about that.

If it helps..... i stole that photo off a chinless 12 year old on the internet and made up the story!

Now back to my cave to count my rice gulls


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## Florian (19/4/13)

seamad said:


> Mate I'm gutted, why did you put that photo up ?


I thought the same thing back when Tony first posted that photo directly after it happened. Somehow my brain pretty quickly reverted back to the original image I had in my mind though, so there's hope that the same might happen to you too.


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## Tony (19/4/13)

Always cracks me up when people turn up at my place for the first time. They usually look nervous and then they say..... gee..... you don't look like your picture


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## Yob (19/4/13)

Photoshop


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## Cocko (19/4/13)

How we now see Tony:


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## stakka82 (19/4/13)

Florian said:


> I thought the same thing back when Tony first posted that photo directly after it happened. Somehow my brain pretty quickly reverted back to the original image I had in my mind though, so there's hope that the same might happen to you too.


Same here!

This thread is awesome, I have belly laughed about 10 times so far!

The worst I have done is forget to empty spent grain, in a plastic bag next to my bin... forget for a day or two, remember in bed that night, forget about it again that morning, go to work, go on a date after work, bring her back after a 35 degree day, whole house STINKS like spew...

I think she _tried_ to ignore it... but needless to say did not get lucky on that occasion.


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## WarmBeer (19/4/13)

Cocko said:


> And I often use the phrase: "Say hello to my little friend.." If that helps.


Relevant signature is relevant.


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## maxim0200 (16/7/13)

greath thread, i fear the mistakes im going to make myself! :lol:


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## yum beer (16/7/13)

Underetimating the boil over on a pot of malt extract.
Ceramic cooktop covered in sticky sugary muck...not an easy cleanup, heard about it for days .


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## peter.brandon (16/7/13)

1. turned HLT ball value handel on to start sparge, turned away to talk to hecklers ..... mash tun overflowed.


2. this ones my favourite as i trusted my wife. I got asked to go pick up kids from school (yes had day off). I was making a stout with only 60min hop addition and boil was to finish in 15-20mins before i got home from picking up kids. Wife assured me she would turn it off at the precise time. Got home opend garage and saw flame still on. Brew was fine in the end but she hasnt forgotten ..... leverage love it!


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## bignath (16/7/13)

last brewday with my 1V Recirculating BIAB rig..

Programmed the PID controller, strike water heated up, crushed grain, mashed for an hour, hoisted bag. Everything going well.

Ramp up to boil with the PID element and an OTS immersion element for extra grunt as it was bloody cold. Went inside to watch some footy for half an hour, the 60min addition (only addition for this stout) had been done. Cool.

Literally.....cool.

Didn't double check my programming of the PID, and at this stage, I had accidentally progammed a 0 temp for 0 minutes step after the ramp up to boil step. 
For those that don't use PID, a 0 min step will hold the program at the temp set point indefintely, until the user overrides it. So, with both elements in, it got the boil, I added my bittering addition and walked away. The PID element turned off because of the misprogramming, and i was left trying to boil with just the OTS element. Came out at half time to find a "only just simmering" instead of boiling, pot. Had to boil for another 45mins to get anywhere near my post boil volume.

Atleast it was a singular bittering addition only. If it had been multiple additions it would have been rooted.


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## rehab (16/7/13)

So far I have done various stooopid stuff during many a mash resulting in no beersies for me. Also have thought a beer was going to be dangerous and so only bottled half and tipped the rest and it was almost a full on cracker GUTTED. I also tried to boil with a near empty gas bottle last time round thinking "eventually this will boil if I leave it". All I did was add another hour to my day going to fill the bottle.
During said brew I had also emptied the pot to "help" get it up to boil meaning I was ripping myself off. I then topped up with water and then thought "oh no I have diluted too much and this will not balance with this many IBUs" so then mixed in some sugars...

Yet to convert at my end so not sure of the results... TBC


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## markjd (16/7/13)

Stupidest thing I can remember doing right now? Probably end of brew day, wrapping the top of my 19L BigW SS pot with plastic wrap at the end of the boil, and putting the lid back on, but forgetting to turn off the heat. Thankfully, I only left it unattended for 5 to 10 minutes, so the plastic wasn't melted. And yes, I think I had been drinking a little too much that brew session.


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## sp0rk (16/7/13)

I walked away from my BIAB keggle during the mash for 3 or 4 minutes on saturday and the mash temp jumped from 60 to 80 degrees 
a immersion chiller quickly fashioned out of some copper tube got it back down to 66 around 10-15 minutes later
It had sat at around 60 for 1/2 an hour due to my burner playing up
a starch test showed it had converted by that point, but I'll have to wait and see :unsure:


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## Lord Raja Goomba I (16/7/13)

Drank, whilst brewing.

Burns, bad calcs and stuff forgotten ensued.


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## MartinOC (16/7/13)

Hosting a Worthogs brew-day at my place in '98.

Too much going on, drinking, too many brews in one day, raining, drinking, BBQ, drinking, "you want to start ANOTHER mash??", drinking, talking shit, drinking, multiple power failures, drinking (I REALLY should EAT something!!), drinking, did I ACTUALLY eat anything today? Where's the hops? Did I actually PLAN this brew?

I note a common thread herein: Males, alcohol, multi-tasking = potential for catastrophic cockups!

PS. The "planned" brew of the day won multiple state/national & one international prize(s), so I guess it wasn't a complete washout after all....

Edit: I've PISSED myself laughing at some of the posts so far ('nice to know I'm not alone).


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## mxd (16/7/13)

MartinOC said:


> PS. The "planned" brew of the day won multiple state/national & one international prize(s), so I guess it wasn't a complete washout after all....
> 
> Edit: I've PISSED myself laughing at some of the posts so far ('nice to know I'm not alone).



the important q, could you reproduce such quality ?

I won a vicbrew belgium pale ale, that was meant to be an ESB, but I stuffed all the hops and evey thing up on brew day I just threw t-58 at it and let it ferment form 20 to 27 as I had no hope for it


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## ballantynebrew (16/7/13)

dont smoke no dope


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## MartinOC (16/7/13)

> the important q, could you reproduce such quality ?
> 
> I won a vicbrew belgium pale ale, that was meant to be an ESB, but I stuffed all the hops and evey thing up on brew day I just threw t-58 at it and let it ferment form 20 to 27 as I had no hope for it


Mate, I have NO IDEA at all - I was absolutely off my banana by the time that day was finished. If you want to replicate it, have a look at the VICBREW 2002 recipe booklet (Pg. 18). In subsequent Vicbrew competitions, I tasted a lot of entries that were similar (not to mention, very good!), but not quite there (age?). I'll take that as a compliment that folks wanted to replicate my beer.

Edit: I shared the last bottle of the batch with my old man (he introduced me to real-ales at the age of 14) at about 10 years old & it was still magnificent.


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## bcp (16/7/13)

Attached the drill to my monster mill for first time, perfect... until it jammed. So i gave it a little more rev & accidently squeezed the trigger & locked it on. Full speed.

The base & hopper does a spin, shooting grain right across the shed all through my son's drum kit and absolutely everywhere, then the drill pulls out of my hand and spins until it runs out of cord, all wrapped up. I had to dismantle the drum kit, and move a heap of stuff to clean it up. It was everywhere.

A bad workman blames his tools. 

#$%@ tools


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## Wadey (16/7/13)

Did my second BIAB last Saturday and went to check mash temp and dropped the digital thermometer into the mash, nackered it. Had too many beers at that point and didn't have to guts to ask the misses to get me one down the street. Had to wing it from there on for mash out, hope it turns out alright.


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## Phoney (16/7/13)

citizensnips said:


> Doing Biab
> Dough in
> Forgot the bag


Ditto.

Wrapped up the urn in the doona and walked away. Only to see the bag casually hanging over a chair. Oh F*#@!

Was quite an easy situation to rescue though. Fit the bag inside a fermenter, empty the urn into the bag, hoist the bag as per usual. Hose out the urn, tip the wort back in and away you go.

the embarrassing thing is I've done this more than once.


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## givemeamash (16/7/13)

turned on the urn to to heat the mash a little, forgot it, boil over, shit everywhere, beer was not as bad as I thought it would be though


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## MashPaddler (16/7/13)

forgot to turn the heating element off on my biab urn all nice and snug in it's sleeping bag freshly mashed in for an hour....


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## chrisso81 (16/7/13)

Pinched the STC probe out of the fermenting fridge to measure mash temps, then left it on the bench on a 16C day. After about 5 hrs I realise what's happening and pull a fermenter of 36C wort out of the fridge because the heaters been running non stop trying to get to 18C. Brew had only been fermenting for 38 hrs but was only 2 points off FG at this time and the hydro sample tasted great!


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## Doubleplugga (16/7/13)

Stayed sober :unsure:


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## Dan Pratt (16/7/13)

Funny story's.

I had a mate come over and do a biab brew, we mashed in and wrapped her up for the 1hr mash. Wrapping included and sleeping bag and a massive blanket and bungee cords to hold on. We sat down to watch the footy and drink and about 15mins later my mate ask " what's that dripping sound" ....f&@k.......left urn on during mashin and wrap up and it had started to boil. There was boiled mash leaking out all over the table, I consider it now to have been a decoction of some sort.


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## Thefatdoghead (17/7/13)

Went to tip out 2 kegs of average beer......tipped the wrong keg which was a really nice IPA so ended up tipping 3 kegs. Oops
Made a mead after brewday when I was spastic drunk. Supposed to be a show mead but its now a very dry mead with some spices I can't remember putting in. Worst part is Ill have to wait a year to see if its any good. It's sitting on 0.998 and really dry


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## Truman42 (17/7/13)

On my first maiden voyage of my new brew controller filled my hlt with water and started to heat it. After 30 mins went back to check and the water is still at 12.5C. Opened the box up and started checking for a loose wire etc. SSR lights were on but that was it. Realised I had plugged the HLT leads into kettle 1 and 2 instead of HLT 1 and 2. And they are clearly labelled..


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## yum beer (17/7/13)

labels rarely work.


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## mmmyummybeer (24/7/13)

Lucky escape.

I can turn my elec heating elements on by remote, which has been handy. However today when I checked the brewery to see it was heating up I noticed the wet ground and thought 'Nooooooooo'. The HLT tap wasn't shut properly and had leaked, there was about a centimeter of water maybe less above the element. So lucky element still fine and with a refill brewday still good. Was just in the nick of time though.


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## Byran (25/7/13)

lol Some of this shit is great! Or not so great depending how you look at it...... :drinks:


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## newguy (28/7/13)

I have a counterflow chiller that I boil (to sterilise) just before use, then I drain, rinse and boil again just before I put it away. Had a deck with some weeds growing underneath, so I used to pour the boiling water from this onto the deck to kill the weeds beneath. Did that in my stocking feet one day and wasn't quite quick enough before the water got to my foot. Boiling water + sock = blistered sole of foot.

Other than that, probably the stupidest thing I've done whilst brewing was drinking beer. Brewing drunk isn't very smart.


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## jimmy86 (28/7/13)

Not brew related, at work welding some pipe and reading about brew stuff ups whilst I wait for the heat up time to pass. Well it passed and I turned the pressure down on the hydraulics still reading the thread not paying attention... 15 minutes later realise the hot plate is still in the pipe and its beaded lips are bigger than belladonna's. oh well out with the saw and start again.


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## Will88 (28/7/13)

Very first BIAB day. Wrapped up the urn in doona and walked away for about 10min.

Came back to find a wet doona and puddle of wort on the floor. The doona had caught the tap switch and pushed it towards the urn which opened it just enough to start flowing.

Clean up for that one took a while.


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## timmi9191 (28/7/13)

Brewed 46l of amber ale whilst totally sober.. Dam you dry July!!


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## pk.sax (28/7/13)

Managed to smash my trusty old glass thermo and destroy the hydro tube, all in one day.

Decided I could do without a pickup tube, oh so wrong...

Too much evap, decided to dilute back to calc strength, what do I do? Dilute from the HLT. AFTER I chilled the brew down. fml. Had to wait nearly 3 hours for it to cool down.
All in all, not a bad brew day.


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## Truman42 (28/12/13)

Ok I have to add what I did this morning. Transferred my water from the HLT, doughed in and started to recirculate and no flow. I think its an airlock so disconnect the hose going into the herms coil and lower it into a bucket to get it flowing. Connect it back up, turn on pump and still no flow.
So now I think its my pump so I pull the March pump cover off inspect the impeller and all looks fine. Put it back together and still no flow. So then I think maybe one of my quick disconnects on my pump is sucking air so I swap them all over for barbs. Still no flow. Pull the March pump apart again and double check everything and lube the seal.
Then I try it again with water coming out of the HLT and I have flow.
Then I look and realize I had my Kettle and MLT hoses connected the wrong way. DOHHHH

My pump has a T on the inlet and a T on the outlet. HLT out and MLT out connects to the bottom and MLT in and kettle connects to the top. That way I dont need valves at my pump just at my vessels. (QldKev gave me the idea) Works well when you remember which way to put your hoses. I cant believe I didnt check the obvious first.

Then to make matters worse Im brewing a stout and its a dark brown instead of a black. I double check the recipe and realize I forgot to add the chocolate.

I'm waiting for number 3 although Ive just reached flame out with no other issues so far so fingers crossed.


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## Yob (28/12/13)

Close the tap on the cube/fv


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## Kiwifirst (28/12/13)

I forgot to plug back in the temp controller on the freezer after using it as an actual freezer. Pilsner got cold conditioned a bit too much.


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## Truman42 (28/12/13)

Yob said:


> Close the tap on the cube/fv


HA Ha I did that when I noticed starsan leaking out onto my garage floor.


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## manticle (28/12/13)

Steep the missing choc malt in a small grain bag, boil the liquor for 10-20 minutes and add in. I have done the exact same thing with a stout before.


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## surly (28/12/13)

Kiwifirst said:


> I forgot to plug back in the temp controller on the freezer after using it as an actual freezer. Pilsner got cold conditioned a bit too much.


I have frozen my kegs twice now. Pretty embarrassing.
The last time I blew the tops off 2 longies of coopers too and the keezer was full of beer-slurpee.

I was cleaning the damn thing out after an out-post leaked and flooded the keezer with beer. I forgot to put the temp probe back in. Cleaning out the same thing twice in 2 days was just a little annoying


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## Gelding (28/12/13)

leaving carboy tap open while racking in, finding out a lot later


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## Truman42 (28/12/13)

manticle said:


> Steep the missing choc malt in a small grain bag, boil the liquor for 10-20 minutes and add in. I have done the exact same thing with a stout before.


i had only just doughed in when I noticed it so was able to add it in anyway.


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## robbo5253 (29/12/13)

On m last brew I was draining first running a into a bucket to transfer to kettle when the oven timer went off for a loaf of bread. Went and saved the bread before remembering the tap on the MLT was open. Ran back out to see first runnings over flowing onto the shed floor. Unsure how much I lost but sparked a bit more and boiled longer to compensate.


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## elcarter (29/12/13)

First away brew day at a mates, had to wait for some spare elec sockets... so got a few pints in.

Did the water calculations on the fly for my first double batch little inebriated and care free. Odds certainly against me.

Wort levels came up 5L short in the second cube.

Decided to just add the warm water from the HLT to top it up.

Still to this day I count my lucky stars I got away with it.


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## Gelding (29/12/13)

Once I thought I'd dash the market to pick up some milk n bread, thought I had 30 mins while timing hops a schedule in a 60 min boil... then got caught in a traffic jam... f f f f f


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## Mardoo (1/1/14)

Bottling day too far off topic? Total noob mistake. Got a used fridge for cold-crashing/settling yeast and used it for the first time this brew. Went to bottle yesterday, prepped the bulk prime and everything else, transferred the beer to the bottling bucket. Hmmm, only 15 liters??? Look in fermentor...damn. A big beer berg sitting at the bottom of the fermentor. It has occurred to me that the fridge could run too cold, but I'm hurrying. New Year's party starts in 90 minutes, beer had been bulk primed already, just have to bottle it up anyway. I hope that 2.7 vols of carbonation goes well with Manticle's Dark Mild. I was shooting for south of 2 vols.

Lesson learned: always look in the fermentor before bottling, and for fark's sake, don't hurry anything. Dammit. :blink:


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## OneEye (1/1/14)

Managed to freeze a yeast starter solid.... was cold crashing it so I could decant and step it up. Just thawed it and did it anyway and it the yeasties still did their job after their arctic holiday!


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## Scooby Tha Newbie (1/1/14)

Stoped making Rye bread in the bakery. My apprentice ordered a bag of Rye. LIGHT BULB!! Thought no great loss will make my first (Rye) larger style beer. 5 kg if grains 600grams of Rye flour hops all good. Fermented at 11c for 21 days. Did all the good stuff. Thought it was a touch thick no big deal. Keged it wouldn't carb up wouldnt go thu my taps. Seems I made 20lts of apricot jam. Tasted nice but couldn't get past the syrup consistency.


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## _HOME_BREW_WALLACE_ (1/1/14)

I bottled 60ish stubbies after priming with the large scoop while I was pissed. I realized after about 10 days when all these bottle bombs started going off. A quick job of putting the remainders in the fridge at about midnight wrapping them in a tea towel as I handled them.

I have started a brew day after being at a mates place sampling quite a few APAs trying to replicate the beer again at 11.30 pm. The ambition was there the ability wasn't much so. Mashed for about 3 hours and boiled for 4 (for memory). Turned out shockingly burnt /caramelized got through them though when desperate for a beer.

Used a ripped biab bag once, didn't turn out liked I hoped when hoisted the bag.


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## MastersBrewery (2/1/14)

Truman said:


> i had only just doughed in when I noticed it so was able to add it in anyway.


I'm sure it was one of manticles tips to add dark grains late to the mash to "smooth out the character of bitterness and roasting", you may have inadvertently improved the stout


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## Black Devil Dog (16/1/14)

I was looking at some photos today, that I'd taken as I was going through my process a couple of months ago and I noticed that my digital scales, that I use to measure my grain and hops, were set to millilitres and not grams. :huh:

Haven't fermented it yet, but I know which batch it is. Might not be quite as I planned. (insert self uppercut emoticon here)


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## Kumamoto_Ken (16/1/14)

Black Devil Dog said:


> I was looking at some photos today, that I'd taken as I was going through my process a couple of months ago and I noticed that my digital scales, that I use to measure my grain and hops, were set to millilitres and not grams. :huh:
> 
> Haven't fermented it yet, but I know which batch it is. Might not be quite as I planned. (insert self uppercut emoticon here)


Aren't they the same (assuming your scales think it's 1ml of water)?


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## Crofty (16/1/14)

I pitched hefeweizen yeast into my Bock wort and the lager yeast into my wheat beer wort on a double batch day....

Hefebock turned out fantastically... Lagerweizen was ok for 2 days after I keg hopped 20g of cascade... After that it was undrinkable.


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## Black Devil Dog (17/1/14)

Kumamoto_Ken said:


> Aren't they the same (assuming your scales think it's 1ml of water)?


1 litre of water = 1kg. Different for solids though.


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## Kumamoto_Ken (17/1/14)

Black Devil Dog said:


> 1 litre of water = 1kg. Different for solids though.


Yep, so 1ml of water equals 1 gram.

But if your scales are anything like mine (and they may be much better), they don't know if it's water or dried malt extract or hops that's sitting on them. Mine assume if you have it set to read in ml that you're measuring water.

If you have it set on ml and are weighing 30grams of hops it'll just say 30ml, and it shouldn't make any difference to your recipe quantities.

Edit: an attempt at better clarity.


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## mosto (17/1/14)

I usually add some carapils to most beers to aid head retention. Last brew I couldn't find my bag of carapils (I'm sure I've got some, just can't find it). Instead, I had a light bulb moment when I vaguely remembered reading/hearing of doing a protein rest to aid head retention. So I mashed in at around 55c and held it there for 15min before ramping up. Beer is in the keg and tasting lovely, but head disappears in seconds. It was only at this point, I decided to confirm my vague learnings of protein rests. A quick google reveals a protein rest is actually detrimental to head retention, but aids clarity. By no means disastrous, and by no means my biggest brew day stuff up, but another small lesson learned on my journey.


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## Mardoo (17/1/14)

Rest at 72 for head retention. Works a treat. Glycoproteins at this temp IIRC.


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## lukiferj (6/2/14)

Technically not on brew day but I was filling a keg this morning and went to force carb it. Only I had left the release valve open. Now I'm covered in delicious hazelnut brown ale. :lol:


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## Red Baron (6/2/14)

I brewed again on Monday after 3 months and moving house. When I doughed in, I thought the mash looked thin, but it had been 3 months.... My efficiency was terrible. Proper terrible, so I topped up with dextrose to make it somewhat drinkable. I put it down to the move and the 1st brew in a new environment, and vowed to learn some lessons from the brewday. Last night, the wife went to bake and notice the digital scales that I also use for brewing were set on lb's - not kg's............................. 

looks like I made 25kg of yeast starter!!!


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## mckenry (15/6/15)

Kind of stupid. Old 10amp extension lead in my 15amp socket. Had the element, pump and stirrer going. Went inside for an hour while HLT and MT came to temp. Wife came in and said "do you know you've had a fire in the powerpoint?" Went down and found this. 





And this




Had to go and buy a new 15Amp point and lead. Put me back a few hours.


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## Benn (15/6/15)

Got some mates round to help me bottle a couple of barrels. We had a good production line going, one mate filling one mate adding sugar and me capping. A few beers later it was all done, a few weeks later they started exploding


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## Diggs (15/6/15)

I leave to tap open on my FV every fecking time :angry2:


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## spog (15/6/15)

mckenry said:


> Kind of stupid. Old 10amp extension lead in my 15amp socket. Had the element, pump and stirrer going. Went inside for an hour while HLT and MT came to temp. Wife came in and said "do you know you've had a fire in the powerpoint?" Went down and found this.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Faarrrrk.


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## butisitart (15/6/15)

prepared yeast, had a few different ales and enjoyed the moment/s of why homebrew is so good. went to bed. woke up. went to work. went to bed. woke up. went to work. went to bed. woke up. went to work. came home 3 days later and the wife asked if i was doing anything with the yeasty thing in the cupboard. threw yeast into wort. i have never tasted anything as vile as what crawled out of that fermenter.

***happy ending*** i had heaps of spare bottles, so it sat there. i drink one as i write, 10 months later. i cracked one 2 weeks ago, and is not the best, but still better than mega swill. acts as a back up and helps with aging my current beers a little more. but putrid in its day.


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