# Paddle 2005



## chiller (28/6/04)

Paddle 2005:

Picture this .......................


The scene is the boss's office of Micro brewery "X", you are the brewer and have been called in to save the day. Sales have slumped.


The marketing department headed by Bruce, with assistance from Bruce, Bruce and Bill [confusing I know] have just completed a survey of the Australian drinking public in the 18 - 32 year old demographic.

Bruce has identified some disturbing trends in the drinking world. Both men and women were surveyed and a cross section of habits [drinking] were polled.

As part of the survey Bruce from the R&D department [no relation to Bruce in marketing] has formulated and brewed [Bruce is a keen homebrewer in his spare time] a series of test beers from the brewery. Bruce is also a fan of Monty Python.

The survey results aren't in yet but Bruce from Accounting has already stipulated any new beer must have only locally grown and malted or roasted grain with a consession to imported yeast and hops.

It is your task as the brewer to start thinking of a new "Australian Session beer".

When Bruce from marketing has collated all the survey results you can have the details and the first glimpse at how you will formulate this beer.

Bruce from Home Brew sales muttered that it will never work but no one listens to Bruce anymore after you revived the status of low gravity all grain brewing this year. This years effort is already receiving rave reviews throughout the country.

In the next week or two the survey results will be available and you will be able to start trial brewing.





I hope the above gives you something to think on for the next "Paddle"  



Steve Nicholls.


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## dicko (28/6/04)

I've got the HLT lit up already Steve!
Cheers


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## GMK (28/6/04)

so - are we brewing/comparing to the commercial....

dare I say it.....

Monty Pythons Holy Graile .....


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## chiller (28/6/04)

I spoke to Bruce in marketing and he wishes you all the best. Muttered something about fish as he staggered out.

:chug: 



Steve


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## Batz (28/6/04)

Let us all be up standing

and recite after me


THIS IS A DEAD PARROT !


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## chiller (28/6/04)

Dead? No sir just resting.


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## wedge (28/6/04)

eh?


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## chiller (28/6/04)

For you Wedge!!

Paddle 2005:

Picture this .......................


The scene is the boss's office of Micro brewery "X", you are the brewer and have been called in to save the day. Sales have slumped.


The marketing department headed by Bruce, with assistance from Bruce, Bruce and Bill [confusing I know] have just completed a survey of the Australian drinking public in the 18 - 32 year old demographic.

Bruce has identified some disturbing trends in the drinking world. Both men and women were surveyed and a cross section of habits [drinking] were polled.

As part of the survey Bruce from the R&D department [no relation to Bruce in marketing] has formulated and brewed [Bruce is a keen homebrewer in his spare time] a series of test beers from the brewery. Bruce is also a fan of Monty Python.

The survey results aren't in yet but Bruce from Accounting has already stipulated any new beer must have only locally grown and malted or roasted grain with a consession to imported yeast and hops.

It is your task as the brewer to start thinking of a new "Australian Session beer".

When Bruce from marketing has collated all the survey results you can have the details and the first glimpse at how you will formulate this beer.

Bruce from Home Brew sales muttered that it will never work but no one listens to Bruce anymore after you revived the status of low gravity all grain brewing this year. This years effort is already receiving rave reviews throughout the country.

In the next week or two the survey results will be available and you will be able to start trial brewing.





I hope the above gives you something to think on for the next "Paddle"



Steve Nicholls.


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## jayse (28/6/04)

Sounds great.
Micro brew money making and marketing. I guess what we are up agaisnt here is beers like that of maltida bay and MSB etc. Or are we aiming at people who don't ussually drink micro brewed beer.

Looking forward to it

Jayse


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## chiller (28/6/04)

Bruce from marketing hasn't got all the survey info collated as yet.

Steve


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## PostModern (29/6/04)

Evening ladies and Bruces.

I'm looking forward to entering next year's Mash Paddle and think that the Great Australian Session Beer is a fantastic idea. I would have to ask, why stop at local grains? Why not all Australian (or even Australasian) ingredients, hops and yeast strains included?

Cheers,
Bruce.


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## deebee (29/6/04)

This is a bottle with a message in it and the message is, "Beware!" This is not a beer for drinking, this is a beer for laying down and avoiding.


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## jayse (29/6/04)

In regards to PoMo's argument.
you will find i think that a lot of the good aussie grown hops that the swill brewers use are not all available to us. (Also note bruce has a micro brewery not a swill brewery.)
Also the yeasts they use are of european origins so unless we get the yeast from the breweries themselves then we are very limited to the yeasts we can get that are produced in Australia.
So i see no reason why any brewery no mater how much money they are trying to save would not get its first batch of yeast from the source where ever that maybe.
Good ideas from PoMo i think but there is maybe more in it than what PoMo suggests.
I do like the idea you raise but there are some flaws in it. As is the beer in question and ones made by others such as other micro brewery money making beers do include at least one part from outside oz.
Anyway this all depends on the beer we are making.
You'll see steve's post says 'micro' brewery so i think it is safe to say the beer to be made will be more like a for example matida bay beer rather than a CUB beer.
Even a MSB beer or any other of the top micros' like mountain goat which all use hops and yeast from outside oz.

anyway i think all these things will get sorted when the bruces' sit down and work out what they want..
Jayse


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## PostModern (29/6/04)

I was thinking of HopCo hops (which is why I said Australasia rather than Australia)... I've currently got some nice NZ sourced Hallertau flowers, NZ Styrian Goldings, Aust Hallertau, Aust Willamette... there are more hops grown locally than just POR (I also have a kilo of them).. 

Maybe yeasts could be cultured from Coopers Ales or Little Creatures.... or just good ole 514  I realise yeast is the biggest problem. Anyway, I think if you're going to craft an "Australian Beer", as many of the ingredients should be locally produced as possible, no?


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## Batz (29/6/04)

Is this the right room for an argument?

I've told you once

No you have'nt


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## wee stu (29/6/04)

spam, spam, aussie grain, spam, spam, kiwi hops, spam, foreign yeast and spam?


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## Batz (29/6/04)

But I don't like spam !


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## PostModern (29/6/04)

Bunch of philosphers in here. No singing!


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## GOLIATH (29/6/04)

Brother Maynard!

Consult the book of Armaments!


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## jayse (29/6/04)

I do see where your coming from PoMo and i do think it is a good idea on the hop varrieties being some of those you mentioned.
Just saying that they are not that commonly available through homebrew shops.
Not that they are impossible to get just the most of them are brought by CUB and others before they are even harvested.
Anyway i think that hop idea is very possible as that is properly what the micro breweries owned by the giants do such as MSB and matilda bay.
Even LC is half owned by the giants now is it not?and are proberly using more aussie cluster than cascade than they once did. 
anyway iam really looking forward to this.

Batz i don't think we are arguing as such, not like me and GMK on chat sometimes. h34r: 
Just debating valid points.

Stu settle nothing wrong with aussie produce.
Like PoMo says there's more to Australia than Pride of ringworm.

Can't wait for the bruces' to get there stuff sorted and we can start brewing

Jayse


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## PostModern (29/6/04)

As Goliath indicated in the 2004 results thread, there will probably be debate in forums with more credibility that this one. I'm looking forward to the next few months of the craftbrewers list.

No need to unleash the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.


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## GOLIATH (29/6/04)

A quick clarification please Post Mod! 

As I wish NOT to offend anyone, My post on the 2004 results is not about the credibility of this forum! Far from it.

My post relates to the credibility difference between those that bagged the comp and those that identified and understood the comp for what it is.

Regards
Dave


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## Wreck (29/6/04)

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!


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## johnno (29/6/04)

People were bagging the comp????


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## Batz (29/6/04)

And as far as arguing Jayse , it comes from another Monty Python sketch

"Is this the right room for an argument"

Was a joke mate !

   


We older people maybe a bit more familiar with the old Pythons  

Cheers Batz


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## Guest Lurker (29/6/04)

Hows it going JM?


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## PostModern (29/6/04)

GOLIATH said:


> As I wish NOT to offend anyone, My post on the 2004 results is not about the credibility of this forum! Far from it.
> 
> My post relates to the credibility difference between those that bagged the comp and those that identified and understood the comp for what it is.


Ah OK. 
I didn't think you were bagging this forum. We are (outstanding results in the MP 2004 notwithstanding) a more casual group than the highly technical forums like ocb.


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## Batz (29/6/04)

Who bagged the comp ?


Make the sit in the " Comfory Chair"

( Form the Pythons Jayse )


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## PostModern (29/6/04)

Batz said:


> Who bagged the comp ?
> 
> 
> Make the sit in the " Comfory Chair"
> ...


I remember some guy - Tom Something ?- having a go at it being AG only and encouraging kit brewers to enter kits 

EDIT: there were a few others as well, mostly partmashers who got their noses out of joint at having their (well, mine too) style of brewing derided...


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## Batz (29/6/04)

mmmmm OK

I must have missed that

Still if someone wants a comp. to those specifications I would say

Don't bag another comp. run one yourself :angry: 

And a good idea as well , get it happening


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## PostModern (29/6/04)

Batz said:


> Don't bag another comp. run one yourself :angry:


 That's pretty much what everyone else on ocb said last year


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## chiller (29/6/04)

Hi guys,

Just a quick note -- all the Bruces are back in the office and there is a roaring verbal between all the brewery departments as to who the target beer is aimed at.

Bruce from homebrew sales is still at the pub [he couldn't brew a decent beer so now drinks anything] and still refuses to have anything to do with anything he can't can.

Bruce from accounting has read some of the posts already and is considering ingredient restrictions. Bruce from R&D is furious as he's happy with Australian malts but would like yeast from OS as well as noble hops.

Preliminary survey results are indicating some taste suprises but the full results won't be circulated for about 3 days.

Just a summary report -- more to follow soon.  

Steve


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## PostModern (29/6/04)

*cough*Aus Hallertau*cough*


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## Batz (29/6/04)

On Ya Bruces


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## wee stu (29/6/04)

jayse said:


> Stu settle nothing wrong with aussie produce.
> 
> Jayse


 chill bro' Jayse - mine too was an old fogey's reference to the Python's - spam, glorious spam

ah the ignorance of callow youth!

and the wise one sayeth: RDWHAHB


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## jayse (29/6/04)

Sorry batz and stu, as you can see that flew straight over my head, iam python challanged. :blink: 


Jayse


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## dicko (29/6/04)

Bring on the specs for the 2005 MP Chiller, but dont make it impossible for us remote brewers to obtain specialised ingredients.
I, personally, have never entered a brew comp before so I can't speak from experience but I was of the understanding that the concept of the Mash Paddle was to test the skills of the individual brewer more than the brewers ability to obtain special ingredients and then add them to the brew to produce a winner.
So save the tricky ingredients for other comps and keep the MP skill related.
Just my views!
Cheers


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## Batz (29/6/04)

I have no idea what the specs will be Dicko

But I am sure that tricky ingredients it will not be
I had all the last ingredients as I am sure you would have when I post the recipe ,


Steve makes the Paddle as you said "test the skills of the brewer"


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## Gulf Brewery (29/6/04)

Hey Dicko,

If you can't get anything, then I am sure someone on this forum would get it for you and forward in on to you, though I can't think of anything you won't be able to get.

Cheers
Pedro


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## Batz (29/6/04)

Peruvian Yak hops arn't that hard to come by


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## bonk (29/6/04)

damn batz that was my secret ingredient


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## PostModern (29/6/04)

Or Venezuelan beaver yeast?


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## Gulf Brewery (29/6/04)

Batz said:


> Peruvian Yak hops arn't that hard to come by


It was the yak fat that went into the beer that stuffed it. (with apologies to "The Naked Vicar show" for those old enough to remember)


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## Hoops (29/6/04)

2 Concerns for next years paddle...

1. How much feed back do you get from the judging?
I have just kegged my 2nd AG so I would not expect to do particularly well in the comp, but I am looking at it more from an experience point of view and to maybe identify specific areas in my brewing that can improve.

2. I would need a bit of assistance/information to ensure that I was brewing a beer at least in the general area of the style intended. (That's where all my fellow AHB'ers come in  )

Hoops


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## Trough Lolly (30/6/04)

Would you happen to have a copy of "The amazing adventures of Captain Gladys Stoat Pamphlet and her intrepid spaniel Stig amongst the wild pygmies of Corsica, Volume 8"?

....er no.


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## Trough Lolly (30/6/04)

Batz said:


> Peruvian Yak hops arn't that hard to come by


Ahhh yes sir, they're on the shelf just above the Venezuelan Beaver Cheese...  
Oops - Sorry PoMo, I repeated your quip - I've got to learn to read the thread before blindly replying! h34r: 

Sorry...my teenage years were largely spent surrounded by python vids!  
TL
"Camelot?....It's only a model....Shhh!"
"It got better...!"
<ok, I'll go and have a beer now>>>


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## Batz (30/6/04)

The one without the Gannett?


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## Trough Lolly (30/6/04)

Batz said:


> The one without the Gannett?


 What do you mean the one without the Gannett? Its in all the books - it's a standard British Bird?!......Allright, I'll tear it out then - rrrrrip :lol:


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## deebee (30/6/04)

This has been the funniest ever thread ever on this site, ever. Laughed especially hardest at the serious posts. 


And Batz, this is not the right room for an argument. This is being hit on the head lessons.


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## Trough Lolly (30/6/04)

I can't buy that book!
Why not?....
It's torn.

Sorry - I'll go now. TL


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## Batz (30/6/04)

My name's

Smoke Too Much

Mr Smoke Too Much


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## GOLIATH (30/6/04)

You're all Nuts



WOT ... Coconuts
Ahhh but not a european swallow, that's wot i mean

Dave


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## wee stu (30/6/04)

stop it!

my brain hurts


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## THE DRUNK ARAB (1/7/04)

J P Gumby is now appearing as a tunnel support near Whopping Steps.


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## Trough Lolly (1/7/04)

Hello Mr. Gumby......I've got my head stuck in the cupboard....


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## Trough Lolly (1/7/04)

THE DRUNK ARAB said:


> J P Gumby is now appearing as a tunnel support near Whopping Steps.


 That reminds me of Billy Connelly's Riotous Assembly tape!

"An elephant has shat at the Wocking Square....Please treat it as a roundabout"

Brilliant.... :lol:


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## Wreck (1/7/04)

He's not the Messiah, he's just a naughty boy!


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## Crispy (1/7/04)

Wreck said:


> He's not the Messiah, he's just a naughty boy!


 "Now, F*CK OFF."


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## warrenlw63 (1/7/04)

Trough Lolly said:


> Hello Mr. Gumby......I've got my head stuck in the cupboard....


 Hello!!!

My brain hurts.


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## wee stu (1/7/04)

and now for something completely different........


any update on the Bruces' deliberations, Mr Chiller? Paddle wise, that is.


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## Batz (1/7/04)

Bruce the head brewer?

He always wanted too be

Too be


A LUMBERJACK


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## Murray (1/7/04)




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## wee stu (1/7/04)

aah, Connie - the lumber in many a youthful jack!


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## chiller (1/7/04)

Who says you can't have fun as a homebrewer.

I will announce the serious specs for the 2005 Mash Paddle in the next day or so ........


IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT THREAD



Steve.


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## wee stu (1/7/04)

shouldn't that be a *completely different* thread, or at least *something* similar?

Not that I want to start an argument (5 or 10 minutes), but didn't you start all this, Mr (Bruce) Chiller?


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## Crispy (1/7/04)

"SPLITTER!"

:lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Trough Lolly (2/7/04)

If you want to be a member of the PFJ, you have to really hate the romans...

I do.

Oh yeah, how much?

A lot!

.....right, your in then.

And as for Connie - she's still a hornbag - even in Fawlty Towers! Sigh...


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## wedge (2/7/04)

I remember reading that persons problems with the comp. I pretty sure he got band from anything home brew related ie competition wise and ocb, for ever.


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