# You're Not A Real Brewer Until -----



## TidalPete (21/4/09)

You're not a real brewer until you --- 

All-grain

Use a refractometer

Have a March Pump

Have a tight arse stirplate

Go HERMES

Go RIMS

*HAVE A BEER GARDEN* :lol: 





With my trees starting to shade out a lot of my plants I decided to bite the bullet & put the (Cleared) area to good use.

Although no insult was intended I have my flame suit on & waiting for BIAB brewers to complain about not being on the list.  

TP

Edit --- Fixed Brendo.


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## winkle (21/4/09)

TidalPete said:


> You're not a real brewer until you ---
> 
> All-grain
> 
> ...



Ya need a farting gnome :icon_cheers:


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## Adamt (21/4/09)

That just looks like a garden to me...


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## captaincleanoff (21/4/09)

2 chairs + a milk crate = a beer garden? :lol:


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## chappo1970 (21/4/09)

Your not a real brewer until....

You build a ridiculously over engineered brew rig like "Sherman"







BTW TP looking good! :icon_cheers: Might have to drop up there and soak up the beers surrounding atmosphere! :chug:


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## brendo (21/4/09)

I thought it was once you have a March Pump... 

Brendo


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## .DJ. (21/4/09)

where is the beer in said "BEER" garden?


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## Fourstar (21/4/09)

TidalPete said:


> You're not a real brewer until you ---



Cut or burn yourself at some stage during every brew day. <_< 

I seriously need to take a knife to my cubes at the joins, Especially around the handle. My knuckles are always being sliced to ribbons. Or maybe i should just invest in some rubber/work gloves instead?


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## HoppingMad (21/4/09)

Hmmm...inspired thinking.

Almost finished the brew shed - now soon my attention can turn to the garden and making it a domain of sun drenched guzzling. Love it.
Will have to put my beergarden landscaping boots on!

Hopper.


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## barclayton (21/4/09)

its missing the emu expert empties.


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## TidalPete (21/4/09)

captaincleanoff said:


> 2 chairs + a milk crate = a beer garden? :lol:



A *PERSONAL *beer garden sunshine & you missed the table for my brews. Looking forward to seeing a pic of *your* beer garden.

I will get a gnome Perry although a farting one might be hard to find?  

TP


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## captaincleanoff (21/4/09)

TidalPete said:


> Looking forward to seeing a pic of *your* beer garden.



no worries, will post one later, sunshine


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## HoppingMad (21/4/09)

Farting Gnome :lol:


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## Steve (21/4/09)

Fourstar said:


> Or maybe i should just invest in some rubber/work gloves instead?



Or maybe you should just HTFU..pffft big girls blouse :lol:  

Pete you just put a pebble under one side of the base of the gnome so he's got the compulsory ready to fart lean :lol: 

Cheers
Steve

Edit - whats the SB sign on the tree?


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## gava (21/4/09)

Darryl Kerrigan himself would be jealous..


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## TidalPete (21/4/09)

Steve said:


> Or maybe you should just HTFU..pffft big girls blouse :lol:
> 
> Pete you just put a pebble under one side of the base of the gnome so he's got the compulsory ready to fart lean :lol:
> 
> ...



Great idea Steve.  Actually, farting gnomes are available on Ebay.
SB = Sharkbait Brewery.

TP


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## chappo1970 (21/4/09)

I actually collect gnomes. :lol:


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## Supra-Jim (21/4/09)

Chappo said:


> I actually collect gnomes. :lol:



I used to also, but that was generally only after drinking (walking home from the pub) and we had a strict catch and release policy. Catch em, and release in the funniest place you can think of/find on the stumble home.

:icon_cheers: SJ


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## Steve (21/4/09)

Chappo said:


> I actually collect gnomes. :lol:




bet you chew their ears off to  :lol:


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## Asher (21/4/09)

....you got one of these


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## Supra-Jim (21/4/09)

^^^^ Ultimate beer garden, where the plants dispense booze!!!!! :icon_drool2: 

:icon_cheers: SJ


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## TidalPete (21/4/09)

Asher said:


> ....you got one of these
> 
> View attachment 26434



Asher,

I've been on this forum for quite a while & have always been envious of that setup. :super: 
Is the dispensing unit still in the same place or is it now further away?

TP


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## chappo1970 (21/4/09)

Asher said:


> ....you got one of these




Have got to get me one of them! :beerbang: 

h34r: That way whilst mowing the farkin' lawns I could have a tipple of the pep-m-eup-juice to complete the job without SWMBO knowing...


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## Supra-Jim (21/4/09)

Chappo said:


> h34r: That way whilst mowing the farkin' lawns I could have a tipple of the pep-m-eup-juice to complete the job without SWMBO knowing...



Yeah she won't notice a thing, especiallly when you knock out an effort like this:







Or would this be an improvement over the current standard?

:icon_cheers: SJ


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## chappo1970 (21/4/09)

Supra-Jim said:


> ...Or would this be an improvement over the current standard?
> 
> :icon_cheers: SJ



+1


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## brendo (21/4/09)

Supra-Jim said:


> Yeah she won't notice a thing, especiallly when you knock out an effort like this:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



OT... back when my (now) wife and I were sharing a house with another guy, I came home to find our housemate had mown the lawns (usually my job) and it frightenignly looked just like that.

I went straight out there and ran back over it all to neaten it up and when asked by the missus why I did it I told her that there was no way I was gunna have her Dad think I had done a shoddy job like that.

Never would have heard the end of it... he was an ex-Jim's Mowing franchisee...

Brendo


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## petesbrew (21/4/09)

Asher said:


> ....you got one of these
> 
> View attachment 26434



Mmmmm.... Cocos Palm Ale. I knew those damn seed pods were good for something.


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## np1962 (21/4/09)

Chappo said:


> I actually collect gnomes. :lol:




Not been able to look at them the same way since watching the Full Monty  
Crack up evary time!

Nige


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## Batz (21/4/09)

Here's my beer garden, yet to install the milk crate.




Batz


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## Fatgodzilla (21/4/09)

Chappo said:


> I actually collect gnomes. :lol:




You're that short that if you stood yourself in the middle of a stack of gnomes, only the B O and Winnie Blue in your mouth would set you apart from the other plaster men ! B)


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## chappo1970 (21/4/09)

Fatgodzilla said:


> You're that short that if you stood yourself in the middle of a stack of gnomes, only the B O and Winnie Blue in your mouth would set you apart from the other plaster men ! B)



ROFL! :lol: 

I was gunna say your NOT a real brewer if you've not had the misfortune of meeting FatzG... But I'm not that nasty  .


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## floppinab (21/4/09)

........................... you've left a HLT/mash tun/kettle/fermenter tap open and seen you're lovely sweet liquor/wort/beer disappear down the driveway.
DAMMIT if I didn't do it again yesterday..........


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## winkle (21/4/09)

TidalPete said:


> A *PERSONAL *beer garden sunshine & you missed the table for my brews. Looking forward to seeing a pic of *your* beer garden.
> 
> I will get a gnome Perry although a farting one might be hard to find?
> 
> TP



Smoke shop at Centro Albany Creek.
(there is one that abuses you, gives you the finger, and farts - I might have to upgrade)


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## Katherine (21/4/09)

Chappo said:


> ROFL! :lol:
> 
> I was gunna say your NOT a real brewer if you've not had the misfortune of meeting FatzG... But I'm not that nasty  .



Ive never met FatzG ethier but I imagine everybody would look like a garden gnome next to him.


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## flattop (21/4/09)

Tap open is a rite of passage, i do it almost every brew on something or other, the cube is the worst, 100* hot wort running all over the shoes...

I have a tap in the cube so i can put it on the bar and run it out into the fermenter sitting on a crate, gives about the right splash factor.


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## TidalPete (21/4/09)

Batz said:


> Here's my beer garden, yet to install the milk crate.
> 
> View attachment 26436
> 
> ...



Batz, by the time you got to your beer garden it would be time to go home again. :lol: 

TP


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## Batz (21/4/09)

TidalPete said:


> Batz, by the time you got to your beer garden it would be time to go home again. :lol:
> 
> TP




Around 20 minutes from the house for a young buck like me Pete,carrying beer would be a different story.

Batz


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## winkle (21/4/09)

And here was me thinking it was your driveway after the recent showers.


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## wakkatoo (21/4/09)

....your non-beer drinking wife sits down and has serious conversations about the layout of the Brew Shed you are building :lol:


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## TidalPete (21/4/09)

wakkatoo said:


> ....your non-beer drinking wife sits down and has serious conversations about the layout of the Brew Shed you are building :lol:



:icon_drool2: If only?

TP


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## Bribie G (21/4/09)

... you do the BIAB bag and hopsock in the washing machine and automatically put in the fabric softener in the rinse cycle. (I use fresh breeze from ALDI, gives the Bribie Bitter that maritime twang)


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## Pollux (21/4/09)

You dump half of your spent grain on your wife's foot while emptying your bag into a garbage bag she is holding....


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## haysie (21/4/09)

You're not a real brewer until you ---
Brew a beer that kicks ass OR 

Break Hydrometers and swear a fracto thing is no good cause it doesnt do FG. 
Worse still, you visit Woolies Wanda range and buy a hydrometer that reads MAXIMIUM 1040 :blink: wow whatabuy.
OR
Skimp on a pump, wear thongs or none, no clamps etc etc burns burns burns whilst brewing.
:unsure:


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## Fatgodzilla (21/4/09)

floppinab said:


> ........................... you've left a HLT/mash tun/kettle/fermenter tap open and seen you're lovely sweet liquor/wort/beer disappear down the driveway.
> DAMMIT if I didn't do it again yesterday..........




At your age ....  

Your not a real brewer until you read some of these misfortunes and don't at first lament, feel the pain, almost shed a tear ..............

then laugh :lol: 

Ya gotta luv this obsession !


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## Batz (21/4/09)

brendo said:


> I thought it was once you have a March Pump...
> 
> Brendo




It is !

Then a milk crate under a tree.

Batz :lol:


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## haysie (21/4/09)

Batz said:


> Then a milk crate under a tree.





Cant wait..... it just happens? or its conditional where you score your crate


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## jlm (21/4/09)

I think you're not a real brewer until you make a comment about not being a real brewer until you've (insert polarising topic here). And now having done such..........................


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## np1962 (21/4/09)

Until..... you've brewed Dr Smurto's Golden Ale.  

Done!

Nige


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## Pollux (21/4/09)

Why am I getting the "you might be a redneck" skit running through my head?


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## mash head (21/4/09)

Dont know about this Ive only been brewing for a year or two, but sitting on my arse drinking in the sun with or with out said crate Ive been all over this for about 20 years. :lol: 
Cheers Greg


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## Steve (21/4/09)

When you go to the toilet and automatically open the laundry door to where the keg fridge is instead!
Cheers
Steve


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## Back Yard Brewer (21/4/09)

You're not a real brewer until you --- 

Brew your own beer from scratch........... call it AG brewing if you like :lol: h34r: 


BYB


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## clarkey7 (21/4/09)

TidalPete said:


> You're not a real brewer until you ---


Have made 100 batches

Brewed AG

Burnt yourself

Edit: Wish you had a March Pump


PB


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## bradsbrew (21/4/09)

Whats a march pump :huh:


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## chappo1970 (21/4/09)

bradsbrew said:


> Whats a march pump :huh:



A pump that marches silly.  

Everybody knows that... :huh:


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## TidalPete (21/4/09)

Batz said:


> It is !
> 
> Then a milk crate under a tree.
> 
> Batz



That milk crate owes me nothing Batz.  
It kept my gravity setup running smoothly before I finished my HERMES & is a TEMPORARY fixture in the Sharkbait Brewery Beer Garden until I rig up a folding table off the fence to hold my (non-drinking) wife's cuppas.  
I get the best chair & the best table available & that is the way the pecking order works at my place. :lol: 



> Have made 100 batches



Pocket Beers,

I am afraid that seeing I have only got my 90th AG bubbling away, I am only 9\10ths (or 90%) of a real brewer.  

TP


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## haysie (21/4/09)

bradsbrew said:


> Whats a march pump :huh:


Those things the retailers NOW have.


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## bradsbrew (21/4/09)

Chappo said:


> A pump that marches silly.
> 
> Everybody knows that... :huh:


Better watch out then Chappo yours might march right into my kit on Saturday h34r:  .

Brad


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## Back Yard Brewer (21/4/09)

bradsbrew said:


> Whats a march pump :huh:




The month after a February pump and just before a April pump  Couldnt help myself. March Pump just in case you were serious  


BYB


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## Screwtop (21/4/09)

............until you've upset Darren


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## Back Yard Brewer (21/4/09)

Screwtop said:


> ............until you've upset Darren




I would'nt go there if I were you  


BYB


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## bradsbrew (21/4/09)

......... you've choked a kitten because of an airlock question.

Edit= Kitten not chicken. :lol: :lol:


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## wakkatoo (21/4/09)

bradsbrew said:


> ......... you've choked a chicken because of an airlock question.



:huh: 

Airlocks get you that excited brad??


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## flattop (21/4/09)

haysie said:


> You're not a real brewer until you ---
> Brew a beer that kicks ass OR
> 
> Break Hydrometers and swear a fracto thing is no good cause it doesnt do FG.
> ...




I've given up wearing a thong while brewing, too many complaints from the locals when i bend down to check the cube....


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## Steve (21/4/09)

wakkatoo said:


> :huh:
> 
> Airlocks get you that excited brad??




:icon_offtopic: its one of those, you had to be there to see it wakka, dont worry about it, its very boring.


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## bradsbrew (21/4/09)

wakkatoo said:


> :huh:
> 
> Airlocks get you that excited brad??


Oh dear I should stop drinking now. :lol:


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## flattop (21/4/09)

Gee but if your airlock's not bubbling perhaps you could post here and ask why h34r:


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## loikar (21/4/09)

Your not a real brewer until your mates start coming around your place 3 times a week in stead of the pub!


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## kenlock (21/4/09)

til you have a fermenting fridge with a fridgemate.


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## loikar (21/4/09)

wakkatoo said:


> :huh:
> 
> Airlocks get you that excited brad??



you can get it workin up a sweat, you can get it walking your pet, you can get it tipping a cow.......matter of fact....I'm choking one now.


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## Sully (21/4/09)

BeerFingers said:


> you can get it workin up a sweat, you can get it walking your pet, you can get it tipping a cow.......matter of fact....I'm choking one now.




BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


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## driveitlikeustoleit (21/4/09)

what about a lagering fridge with a fridgemate?


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## Sully (21/4/09)

....have a commercial fridge with glass doors as your fermenting fridge


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## chappo1970 (21/4/09)

Until you've got a stuck sparge...


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## kenlock (21/4/09)

Until you have a yeast bank. B)


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## Sully (21/4/09)

... when your wife wants you to talk dirty to her and you say things like sparge your wort , smack your yeast, drain your tun, boil your HLT, mill your grain h34r:


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## chappo1970 (21/4/09)

Sully said:


> ... when your wife wants you to talk dirty to her and you say things like sparge your wort , smack your yeast, drain your tun, boil your HLT, mill your grain h34r:



Bwahahaha! Classic!

Or honey can ya make me and Chappo's wife a Malteaser cheese cake for the case swap night? :huh: h34r:


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## clean brewer (21/4/09)

You go to the Pub for Dinner :icon_vomit: in Hervey Bay and breathe a sigh of relief to see that they have Tooheys Old on tap..


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## kenlock (21/4/09)

You take pictures of getting a good head.......... and you can publish them in AHB :lol:


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## Sully (21/4/09)

kenlock said:


> You take pictures of getting a good head.......... and you can publish them in AHB :lol:



Classic....


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## clean brewer (21/4/09)

kenlock said:


> You take pictures of getting a good head.......... and you can publish them in AHB :lol:



I got some great Head the other night, didnt get to take any pictures though!!  Would have been a great "Shot" :lol:


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## enoch (21/4/09)

kenlock said:


> Until you have a yeast bank. B)


I was feeling adequate 'til that!
Also not a real brewer until 

you have gone through 2 or three mash tuns
you've redone the brewery so many times that nothing remains from the original AG gear


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## kenlock (21/4/09)

enoch said:


> I was feeling adequate 'til that!
> Also not a real brewer until
> 
> you have gone through 2 or three mash tuns
> you've redone the brewery so many times that nothing remains from the original AG gear



h34r: Sorry Enoch!


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## adraine (22/4/09)

Well its not mine but it was my local when i lived in Germany.

We had many a great night out here in the summers. You just don't find this atmosphere here in Australia







They used to do great grub and it was still table service. We just used to yell "PETER" and the owner/barman would trot outside and down the stairs to serve us.

Great Times.


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## petesbrew (22/4/09)

1.you brew a beer 
2.you have an infection.
3. your mates ask if they can buy a case off you... Sorry lad's but no.
4. your other half gets the shits with your brewing.


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## Pennywise (22/4/09)

You're not a real brewer till' you've chewed on a handfull of hops


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## Snow (22/4/09)

.... your wife can talk about her yeast infection in public with little embarrassment. :huh:


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## Sully (22/4/09)

Snow said:


> .... your wife can talk about her yeast infection in public with little embarrassment. :huh:





Theres something fishy about that... h34r:


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## KHB (22/4/09)

your wife [email protected]#es that its not a hobby your obsessed!


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## technocat (22/4/09)

Take you eye off the ball, underestimate the power of the NASA, have a boil over and know how to fix it.


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## winkle (22/4/09)

You attach a RC to your party keg. B)


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## fcmcg (22/4/09)

Fourstar said:


> Cut or burn yourself at some stage during every brew day. <_<
> 
> I seriously need to take a knife to my cubes at the joins, Especially around the handle. My knuckles are always being sliced to ribbons. Or maybe i should just invest in some rubber/work gloves instead?


buy one of those keg keys...$2.50 or there aboots !
Cheers
Ferg


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## Fourstar (22/4/09)

fergthebrewer said:


> buy one of those keg keys...$2.50 or there aboots !



Keg Key?!?! :blink:


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