# Zombie Apocalypse- What will you eat?



## jyo (12/5/14)

Let's all face it. The Zombie Apocalypse is going to happen at some stage and a human can't survive on spent-grain dog biscuits and left over pickled olives forever.

I was feeding the cat tonight and couldn't help but notice the tin of Whiskas sardines and tuna loaf actually smelled like the tins of fish the ladies at work stink the lunch room out with everyday. I won't say I didn't salivate a little bit. And it looked half decent.

Mad Max did it. Nailing cans of dog food out of the boot of the Interceptor to survive. Granted, he was fleeing from mohawk-wearing petrol-hungry dudes, not zombies, but it's not dissimilar.

I reckon, at a nudge, I could nail a can of that tuna loaf when the zombies arrive.

What will you do???


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## Mardoo (12/5/14)

Fortify a Macca's and kick back. That shit never goes bad.


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## Bubba Q (12/5/14)

BRAAAAAAINS...


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## Pilchard (13/5/14)

If you get down to the meat of it all, I have been self sufficient for many years. We kill our own beasts and I smoke my own baccy, home brew was the last on our...my list of things to do. It is not zombie oppolipse but homesteading like the yanks have coined it. Find some land and reap its favoures, the land will produce most of it. I grow most of my taxable products, well only one but hops this year will be a first and I am damn good at it. I also grow the norm of corn toms on the veggy garden etc. I hope hops is a s easy to grow as other plants of that genera?

Cheers


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## Pilchard (13/5/14)

So my high protein source will,come form my bunnies my veg from my garden etc. hunt for larger game, in oz won't be such an issue as we have plenty of meat in roos, us on the other hand is fucked... No lare game animals they will have to eat rats and squirrels. Not my thaughts at the moment but when it all hits the fan and shit is not worth what it used to be then food and food production will be king. Maybe try some lacto ferments like crout or added chilli like kimchi Korean lacto ferment. Your peppers...chillis can also be put under lacto for a product like tobacco, you will Nemertea. To use 
Chips for the oAk ferment but it is doable.


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## Camo6 (13/5/14)

Those Dine ads used to make catfood look pretty tasty. Anything but those Chub rolls. 95% chicken feet. Anyhoo, good to see this site getting back on track with some valid polls. Jyo, you are a pillar to AHB. Keep up the good work.


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## Edak (13/5/14)

I think it would be easier just to be the zombie. You then seem to live longer and always find a snack of some sort... 

But really the only plan that makes sense is to grow your own food until you get overthrown by marauders or zombies. Oh and also have a water tank handy. 

The absolute first thing I will do if this ever occurs though is to drive as far away from any large population as possible, car loaded up with food, seed/plants, water, tools and a Samurai sword. Less people around=less zombies to worry about. 

Lastly I have already recruited my survival crew based on their abilities.


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## Edak (13/5/14)

I want to add that I didn't put beer on that list because it's a luxury, it requires a lot of energy and water to produce. I want to use my resources wisely given that most city built utilities will operate no longer than a few days or a week.

Basically we will be heading out with our minimal camping kit, going on a camping holiday!


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## Dave70 (13/5/14)

Eat vegans. The lack of BCAA's in their diets is bound to leave all that muscle tissue extra tender and render them to weak to resist. 
Circle of life you know. 

The pet food option is a sound choice however. 
Proof of concept demonstrated here by the LA Beast. 

http://youtu.be/B1ItK79ICS8


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## jyo (13/5/14)

Yes, the vegans could be an option. They'd be easy to catch, too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ou2vJp57m-s


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## spryzie (13/5/14)

I'll be eating whatever you've got of course, Edak.

You'll be brewing beer for me too.


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## sp0rk (13/5/14)

I plan on lashing a samurai sword to each arm, then letting the zombies attack me
I want to be a boss level zombie


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## Dave70 (13/5/14)

sp0rk said:


> I plan on lashing a samurai sword to each arm, then letting the zombies attack me
> I want to be a boss level zombie


No time for being sentimental, zombies are coming.
Get with the times man.


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## Airgead (13/5/14)

What's weird about having eleventy years worth of pickled onions?


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## Edak (13/5/14)

spryzie said:


> I'll be eating whatever you've got of course, Edak.
> 
> You'll be brewing beer for me too.


 perhaps we could work together and train the zombies to do the brewing, then we would be sorted!


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## manticle (13/5/14)

Whatever I want as I'll be invincible with my cold steel armoury.

Bacon, beef, rabbit and Redskins mostly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PQiaurIiDM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0McQ-cQmUZA


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## sponge (13/5/14)

And what infomercial wouldn't be complete without a knife cutting through a shoe?


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## manticle (13/5/14)

A meat stuffed shoe no less.


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## Airgead (13/5/14)

Cold steel... pshaw. Badly made blades for wannabe ninjas and redneck knuckle draggers. If you want good, workable steel go to darkwood - http://www.darkwoodarmory.com/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=2&zenid=514tpop2sbi43nf4rjob53lkf7

Or there are local bladesmiths who will make to your spec... if you know who to talk to.

Come the zombie (or whatever) apocalypse I'm all set. I grow a bunch of my own food. I brew beer (so I'm handy to keep alive). I have a house full of swords and know how to use them (been doing historical fencing for 20 years). All I have to do is sit tight till everyone with guns runs out of ammo and I'm good to go.

For those who want to get some good steel for zombie defense I would recommend something like this -


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## Dave70 (13/5/14)

Even if Wusthof _could_ generate more sales if they featured a fat German man slashing some lederhosen stuffed with wurst in half in their ads, I doubt they would. 
Must be a cultural thing.

I'd sure like a pro sushi chef in my corner though. Fully ******* sick knife skills. To the extreme.


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## Airgead (13/5/14)

Yeah... but only if you want your zombie sliced into perfect, artistically arranged slices. With rice.

If you just want it efficiently hacked to pieces and no longer a threat I'm not sure the sushi master skills translate that well.


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## spryzie (13/5/14)

Swords?!

I'd rather my rifle.

(pew pew pew!)


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## manticle (13/5/14)

> Cold steel... pshaw. Badly made blades for wannabe ninjas and redneck knuckle draggers. If you want good, workable steel go to darkwood - http://www.darkwoodarmory.com/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=2&zenid=514tpop2sbi43nf4rjob53lkf7
> 
> Or there are local bladesmiths who will make to your spec... if you know who to talk to.
> 
> ...


Can't dig an emergency latrine with that like you can with the throwing shovel though can you?

Twelfty pickled onions, not eleventy.

**** it I'm buying a tank.


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## Liam_snorkel (13/5/14)

Pal Jaffles.


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## Airgead (13/5/14)

spryzie said:


> Swords?!
> 
> I'd rather my rifle.
> 
> (pew pew pew!)


Only until the bullets run out...

And Mythbusters showed that under heavy zombie attack an axe (and by extension sword) is far more effective than a gun.


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## spryzie (13/5/14)

The rifle isn't for the zombies.

It's for the survivors. They will do as I say. 

You don't need to waste a bullet - just wave it around like a madman.


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## Camo6 (13/5/14)

Airgead said:


> Only until the bullets run out...
> 
> And Mythbusters showed that under heavy zombie attack an axe (and by extension sword) is far more effective than a gun.


Depends if we're talking Walking Dead zombies or World War Z zombies. Can you spare a sword so I can duct tape it to my rifle and cover all bases?


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## Edak (13/5/14)

Did you know that they have not used the word zombie in the walking dead show? They all call them biters, walkers, dead, etc. Nobody thought of zombie! In WWZ i am not sure either, Some called them zeek others infected.


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## fletcher (14/5/14)

Edak said:


> I want to add that I didn't put beer on that list because it's a luxury, it requires a lot of energy and water to produce. I want to use my resources wisely given that most city built utilities will operate no longer than a few days or a week.
> 
> Basically we will be heading out with our minimal camping kit, going on a camping holiday!


i'm the opposite. I figure, if most people are dead or walking dead, I won't last long. might as well enjoy the good shit while you can. get all the good gear and beers and booze and go mental. get so high or drunk that you happily jump off a cliff or grab a shottie and have drunken/high real-life computer game fun!


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## Midnight Brew (14/5/14)

Edak said:


> Did you know that they have not used the word zombie in the walking dead show? They all call them biters, walkers, dead, etc. Nobody thought of zombie! In WWZ i am not sure either, Some called them zeek others infected.


That reminds me off Shaun of the dead
"Is there any zombies out there?"
'Dont call them that.'
"Call them what? Zombies?"
'Yes, that.'
"Okay but is there any out there?"


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## Spiesy (14/5/14)

Edak said:


> I want to add that I didn't put beer on that list because it's a luxury, it requires a lot of energy and water to produce. I want to use my resources wisely given that most city built utilities will operate no longer than a few days or a week.
> 
> Basically we will be heading out with our minimal camping kit, going on a camping holiday!


Banned.


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## Lincoln2 (14/5/14)

"All the booze got drunk up in the first 25 minutes of the apocalypse"..."arrowroot tea, nomadic existence" etc. That's one of my favourite adds on the BN podcasts. Mates who hear it for the first time in my brewery (i often have the podcasts on when I'm brewing) are impressed as hell - one dude was even wanting a link so he could download the movie.

I voted for weird prepper as I do have some measures in place for wtshtf. But all those zombie movies and shows are too gory for me; leaves me cold and I can't get to sleep.


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## GuyQLD (14/5/14)

The zombies.


Livestock that comes to you to be slaughtered.


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## manticle (14/5/14)

Why is there no bacon option?


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## Camo6 (14/5/14)

Or an 'I can't believe it's not bacon' option?

Oh, sorry, I guess it could fall under the 'friends' category.


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## Ducatiboy stu (14/5/14)

Duct tape
WD40
5min Araldite
Cable ties
Bacon
Redskins
Milko's
Milo
Vegemite


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## jyo (14/5/14)

manticle said:


> Why is there no bacon option?


Dolphin is pretty much exactly the same as bacon.


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## Ducatiboy stu (14/5/14)

jyo said:


> Dolphin is pretty much exactly the same as bacon.


In the same way that VB is pretty much beer...


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## Camo6 (14/5/14)

Dolphin. The other whale meat.


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## Danwood (14/5/14)

Ducatiboy stu said:


> Duct tape
> WD40
> 5min Araldite
> Cable ties
> ...


Mmmm, 9 course degustation !

Your menu starts slow but improves...6/10.


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## Ducatiboy stu (14/5/14)

Well if you survive the first 4.....then the apocalypse will be a peice of cake


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## spog (14/5/14)

I would tie a lamb chop around the neck of the neighbours and let it loose,I may get some peace and quiet for a while.
What would I eat ? Be heaps of toasties left in the pub when everyone else hit the panic button and buggered off washed down with a large selection.
God help any zombie who tried to mess with a bloke his toasty and his grog.


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## slcmorro (14/5/14)

I'd stock up in whatever foodstuffs, weapons and luxuries I could, and then find myself a big fkn boat and get off the dock somewhere in a sheltered harbour. With porn. Lots of porn.


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## Dave70 (15/5/14)

slcmorro said:


> With porn. Lots of porn.


Porn of the DEAD.


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## simplefisherman (15/5/14)

Then your fresh sea- bacon can swim to you...


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## Airgead (15/5/14)

Dave70 said:


> Porn of the DEAD.


You can get zombie porn. Its a thang. Don't ask me how I know this.

Shauna the dead is one title that springs to mind.


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## spryzie (15/5/14)

Rule 34 of the Internet.


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## Ducatiboy stu (15/5/14)

Is there a rule 34 for bacon.......mmm...bacon


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## Whiteferret (15/5/14)

Ducatiboy stu said:


> Duct tape
> WD40
> 5min Araldite
> Cable ties
> ...


Where's the funking twinkies


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## Ducatiboy stu (15/5/14)

Out the back next to the septic tank with the VB and Coca-Cola


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## AJ80 (15/5/14)

I'd wager five years into the apocalypse if a can of vb was found, we'd all be excited and drink it...


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## Ducatiboy stu (15/5/14)

Still better than coke


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## eungaibitter1 (15/5/14)

My chances of survival would be slim either way so I spose I'd take to the sea.


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## wide eyed and legless (15/5/14)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACp5nTlpv6c


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## Spiesy (15/5/14)

Ducatiboy stu said:


> Still better than coke


Clearly you haven't been to LA...


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## jyo (15/5/14)

Spiesy said:


> Clearly you haven't been to LA...


L.A. Cola never really took off.


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## manticle (15/5/14)

I think this is how it works. Some cameras, some helpers, some weapons and some Cola.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJUt_x0gwug


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## manticle (15/5/14)

Say hello to my littl' fren.......


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## Ducatiboy stu (15/5/14)

jyo said:


> L.A. Cola never really took off.


But that Columbian stuff......


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## Dave70 (16/5/14)

Ducatiboy stu said:


> But that Columbian stuff......


You mean coffee?

Yep, You simply cant beat a fresh cup of _cafe de colombia _in the morning with a gram of cocaine and a fried egg I always say.


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## Ducatiboy stu (16/5/14)

They should bring back originall recipe Coke......I would start drinking it.


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## Dave70 (16/5/14)

Wouldn't you be worried about what all the sugar would do to your health?

But I guess if its alright for kids, it must be safe.


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## Midnight Brew (16/5/14)

Eating wise Id be enjoying as much fresh fruit,veg and meat as possible before getting stuck into the canned goods. Have a few pints a day for a few weeks till most of the escape phase is over and enjoy being hidden at home while it lasts. Then either take to the hills or the sea with some sort of melee weapon, a flint, a knife, a water bottle and hopefully settle on an abandoned farm somewhere quiet.

I'd also stock up on toilet paper cause that shit will be a currency when coming across other survivors.


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## Dave70 (16/5/14)

Midnight Brew said:


> Eating wise Id be enjoying as much fresh fruit,veg and meat as possible before getting stuck into the canned goods. Have a few pints a day for a few weeks till most of the escape phase is over and enjoy being hidden at home while it lasts. Then either take to the hills or the sea with some sort of melee weapon, a flint, a knife, a water bottle and hopefully settle on an abandoned farm somewhere quiet.
> 
> I'd also stock up on toilet paper cause that shit will be a currency when coming across other survivors.


Got it all planned out nicely havent you. A little _to_ nicely if you ask me..


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## tugger (16/1/15)

It isn't a bad thing preparing for a zombie apocalypse. 
It dosnt have to be the undead. 
Stockpiling weapons and ammunition, food supplies water batteries torches first aid medical supplies such as diabetes blood pressure antibiotics, shit you will need when the shit hits the fan. 
Think about it. What would you do if some bad shit happened. Stand in line for a food handout?


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## Camo6 (16/1/15)

You just got your name on my bunker door list, comrade.


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## Thefatdoghead (16/1/15)

I thought the thread was about beer. Read it and thought..why are women rating tins of fish at work. 
Where do you work? John west?


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## Thefatdoghead (16/1/15)

Dave70 said:


> Got it all planned out nicely havent you. A little _to_ nicely if you ask me..


haha we got some doomsday prepers up in here.


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## dent (16/1/15)

Our mate Joerg has us covered - with the TWENTY MILLIMETRE STEEL BALL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpAwkJshrOM

I read a discussion recently about one of those american survival shows, there was this dude that was a 200kg plus lardmaster 5000 -- the joke was that he wouldn't even be able to walk up a flight of stairs let alone fight off some army with his coveted armory. On the other hand, he'd probably last about a year laughing it up while the rest of us starve to death.


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## Thefatdoghead (16/1/15)

tugger said:


> It isn't a bad thing preparing for a zombie apocalypse.
> It dosnt have to be the undead.
> Stockpiling weapons and ammunition, food supplies water batteries torches first aid medical supplies such as diabetes blood pressure antibiotics, shit you will need when the shit hits the fan.
> Think about it. What would you do if some bad shit happened. Stand in line for a food handout?


Panic and try and brew my last beer. Then have sex. Then drink all my beer. 
Lets be honest. we wont even have more than a couple of seconds after that overdue asteroid hits us.


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## AHB_Admin (17/1/15)

Just saw this. 

I'm a weird prepper. I spent my teenage years with my grandparents who were products of the great depression. I always have a ton of canned goods on hand. 

I also know how to bake, mill, etc, and if course I can keep a started going so I can make bread. I have experience cooking outdoors in pits, including bread (bread is more important than most food when done properly) and I know recipes by memory. 

I can build an earth stove, and have access to every natural resource I would need within 5 miles. I also have my bestest good friend who would take my family in with room to spare. 

Zombies aren't real and never will be. I just live this way as it's the way I was raised. I cold not go to the grocery store for the next few months and wouldn't run out of food.


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## Ducatiboy stu (17/1/15)

What do you mean Zombies are not real


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## Bomber Watson (17/1/15)

Only pack the necessities, Toothbrush, Porno, Souped up weaponry. 

Cheers.


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## Mardoo (17/1/15)

Fascist is tasty on the spit roast.


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## spog (17/1/15)

Bomber Watson said:


> Only pack the necessities, Toothbrush, Porno, Souped up weaponry.
> 
> Cheers.


Zombie porn,now there's a money maker! ( which bit will off first ).


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## Bomber Watson (17/1/15)

Lyrics from Hilltop hoods song parade of the dead. 



If anyone here likes left of center zombie comedy stuff check out the dvd by the same name, heaps of aus hip hop, aussie comedians, some form of a story line, its a bloody good show. 



Cheers.


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## AHB_Admin (18/1/15)

Ducatiboy stu said:


> What do you mean Zombies are not real


Well voodoo zombies maybe...feel better? 



Bomber Watson said:


> Only pack the necessities, Toothbrush, Porno, Souped up weaponry.
> 
> Cheers.


I have a pocket knife with scope taped on. It's f'n scary looking. 



Mardoo said:


> Fascist is tasty on the spit roast.


I do plan on eating people. 



spog said:


> Zombie porn,now there's a money maker! ( which bit will off first ).


It exist. Rule 34.


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## Airgead (19/1/15)

austin said:


> It exist. Rule 34.


Actually, it existed a long time ago. Check out Dawna the dead, Re-Penetrator and The XXXorcist to start with.

A bit of prep for the end of the world is healthy. Except the weapons bit. That's the last thing you need. Best hope for survival is in a group. Not on your own. I;'m the guy who knows how to make booze. Knows how to make bread. knows how to make stuff out of wood, Knows how to cook real well....

My plan is to lie low for a few days while the lunatics with guns shoot each other up and run out of bullets (couple of days at the most I reckon) then join a group and start rebuilding. We will let the guys in bunkers slowly starve to death over the next year or so. We don't what that sort in our new society. We might just weld their bunker doors shut from the outside. Or in the absence of welders, a big pile of rocks piled in front of the door might do the job nicely too.


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## manticle (19/1/15)

Couldn't you just mulch up the zombies and make a big soup?

I'm the guy with a big pot and burner.


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## Airgead (19/1/15)

That would be a lot of soup. I'm not sure the brew pot would be quite big enough.


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## Dave70 (19/1/15)

Ducatiboy stu said:


> What do you mean Zombies are not real


Of course they're real. I've seen em with my own eyes. 
If you don't believe me, just take a walk around your local town center early one Saturday morning. Don't try and get to close but, they're kind of twitchy and spook easily. 
Easy to spot, generally the ones collecting cigarette buts from the gutter obsessively picking through rubbish bins. Guess they're into recycling.


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## Kak (19/1/15)

Twinkies lots of twinkies


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## Kak (19/1/15)

When zombies attack remember Columbus 32 rules of zombies.

Cardio
The Double Tap
Beware of Bathrooms
Wear Seat Belts
No Attachments
The “Skillet”
Travel Light
Get a Kick Ass Partner
With your Bare Hands
Don’t Swing Low
Use Your Foot
Bounty Paper Towels
Shake it Off
Always carry a change of underwear
Bowling Ball
Opportunity Knocks
Don’t be a hero (later crossed out to be a hero)
Limber Up
Break it Up
It’s a marathon, not a sprint, unless it’s a sprint, then sprint
Avoid Strip Clubs
When in doubt Know your way out
Zipplock
Use your thumbs
Shoot First
A little sun screen never hurt anybody
Incoming!
Double-Knot your Shoes
The Buddy System
Pack your stain stick
Check the back seat
Enjoy the little things
Swiss army Knife


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## tugger (19/1/15)

http://youtu.be/BVcqssHAeME


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## Ducatiboy stu (19/1/15)

Dave70 said:


> Of course they're real. I've seen em with my own eyes.
> If you don't believe me, just take a walk around your local town center early one Saturday morning. Don't try and get to close but, they're kind of twitchy and spook easily.
> Easy to spot, generally the ones collecting cigarette buts from the gutter obsessively picking through rubbish bins. Guess they're into recycling.


So you to have been to a swap meet


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## Airgead (20/1/15)

tugger said:


> http://youtu.be/BVcqssHAeME


Was it only me or did anyone else find that really disturbing to watch? Now, I'm (obviously) not a gun person but can someone who is explain what possible reason anyone could have for owning a handgun with a 120 round clip? Or a rifle that holds 250?

It can't be hunting. What could you possibly hunt that needs 250 shots? OK... maybe, just maybe a professional rabbit hunter in the middle of a rabbit plague, who likes the challenge of using a handgun but I'm not entirely sure that's the market they are aiming at. Home defense? WTF would you be defending your home against? An angry mob? Unless you are Victor Frankenstein, or there is indeed a zombie invasion, I can't see this being necessary (or even useful) for home defense. Sport shooting? I don't know of any shooting event that involves pumping 120 rounds into a target. Most events limit themselves to under 10.

As far as I can see, the only possible reason anyone would have for owning something like that is to kill large numbers of people quickly. The fact that any potential Anders Breivik can walk in off the street and buy this stuff over the counter is really disturbing.

Apologies for the hijack but that's some seriously fucked up shit right there.


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## tugger (20/1/15)

It wasn't ment to offend. It's a light dig at a hypothetical situation. 
We have very strict gun laws here. Not more than a 10 shot magazine on anything cat a b h.


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## Airgead (21/1/15)

No offense... just amazement. And a touch of despair.

Rant over.

I return you all to your regularly scheduled zombie apocalypse.


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## Camo6 (21/1/15)

tugger said:


> http://youtu.be/BVcqssHAeME


Hahaha! That's awesome. You'd get lead poisoning just loading the magazine.


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## jyo (23/8/15)

tugger said:


> http://youtu.be/BVcqssHAeME


Hooley Dooley. That is crazy shit!


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