# I'm a [email protected] IDIOT!



## jkhlt1210 (26/7/14)

Sorry about the language but it's true! I had a simple brew to do and I fucked it.... Coopers pale ale can, 1kg LDME, 250g crystal 50 plus centennial, galaxy and Citra all 20g at 15mins. I steeped the crystal fine then boiled my hops and pitched my US05..... Without the goddamn malt and pale ale can!!!!! SHIT!!!! So I hurriedly got a few litres of hot water to dissolve the can and malt and sloshed it into the fermenter. I threw in kit yeast too just for extra. GODDAMN I feel stupid! I've got a BIAB schwarzbier tonight to brew up.... Second guessing myself now goddamn idiot


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## Ducatiboy stu (26/7/14)

You have as long way to go until you have a proper brew day ****-up


You will know that day when it comes


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## manticle (26/7/14)

Adding fermentables later is fine. Chill.


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## jkhlt1210 (26/7/14)

Ducatiboy stu said:


> You have as long way to go until you have a proper brew day ****-up
> 
> 
> You will know that day when it comes


You're too kind!! Do I go ahead with my BIAB tonight?? I don't want to screw up my third BIAB all grain brew!! I feel ridiculously stupid


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## jkhlt1210 (26/7/14)

manticle said:


> Adding fermentables later is fine. Chill.


Seriously?? I hope it turns out. I only filled to 22 litres it will be about 25 or 26 now.


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## manticle (26/7/14)

Don't feel stupid. It's a simple thing, easily fixed 
Take a breath, have a beer, get everything ready and organised for the biab and either start tomorrow in a better frame of mind or tonight when you realise how small a stuff up it really was. Brewing is meant to be fun and just about any problem can be solved by staying calm and thinking. It's beer mate.


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## Bribie G (26/7/14)

Those "doh" moments.

"Oh, you're an Aquarius too, that's great, Aquarians are natural sharers and we can have sex without having to have a deep and meaningful relationship"

Sorry, missed that, hey got to get into Bunnings for a 3 piece ball valve. Thanks for the lift home, see you at the Easter club convention. Cheers...

What was that she said? Can't remember.


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## HardEight (26/7/14)

Wait till you have spent 5 hours brewing and then realise you have also added 1L of (PinkStainRemover) Phosphoric cleaner to your fermenter.


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## jkhlt1210 (26/7/14)

manticle said:


> Don't feel stupid. It's a simple thing, easily fixed
> Take a breath, have a beer, get everything ready and organised for the biab and either start tomorrow in a better frame of mind or tonight when you realise how small a stuff up it really was. Brewing is meant to be fun and just about any problem can be solved by staying calm and thinking. It's beer mate.


Cheers manticle I guess you're right. Hey at least I have 4 extra litres of beer!!!!! I will get my shit together tonight and set up for my BIAB! I'll crack open a little creatures bright ale and ponder my next move! Cheers everyone!


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## jkhlt1210 (26/7/14)

HardEight said:


> Wait till you have spent 5 hours brewing and then realise you have also added 1L of (PinkStainRemover) Phosphoric cleaner to your fermenter.


Jesus! What happened there?


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## Ducatiboy stu (26/7/14)

jkhlt1210 said:


> You're too kind!! Do I go ahead with my BIAB tonight?? I don't want to screw up my third BIAB all grain brew!! I feel ridiculously stupid


I fucked up way more than three...

Dont let it worry you.

Beer is rather forgiving....just means it might be a little bit different...


Some off my best beers where from ****-ups


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## Burt de Ernie (26/7/14)

Its not a **** up until the beer has been fermented, bottled/kegged, matured then tasted. Un

Only at this point if you have to ditch the beer(highly unlikely) its a **** up.


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## fattox (26/7/14)

Today's AG **** up - my mill broke. I've literally had it a week and a half, I bought it off a fellow brewer here and had set the grind finer for re-milling some stuff I got at the local shop to a slightly finer grind for my BIAB system. Forgetting this, I started trying to run through a whole batch of uncracked grain. Mine is a corona style rigged for a drill/rattle gun. Lo and behold, rattle gun broke the screw which connects to the auger which means I need a new mill in the mean time until I can find a replacement auger bit! YAY.


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## idzy (26/7/14)

jkhlt1210 said:


> Sorry about the language but it's true! I had a simple brew to do and I fucked it.... Coopers pale ale can, 1kg LDME, 250g crystal 50 plus centennial, galaxy and Citra all 20g at 15mins. I steeped the crystal fine then boiled my hops and pitched my US05..... Without the goddamn malt and pale ale can!!!!! SHIT!!!! So I hurriedly got a few litres of hot water to dissolve the can and malt and sloshed it into the fermenter. I threw in kit yeast too just for extra. GODDAMN I feel stupid! I've got a BIAB schwarzbier tonight to brew up.... Second guessing myself now goddamn idiot


A screw up would be not realising you forgot it until 2 weeks later. That to me sounds like some of the typical ebs and flows of brew day  I will be the first to admit forgetting stuff...or adding too much.

2 weeks ago, I accidentally added an additional 20kg of Pale Malt...


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## HardEight (26/7/14)

jkhlt1210 said:


> Jesus! What happened there?


I didn't realise it until after 2 weeks in the bottle... then on investigation found it was my first attempt at a double brew day on my new AG rig..
I started circulating cleaning solution through... then transferred the wort from the kettle to the fermenter... then resumed cleaning...
Not thinking about the L or so of cleaner in the lines... Too many beers... not enough experience...

Everyone makes mistakes... Just have a laugh and learn from them...


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## danestead (26/7/14)

I forgot to add hops to the boil 1 day, for about 30mins. All of a sudden a 60min boil turned into a 90 haha


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## jkhlt1210 (26/7/14)

Thanks everyone! Nice to know I'm not alone!!! Just started the mash for my schwarzbier so hopefully I pick my game up. Definitely don't want to screw this up!!


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## jkhlt1210 (26/7/14)

There it is fingers crossed all goes smoothly!


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## Ducatiboy stu (26/7/14)

idzy said:


> 2 weeks ago, I accidentally added an additional 20kg of Pale Malt...


So I am not the only one to make that mistake.... h34r:


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## jkhlt1210 (26/7/14)

idzy said:


> A screw up would be not realising you forgot it until 2 weeks later. That to me sounds like some of the typical ebs and flows of brew day  I will be the first to admit forgetting stuff...or adding too much.
> 
> 2 weeks ago, I accidentally added an additional 20kg of Pale Malt...


20kg???!!! Bloody hell!


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## Adr_0 (26/7/14)

you can only truly say "I'm a [email protected]#$ing idiot" when you carbonate ~20L of delicious bohemian pils - that has been about 8 weeks in the making - with SALT.

I knew a guy who did that once...


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## jkhlt1210 (26/7/14)

Whoa that would really suck! My next problem is my temp controlled fridge won't go below 16 degrees for my black lager! It won't kick over. Can I ferment at 16c????? Will it ruin it?


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## jkhlt1210 (26/7/14)

I lied... Fridge is actually dead so there goes my black lager FFFUUUDDDGGGE! Goddamn this


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## Ducatiboy stu (26/7/14)

jkhlt1210 said:


> 20kg???!!! Bloody hell!


Its an easy mistake to make on a brew weekend


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## jkhlt1210 (26/7/14)

Ducatiboy stu said:


> Its an easy mistake to make on a brew weekend


Lucky I can't handle those size brews! On the plus side my fridge is working again


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## beercus (26/7/14)

I left the tap open on the fermenter when transferring from the cube, wort all over the kitchen floor, took a while to realise... FAAAAAARK

explain that one to the misses.....


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## yum beer (26/7/14)

5kg of grain turns up for my next batch......WTF its not milled......dickhead.......ebay......order grain mill(was not on the things to order radar).......push brew day back a week.....

looks like I can get into bulk prices now though............getting ready right arm........


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## Pogierob (26/7/14)

yum beer said:


> ..getting ready right arm........


im sure you will be fine. 
Rumor has it if you use your left it would be like someone else milling your grain.


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## manticle (27/7/14)

Only if you put nail polish on it and shave off all the hairs.


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## Adr_0 (27/7/14)

yum beer said:


> 5kg of grain turns up for my next batch......WTF its not milled......dickhead.......ebay......order grain mill(was not on the things to order radar).......push brew day back a week.....
> 
> looks like I can get into bulk prices now though............getting ready right arm........


explain that one to the missus...


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## yum beer (27/7/14)

Adr_0 said:


> explain that one to the missus...


no need, money was budgetted already.....
heat exchange now being home built.....

someone once mentioned a slippery slope...what did they mean?


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## JWB (29/7/14)

How about this for a F**K up 

Brewed an ale, filled the fermenter and noticed that the tap was leaking a little. decided to tighten it a bit more when the whole thing let go and the tap broke off. My beautiful beer was spilling all over the place and all I could do was stick finger in the hole and try to stop it and call on my Misses to come and help.

Have you ever had to try to get your better half to get another fermenter, give it a quick rinse with star san and put a tap in it while trying to stem the flow.
"NOT EASY" All she was worried about was the mess I was making.

Any way I saved about 18litres out of 23.

Its bubbling away right now


Cheers

JWB


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## DJ_L3ThAL (29/7/14)

It would be prudent to call it the "Fingered Ale"


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## clauddr (29/7/14)

This is an awesome thread!


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## lukencode (29/7/14)

A similar thing happen to me when I opened the fermenter tap but couldnt close it, wish I was smart enough to shove my finger in...


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## jkhlt1210 (29/7/14)

JWB said:


> How about this for a F**K up
> 
> Brewed an ale, filled the fermenter and noticed that the tap was leaking a little. decided to tighten it a bit more when the whole thing let go and the tap broke off. My beautiful beer was spilling all over the place and all I could do was stick finger in the hole and try to stop it and call on my Misses to come and help.
> 
> ...


Yes it's a fine line with the fermenter taps bud! Good to hear you rescued most of it!


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## Black Devil Dog (29/7/14)

Not quite a brew day fxck up, but certainly a brewing fxckup.

When I bought my first kegs, I was figuring out how the quick connects worked and right in front of my wife, I connected the beer connect to a keg which had the gas quick connect attached.

Problem was that there was no beer line attached to the beer quick connect. Before my wife could say " what the fxck are you doing you dumb fxcking piece of shit" a wall in our house was painted in beer.


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## DU99 (29/7/14)

just had one last brew..measured out all the grain as per normal,milled the grain,took the bucket from under the mill to redo(BIAB)then i noticed this paper in grain,i had not taken out the silicate bag out of the speciality grain i used.my loss


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## RobboMC (30/7/14)

I know someone that had 2 cars parked in the driveway and wanted to take the one at the front.

So they moved the back one backwards about 10 metres so they could back the first one out around it,
then... wait for it....

FORGOT the first car was there ( that she had put there 10 seconds ago )

..


and
..

backed the second car straight into the front of the first car!!! Ouch.

And the car she hit was her OWN CAR.

Now that's a screw up. Yours is just a bit of experience gained and not much loss, except the abv will be a touch low.

Give it to visitors who are driving home, they'll love it.


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## RobboMC (30/7/14)

Once I forgot to close the tap on my bottling bucket after washing it.

Started racking the finished beer into it and suddenly my feet were getting wet.
There was about 3 litres of beautiful beer all over the floor. That really hurt.

But worse was that 2 brews later I did the same thing again.

I have also added the wrong can of malt ( Amber instead of Dark ) but that also just resulted in a perfectly still drinkable beer. 

Also, I once had a fermenter tap totally block with hop residue with a full fermenter.
I tried everything including stocking a clean wire in from the inside - no luck.

In the end I had no option but to sanitise a big bucket as best I could and just remove the tap!!!
The whole 23 litres came pouring out at once, getting oxidised to buggery.

I bottled it and we drank it fairly promptly and it seemed OK.


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## zeddy1234 (30/7/14)

Hilarious thread makes me feel not do bad about all my stuff ups.

I've had the bottling wand fall apart mid bottle only realised when it wouldn't stop filling! Minimal beer loss so all good!


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## rheffera (30/7/14)

beercus said:


> I left the tap open on the fermenter when transferring from the cube, wort all over the kitchen floor, took a while to realise... FAAAAAARK
> 
> explain that one to the misses.....


dONE THIS MYSELF..


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## jkhlt1210 (30/7/14)

Cheers to everyone for your stories! I'm the OP and it's nice to know I'm not alone!! This has turned into a great thread to read !


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## jaypes (30/7/14)

I had a 40L pot on the boil, with the wort almost to the top.

Threw in a handful of hops at the first addition

Then we had a Mt Etna event

Needless to say I was wearing thongs (the foot type)


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## ManVsBeer (30/7/14)

rheffera said:


> dONE THIS MYSELF..


Me too more than a few times. I have come to the conclusion that the more I fuss about it not happening "this time", the more likely it will occur. I think the tradition of having a brew whilst brewing is a significant factor with this issue.


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## Tahoose (30/7/14)

Chucked in my strike water only to realise about 1 min later when I started adding grains that is left the plug open.. 

Had a slight overflow from the lauter bucket last night.. Only lost 500ml so not too bad ..


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## Yob (30/7/14)

Quote a while ago, I added PBW to the mash thinking it was 5.2.. Realised when I went to put the tub back in the brew cupboard and there was the 5.2 sitting there.. Binned the whole mash and started again.. And labeled my tubs..

I use acidulated malt mow..


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## wereprawn (30/7/14)

I must enter a post apparently.


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## RobboMC (1/8/14)

"I've had the bottling wand fall apart mid bottle only realised when it wouldn't stop filling! Minimal beer loss so all good!"


The standard bottling wands are crap. I have had 3 just fall apart on me over the years.

Anyone found anything better that lasts more than 4-5 brews. Now I super glue them together
but I'm not real happy with that either.


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## jkhlt1210 (1/8/14)

RobboMC said:


> "I've had the bottling wand fall apart mid bottle only realised when it wouldn't stop filling! Minimal beer loss so all good!"
> 
> 
> The standard bottling wands are crap. I have had 3 just fall apart on me over the years.
> ...


Yeah bud I've had that too! The blue ones with spring are worse!!! I just keep pushing it together after every few bottles. Not sure what else to do with them


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## Blind Dog (1/8/14)

[SIZE=medium]Too many to mention them all, but some highlights:[/SIZE]
[SIZE=medium]- forgot to put the bottom mesh in the malt pipe BEFORE putting the grain in!![/SIZE]
[SIZE=medium]- got water to strike temp, remembered to put the mesh in this time, but filled the malt pipe and looked around for the nut to hold everything in place and realised it was inside the BM…[/SIZE]

[SIZE=medium]but the bset by a mile was when the silicone hose slipped off the tap when transferring 90C wort to the cube (forgot to tighten the hose clip properly) and I decided to try to push it back on rather than just turn off the tap. I did fill the cube first, but am somewhat ashamed to admit I did not clean down before heading to hospital. Apparently liquid at 90C causes pretty nasty burns damn quickly[/SIZE]


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## Blind Dog (1/8/14)

Oh, and making an ESB and realising i'd used Chinook for bittering not Fuggles. Interesting beer, but not altogether in a good way


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## mosto (2/8/14)

Well, just had my biggest f#%k up. Setting up for my Sat night brew night. Ran hose to my BIAB pot to start filling it with water, but for some unknown reason, I decided to switch the element on before I went and turned pump on to run the water. Turns out the element was running just long enough without being submersed in water to blow the f#%king thing and short the house. Cranky Mrs and brew night cancelled.

I reset the fuse box to get power back to the house, go to chuck hops back in keg fridge freezer and noticed the gas bottle is now empty. F%%king top night!


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## Blind Dog (2/8/14)

mosto said:


> Well, just had my biggest f#%k up. Setting up for my Sat night brew night. Ran hose to my BIAB pot to start filling it with water, but for some unknown reason, I decided to switch the element on before I went and turned pump on to run the water. Turns out the element was running just long enough without being submersed in water to blow the f#%king thing and short the house. Cranky Mrs and brew night cancelled.
> I reset the fuse box to get power back to the house, go to chuck hops back in keg fridge freezer and noticed the gas bottle is now empty. F%%king top night!


B*****ks.

If your kegs were gassed up though, you should still be able to eke out a few pints...


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## antiphile (2/8/14)

I was putting down a K&K hefeweizen, taken the OG, sealed the lid and placed the old-style FV in the water bath. Then I realised I hadn't pitched the yeast. I tried to open the lid, but with wet hands I had done too good a job tightening it. Lifted the FV out and placed it on the table. Wet slippery hands still prevented me. So, in a light bulb moment that would make Abbott and Costello proud (you choose whether that should be the political or comedian duo), I anchored the tap against my thigh, and used both hands to rotate the lid. It seems when the lid is really tight, the tap assembly has less resistance than the top. By the time the slow-ticking brain sprang into action I had all the wort accounted for, about 20 litres in the FV and about 3 in the carpet. D'oh!


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## HBHB (2/8/14)

At that is why you never brew too sober, never brew too drunk.


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## Droopy Brew (4/8/14)

In my youthful and ignorant brewing days I once tried to brew a Corona clone...


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## Screamadelica (4/8/14)

Yob said:


> Quote a while ago, I added PBW to the mash thinking it was 5.2.. Realised when I went to put the tub back in the brew cupboard and there was the 5.2 sitting there.. Binned the whole mash and started again.. And labeled my tubs..
> 
> I use acidulated malt mow..


You have no idea how many times I've put the tablespoon in and 5 Minutes later had a freakout and double checked what was on the label of the white container...


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