# I Am A Homebrewer & I Vow Never To.......



## randyrob (19/4/07)

use the word "premium" when i make my own labels!

your turn.....


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## big d (19/4/07)

use the words "Double hopped".That would be just lacking in real taste.

Cheers
Big D


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## winkle (19/4/07)

randyrob said:


> use the word "premium" when i make my own labels!
> 
> your turn.....


Never post when you are pissed h34r: 
oops...


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## brendanos (20/4/07)

...claim any homebrewed beer is brewed to the Reinheitsgebot.


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## Adamt (20/4/07)

I am a homebrewer, and I vow never to have sex with a woman in an airport bathroom, giving a reach around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Allegience and performing erotic asphyxiation with an illegal immigrant from K-Mart than doing the same thing with someone from the fabric store.

Oh, they're meant to be related? :huh:


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## domonsura (20/4/07)

....never forget that it's ALWAYS about the beer, the whole beer and nothing but the beer so help you beer.
Abeer

My god what time is it?


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## Adamt (20/4/07)

domonsura said:


> ....never forget that it's ALWAYS about the beer, the whole beer and nothing but the beer so help you beer.
> Abeer
> 
> My god what time is it?



Please Edit: "My BEER what time is it?"


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## mika (20/4/07)

Someones a family guy fan


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## blackbock (20/4/07)

Never to dry-hop with POR, or swap beers with a dextrose brewer!


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## Maxt (20/4/07)

Never make an "Australian style Lager" for mega swill drinkers, ever again.


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## warrenlw63 (20/4/07)

Put the offer of a 5c refund is this bottle is ever found in SA. Bloody well near sent me broke last time. 

Warren -


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## shamus (20/4/07)

.....leave the tap open as I fill the fermenter.... ALTHOUGH, on the weekend afer I finsihed bottling a batch I forgot to close the tap before I picked the fermenter up to clean it. I swung it around and crap came flying out the tap all over the place...


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## domonsura (20/4/07)

Adamt said:


> Please Edit: "My BEER what time is it?"


But that would be taking the Beer's name in vain.......


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## devo (20/4/07)

mmm was planning to post about vowing never to use a particular strain of yeast in my beer but figure the moderators may ban me so I won't elaborate any further.... h34r:


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## Wortgames (20/4/07)

Adamt said:


> I am a homebrewer, and I vow never to have sex with a woman in an airport bathroom, giving a reach around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Allegience and performing erotic asphyxiation with an illegal immigrant from K-Mart than doing the same thing with someone from the fabric store.



And who are you to judge?

Don't knock it till you've tried it.


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## Murcluf (20/4/07)

shamus said:


> .....leave the tap open as I fill the fermenter.... ALTHOUGH, on the weekend afer I finsihed bottling a batch I forgot to close the tap before I picked the fermenter up to clean it. I swung it around and crap came flying out the tap all over the place...


I know your pain, you only do it once, paranoia sets in after that. 

Mine is never........think you know better then the next brewer and there is only one way to brew a beer.


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## Norsman (20/4/07)

devo said:


> mmm was planning to post about vowing never to use a particular strain of yeast in my beer but figure the moderators may ban me so I won't elaborate any further.... h34r:



It's okay devo, You can spill the beans. If anyone gets offended I've got your back. I "hate" some yeasties too...


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## Rysa (20/4/07)

...buy Victoria Bitter!!! Ever again.


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## mika (20/4/07)

You actually paid for it in the first place ?....Man, they saw you coming h34r:


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## Mercs Own (20/4/07)

... I vow never to never vow never!


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## Lactobacillus (20/4/07)

... use raw chicken in my recipe, regardless of what the Limeys of ancient days thought of it!


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## mikem108 (20/4/07)

Let Megaswill pass my lips unless its disguised as a Microbrew


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## Steve (20/4/07)

...STOP pouring it into the dish of the day that I am preparing :beer: 

Cheers
Steve


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## RobW (20/4/07)

..... run out of beer


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## Steve Lacey (20/4/07)

...bang on about how I'm going to go professional some day  

(of course, some vows are made to be broken)


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## peas_and_corn (20/4/07)

buy Coca-Cola brand beer (aargh!!!)


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## delboy (20/4/07)

i vow never to comment in this thread again

del


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## brendanos (20/4/07)

gud thred


I think I got an idea of the yeast Devo vowed never to put in his beer...


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## InCider (20/4/07)

Take on Lion Nathan or CUB


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## frogman (20/4/07)

InCider said:


> Take on Lion Nathan or CUB



Shouldn't that be "Never lower my standards too" Rather than take on?

FROGMAN.


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## TerritoryBrew (20/4/07)

... Never to buy VB, wrestle a monkey, drink VB, throw a dwarf, think about VB, sleep with my sister or put the word 'Premium' on my label. 

Ohhh....

And...

Never, ever, put S*#t on someone elses homebrew, unless it is constructive.

I also pledge never to appear, again, in a K-Mart catalogue as a hand model or use the word never.


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## THE DRUNK ARAB (20/4/07)

...to allow my daughter to drop a half eaten Mars Bar into the run-off again!


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## mika (20/4/07)

Hmmmm.....chocolately goo :chug:


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## Adamt (20/4/07)

Mars Bar porter! I claim thee!


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## reVoxAHB (20/4/07)

> I Am A Homebrewer & I Vow Never To.......



Test my beer on small animals eg No Animal Cruelty will take place in the production of my brew.


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## Pumpy (20/4/07)

put hops in my pillow at night whilst they smell nice ,they broke open in the bed and jee they are itchy and now the missus has a nasty rash and blames me !!!


pumpy :blink:


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## Batz (20/4/07)

Win the crash test dummy award for a least 12 months :blink: 

Batz


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## frogman (20/4/07)

reVox said:


> Test my beer on small animals eg No Animal Cruelty will take place in the production of my brew.



For those of us less politically correct could you recommend any small animals that are good to add to beer production?

I'm always willing to try something new.


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## mika (20/4/07)

Anything that doesn't have a lot of hair and doesn't like sweet liquids.
You don't want the little buggers drinking their way out.


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## Pumpy (20/4/07)

Maxt said:


> Never make an "Australian style Lager" for mega swill drinkers, ever again.




I done that and it tasted so good I gunna make some more 
Pumpy


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## Brewtus (20/4/07)

reVox said:


> Test my beer on small animals eg No Animal Cruelty will take place in the production of my brew.



Where does 'pissed as a newt' come from then?
:unsure:


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## InCider (20/4/07)

...dress up as a sheep at a SE QLD Case Swap unless I really have too.

Love,

Baabra.


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## fixa (20/4/07)

-Buy tins 'o' goo again.
-drink VB
-claim that MB is the best beer ever! ( i know. young and stupid)
-try and copy a megaswill so my mates will drink it (again)
-attempt to be the last one standing at the brewerhood meetings, or be the first to pass out/ fall asleep. (yes, you sqyre)....


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## Tyred (20/4/07)

Never to drink VB or XXXX, even if it's free. 

Have eight pints of Kilkenny(or LCPA) for lunch and then try and do some serious work (instead I'll stay at the bar and keep drinking).


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## Murcluf (20/4/07)

Put any weird arse ingredient in brews i.e. Vegemite, Peanut Paste, Mint, dead animals etc. 

I struggle enough with the normal stuff like malt and hops !


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## Tony (20/4/07)

...... to ever again start a boil with an almost empty gas bottle, no back up, and say.........

Yeah........ it'll make it.

IT WONT !!!!!

cheers


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## Aaron (20/4/07)

Brew in a bag or no chill.


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## Mr Bond (20/4/07)

Aaron said:


> Brew in a bag or no chill.



"Ditto"


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## slacka (20/4/07)

... leave my beer where my cat can drink it (again).


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## Gough (20/4/07)

Aaron said:


> Brew in a bag or no chill.



Amen brother... :beerbang: 

Shawn.


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## big d (20/4/07)

Back on track as per the original topic.  
Coming from a very remote corner of the top end(Arnehm land)and now in W.A i am amazed at the non knowledge of our chosen craft.
Today i have been given The grain is fresh as we are able to crack it.
Dont need to keep hops in the fridge as they are sealed in packs
But we keep dried yeast in the fridge
Your web site has heaps of specialty grains available-- non available as /below
Sorry no stock because of dust(extension of freeway)go figure
What i want is honesty and integrity and someone who is interested in the hobby of brewing and not just a potential money spinner.If your keen the rest falls into place.

Cheers
Big D


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## Adamt (21/4/07)

big d said:


> Back on track as per the original topic.
> Coming from a very remote corner of the top end(Arnehm land)and now in W.A i am amazed at the non...



I may be slightly under the influence but maybe this is in the wrong topic?


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## big d (21/4/07)

Say what.????????????????
Maybe i never added i shall never to ??? believe what i hear. Does this make sense adamt.


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## Adamt (21/4/07)

Somehow it does...


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## big d (21/4/07)

Read the LAST part of my post


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## Adamt (21/4/07)

I had your groove for a moment there, now you've lost me


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## big d (21/4/07)

Well what im saying is basically i would like a hbs owner or mere ? employee that can at least tell it like it is.There is sooo much misinformation for the new brewer that it gets hazy and before you know it we have lost another brewer due to mis information.maybe my post was a bit off track but then so was a few others

Cheers
Big D


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## Adamt (21/4/07)

I think it's time for another beer!

CHEERS! :chug:


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## big d (21/4/07)

Great idea there Adam. Seeing as ive no hb in stock i will go and have a coopers pale.Hang your catching hand out as theres one coming your way
Cheers
Big D


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## Adamt (21/4/07)

A hand for a hand I think, I've had 6 of them tonight!


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## bugwan (21/4/07)

Big D...it may be my fair share of amber ale, but I hear you loud and clear.

I'm fortunate enough to live around the corner from Grain and Grape in Melbourne, so I'm not left wanting...but I'm one of the lucky ones.
Unfortunately, for many retailers, it's a matter of the buck before a bargain.

I remember getting horrible advice when I first started out with a Coopers kits on my 21st birthday (almost 10 years ago). I can't repeat what the 'expert' said, but it would keep most of us up at night.

Without hijacking this thread any further, I just thank that there are some QUALITY retailers around...you know who you are


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## big d (21/4/07)

Bloody hell Adamt.Ive just had a re read an i agree with you.I am in the wrong section.Damn friendly neighbours and there bourbon and my drinking coopers pale ale.(BLAME SUIT ON)
Big d slinks back to a corner far far away and shuts the **** up

me over and out


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## mika (21/4/07)

Whoa...can a mod delete like the last 10 posts, it made my brain hurt h34r:


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## Adamt (21/4/07)

Well you fooled someone! *points at bugwan* I thought I was going 'nanas then B)


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## Adamt (21/4/07)

mika_lika said:


> Whoa...can a mod delete like the last 10 posts, it made my brain hurt h34r:



I'm sure d will


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## big d (21/4/07)

You want me to delete my grovelling reply to Adamt.
No way


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## big d (21/4/07)

Besides real men work 12 hour days not 10 hour days.


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## Adamt (21/4/07)

Oooooooooooooooooooooookk...

Back on track....

I am a homebrewer and I vow never to post frivolously again..........


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## big d (21/4/07)

Vow never to bite.
Well maybe now and again  

Brew hard and fast
Big d


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## mika (21/4/07)

Adamt said:


> Oooooooooooooooooooooookk...
> 
> Back on track....
> 
> I am a homebrewer and I vow never to post frivolously again..........



Bullsh-t


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## Adamt (21/4/07)




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## hughman666 (21/4/07)

disguise my crap beers with too many hops

assume that any beer from a major label is automatically shite


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## bugwan (21/4/07)

Adamt said:


> Well you fooled someone! *points at bugwan* I thought I was going 'nanas then B)


.............!  

Was it the amber, or the ale...? Either way, I'm fooled and foolish. 

Over and out!!! ....and sucked in <_<


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## matti (21/4/07)

Im am a brewer and I will never stop making beer, tasting beer and learning about beer...  
though I will have break now and then
146/94


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## Batz (21/4/07)

hughman666 said:


> disguise my crap beers with too many hops
> 
> assume that any beer from a major label is automatically shite




That's a fair one !
I know brewers who believe they can taste all sorts of off flavours in others brews,but their own brews are disguised by bulk additions of hops.

Batz


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## PistolPatch (21/4/07)

big d said:


> There is sooo much misinformation for the new brewer that it gets hazy and before you know it we have lost another brewer due to mis information.



Too right bigD so I vow never to let hazy information pass by without doing the best I can to complete it. For example when I see something in this thread like this...



Aaron said:


> Brew in a bag or no chill.



then I will then add something like this...



Aaron said:


> I have nothing against this method (Brew in a Bag.) To be honest I know bugger all about it so won't criticise the technique it's self.



and this...



Aaron said:


> I wouldn't know if it is actually a good way to make beer.


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## simpletotoro (21/4/07)

Pumpy said:


> put hops in my pillow at night whilst they smell nice ,they broke open in the bed and jee they are itchy and now the missus has a nasty rash and blames me !!!
> pumpy :blink:




Yeah...my missus copped a *NASTY RASH * and blamed *ME* too....funny thing is i never put hops in the pillow...go figure huh? B)


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## InCider (21/4/07)

I vow never to...contradict myself :blink: 

 InCider


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## randyrob (21/4/07)

... add a few extra teaspoons of sugar into each longneck "just to make it a bit more boozy"

infact all it does is make hand grenades and sticky carpet with shards of glass you just can't
get out of the carpet so you've gotto rip it up and then you loose your bond from your rental,
have no beer to drink and no money to brew beer all because an "experienced" homebrewer
said it would be a good idea :blink: (tho that was years ago)


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## randyrob (21/4/07)

more... Here is a piccy i've dug up of the room in question in which i thought it would be a good idea to rip up the carpet up after a massive explosion




it also took out some of the windows!

and here's the left over bottles i had to dis-arm...




the explosions were soo loud in the next room they woke me and SWMBO up and she made me call the police cause she though someone was breaking in!

Rob.


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## Duff (21/4/07)

...send a dozen beers north by Express Post <_<


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## delboy (21/4/07)

never to use tap water for my emmersion chiller again I will use swimming pool water trough it and recycle and if i do enough brews say 2 aday ill have a heated pool LoL
del


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## Aaron (21/4/07)

PistolPatch said:


> Too right bigD so I vow never to let hazy information pass by without doing the best I can to complete it.



I vow to never go fishing on this board again as it is like shooting fish in a barrel. I didn't even bait the hook and they are biting.


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## Mr Bond (21/4/07)

Aaron said:


> I vow to never go fishing on this board again as it is like shooting fish in a barrel. I didn't even bait the hook and they are biting.







:lol:


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## reVoxAHB (22/4/07)

randyrob said:


> ... add a few extra teaspoons of sugar into each longneck "just to make it a bit more boozy"
> 
> infact all it does is make hand grenades and sticky carpet with shards of glass you just can't
> get out of the carpet so you've gotto rip it up


and on that note...


> I Am A Homebrewer & I Vow Never To.......



carry a wet glass carboy with wet hands, in a hurry between movies after pitching yeast at temp, through a cramped house with kids toys scattered in walkway.

23L of AG AIPA OG 1.069, having been beer for only 60 seconds, kabloom!
currently dealing with sticky carpet and shards of glass, and a britex carpet cleaning machine. 
bugga. lesson learned. and for the record, i was dead sober. yep, there's yer problem :chug:

edit: Just had an idea:
Quick look around the room, and I realized I have 23L of spilled beer (give or take) + 76.6 IBUs of Northern Brewer, Fuggle and Cascade + 2 sachets of Safale US-56 as shown here:




(only a small area was snapped- the whole room looks like this)

I've added approx. 10L of boiling water (from my HLT, no less) to the cleaner:





Check this out, the beer at high krausen:





I reckon I could just about get my immersion chiller into the stainless catch tray, drop it down to 19C, rack to another glass carboy, rack to secondary in 10 days as normal. At bottling, I'll filter the beer for glass and shoot it straight to keg.

What do you reckon?


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## Fents (22/4/07)

I vow never to.....

Tell SWMBO how much im "really" spending on this little hobby


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## domonsura (22/4/07)

Fents said:


> I vow never to.....
> 
> Tell SWMBO how much im "really" spending on this little hobby



I second that one, well & truly.......in the last 3 weeks I've scored a new mill, 30kg digital scales, new fridge, digital controller, claimed back the deepfreeze to make into a keg fridge as well as having the mashtun upholstered, if she really had any idea how much I was spending I would be very unpopular..... :unsure:


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## barls (22/4/07)

never forget to double check the label on the keg, i just emptied a keg and went to get another and realised that the one i thought i had in the fridge, which should of been the isb golden ale, but it was still sitting out and the one that was in there was the blonde ive been aging and wasnt going to drink till june. oh well it tastes alright so im not fussed im just going to have to do another one soon


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## big d (22/4/07)

Aaron said:


> I vow to never go fishing on this board again as it is like shooting fish in a barrel. I didn't even bait the hook and they are biting.


You are a bugger Aaron.May your next beer be the best youve ever made so at least the Adelaide brew crew dont laugh at your attempts.  

Cheers
Big D


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## Vlad the Pale Aler (22/4/07)

reVox said:


> and on that note...
> carry a wet glass carboy with wet hands, in a hurry between movies after pitching yeast at temp, through a cramped house with kids toys scattered in walkway.
> 
> 23L of AG AIPA OG 1.069, having been beer for only 60 seconds, kabloom!
> ...






mmmmm CPA ( carpet pale ale )


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## petesbrew (23/4/07)

Never to leave a strangely named beer from a nation never heard of, untried! 
Too many beers out there to stick to the usual stuff.

oh, that and not be taken too seriously.


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## Belgrave Brewer (23/4/07)

reVox said:


> Check this out, the beer at high krausen:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Hey reVox, no problem. I think all you'll need to do is run it through a beer filter and all should be fine. That should get rid of all the glass fragments.

BB


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## Brewtus (25/4/07)

Belgrave Brewer said:


> Hey reVox, no problem. I think all you'll need to do is run it through a beer filter and all should be fine. That should get rid of all the glass fragments.
> 
> BB



And the dog hair.....


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## Lactobacillus (26/4/07)

frogman said:


> For those of us less politically correct could you recommend any small animals that are good to add to beer production?
> 
> I'm always willing to try something new.


Cock ale, anyone?


big d said:


> What i want is honesty and integrity and someone who is interested in the hobby of brewing and not just a potential money spinner.


Ha! Hahaha... BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sorry if I sound a little jaded but... been there, done that. Let me just say that anyone who runs a homebrew shop does so FOR THE LOVE OF IT! I was told when I first started that those who work in the Homebrew Industry will never drive a Ferrari... I will take it one step further and replace the word Ferrari with Datsun! I'm afraid "Homebrew Shop" and "potential money spinner" do not fit well in the same sentence - or paragraph, for that matter.

[/cynic mode]


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## petesbrew (15/8/07)

delboy said:


> never to use tap water for my emmersion chiller again I will use swimming pool water trough it and recycle and if i do enough brews say 2 aday ill have a heated pool LoL
> del


Brilliant idea!!!


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## Tseay (15/8/07)

Use Mollases and Black sugar in a beer- 50 litres down the drain.


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## MVZOOM (15/8/07)

Bulk buy grain and store, say, 6kg of wheat malt in a Pilsner bag and not check the bag for markings.


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## capretta (15/8/07)

....lecture a slightly stupid 17 year old waitress on the difference between carbonated and bottle conditioned beers. my mrs will kill me.


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## brettprevans (15/8/07)

stop correcting people that traditional blonde beer isn't 'low carb' beer and that homebrew is lower %alc moonshine that old men make.


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## jayse (15/8/07)

Admit to other brewers that I spent all last weekend drinking cheap swill and the weekend before that<_< 

woops like I just did. h34r: 

If thats the case I vow to never be affraid to do what ever the hell I like :lol:


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