# Supposing I Found a Keg?



## Fat Bastard (28/10/13)

Now just for a minute, imagine that I found a keg abandoned by the roadside. Not in a council clean up, just sitting near a tree all on it's lonesome. Now also suppose that I felt sorry for it, and when I pulled over, it leapt into the boot of my car.

You'd have to imagine that the keg is emblazoned with it's owner's name, and now has some battle scars from when it hurled itself in a fit of despair from the back of the truck that was thundering around the bend near the tree I found it under.

Now would you suppose that I should make an attempt to return it to it's rightful owner, or should piety yield to Satan's Prong and let idle hands turn to the devils work of "re-purposing" it?

Hypothetically, of course.

Anonymous

(Name and Address Withheld)


----------



## bum (28/10/13)

Every beer you make in it will taste like shame.


----------



## Crusty (28/10/13)

If it's full, keep it.
If it's empty, keep it................. h34r:


----------



## Fat Bastard (28/10/13)

It's got one of Jesus' angels on it, and I found it within sight of a church. Perhaps it is a gift from God?


----------



## MartinOC (28/10/13)

I think that any keg, suffering for so long under the oppressive heel of a dictatorship that is a commercial brewery (not to mention being irrevocably marked with the name of it's oppressor) would gladly welcome the opportunity for a second chance at life as "re-purposed".

Fear-not Anonymous (Name & address withheld), I believe that your proposal is a noble one & should be lauded (albeit quietly  ) by all who believe in the deserved freedom of shackled & oppressed kegs the world-over.


----------



## Fat Bastard (28/10/13)

When I say "I", I don't mean ME, obviously.


----------



## MartinOC (28/10/13)

OBVIOUSLY!!

This is ALL purely hypothetical, now, innit??


----------



## citizensnips (29/10/13)

Look the way I see it and please take note of the '*I*' is basically if its any of the major breweries and your lucky enough to have one of their kegs fall into your hands....empty or not empty, don't feel terrible claiming it as your own, they will survive the loss of a few kegs, if anything think of yourself as Robin Hood, just giving back............to yourself


----------



## Ducatiboy stu (29/10/13)

Liberate it and keep your mouth shut.


----------



## QldKev (29/10/13)

It's only illegal if you get caught...

I would tell your friend's friend's uncle's dad's friend to keep it, after all they are only doing said company a favor by removing their rubbish from the dumped spot to prevent them from being fined.


----------



## Dave70 (29/10/13)

Fat Bastard said:


> It's got one of Jesus' angels on it, and I found it within sight of a church. Perhaps it is a gift from God?


Perhaps its a test?
Historically, god tends to be particularly capricious and vengeful.

When thine first batch renders thee blind and covered in boils, tho shalt know from whence it came.


----------



## brad81 (29/10/13)

To steel is wrong. I would've thought you'd have more metal than that.


----------



## NewtownClown (29/10/13)

brad81 said:


> To steel is wrong.


 To copper is virtuous?


----------



## QldKev (29/10/13)

Give it to me so I can make a still out of it


----------



## Ross (29/10/13)

We sent 9 kegs to Melb GBW 2 years ago & didn't get a single keg back - The loss was a huge hit for a little brewery like ours & if it wasn't for the bar in question finally settling a year later (we were very fortunate) it's unlikely we would have done another interstate beer event. The kegs are owned by someone, big or small, it's no excuse to steal... 
P.S. The 9 kegs are still lost somewhere & are all embossed with the Bacchus name - Reward for their safe return if you spot them anywhere 


Cheers Ross


----------



## Matt Browne (29/10/13)

Enjoy your new "hypothetical" find!!
Great to have a "hypothetical" win every now and again!!


----------



## Bribie G (29/10/13)

Fat Bastard said:


> It's got one of Jesus' angels on it, and I found it within sight of a church. Perhaps it is a gift from God?


Are you sure you aren't confusing Bacchus (Roman god of wine and intoxication) with Christian Angels?


----------



## djar007 (29/10/13)

I agree with Ross. Try and give it back.Let them know your interest and they may have an old keg or two they can give you or indeed give you that one. You would be doing the right thing.


----------



## ploto (29/10/13)

What would Jerzy Balowski do?


----------



## pcmfisher (29/10/13)

djar007 said:


> Try and give it back. Let them know your interest and they may have an old keg or two they can give you or indeed give you that one.


They might not, too.


----------



## itmechanic (29/10/13)

Imagine if you had paid for a small fortune for your kegs and they got either stolen or not returned, it hurts. Especially if you are a smallish brewery with a small keg stock.


----------



## djar007 (29/10/13)

pcmfisher said:


> They might not, too


We could go on for days about whether or not they could or should . But the point is that I feel better trying to do the right thing. I don't always achieve this but I try. The original poster should too. Easy for me to say. If I want a keg my wife is happy for me to go out and buy one. So I understand that is not the same for everyone.


----------



## hsb (29/10/13)

If it belongs to one of the megaswill conglomerates, then keep it and be most righteous.
If it belongs to a craft brewery, contact them and let the fates have their way.

If it fell off the back of a truck figuratively, give it back. If literally, refer previous sage internet wisdom.

If keeping it, print out the Internet advice and glue it onto the keg.


----------



## Kranky (29/10/13)

I think you'll find it's called "Steal by finding" and it is a criminal offence in NSW. If it appears the owners name is on it you have to make a proper effort to tell them you found it.


----------



## Kak (29/10/13)

if it was near a tree a dog probably pissed on it. :lol:


----------



## Camo6 (29/10/13)

If it was from a big brewery a cat definitely pissed in it.


----------



## Batz (29/10/13)

Ross said:


> We sent 9 kegs to Melb GBW 2 years ago & didn't get a single keg back - The loss was a huge hit for a little brewery like ours & if it wasn't for the bar in question finally settling a year later (we were very fortunate) it's unlikely we would have done another interstate beer event. The kegs are owned by someone, big or small, it's no excuse to steal...
> P.S. The 9 kegs are still lost somewhere & are all embossed with the Bacchus name - Reward for their safe return if you spot them anywhere
> 
> 
> Cheers Ross


They'll turn up on ebay at sometime Ross.


----------



## Dave70 (29/10/13)

I'm starting to feel guilty about all those UD milk crates , Telecom rope and CHEP pallets I have lying around to.


----------



## bum (29/10/13)

The Telstra rope is fine. They can't reuse it. That's why it gets left around like it does.

Look at the very tall horses most of you guys are getting about on. Absolute paragons of virtue, I'll wager.


----------



## booargy (29/10/13)

I thought that telecom rope grew on the side of the road


----------



## brad81 (29/10/13)

Yeah it grows on firewood next to free railway garden sleepers


----------



## djar007 (29/10/13)

He asked bum.


----------



## bum (29/10/13)

It seems like a blatantly rhetorical type of dealy to me.


----------



## JoeyJoeJoe (29/10/13)

How much is a keg actually worth?


----------



## bum (29/10/13)

YOUR ETERNAL SOUL.


----------



## kevo (29/10/13)

Dave70 said:


> I'm starting to feel guilty about all those UD milk crates , Telecom rope and CHEP pallets I have lying around to.


Nice to see someone else still uses the word Telecom 

edit: ...and so does Booargy!


----------



## Fat Bastard (29/10/13)

I still call it Telecom too!

Anyways, it's a Little Creatures keg, and it did indeed literally fall off the back of a truck, or at least I'm presuming so, because it was on a sharp and bumpy bend in the road. It'd been there for some time as I drove past it 4 times over 4 days before I decided to stop and pick it up.

I'll fly LC an email and ask if they want it back to assuage my own conscience, despite the fact that shame may give my beer the extra zing it needs.

Cheers,

FB


----------



## bum (29/10/13)

There are other ways one can add shame to every batch.

Happily, this will also cost you your eternal soul!


----------



## kevo (29/10/13)

bum said:


> There are other ways one can add shame to every batch.
> 
> Happily, this will also cost you your eternal soul!


And your vision too.


----------



## itmechanic (29/10/13)

JoeyJoeJoe said:


> How much is a keg actually worth?


 about 140 bucks for a plain one, more if its embossed.


----------



## Ducatiboy stu (29/10/13)

[quote name="Fat Bastard" post="1097237" 

I'll fly LC an email and ask if they want it back to assuage my own conscience, despite the fact that shame may give my beer the extra zing it needs.

Cheers,

FB[/quote]

Fuckers will prob ask you to send it to WA at your expense


----------



## Judanero (29/10/13)

Email them pictures of the keg, telling them you have information about a keg that fell off a truck... should you send it back or can you keep it?

Presumably they will email you back, but don't open the email.

For a brief moment you have a psuedo schrödinger's keg, where you should send back and can keep the keg at the same time.

Then turn it into a keggle. h34r:


----------



## fletcher (29/10/13)

you know you want to; send them a ransom letter. old school with magazine/paper cut out letters.

best case, they'll find the humour in it and give you something free and you won't live with the shame bum speaks of!


----------



## Edak (30/10/13)

Give them your neighbours address, tell them to pick it up and watch... If they say that they won't pick it up then you have a keg, but at least your beer won't taste of bad karma.


----------



## Parks (30/10/13)

The last time I gave LC back a keg that I found they gave me a mixed carton of their beers. Totally worth it.


----------



## MrTwalky (30/10/13)

I'm imagining a couple of mysterious keg tracking cops wandering the countryside hunting down lost/ stolen kegs. You think you're safe when... BAM!!! They're on your doorstep.

I should write a book about this.


----------



## GrumpyPaul (30/10/13)

I wonder why breweries dont offer a refundable deposit on return type system. (like you see on all the soft drink bottles - "5c refund in SA")

Then there might be an incentive for people to hand them back,

or....

it also might lead to a black market operation of stealing kegs from outside pubs to return them for the deposit.

or .....

If the deposit was only paid in SA a black market smuggling operation with clandestine crews sneaking them across border....

or....

it might become an alternate currency for drug addicts paying their dealer in stolen kegs....


or...

I got noting else. (I probably shouldve stopped at "why dont they have a refundable deposit")


----------



## bum (30/10/13)

Probably more like:

or...

Small breweries will have trouble getting small bars to fork over extra money.


----------



## hellbent (30/10/13)

Ring them up and tell them you have it and for them to come and pick it up......you'll probably have it there forever.


----------



## Rurik (30/10/13)

GrumpyPaul said:


> I wonder why breweries dont offer a refundable deposit on return type system. (like you see on all the soft drink bottles - "5c refund in SA")
> 
> Then there might be an incentive for people to hand them back,
> 
> ...


It probly has more to do with the two large breweries can afford to absorb it into their operating costs and the small ones don't have the power to introduce it. To many pubs would just walk away. In the end it is going to affect the bottom line of the small ones more then the big ones. 





bum said:


> Probably more like:
> 
> or...
> 
> Small breweries will have trouble getting small bars to fork over extra money.


----------



## Mardoo (30/10/13)

I'm imagining a couple of mysterious keg tracking cops wandering the countryside hunting down lost/ stolen kegs. You think you're safe when... BAM!!! They're on your doorstep.

I should write a book about this.
Thats got Will Smith written all over it. Option it!


----------



## pat_00 (30/10/13)

You wouldn't download a keg would you?


----------



## Edak (30/10/13)

You wouldn't download a keg would you?

Give me the link and I will liberate it.


----------



## Fat Bastard (30/10/13)

The buggers want it back!
Have arranged for collection, hopefully this will happen sooner rather than later, as I'm worried what effect smug honesty will have on my beer.


----------



## djar007 (30/10/13)

And the universe is calm once again. Nice one mate. Let the good luck flow your way.


----------



## Camo6 (30/10/13)

And if they stiff you on a reward, visit one of their breweries with a pocket full of lacto.


----------



## pk.sax (30/10/13)

See, this post wouldn't happen if that were a CUB or LION keg.


----------



## black_labb (30/10/13)

isn't it a lions keg now?


----------



## Batz (30/10/13)

Fat Bastard said:


> The buggers want it back!
> Have arranged for collection, hopefully this will happen sooner rather than later, as I'm worried what effect smug honesty will have on my beer.


_Past it forward_, it's your turn next.


----------



## bum (30/10/13)

Surely a free keg _was_ his turn?

The cosmos will frown upon this.


----------



## Batz (30/10/13)

bum said:


> Surely a free keg _was_ his turn?
> 
> The cosmos will frown upon this.


just wait bum, good will come of this. B)


----------



## MrTwalky (30/10/13)

I really hope they reward the honesty. That's incentive to give kegs back so why not...


----------



## Papa Lazarou (30/10/13)

Who is that fat bastard?
Margaret Thatcher is laughing at you from the other side.


----------



## Edak (1/11/13)

I'd be lucky if my wife were to flash her tits at all...


----------



## manticle (1/11/13)

Doesn't she drink selected beers in her birthday suit?


----------



## Dave70 (1/11/13)

Fat Bastard said:


> The buggers want it back!
> Have arranged for collection, hopefully this will happen sooner rather than later, as I'm worried what effect smug honesty will have on my beer.


Fess up Balowski.

Handing that keg back will leave you feeling deflated and ripped off. Wont it?..._wont it?_..


I mean, _man, _give me a 4" grinder, a handful of fittings and an oxy set and boy oh boy, the sky's the limit with one of those gems.


Yep. Sure are useful round the old brewing shed is a modified keg.

Yep. Really , _really_ useful.


----------



## ploto (2/11/13)

&nbsp;


Fat Bastard said:


> I'm worried what effect smug honesty will have on my beer.


&nbsp;

Your brewery will now be powered by your own sense of self satisfaction!

...until it grinds to a halt on the rusting wheels of regret.


----------



## Mardoo (2/11/13)

Now if you become a vegan you will be invincible on your righteous malty throne!!!!!


----------



## Pickaxe (2/11/13)

Lol, you wouldn't steal a baby!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALZZx1xmAzg

pickaxe


----------



## Fat Bastard (5/12/13)

Ok, emails have been sent, phone numbers and adresses have been given, and the bastard thing is still sitting on the verandah awaiting collection.

Surely there is a period of time that it is reasonable for me to hold this keg for them, before I put it to good use.


----------



## Yob (5/12/13)

It's empty now though right?


----------



## Fat Bastard (5/12/13)

It was that way when I found it, honest!


----------



## Ducatiboy stu (5/12/13)

Hate for it to get stolen......


----------



## Yob (5/12/13)

Fat Bastard said:


> It was that way when I found it, honest!


Sure it was rummy! Ha!


----------



## Fat Bastard (5/12/13)

Anything could happen to it if it was left there for too long.


----------



## Ducatiboy stu (5/12/13)

Prob get stolen and turned into a keg swan in some bogans front garden


----------



## Yob (6/12/13)

hellbent said:


> Ring them up and tell them you have it and for them to come and pick it up......you'll probably have it there forever.


prophetic :lol:


----------



## nu_brew (6/12/13)

No surprise that they want it back. Isn't that the point of all the 'don't steal kegs' posts on here? 

May all you beers be excellent FB. You've done right.


----------



## Fat Bastard (16/4/14)

Well, after nigh on 6 months and more than a couple of emails, the bloody thing is still here. 

It's absolutely surplus to my requirements, and I just want shot of it. 

I should find out the address of the Sydney LC distributors and dump it at their gatehouse, so if anyone knows it, could they PM me and make it disappear from its current location as a favour. Of course, I'm not to be held responsible if it goes missing in transit or a third party were to steal it whilst awaiting collection during business hours. 

Bear in mind that this is a keg that belongs to a big brewery and they obviously want it back, even though I don't know you from Adam, this being an anonymous Internet forum and all. I'm a very important man and couldn't possibly find time to drop it down there myself, so I'm asking for some assistance with this endeavour.

PM me if you can drop it back to the distributor for me. 

Cheers,

FB

(Fatty O'Barrel)


----------



## spog (17/4/14)

Go to Bunnings get a Lazy Susan mount,some 50 mm foam,some vinyl,plywood etc and turn it into a swivel top keg stool.
Six months is more than fair holding it for them.
Cheers...spog....


----------



## Ducatiboy stu (17/4/14)

They cant want it back that badly. Otherwise they would have collected it


----------



## real_beer (17/4/14)

Fat Bastard said:


> Well, after nigh on 6 months and more than a couple of emails, the bloody thing is still here.
> 
> It's absolutely surplus to my requirements, and I just want shot of it.
> 
> ...


When I used to live in Redland Bay, Qld this is why the local recycle tip used to charge breweries & supermarkets to get kegs & trolley's back. They spend a lot of time & money having their workers fish them out of creeks, ponds, parks etc. and then they have to dispose of them. The brewing and hotel industry could drastically reduce their losses by simply making sure a hotel has a secure area or shed to put the empty kegs in. The pubs I used to work in always did, if the breweries charged landlords for lost kegs 99% of the problem would disappear overnight. Send them another email telling them you want $60 for storing the keg since telling them & a further $10 for the next month after which you will be disposing of it yourself. Keep a copy of all your emails.

Cheers

PS. The pubs never used to collect them from the tip either, that's why they'd later sell them to recover some money. One of the workers told me they charged supermarkets about $115 each to get their trolley's back but I don't know if its true.


----------



## Maheel (17/4/14)

i have noticed lately there are heaps of 50l kegs on ebay

they used to disappear pretty quick off ebay (stolen item?) but it seems no one is bothering to worry about it anymore.

demand a storage fee if they ever show up 
i reckon your pretty safe to just keep it now.....

vic law stuff here
i reckon your pretty safe to just keep it now.....
looks like a 28 day rule for low value goods is now in your favor

right a letter and post it

http://www.consumer.vic.gov.au/businesses/fair-trading/guarantees-warranties-and-refunds/uncollected-goods-and-vehicles/disposing-of-uncollected-goods/low-value-goods-and-vehicles

you can charge storage fee's see here
http://www.consumer.vic.gov.au/businesses/fair-trading/guarantees-warranties-and-refunds/uncollected-goods-and-vehicles/relevant-charge-for-uncollected-goods


----------



## Maheel (17/4/14)

NSW rules are the same ...
http://www.fairtrading.nsw.gov.au/ftw/Consumers/Buying_goods/Uncollected_goods.page


----------



## jimmyjack (17/4/14)

> Well, after nigh on 6 months and more than a couple of emails, the bloody thing is still here.
> 
> It's absolutely surplus to my requirements, and I just want shot of it.
> 
> ...


Mate if you drop it to your nearest Lion pub take a pic I will shoot you a reward for your time and effort.

Cheers,

Jim


----------



## Rurik (17/4/14)

jimmyjack said:


> Mate if you drop it to your nearest Lion pub take a pic I will shoot you a reward for your time and effort.
> 
> Cheers,
> 
> Jim


I hope it is more then the Six Pack CUB sent me. Had a person offer me a hundred kegs for $2K, he sent me a photo of them and they were clearly from CUB. So I forward their customer service email a copy of what he sent me and a few months later I got a thank you letter & a six pack of Fat Yak. They explained the size of the operation and thanked me for my help.


----------



## Weizguy (17/4/14)

Fat Bastard said:


> Well, after nigh on 6 months and more than a couple of emails, the bloody thing is still here.
> 
> It's absolutely surplus to my requirements, and I just want shot of it.
> 
> ...


I agree that you should invoice them for a reasonable fee, say $10 per month, and see if that speeds the process.

A truck may turn up to collect, as well as deliver your cheque.


----------



## real_beer (17/4/14)

Too clarify the situation a bit better it's definitely not right that people steal the kegs in the first place and dump them later on, neither is someone's car being stolen and wrecked. However when you find out the owner left the car parked with windows down and keys in the ignition you wont find they get much sympathy from most people, police included. Also the councils don't actually sell the breweries and supermarkets their property back, but charge them the cost of clearing them up. I have no problem with this fee being imposed on them as its just the same as people who have to reclaim a pet a Council Ranger has impounded.

At the Cleveland Sands Hotel we had to write the serial number of every keg delivered into a notebook when they arrived, this did three things. 1). Made it easy to check the number of kegs delivered. 2). Made sure the kegs were rotated and tapped in the proper order. 3). If the Brewery ever had a suspect batch of beer, or we found one, it helped to clarify the period concerned. Empty kegs were locked in a secure ally next to where the kegs trucks parked, new kegs were bounced off a couple of old tyres (tires for any yanks watching) and put straight into the coldroom then the empty kegs were loaded on the truck. Not rocket science I know but I think old time landlords just had a better handle on how pubs should be run and made sure everyone followed the rules. The older hotels I worked in had the old time tradition that the landlord was like a weekly banker and social worker, some patrons got their paycheck on Friday, drank it at the bar or lost it in the TAB by Sunday, and then hit the landlord for a sub until pay day, a real endless circle. It worked very well from what I could see with very few defaulters, but the landlords weren't stupid and knew a lot of these people would steal something to sell if the opportunity arose, so security was tight and no leeway was given in applying it.

So to repeat myself again I just can't believe this keg stealing is still a major problem as it's such an easy fix. Any pub that got a $200 invoice for every empty keg not accounted for would soon find a solution. And as far as disposable kegs being a solution goes I really the believe the world has enough plastic shit going into landfill tips already without adding to the problem. 

What a f#*%&#g rant and wank! 

Sorry :lol:


----------



## Ducatiboy stu (17/4/14)

Its interesting...sitting at my local recently...

They had an off keg of xxxx gold. They had to record the s/n,email the brewery, put a special cap on the keg to show it was bad,put a yellow tape accross the the top to salso show it was bad.

The brewery actually knew that the keg,via the s/n actually belonged to that pub. 

The publican is pissed because he knows that it will take a few weeks to get an account credit


----------



## Fat Bastard (17/4/14)

I might send Lion my resume looking for a position of Operations Manager... Promise to save them 500k a year on kegs.

Seriously, I cannot believe it's this hard. The location where the keg is at is less than 5 minutes from the route their trucks regularly drive. I can't believe the driver's wage + the running costs for the truck over 10 minutes is more than the bloody keg is worth.

The worst part is that I don't even have a use for it now and I really don't want to drop it back to them myself as a matter of principle. I don't want a reward or a prize or a special badge, I just want it gone with a minimum of fuss.

I should just turn it into a BBQ or smoker out of sheer bloody mindedness. They've had their chance to get it back and it would seem that fair trading would agree with me.


----------



## Scooby Tha Newbie (17/4/14)

.


----------



## Airgead (19/4/14)

Ducatiboy stu said:


> They had an off keg of xxxx gold.


How could they tell?


----------



## Not For Horses (19/4/14)

Airgead said:


> How could they tell?


It had some flavour?


----------

