# Stopping brewing and selling up



## Tony (9/2/13)

Howdy folks

Well, after almost 10 years of brewing, i have sadly had end to it.

I have suffered from depression all my life and spent the last couple decades doing my best to hide it from everyone, including myself, riding along in a nightmarish grey cloud, too down and blind to it all to seek help.

In recent years it has taken its toll on my family, and on the verge of losing them and a nervous breakdown, i went to the doctor and asked for help. I will never forget sitting in the waiting room...... shaking i was so scared. They diagnosed me with cornic depression, booked me in for counceling and gave me a script for anti-depressents. I also stopped drinking all but the odd beer now and then. I felt great for a change.

After a few months on the happy pils, they arnt working any more. I'm all over the place, cant sleep, cant concentrate, cant work, up, down, happy, sad, friendly, angry...... and i have gone back to knocking back a fair few pints every night and more than a few on weekends.

So i made the decision i needed to make, to get myself back on track and bring some positive change in my life.

I turned off my Kegorator, tipped almost 100L of beer down the drain including an american amber that had just finnished fermenting, and went dry!

That was a week ago and i must say i feel great! I dont wake up every 30 min at night, in fact i sleep right through, My upset guts have settled down. The wife says i have completly stopped snoring and i can concentrate, i can work, my mood is stable.......... seems the alcahol and the pills wernt mixing well 

I have had withdrawls but its not from the alcahol....... i have about 15 bottles of single malt at my bar and i felt no compulsion to touch them, It was from the enjoyment of pouring a quality home brew and looking at it as i drank it thinking.... i made this and its bloody tops! I missed that satisfaction factor of drinking quality home made beer. I also felt a loss for the hobby that had kept me half sain over the years. I have emersed myself in the brewing process as a place to go when i felt like crap. It gave me something to emerse my thought in and hide behind. But every day now, i feel better, and every day i see that i dont need to drink to escape the horror and emptyness of depression. I started to feel like i was drinking so i could brew, and brewing so i could drink. It hit me like a sledge hammer and i thought bugger it..... i need to change. If i dont im not going to see 40.

Sooooooooooo now that i have shared my deepest darkest secrets with AHB ( well not all of them...... there was this one time at band camp.........) Im selling all my brewing ingredients and some of my brewing gear.

I will put a post up tonight in the buy and sell section listing all my Malt and Hops.

I will state now that it will be pich up only. I work 60+ hours a week and dont have time to go pachaging up stuff to post all around the country. I live in Rutherforn in the Hunter Valley NSW for anyone who doesnt know.

I have about 118 kg of base malt, 27kg of specialty malt and 6.5kg of hops to sell, all but base malts kept vac sealed, and i have priced it well. I will big time prefer a bulk purchase of all of it. As i said i dont have much spare time with a busy job.

As a final note.......... anyone out there who sufferes from depression......... and you know when you do, (and no amount of people growing a mustache or patting you on the shoulder saying "you'll be right mate" will help)........ go and see a doctor. The worst part is having to admit to yourself that your not as perfect as you would like to be. Having to swallow your pride as a human being and admit to a stranger that your a taqd broken.

Once you get past that step, and start to get better....... you look back in horror and what you have lost. I lost my youth to submersing myself in 80 hr weeks at work, 5 bottles of bundy and 3 cartons of tooheys draught a week.

Its different for everyone, you dont have to do what i have done, but if you know you suffer from it....... and if you do......... YOU KNOW...... do something about it!

No better time than now!


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## thedragon (9/2/13)

Tony

We have never met, but I appreciate the advice and inspiration that you've given me and younger / new brewers.

It takes a big man to share your situation as you have done.

I wish you strength and all the best with the challenges that you are facing. 

Best regards
Daniel


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## DU99 (9/2/13)

tony you have given this forum heaps of advice.but the man say's enough we have to listen.. :icon_cheers:


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## bruce86 (9/2/13)

All the best Tony! Biggest kudos for being able to share this.


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## bradsbrew (9/2/13)

Good on you Tony, that must have been one hard post to write. I hope your health improves and you can get on top of things mate.


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## hsb (9/2/13)

Good luck to you mate, I hope you can find a path to working less, there's only so much time left for all of us. Good on you for sharing, and good health to you and your loved ones.


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## Yob (9/2/13)

All the best Tony, good luck with the new direction.

Yob


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## Tony (9/2/13)

Thanks Daniel.

I will always have a passion for beer and brewing and wont be leaving the forum.

I have set myself the rule of 2 or 3 beers on a Saturday night as a treat and that's it. You only live once and a bloke cant deprive himself af all pleasure 

I will still be around to help out what what i know and see to it that up and coming brewers make better beer!

I wont be selling my brewery, and have set myself a time line of 12 months on the course im on now. See how im going in 12 months and i may start brewing again on a much smaller scale.

For now.......... i need to do some healing and make change in my self and my life.

Im thinking of making a lambic and letting it rot till next year


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## Tony (9/2/13)

and thanks everyone else 

as i said......... you wont get me off here in a hurry......... I love AHB........ its a great place to hang out now and then


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## dammag (9/2/13)

Good on you mate. I know where you're at. There are a lot of us out there and you are in no way in the minority you may think you are.

Look after yourself and remember no matter how bad today is tomorrow is a new day and it can be great!

Damian


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## jimmy01 (9/2/13)

Best wishes Tony. I hope all works out for you and your family. 

Thanks for the generous advice that you provided to me and many others on this forum.

Regards
Dave


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## monkeybusiness (9/2/13)

I don't post much on the forum but I must say it is sobering to read a story like yours and thought I should add to the tide of well wishes.

I had one of your beers in a swap a few years back and it was one of my most memorable swap beers so don't lose that touch! I hope things come good for you Tony.


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## NickB (9/2/13)

Tony,

We have shared many a hearty chat on Facebook, exchanged recipe ideas and ideas in general, taken the piss out of each other, and generally had a great time.

It takes a real man to admit when he needs help, and if not help, a change to make things right. And then guts to actually follow through.

I appreciate all you've done for me and my brewing, and will very much miss the awesome, and downright sexy pics you have shared with us of your beers.... (And not of your avatar  )

Keep up the good work, and I'm sure you'll be around here to lend an ear, and an opinion on the things you do know, and some things you don't 

Keep in touch mate!

Cheers

Ps: look forward to the odd pic of your beers, or some average ones of Tooheys Draught


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## jlm (9/2/13)

All the best Tony. Have done the ugly dance with depression and anxiety myself and understand the balance between too much work/too much booze/everything else that goes along with that package.

That last bit on Tony's OP is very, very good advice. I know I was surprised after admitted I had these issues how many other people I knew had gone through the same thing. Its a true bastard of a thing, but we all want to say I'm right when we're not. Kudos Tony.


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## Crusty (9/2/13)

All the best Tony.
I know exactly how you feel as I have suffered from the black dog myself for 8yrs & have been off medication for the last 2yrs.
I got diagnosed with clinical depression due to financial commitments & being a father for the first time. I basically fell apart after years of hiding my stress. It was indeed a daily battle & at my lowest point, I felt that I could not continue like this & desperately needed some form of intervention to help me cope. The drugs you take to boost serotonin are sometimes far worse than the condition itself & I tried three different medications before seeking help from a Naturopath to help me on the road to recovery. Looking back, I lost those 8yrs to being in the black cloud & it's the most horrific period of my life & I understand what people with depression deal with on a daily basis, it's horrible.
All I can say mate is I wish you all the best & please, please, never, ever give up on yourself or the loved ones around you as eventually the cloud will disappear.
I struggled with the Zoloft & the other medications that the Psychiatrist prescribed & found the Naturopath was the right solution for me. She prescribed a serotonin re-uptake inhibitor called Hydroxy Tryptophan, HTP-5. It took a few months before it seemed to be doing anything but after 3yrs on this, I am now not so negative nor stressed & living in that Zombie drunk feeling state. Please look into this if you have a bad time on the prescribed medication. No two people react the same with medications too, what might work for someone, may not work for someone else. It's really a matter of finding what gives you the balance. 
Please PM me mate if I can help in any way at all.
All the best Tony.


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## Bada Bing Brewery (9/2/13)

Good luck Tony and many thanks for your help.
Professional hat on - if you need something; advice/options just pm me.
Lambic is a good long term option.
Cheers
BBB


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## Droughtmaster (9/2/13)

been down your road ,all the best Tony watch them pills they **** with ya head ,,,, drought


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## TidalPete (9/2/13)

Tony,

Having been depressed all my life as the result of lifetime health problems that are fortunately not severe enough to be clinically diagnosed as depression I open my heart out to you mate & hope that all goes well for you in the future.
After reading your original post I reckon you have done the hardest bit so it should be all downhill from here. :super:
PM'ing you Tony.


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## Tony (9/2/13)

Cheers folks.......... Im off to bed now.

Thanks for all your support and know this........... i will survive! and i WILL brew again.

but for now..... i will just help out where i can 

and im serious about the lambic....... im aging some EKG Plugs broken up.


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## dammag (9/2/13)

As you have obviously made a good choice to slow down on the alcohol there are other things that may help you.

Funnily enough for me, giving up coffee (caffeine) has had the most positive effect so far. I feel good 95% of the time after this one change. Stopping alcohol didn't really help but stopping caffeine has. I think this is because of lessened anxiety.

Damian.


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## Nick JD (9/2/13)

60 hours a week is still too much, Tony.

This Doctor's advice is to get it down below 35.


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## bum (9/2/13)

Thanks for sharing, Tony. Hopefully it'll help some people almost as much as your other advice has helped many of us in the past.

Best of luck with everything and I'm glad to hear you'll still be around.


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## browndog (9/2/13)

Good for you Tony, get well, live you life the way you want to.


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## jayahhdee (9/2/13)

You've taken a huge step and while it is sad to see someone stop a hobby that they love you are doing it for a very good reason, your own well being.

I look forward to the day when you are again satisfied with your spot and can start making beer again.

Well done.


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## MastersBrewery (10/2/13)

Most honest and brave post I've read.
My partner recently left me, just before christmas, her depression had gotten that bad she couldn't see the one's trying their damnest to help were the ones she was pushing away. She's getting the help she needs now, and has a place just around the corner, though her ex husband didn't return her daughter from Xmas access. The one thing you can be certain of is, this illness if ignored too long will have you face the highest personal cost.
Tony I'm glad you were able to see or have someone help you see that seeking proffesional help and the suport of family and friends is the only way of beating this.
good luck and take some time off, go roo shootin or somethin


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## tavas (10/2/13)

I lost a mate to the black dog last year. Turns out he had depression and no one knew. Always the happiest and fun loving guy in public, you'd never pick it. He left behind a wife and 1 yo son.

Well done for sharing your pain and seeking help. The first step is always the hardest.


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## pk.sax (10/2/13)

Too hard to say that was, well, hope you look a bit prettier than that avatar in a year's time 

It's a hard one, admitting something like that to yourself. My wishes are with you.


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## hellbent (10/2/13)

Being on of the many who has received guidance from you in the past I wish you great success in your drive to rid yourself of the illness you have.... Good luck and good health Tony.

Cheers
Al


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## rehab (10/2/13)

Thanks for sharing with the forum Tony, 

I admire the steps you are taking to make your life better again and regain control from a place of darkness. 

Good to hear that you will remain around to help others. That is very selfless of you and all of the beginners like myself will appreciate the experienced advice.

All the best Tony


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## warra48 (10/2/13)

I'm fortunate never to have suffered from depression, so it's somewhat difficult for me to understand the personal hardship it causes.

Your post must have been a struggle to write, and I wish you all the best for the future, and hope you get to a place where you can be fully functioning and content within yourself.


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## Nath83 (10/2/13)

I very rarely post on the forums, but this post really caught my eye and really hits me hard.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Tony. As others have said, it must have been very hard to write. 

I sincerely hope that the 12 months you've set can achieve what you hope and can get back on track with the things that you do enjoy. 

Good luck with it and as you've seen on here, you have the support of all the AHB members.

Cheers


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## m3taL (10/2/13)

Good work tony, Depression runs rife in my Family and my Wifes also, my wife was at me for years about going to see someone as i was drinking myself to sleep every night @ 27. We have 5 Children and they are the only thing that used to make me smile.....

I hated my job, i hated colluges, i pushed away mates, family and my wife...... sometimes you need to make some big changes in your life to make it better, I now have a new job and i'm bouncing out of bed at 6am to get there rather than sleeping in and dragging my ass through the door to do the daily grind.....

After seeking treatment, Going Dry for 12 months and getting the meds sorted (It takes a long time for them to regulate) i can now stay very balanced and i know when iv had enough to drink.

I wouldn't say you will ever have a Miracle cure, but learning how to deal with it and notice when you need to go have a chat with someone to put things into perspective is the best! Councillors are tough, i had a really good one who retired, when i tried to go back when i was struggling a bit the guy who took over her position just wasn't for me..... so i couldn't talk or open up at all..... iv tried 3 others and finally found someone who i am comfortable enough to talk too and who's advice i trust and agree with....

All the best mate, and if posting something like this can make one more man take the plunge and seek help, then you have helped not only the person but everyone around them....

you guys out there, Don't be too proud to seek help, every day you put it off is 2 more it will take to fix......

Cheers!


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## m3taL (10/2/13)

just one more thing on meds......

I had really bad Side effects when i started on mine, you really need to push though it if your doctor tells you too.... after a few days the dizzy head and spaced out shit go's

Iv found that taking mine at night before bed leaves me clear for the morning to face the day, where if you take them in the morning, you can be a bit on edge. this is just what works for me.... I also have spares in my car and at work, cause missing one can be enough to make me get edgy and a bit light headed....

they are definitely something that needs to be well looked after taking them at the same time every day, not missing them and making sure you always have them on hand..... after 3.5 years on them i still forget to take the bloody thing.... im usually in bed when i remember.


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## AndrewQLD (10/2/13)

Hope you are well on the way to recovery Tony, you have given a lot to this Forum and the hobby in general and at the risk of sounding selfish I hope you continue to be a major contributor here. 

Andrew


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## Desert Brewer (10/2/13)

Read your posts with enthusiasm over the last few years Tony, like i have, im sure everybody appreciates your contributions to this place.

We were put through a small workshop to recognise the early signs of stress and depression a couple of years ago at work, as things were getting a bit crazy. It was facilited by the fella who started the Black Dog foundation - one of the best workshops management organised. Id encourage anyone in a position to organise one for your workplace to do so, as the statistic around depression are truely mind boggling. Not only did the workshop help you look out for your work mates but friends and family also, a well spent two hours. 

Goodluck with whats ahead.

Cheers,

DB


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## Tony (10/2/13)

Yeah that was me......... pushed away everyone, never got involved in anything social, changed jobs every couple years, moved from town to town looking for a spot i was happpy bit i never was.

And as you said...... my 3 kids were the only thing that really made me smile.

You become an absolute master of disguise, putting every available drop of energy into hiding it from the world to try and gain a tad of acceptance from other people. and that just runs you down further.


I was talking to a friend a month or so ago about my troubles and she said to me......... Tony, you cant continue doing the same thing and expect a different result.

That really stuck in my head and went round and round and round. eventually it clicked in as to what i needed to do. I needed to change my ways.

Thanks so much for all the support folks. Im blown away 

cheers


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## Tony (10/2/13)

m3taL said:


> just one more thing on meds......
> 
> I had really bad Side effects when i started on mine, you really need to push though it if your doctor tells you too.... after a few days the dizzy head and spaced out shit go's
> 
> ...


YEah i found that, first few days i was freaking out, felt like i was peaking and having dizzy attacks. We were at the shops one day and i suddenly felt like everything was 50 meters away and my headd felt like it was being squished. My wife looked at me and said, youve gone very pale are you ok?

I just sat down on the ground and it passed as quick as it hit.

I also find if i miss one i get really unstable and aggressive. I now leave them out where i make my breakfast so i see them every morning and remember to take it.


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## Harry Volting (10/2/13)

Hey Bloke
I probably drive past your house a couple of times a week on my way 'up the Valley' for work.
I don't need any gear but happy to have a yarn.
PM me if you're up for a social call.
Harry

Like you I look nothing like my avatar. Ok, a little bit.


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## jimi (10/2/13)

You've always been one of the key members to listen too and this post was yet another example of your wisdom. It's sobering and important to remember in this obessive hobby that health shouldn't be something to sacrifice. 
On the treatment side; exercise has been found to more effective than drugs in a number of studies, if you can fit it in (like Nick said 60hrs is too much)


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## _HOME_BREW_WALLACE_ (10/2/13)

I too have delt with depression for the last 8 years. It finally took its toll on my family and job very recently. I have been on anti-depressant meds, been to councellors and even laid off the booze. i think i finally have the right med combo now but its too late for my family. 
Like others have said, You aren't alone. Talk through your problems, It helps.

Good luck with your journey mate.


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## Byran (10/2/13)

Mate, Actually lost 2 people in my life because of this business. And been on the train for a little while in the past but managed to get off. Never got help just managed to feel normal again. Dont believe in taking drugs just kept giving myself goals to achieve. Im glad it worked it seems a lot of people are taking meds....... Good luck to you I hope you get your life back. And I dont believe in working weekends unless I have too. Cause days off are for enjoying your life. And if you have things to do that you enjoy ( not work but that helps) Then you have a reason to be here. And that dont make you sad man.


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## poppa joe (10/2/13)

Tony ..
Best of luck there will be a lot of people here walking beside you to help.
You have made the choice, where a lot of others haven't.
Don't tread in any Rice Gulls.
Cheers
PJ


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## Camo1234 (10/2/13)

" exercise has been found to more effective than drugs in a number of studies, if you can fit it in (like Nick said 60hrs is too much)"

I can't say that I have dealt with depression but I do work 60-80 hours a week and never able to "switch off" from work... I used to exercise heaps when i was younger but had been "too busy" for it in the last few years... I was becoming very irritable, hot tempered and when something went wrong I would boil inside until I exploaded... Usually my wife or son coped the explosion.... One day recently I was so worked up that I pulled on my runners and went for a run... by the end of the run, I was clear headed and couldn't even remember what I was so worked up about 30 mins earlier.

Now I run 5 - 7 days each week.... I now "Make Time" for exercise as opposed to making excuses why I can't.... I either go for a run in the morning and am then ready for the day or I come home after a shit day and run it all off before taking it out on the family.... The added benefit is that I am happy with 1 or 2 beers each night as an act of tasting my beers as opposed to 5-6 as an act of numbing my brain.

Best of luck Tony.... Your recipes make up 75% of the regular ones that I brew and your Bright Ale is my house beer... on a selfish note I am very happy that we won't be losing your wisdom from AHB!... Brewing is not just about the drinking side of things so I hope you do make it back to a place where you can enjoy your hobby once again.


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## Bribie G (10/2/13)

All the best, Tony. I totally sympathise, I've had problems above the neck all my life, not totally disabling but stuff that can make you feel like you've been dropped off on the wrong planet - worst is my chronic hypochondria, so far I've "had" bowel cancer, brain tumours, congestive heart failure, cardiomyopathy and mesothelioma. If I put on couple of kilos it's Ascites, if I lose a couple of kilos it's cancer. I stubbornly refuse to die, and as in your case I find that keeping busy doing things I'm interested in plus exercise really helps, as well as trying to keep socially active (for some reason when I'm with people the symptoms disappear).

I'll probably die of cirrhosis (there I go again  ) but at least I'll know what caused that.

Not wishing to sound like vultures circling, but when you get round to publishing your "for sale" list I'll certainly see how much grain and stuff I can take off your hands if you don't get a swift response from the local Hunter lads, quite happy to drive down.


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## Dave70 (10/2/13)

Christ....

Good on you mate for choosing your own direction.

I hope you'll not turn your back on us completely though. The _last _thing this joint needs is to be robbed of a valued member of its brains trust.


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## QldKev (10/2/13)

Not good to hear, but you're on the pathway to recovery now. Just remember that light at the end of the tunnel, and keep heading towards it. You will make it, all the best.

QldKev


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## Rowy (10/2/13)

Best of luck mate..........that black dog is a bitch!


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## wbosher (10/2/13)

Great post Tony. I've never suffered depression myself but know some who have.There is a website that has helped many people over here, the main man is ex all black John Kerwyn. Like I said I don't suffer from depression myself so it's only 2nd hand advice that I've heard about from others, but it may be worth a look...it may not - http://www.depression.org.nz/

All the best mate.


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## Online Brewing Supplies (10/2/13)

I was diagnosed with Chronic depression when I had a heart attack, was put on medication but have since weaned myself back off the devils. Feeling good now but its been 18 months .
Its a hard road Tony but if I can do it so can you. Concentrating more on my business than beer has helped.
Best of luck Nev


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## manticle (10/2/13)

It's a testament to both members here and to the growing acceptance of the very real nature and impact of various mental illnesses that no-one has written anything ridiculous like 'HTFU'.
As I wrote in my pm Tony, I wish you and your family all the best.
Andrew


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## jyo (10/2/13)

Good on you, Tony. Truly inspiring, honest and courageous to admit that. Glad to hear you will still be on here, mate.

My wife has suffered depression for 10+ years. I see her battle every day yet she finally seems to have found a workable balance with her medication. My wife's depression, stress from my work and chronic back pain has taken a toll on me in recent years. Mainly anxiety, yet st john's wort (I pronounce it wert!) decreasing alcohol consumption and exercise has really helped me. You will always have the mate who tells you to harden the **** up and quickly changes the subject Really bloody helpful. I hate that ignorant response and these 'mates' get pruned from your life pretty quickly.

Talking to a professional who knows your background and understands your situation is the key. You really become surprised at just how common it is. Good on you, Tony. Onwards and upwards, mate.


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## goomboogo (10/2/13)

manticle said:


> It's a testament to both members here and to the growing acceptance of the very real nature and impact of various mental illnesses that no-one has written anything ridiculous like 'HTFU'.
> As I wrote in my pm Tony, I wish you and your family all the best.
> Andrew


I can be quite naive about the world and the inhabitants but I would like to think awareness of depressive disorders is now widespread. Tony, I add my best wishes to you and your family.


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## jyo (10/2/13)

There is a vast difference between _awareness_ and _understanding_ the disease without stigmatising those who suffer from it though, mate. Many are aware of depression but will still have a HTFU attitude.

Just my real-world observation. Cheers.




goomboogo said:


> I can be quite naive about the world and it's inhabitants but I would like to think awareness of depressive disorders is now widespread. Tony, I add my best wishes to you and your family.


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## benno1973 (10/2/13)

Tony, if only you were selling all your brewing knowledge, I would buy it in a flash.

Good luck with the road ahead. It's a big call, but obviously the right one.


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## goomboogo (10/2/13)

jyo, I think you're right on the money. I guess that's where I trip on my naivety, jumping to the conclusion that awareness means understanding even though I know it really isn't the case. I feel for anyone who has ever encountered the 'just get over it' attitude. I hope I didn't offend, that definitely wasn't my intent.


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## spog (10/2/13)

all the best for the future Tony,took a lot of guts telling all here about your troubles,by doing so you have taken the problem head on and obviously wont back down.
guts you have... ..cheers...spog..


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## jyo (10/2/13)

goomboogo said:


> jyo, I think you're right on the money. I guess that's where I trip on my naivety, jumping to the conclusion that awareness means understanding even though I know it really isn't the case. I feel for anyone who has ever encountered the 'just get over it' attitude. I hope I didn't offend, that definitely wasn't my intent.


I don't think you've offended anyone, mate. :beer:


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## dmac80 (10/2/13)

It must have taken a lot of courage to start this thread Tony, lots of respect mate.

I'll text you regarding the Grain and Hops.

Cheers

Dan


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## Nedasaurus1 (10/2/13)

Tony said:


> Howdy folks
> 
> Well, after almost 10 years of brewing, i have sadly had end to it.
> 
> ...


cheers tony...i also suffer from the dreaded black dog.......im used to living with it now but yes all cudos to you brother.....i wish you all the best.......I used to run the commercial hotel in Branxton many many years ago......nice place the Hunter. take care and regards to the family.cheerrs Ned


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## mckenry (10/2/13)

Tony,
All the best. As with any big change, it'll take time and willpower. My old neighbour is a doctor,
He had two lines he always trotted out;.

"No-one on their death bed ever says "I wish I spent more time at the office"" - so ease up on the work hours if you can.
and
"Exercise cures more than we give it credit"

Nothing that hasnt been said already, but I know I feel so much better after some quiet days and get the chance to ride my pushie with the kids or go for a bushwalk.

Thanks for your help over the years. Keep it up if you can.
BTW your LCBA clone is still my house beer!


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## Spiesy (10/2/13)

Heavy.

Sad to see a passionate and talented brewer have to put his hobby on hold, but thankfully it's for a much more important issue... your life. Well played.

I am drinking your LCPA clone right now, Tony - it's a top drop, thank you.


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## Batz (10/2/13)

Tony I have tried to reply to this thread perhaps a dozen time since this morning, the more people are admitting they have or have had this problem is snapping me out for reasons only I know.

My best wishes to you and your family mate, your a top bloke so my guess is your going to get over this with the help of family and friends. I'm raising a glass of Far Kin Lager in your honor ATM...to you Tony!! :beerbang: :super: 

batz


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## TasChris (10/2/13)

From a selfish point of view, Tony I do hope that you continue to contribute regularly to AHB voices as you are one of the few whose posts I read religiously.
I hope you find balance in your life and get all the care, help and love you need to back on track.

All the best

Cheers
Chris


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## rotten (10/2/13)

Gday Tony. Great post. It takes a big man to make the decision you did and follow it through. Glad you're not selling the brewery.

Personally I tipped out 2 fermentors and two kegs before christmas and are only havin a quite weekender as well. Mrs is very happy. I kept all of my gear and hope to beggin brewing again very soon.

All the best


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## raven19 (11/2/13)

Wishing you well going forward Tony.

Excellent heartwarming thread and contributions by all involved too.


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## jaypes (11/2/13)

Tony, I have always enjoyed reading your posts and your avatar - I know a good dentist if you need one

Having family members diagnosed with chronic depression I know how devastating it can be untreated, you have made the first step on your road to recovery.

Good luck with it all


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## Tony (11/2/13)

Folks......... i am blown away with the care and support shown here.

Thankyou all :beer:

I truly didnt expect such a reaction.

I must say... i am feeling better and better by the day as things settle out. When i emptied the kegs and i was 85kg. Im down to 83 already and my target is 75kg.

I also hope this thread inspires others who suffer from conditions like mine, to seek help after seeing the support given and general acceptance of depression. It is not something to hide from!

Once again..... thanks


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## Phoney (11/2/13)

Tony said:


> Folks......... i am blown away with the care and support shown here.
> 
> Thankyou all :beer:
> 
> ...



Good to hear mate!

When I started reading your post I thought two great things will come out of this; 1) Pages and pages of posts from fellow brewers showing their admiration of your strength & character & appreciation for the countless assistance that you've given them over the years which will do wonders for lifting your spirits, and 2) bringing up the ugly truth of depression that will no doubt strike a raw nerve with a few others around and it may well help them get their own problem 'out of the closet' so to speak and lead them onto a similar path of recovery.

I too wish you all the best and hope that you stick around here to let us all know how you're going :icon_cheers:

Man love for Tony!


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## Bizier (11/2/13)

Wow, I missed this thread, now your comment in that sours thread makes sense.

I get where you are coming from mate, and I have lost a number of friends becase they got too far derailed and I have come close myself. Life teaches harshly that if you aren't going to look after yourself, it is unlikely that someone else will do it for you. You made the right decision mate.

Just don't start telling us to swap IPA for yoga. I like my misaligned chakra right where it is, plus I have a tool for that.


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## Tony (11/2/13)

I wouldnt tell anyone to swap IPA for anything

I wont be depriving myself of pleasure completly. The wife and I had a chat and I will alow myself to have a nice beer on a Saturday night as reward 

And i have a cube of Rye IPA staring at me in the garage. :blink:

2014 my precious


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## Mantis (11/2/13)

Hey Tony, gutsy post.
Havent been on here for a long time and came here to find your post. All the best man and I really hope you can get things sorted.
2014 My Precious >>> classic
Also thought my avatar might cheer you up


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## robv (11/2/13)

All the best to you and your family Tony.You have always been a great help on the forum and patiently answered all my PM's, Hope to still see you posting and giving advice.

Cheers


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## white.grant (12/2/13)

Good luck Tony.


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## MrGibbon (12/2/13)

Well done mate. As a fellow sufferer of the last two years I can only applaud what you said in your post.
I was drinking very heavily at times to, "just to take the edge off the day".
Depression almost cost me my marriage, kids and everything... but it can be saved, with the right help.

All the best mate, and always around if you need someone to vent to.

Cheers!


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## RobW (12/2/13)

Best of luck Tony, hope it all works out well for you.


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## brad81 (12/2/13)

Thanks Tony, that was a sobering read. My wife has been bugging me for the past few months to get out and start exercising. Time to stop the excuses.

And cut back on the consumption, self control I something I am yet to master at 31.

Cheers,

Brad


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## Moad (19/2/13)

I'm only new here but Good luck with everything Tony. I can personally vouch for exercise and a good routine helping to sort the noggin out.


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## bcp (20/2/13)

Deeply appreciate the conversation. I suffocated through chronic depression for fifteen years - no idea how I survived those years. Essentially in the end I was in the process of completely dismantling my life, my marriage, anything just to make things feel different... when I finally found a way out of it. That was six years ago. I have my life back - it's worth getting hold of your life, to do whatever it takes. Cheers Tony.


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## Pistol (28/2/13)

Stay strong Tony, I've been blind for 1/3 of my life now and also suffer from depression and it's not easy

Yes to those reading depression is real, I used to think the same way as others: just to harden the **** up!

And exercise does help and remember a little is better than none at all, the hardest part of exercising is starting the session.


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## jakethesnake559 (28/2/13)

Tony...don't know you, but have read a lot of your posts on here in my quest to become better at making beer.
It takes a lot of courage to do what you have done and share it with everyone here.
Made me realise that AHB is more than just a forum of people interested in beer...it's a community of people who love beer and genuinly care about helping others.
All the best!!


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