# Ripleys Believe It Or Not



## Grott (13/7/17)

(Thought I'd start this thread so things that surprise or shock can be told.)

Today I used the search function and found what I was looking for first go!


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## Stouter (13/7/17)

Believe it or not, someone managed to use the search function!


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## wide eyed and legless (13/7/17)

I found some Easter Eggs this morning which my wife had stashed away for the kids and forgot about them.


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## Grott (13/7/17)

You lucky bastard


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## Droopy Brew (13/7/17)

NSW win in Game 1 of the SOO was not the start of a dynasty.


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## Grott (20/7/17)

My eldest son came over yesterday to return something he borrowed!


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## Ducatiboy stu (20/7/17)

My kids ACTUALLY picked up their wet towels last night and put them in the laundry......yeah...I know


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## Chap (20/7/17)

I found little creatures fire falcon at my dan murphys which normally stocks **** all!! Tastes pretty good too [emoji16]


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## Hangover68 (20/7/17)

Grott said:


> My eldest son came over yesterday to return something he borrowed!


What did he want ?


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## Grott (20/7/17)

"As I'm here, what's on tap?" Say no more.


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## klangers (21/7/17)

I wired up a new DIY STC1000 controller and it worked first go.


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## tugger (21/7/17)

I was driving on a motorway in the fast lane and a slower driver pulled to the left.


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## Ducatiboy stu (21/7/17)

tugger said:


> I was driving on a motorway in the fast lane and a slower driver pulled to the left.



I call bullshit on that...could never happen


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## Jack of all biers (21/7/17)

Ducatiboy stu said:


> I call bullshit on that...could never happen



2nd that. In SA you'd think you were driving in Europe or the US. overtaking on the left is almost required now days


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## Bribie G (21/7/17)

SWMBO had an old credit card with a bank other than her usual Commbank.
She thought it had been totally paid off but it still, unknowingly, had $800 - when we moved house she had forgotten to inform the other bank of change of address. 

Eventually they sent a debt collector to the door. The old place was now rented by two Thai people (local takeaway owners) - "Ah, she no here, she pass on. She pass on".
Being less than a grand they didn't investigate further and wrote it off assuming she had karked it. 

After a few weeks the Thai people kindly sent me a bundle of old mail they had been collecting. Final demand for credit card.
Went into bank full of apologies to pay the card right off. 
Nudge wink, too much paperwork. 
Nudge wink. 

All settled, nothing to see here.
Have a nice day.


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## Bribie G (21/7/17)

Right now, I'm whipping up a batch of sushi rolls, California Rolls in this case, and had forgotten whether to put the shiny side of the nori sheet facing up or down. 
"OK Google, sushi shiny side up or down?"

"Place the nori sheet on a bamboo mat with the rough side up and the shiny side down". 

Fuckin frightening


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## Grott (21/7/17)

tugger said:


> I was driving on a motorway in the fast lane and a slower driver pulled to the left.





Jack of all biers said:


> 2nd that. In SA you'd think you were driving in Europe or the US. overtaking on the left is almost required now days



No you got it wrong, they move to the left to block anyone coming off the slip lane trying to feed into the traffic.


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## wide eyed and legless (21/7/17)

If you want to worry someone who has not been in the car with you before, just say, "I am going to try something in a minute, I saw it in a cartoon but I think I can do it".

A recent believe it or not moment which happened to me was Grand Final day, Bulldogs supporter man and boy, my wife and I went to a Grand Final barbeque. After showing a group of women at a wedding reception some years ago how a one armed man counts his change I have always agreed to take it steady on the drink, but not this day. Decided I would watch the game on a small TV in the kitchen, everyone else was watching the big screen. Two young ladies came out and joined me and we got into a conversation about beer, after a few minutes noticed my wife looking daggers at me, and was trying to decypher what she was mouthing. Realised I was being spoken to by one of the young ladies, I asked her to repeat the question. She asked how many had I had, I replied 3 or 4 could be 5 to which she seemed bemused and asked how could I not know. I replied well the first 2 or 3 went quickly before I get into my stride and take it easy. It turned out that while I was watching my wife the conversation had turned into partners and divorces.


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## pcmfisher (22/7/17)

Grott said:


> No you got it wrong, they move to the left to block anyone coming off the slip lane trying to feed into the traffic.



And that doesn't work either because the cars in the slip lane are probably slowing down or stopping.


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## Grott (23/7/17)

I'm getting pissed cause I thought the keg was nearly empty and wanted to replace it. 
Is this a general, lovely problem by us Brewers?


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## Grott (24/7/17)

"A warm plain water shower 3 times a week with a good towelling does the trick."


(What Bribie G said he does in thread on how to clean a shower)


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## wynnum1 (25/7/17)

Grott said:


> "A warm plain water shower 3 times a week with a good towelling does the trick."
> 
> 
> (What Bribie G said he does in thread on how to clean a shower)


Probably good advice if you drop the soap or there is a danger of dropping the soap.


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## Bribie G (26/7/17)

*How to run a business to make heaps of money in Australia. *

Kmart $89 vacuum cleaner is voted better than a $800 Dyson. 

Need a new cleaner. Logged onto Kmart website to check local stock. Sold out,


Hey, let's give you a raincheck for the next shipment, enter your name and email address and we'll be back to you?
Sold out but we are pre-selling the next shipment. We accept PayPal.....?
We would love to sell you this item but out of stock - please give us your number and we'll ring you when you can pick up, probably August?

No.
Basically:

Sold out so **** off

And they all whine about Amazon, Kogan et. al. 
I know who the ones are who need to **** off. 
end rant.


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## Bribie G (26/7/17)

wynnum1 said:


> Probably good advice if you drop the soap or there is a danger of dropping the soap.


Especially if you are doing a 5 year stretch.


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## Camo6 (26/7/17)

When the ass drops out of your hydrometer tube but your boots got your back.
















Believe it....or not.


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## malt junkie (26/7/17)

Camo6 said:


> When the ass drops out of your hydrometer tube but your boots got your back.
> 
> View attachment 107245
> 
> ...


The brew gods are telling you to brew a double batch of RIS.... get on that before the spell wares off.


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## Grott (26/7/17)

"I'm out of town and I've given SWMBO instructions to keep clearing out the Po box until Saturday!"

Given SWMBO instructions! Ha ha ha

(BrockHops comment in Xmas in July thread)


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## Stouter (26/7/17)

Camo6 said:


> When the ass drops out of your hydrometer tube but your boots got your back.
> 
> View attachment 107245
> 
> ...


Looks like crime scene photos.


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## Dave70 (27/7/17)

Camo6 said:


> When the ass drops out of your hydrometer tube but your boots got your back.
> 
> View attachment 107245
> 
> ...



_Community service announcement.
_
Cos next time you might be wearing thongs.


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## malt junkie (27/7/17)

Dave70 said:


> _Community service announcement.
> _
> Cos next time you might be wearing thongs.



Yes and both US (US$9,99)suppliers don't ship internationally, the one Aussie supplier lists @ AU$39.95, I don't have an Amazon account, but I'm not too sure you'd be much ahead there either. Though drop a couple of glass ones and you be ahead, just think if the Aussie supplier hadn't gouged the price so heavily this post would be ontopic


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## Stouter (27/7/17)

After reading Camo6's post and seeing those pics, I thought, how careless, I'd never break a hydrometer. Not ten minutes ago I disappointed myself and thought I was still holding my hydrometer instead of the pen I had in the same hand. 
Didn't even clean it up, just locked the shed back up and walked out in disgust. Day is ruined.


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## n87 (27/7/17)

Dave70 said:


> _Community service announcement.
> _
> Cos next time you might be wearing thongs.




how does that cope with ~70C wort?


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## Ducatiboy stu (27/7/17)

Camo6 said:


> When the ass drops out of your hydrometer tube but your boots got your back.
> 
> 
> 
> Believe it....or not.



You had better get onto the mould in the fridge seal


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## wynnum1 (27/7/17)

No very well if its a thong.


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## Droopy Brew (27/7/17)

I had an equally lucky brush with hydrometer death recently. Arse dropped out of the tube from a standing position. However the hydrometer stayed with the plastic cap and landed on it. Not a mark. 
To top that, everytime I use it now, the hydrometer measurements for beer always face me. That shit never happens.


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## Grott (27/7/17)

I had the hydrometer measurements face me once first go, so not being used to it I walk around to the other side.


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## Ducatiboy stu (27/7/17)




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## Camo6 (27/7/17)

Ducatiboy stu said:


> You had better get onto the mould in the fridge seal



You should've seen it a month ago.


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## Coodgee (27/7/17)

I've smashed two hydrometers recently so I bought a sight glass to put it in.


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## TheWiggman (27/7/17)

I brew beer and don't possess a single milk crate.


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## Tony121 (27/7/17)

Ducatiboy stu said:


>



Raise you


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## Mardoo (27/7/17)

But wait Tony 121, That's not a salinity metre


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## manticle (27/7/17)

I got a pay rise the last two years in a row without asking for one.


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## Grott (27/7/17)

manticle said:


> I got a pay rise the last two years in a row without asking for one.



In the thread titled - First beer bad foam - you said "Due to work, I had a couple of months of not brewing. 

It would seem the pay rises are justified.


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## manticle (27/7/17)

Oh they owe me.

Fact that it was recognised is the pertinent bit to this thread.


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## Black Devil Dog (28/7/17)

There was this one time when the young bloke who works for me used some initiative.


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## Bribie G (28/7/17)

Yesterday I ate a whole bag of Prawn Crackers from the Magic Noodle takeaway. After the first one I couldn't stop. 
They removed a whole layer of skin. Living on soup today.


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## Dave70 (28/7/17)

One of the boys borrowed the work ute to pick up some Gyprock and returned it with all the straps rolled up and full tank of juice.






Nah..course not. Windows down, stinking of cigarettes and an empty black label Beam can the passengers foot well..


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## Ducatiboy stu (28/7/17)

I found the start of this stuff first go this arvo... better go buy a lotto ticket


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## Grott (28/7/17)

Went to BigW today with SWMBO and came out with nothing but what we actually went in for! True.


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## abyss (28/7/17)

Ducatiboy stu said:


> I found the start of this stuff first go this arvo... better go buy a lotto ticket


I'll bet as soon as you start to peel it off it goes sideways and you can't get it to start again.


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## Ducatiboy stu (28/7/17)

abyss said:


> I'll bet as soon as you start to peel it off it goes sideways and you can't get it to start again.


No...this one didnt split this time....I must be one lucky person


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## abyss (28/7/17)

Must be a Dud.


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## Camo6 (28/7/17)

Dave70 said:


> One of the boys borrowed the work ute to pick up some Gyprock and returned it with all the straps rolled up and full tank of juice.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Probably pulled the ABS fuse at some stage and lit em up in the boss's ute while his mates filmed him screaming "Yeah, the boys!" What an age we live in.


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## Mardoo (29/7/17)

I am actually enjoying watching My Little Pony with my little pony.


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## wynnum1 (29/7/17)

Ducatiboy stu said:


> I found the start of this stuff first go this arvo... better go buy a lotto ticket


Start up business idea manufacturer rolls that have no ends and plastic bags that have no open end.


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## Helles (29/7/17)

A plumber moved my hot water service yesterday 
Its leaking and he's not contactable even with a 24 hr service


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## Camo6 (29/7/17)

wynnum1 said:


> Start up business idea manufacturer rolls that have no ends and plastic bags that have no open end.




Almost understood one of your posts.



Believe it......or not.


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## Grott (29/7/17)

Helles said:


> A plumber moved my hot water service yesterday
> Its leaking and he's not contactable even with a 24 hr service



We contacted a refrigerator repair firm whom advertised in big letters "NO CALL OUT FEE"
The guy arrived fixed the problem and on the invoice with the repair cost wrote "inspection fee $70" .
The call out was nothing but to inspect cost! (I paid the repair part and told him to F off) 
What a rip


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## Bribie G (29/7/17)

Mardoo said:


> I am actually enjoying watching My Little Pony with my little pony.


*Stop.doing.that.immediately.*

Stronger men have tried to resist, but once you are on the slippery slope it's inevitable that you will fall into the clutch of the Bronies, and in due course will find yourself at Brony conferences dressed as your favourite pony and engaging in unspeakable acts of bestiality (most likely).






I was more of a Gumby man myself but let's not go there.


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## good4whatAlesU (29/7/17)

Walking down a shared path this morning .. and two approaching road cyclists in Lycra slowed down, moved to the left and said hello on the way past.


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## Ducatiboy stu (29/7/17)

Mardoo said:


> I am actually enjoying watching My Little Pony with my little pony.



Thats fucked up 

NSFW


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## Mardoo (29/7/17)

Bribie G said:


> *...*in due course will find yourself at Brony conferences dressed as your favourite pony...
> 
> View attachment 107302


Dude's dressed as Rainbow Dash. Just sayin'.


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## Bribie G (29/7/17)

You're hooked. Told you so.


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## Mardoo (29/7/17)

You reckon? I thought I looked pretty good in pink.


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## Grott (4/8/17)

I believe it, I believe it, I believe it...................

(In Adelaide paper today)


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## Grott (4/8/17)

Ps. Note reference to moderate drinking, " up to one......." 
Well up to one keg I say


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## knot_gillty (4/8/17)

I was sick of work yesterday, I'm sick of work today. Believe it or not (you should believe it..).


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## homebrewnewb (4/8/17)

but it's friday, how can you be sick of work on a friday...
... Co-conspirators nicked my Red Ale recipe and presumably made 100s of $$ from it
!!!
The last of the evidence at my place is about to be destroyed possibly tonight or tomorrow.
Believe it or not...


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## Grott (8/8/17)

"FANTASTIC
This is not a joke! You are our 
1.000.000visitor........"

It seems we are possibly moving from ads to spam ads. Any one else getting this on this site?
I paid $25 to AHB, I think I'm getting the same shit as everyone else?


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## knot_gillty (9/8/17)

Grott said:


> "FANTASTIC
> This is not a joke! You are our
> 1.000.000visitor........"
> 
> ...



I don't get any of it. I only use the iPhone app though so that may be why...


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## Bribie G (9/8/17)

Admin say they will get it fixed.


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## warra48 (9/8/17)

About to bottle my latest batch.
Was supposed to be a Hefeweizen.
Accidentally broke my Erlenmeyer flask with WY3068 just prior to pitching.
Bummer. Only other yeast in the fridge was Bohemian Lager. 
Smacked it and pitched it the next morning.
Actually tastes alright, in a sort of American Lager Wheat sort of way.

Brewing another with the correct yeast tomorrow, that's if I don't also break my new flask.


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## mckenry (9/8/17)

tugger said:


> I was driving on a motorway in the fast lane and a slower driver pulled to the left.


bullshit.


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## wide eyed and legless (9/8/17)

My wife came home yesterday, a sucker for looking for bargains in the Op Shops, I have a $200 pair of golf shoes for which she paid $18 and I will never wear, plus I don't play golf. anyhow she came in bursting with excitement with a Jimmy Choo bag, 'guess how much' she asks I said well it,s a fake so I hope it wasn't too much. It's not a fake and it was $5.00 she says, it is a fake, its not real leather and the metal work is anodized, you've been done.
I can see she's getting angry and she is fumbling about in the bag, out of the side pocket she pulls out a $50 note! Couldn't believe it.


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## Bribie G (9/8/17)

I pulled into the Caltex today and the owner came running out to fill the tank. Had a good chat, told him that I was heading for QLD tomorrow and we spent a pleasant few minutes laughing about what the poor bastards are missing out on up there, and I went on my way much cheered.


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## Grott (9/8/17)

You dared to tell your wife she was wrong WEAL? And got away with it?


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## wide eyed and legless (10/8/17)

I reckon the $50 find saved me, she was just about to shoot the messenger.


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## Dave70 (10/8/17)

wide eyed and legless said:


> My wife came home yesterday, a sucker for looking for bargains in the Op Shops, I have a $200 pair of golf shoes for which she paid $18 and I will never wear, plus I don't play golf. anyhow she came in bursting with excitement with a Jimmy Choo bag, 'guess how much' she asks I said well it,s a fake so I hope it wasn't too much. It's not a fake and it was $5.00 she says, it is a fake, its not real leather and the metal work is anodized, you've been done.
> I can see she's getting angry and she is fumbling about in the bag, out of the side pocket she pulls out a $50 note! Couldn't believe it.



Have a closer look. There's probably an eight ball of coke stitched into the lining..


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## mmmyummybeer (19/8/17)

Drinking Bridge Road Red Ale at the Alpine Hotel Bright and this sign reminded me of AHB


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## Mardoo (19/8/17)

We are legion...


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## Grott (21/8/17)

Had a doctors appointment at 8.50am today ( yearly bloods form, what an easy $ for doctor) and was out at 8.47am!!! That's 3 minutes before I was due, nearly had to call an ambulance.


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## Midnight Brew (15/9/17)

Actually opened a grain bag with my bare hands. No knife was required.


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## Black Devil Dog (15/9/17)

Midnight Brew said:


> Actually opened a grain bag with my bare hands. No knife was required.



Gladfields? 

Their bags are very user friendly.


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## Bridges (15/9/17)

mmmyummybeer said:


> Drinking Bridge Road Red Ale at the Alpine Hotel Bright and this sign reminded me of AHBView attachment 107755


How awesome were the band? I can only assume they were the "Groovey Hammond Combo".


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## Midnight Brew (15/9/17)

Black Devil Dog said:


> Gladfields?
> 
> Their bags are very user friendly.



Castle (Chateua). Picked up a sack from Ellerslie Hop estate in Mitcham.


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## Grott (24/9/17)

mtb won’t buy any brew gear for a week and he didn’t buy any brew gear in the last hour


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## Grott (26/9/17)

Grott said:


> mtb won’t buy any brew gear for a week and he didn’t buy any brew gear in the last hour



Told you:- look in this thread

*E Melb: SS Things Sale & Free, Lael's Controller Kit*


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## mtb (26/9/17)

Hey man, I had a whole days' break there between purchases!

ed: no.. no I didn't. Ordered a multimeter yesterday. Shit


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## Ducatiboy stu (26/9/17)

Went to see my mortgage broker...he is a genuinely nice bloke who is not trying to rip me off

And my Solicitor is even better...he told me at the meat raffles on Thurs night that everything is good to go purchase wise...and I havent actually made an appointment to see him about it, just told him about it a few weeks back...at the raffles


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## Bribie G (26/9/17)

I bought two shirts from Connor at a sale on Friday. The girl, who appeared to be about 19, was chatty and intelligent and didn't use the word "like" even once during the conversation.


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## Grott (26/9/17)

Did you get “have a nice day” or the similar?


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## warra48 (26/9/17)

You won't believe it, but I know an idiot who a few weeks ago apparently pitched a swollen smakpak of lager yeast into his erlenmeyer flask before he had chilled it. This person even wondered why it didn't grow on the stirplate. True fact.


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## Bribie G (26/9/17)

Ducatiboy stu said:


> Went to see my mortgage broker...he is a genuinely nice bloke who is not trying to rip me off
> 
> And my Solicitor is even better...he told me at the meat raffles on Thurs night that everything is good to go purchase wise...and I havent actually made an appointment to see him about it, just told him about it a few weeks back...at the raffles


Stu does this mean you will soon have a functioning brewhouse for club brewdays and case swap parties? Woot.


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## Bribie G (26/9/17)

Grott said:


> Did you get “have a nice day” or the similar?


She could have said something like that but I was too busy checking her out to notice.


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## mtb (26/9/17)

Bribie G said:


> I bought two shirts from Connor at a sale on Friday. The girl, who appeared to be about 19, was chatty and intelligent and didn't use the word "like" even once during the conversation.


I met a very similar girl a few years ago. I impregnated her with extreme haste as a method of claiming her as my own


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## Grott (26/9/17)

Did she come with brew equipment?


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## Ducatiboy stu (26/9/17)

Bribie G said:


> Stu does this mean you will soon have a functioning brewhouse for club brewdays and case swap parties? Woot.



That would be a yes

I wont tell you about the 10x10m shed in the back yard either...


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## Bribie G (26/9/17)

mtb said:


> I met a very similar girl a few years ago. I impregnated her with extreme haste as a method of claiming her as my own


What did the other customers in the mens clothing store think about that happening at the time?


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## mtb (26/9/17)

Grott said:


> Did she come with brew equipment?


You know I have an eye for bargains Grott, of course she did.


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## Mardoo (26/9/17)

Now there's a fetish I haven't heard of...


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## Mardoo (26/9/17)

Grott said:


> Did she come with brew equipment?


Now there's a fetish I hadn't heard of...
Well, you know, except for all of us...


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## Danscraftbeer (26/9/17)




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## Grott (27/10/17)

Unbelievable as it may seem but this is true. As a lot of you know I achieved 2000 posts yesterday and was seeking some sort of gift for this but obviously to no avail.

UNTIL 8.48pm last night (the day of the great achievement) I received a sms to tell me I was the winner of the IKegger October raffle for the 4l keg full works package. Keg, ss flow control intertap, ss disconnects, premium mini reg ect. $299 all up. All I need is the grog. (If in Sydney or Melbourne you can get it filled included in the prize). Package will be posted Monday.

You bloody beauty.


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## mtb (27/10/17)

Grott said:


> Unbelievable as it may seem but this is true. As a lot of you know I achieved 2000 posts yesterday and was seeking some sort of gift for this but obviously to no avail.
> 
> UNTIL 8.48pm last night (the day of the great achievement) I received a sms to tell me I was the winner of the IKegger October raffle for the 4l keg full works package. Keg, ss flow control intertap, ss disconnects, premium mini reg ect. $299 all up. All I need is the grog. (If in Sydney or Melbourne you can get it filled included in the prize). Package will be posted Monday.
> 
> You bloody beauty.


I elected not to participate in hope that you'd win. You're welcome.


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## Grott (27/10/17)

It’s that type of sacrifice mtb that brings the little tear to my eye, well done.


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## Nullnvoid (27/10/17)

Congratulations mate! Hope you can put it too good use.

Hope it comes quicker than the coopers stuff


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## wide eyed and legless (12/11/17)

Rebel Wilson claims she was sexually harassed.


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## SnailAle (13/11/17)

wide eyed and legless said:


> Rebel Wilson claims she was sexually harassed.


The poor bloke


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## Bridges (23/11/17)

Shaun Marsh gets another test... I just can't see how that is possible. I can't see how he even makes the top 50 cricketers in this country.


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## malt junkie (23/11/17)

Bridges said:


> Shaun Marsh gets another test... I just can't see how that is possible. I can't see how he even makes the top 50 cricketers in this country.


Certainly keeps those dreams of a test debut alive for the rest of us don't it!


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## Grott (10/12/17)

Went down to Mitre 10 to get some Hard as Nails (only way to keep an erection) and SWMBO said “I’ll come for the drive” I said “well we are only getting the Hard as Nails”.
Came home with item plus 5 pot plants!


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## warra48 (10/12/17)

Grott said:


> Went down to Mitre 10 to get some Hard as Nails (only way to keep an erection) and SWMBO said “I’ll come for the drive” I said “well we are only getting the Hard as Nails”.
> Came home with item plus 5 pot plants!



My SWMBO went to the big green shed after lunch today all by herself, and came home with 5 or 6 punnets of plants.
Surprised the life out of her when I told her I'd weeded and improved the soil in her rose garden while she was out, so that she can wack them all straight into the spaces between the roses. Usual story is that she needs to nag me for a week before I get around to it.


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## Batz (10/12/17)




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## Grott (23/12/17)

Was at the supermarket yesterday and only 9 deep at the check out. The others were over 10!


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## Jack of all biers (23/12/17)

Was looking for a car park at the shopping centre today, was one car back with two cars leaving at the same time. Spaces for the car in front of me and mine. Then saw another car come from the other direction, as the car in front of me was parking. Thought, here we go. He stopped and waved me in.... Believe it or not.


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## spog (24/12/17)

Pics or it never happened.


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## Midnight Brew (24/12/17)

I work in retail for a big chain supermarket. I have come across some weird shit but yesterday takes the cake. Yesterday I saw two elderly women punch on in my line because one thinks she was pushed by the other. Full on had the area manager jump between them and security rock up.

Both were 75+

Believe it or not.


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## wide eyed and legless (24/12/17)

Midnight Brew said:


> I work in retail for a big chain supermarket. I have come across some weird shit but yesterday takes the cake. Yesterday I saw two elderly women punch on in my line because one thinks she was pushed by the other. Full on had the area manager jump between them and security rock up.
> 
> Both were 75+
> 
> Believe it or not.


That's what Christmas does to people.


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