Polyester voile is fine. I think some of mine is polyester and some is nylon. Here's a photo of what it looks like if you want to lug a picture into the haberdasher's...
http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/Chkml...feat=directlink
The finer you can crush the grain, the better for BIAB. I sometimes put mine through the mill twice. The sparging dynamic is much different to normal sparging where they talk about intact husks and stuff like that. You cannot get a stuck sparge (unless perhaps you use 150% malted rye or cement) - you almost want flour. You will get a cloudy wort, but the only difference I have found between a cloudy wort and a clear one is the clear one is purdier. (Purdy is american for pretty...
)
My process is to put all the water into the pot and bring it to temp; insert the empty bag and any water agents; stir and check temp; pour in the grain and then stir it for a while to ensure any lumps break up. Easy.
FWIW, some of my best friends are Americans, but I do know what you mean by "putting up with a yank"...