My worst fear about my kids has been realised

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Feldon

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Stu, if it were me I'd take it to straight to the cops. That way there will be a record taken. If you deal with the guy yourself or with management a record of your complaint may not be kept (just checkout the cover-up that a wide range of organisations have done as revealed in the current Royal Commission).

The cops won't necessarily name your child but will let the management know that a complaint has been received and they are watching the place and will do further background checks. They might have this guy on file for other complaints.

If you don't do it for yourself do it for the other kids whose parents might not be as smart as you. You can bet your kid is not this guy's only target.

As for thinking you might jeopardise his career, he put it in jeopardy when he made the comments to your kid. The first rule of working-with-children is that you must never find yourself in a situation where you are alone with a child. And here is this guy trying to contrive just that, or at best testing the waters. That's how peds operate. He must be held to account, for your kid's safety, mine, and everybody eles's.
 

droid

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some people seem to be sure that this guy actually said these things

There's a little fella on my delivery run that waits for me each day, we chat - he's probably kinda age. I asked him if he was back to kinda next week after the holidays, and hey my little fella has that exact same jumper mate. I don't know what else to say except ask him questions, I told him a little baby magpie had fallen out of a tree and we should help it....the difference is his mum was nearby in the garden, listening to it all. Now if that conversation had happened without the mum there, he may well have gone inside and said God knows what about our chat, but she was there and it's ok.

I am as paranoid as anyone, I have a girl and a boy, I would go to jail to avenge any wrong doing to them, as would many parents. I have a book written by a DA in the US about paedophiles and child molesters, there are some surprising statistics. The most likely thing that has happened here is an off the cuff comment to make your little fella feel good and included...a "hey man I like that game too and I play mine on a huge screen with big speakers, it's cool!" And your little fella gets in the car and says the carer said he should come around and play games...

You don't have to go back there or risk anything Stu, keep things balanced though when thinking about what we're all saying

Good luck mate and I feel for you
 

dammag

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Last year my son's grade three teacher suddenly went on "holidays" and then the class suddenly got a new teacher. Turns out he took some indecent photos of a male student. The police did nothing initially but as soon as the education department was approached they immediately removed him as this wasn't the first time he had done something like this. The school weren't aware of his history "privacy" and hasn't said more than "due to unforeseen circumstances your child is getting a new teacher".

This has gone to court but hasn't been resolved as of yet as far as I know.

This guy was also a junior football coach (didn't have any kids of his own in the team) and while out on bail was supposedly teaching at an Islamic school in contravention of his bail conditions.

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt but go with your gut feelings on this one. Speak to the appropriate people but be happy if it is resolved as an honest misunderstanding.
 

zarniwoop

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dammag said:
I like to give people the benefit of the doubt but go with your gut feelings on this one. Speak to the appropriate people but be happy if it is resolved as an honest misunderstanding.
.
Gut feeling is good approach, keep it sensible but as you have nothing else to go on and if your kids or you feel uncomfortable then it's worth pursuing.

Going to the police as mentioned is an option but the reality is unless something significant has happened they probably won't do much, the one exception to this is if the guy's done something before but even then you're not adding anything to their case as this stage.

Approaching the management is the first step, regardless of the reason assuming the guy actually said this (and it sounds like he did) he knows he's done something wrong as this will be against the policy of the center, if the management does nothing then escalate it to the next stage and only then approach the police. It's not that I think going to the police is a bad idea I just don't think it will achieve anything given what's happened.

Above all support and encourage your son as you are doing and don't panic
 

dicko

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Ducatiboy stu said:
So.. i pick up my kids from their holiday center today and the youngest, who is 8.5 pipes up

" Dad, ***** ( one of the carers ) wants me to go around to his place so we can play playstation and he wants to show me his new games "

I ******* shit myself

I will be be mentioning it directly with management

To say that I am in a some what fucked up state is putting it mildly....
Would it not have been better to turn around and go back to the child care centre manager and report this incident....
At best it was a harmless comment at worst the Paedo may have another child at his house while you are posting your story on a forum.
Your last three days would have been easier as well had it had been dealt with immediately.
 

petesbrew

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Stu you look like you've got your head screwed on normally, and I'd hate to be in your position.
I'd go to the management with this one, IMO.
Yeah talk you your kids. It's probably harmless - the carer in question is probably just a big kid, and it could've been an innocent remark.
But you can never be too careful.
All the best dude.
 

Tex N Oz

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Times have changed and it's not like it used to be for sure.
When I was a young boy of about 4 or 5, my mum and dad had no time for me at all. I did everything by myself and looking back was very lonely.
Our next-door neighbour was a young (probably early to mid 20's) soldier and he would invite me over to play a bit of catch or football.
We became the best of mates to the point I was always staying at his house overnight or we would go camping, fishing, hunting, etc. He was like a father I never had.
He taught me how to cook as he was Italian and loved good food.
I can honestly say that I would not be the man that I am today if it weren't for him. He's the only person who'd ever disciplined me or showed me any kind of love and attention.
When I was 11 he took a job in NY as a policeman and I never saw him again. I do remember him spending a few hours with my mum and dad before he left and when he drove away he had obviously been crying. Never heard from him again. A few years back I spent several months trying to track him down and found he'd moved from the NYPD to the FBI and then on to the US Marshal Service and the trail ended there. There are no records he even exists past 2001 and today he's completely removed from Google. I assume he's either dead or he's moved to the Secret Service as those guys are ghosts, but unlikely because he would be in his mid 60's now.
To this day I'm convinced he tried to talk my mum and dad into taking me with him and I wish they had let me because life sucked shit for years after that.
He had EVERY opportunity to be a paedophile and looking back, fit the profile to a tee. Never once was he inappropriate towards me.
Either I got damned lucky as a kid or they are just more prevalent now then they used to be. It just goes to show that not everyone who reaches out is a fuckwit with bad intentions.
I'm not saying don't take it very seriously, I'm just saying be as objective as you can be (hard as a father, I know) and get some facts about this guy. I do acknowledge that by today's standards, that's highly inappropriate to say to an 8 year old. I have a 3 year old daughter and a 7 year old son and I am fiercely protective of them. Anybody ever hurts one of my kids and I'll ******* hurt their everything.
I get it. I too would be horrified.
It could have been a misunderstanding, an improperly thought out suggestion of good will, or he could be a sick **** who needs a dose of barbarism to see the errs of his ways.
 

manticle

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Thing is he will have been trained not to say that kind of thing so IF he did say it he's either bad at his job or dodgy.

Yes times have changed (and for good reason) but this is no guy next door - this is a professional behaving unprofessionally (allegedly).
 

tavas

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Cops can't do anything until an act has been committed. I know because a mum at kindy threatened my boy twice. I'm sure they took a detour past her house at one point (small country town) but I will never know for sure.

We approached the local police but they can't do anything until something actually happens.

Doesn't hurt to let them know in case there is a file on this guy, but then if there's a file on him how did he get a job working with kids?
 

Ducatiboy stu

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tavas said:
Doesn't hurt to let them know in case there is a file on this guy, but then if there's a file on him how did he get a job working with kids?
Exactly.

When I was used to have to work in schools, even though It was only in the office's and not associating with students I have to get a working with children & criminal history check. I lost count of how many times I had to go thru that
 

Mardoo

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In Victoria every daycare is required to post a complaint procedure ladder. Not sure about your state but there will almost certainly be something like it posted saying who to talk and in what order.

I'll say my opinion, and what I'd do, again. As parents, and in my case as a daycare worker, we have a duty to ensure the right people are paying attention to the wrong ones. Daycare management are trained in examining these sorts of interactions. Although broadcasting your concerns would be unfair if the guy is innocent, approaching the relevant management and authorities is neither unfair nor going to unduly get him into trouble. If he wants a future in daycare he MUST learn how to relate appropriately to the kids.

Shit got as bad as it is with Paedophiles because people yeah-but-ed and he'd-never-do-that-ed through situations that scared the shit out of them. It's important to give the people trained to deal with it appropriately the chance to do so.

Talk to his manager and report your concerns to the Department of Education, or whoever oversees care for kids in your state, and let them handle it. He almost certainly won't be treated unjustly if he hasn't done anything more than be an idiot. If he has, he'll be found out and that'll be one more sick fucker who's removed from contact with kids.
 

dicko

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So, has this guy had his house raided and his computer impounded, is he locked up or released on bail, has he been beaten up by other gaol inmates who although they are criminals themselves, despise child molesters or was it just a geniune offer to play a computer game?

Or did you just "let it slide"?
 

real_beer

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I'm so glad we brought our kids up in a one income family. They'd either get dropped off at school and escorted in the grounds or taken to the bus stop watched get on the school bus.

All the money the governments of the world spend on law enforcement & incarceration, family welfare programs that don't work, & fighting drug problems etc., would've been better spent designing infrastructures that give families the ability to survive financially having a one full-time stay at home parent.

It might sound like a crazy idea but if you tallied up all the money spent on all these finger in the leaking dyke solutions we have these days you could probably fund another full scale 5 year world war and still have some change. FIFO has to be one of the best wrecking balls ever invented for destroying families, the towns and communities the mining companies take over.

It might seem like I've gotten right off topic but if young families had the ability to have a full-time stay at home parent until the kids reached high school at least, the whole of society would benefit enormously. If I was given chance to have a do over of my life again today, I wouldn't have kids if I couldn't have one of us watching over them personally until you've taught them a good footing for building themselves a good life. But I'm old school and luckily my two kids are grown up and doing well for themselves.
 

komodo

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Is this bloke a qualified carer or is he a student carer? I'm just wondering if inexperience has lead to him saying something without thinking. Again like others have said - what was said Vs what has your child heard.

In many ways I take my hat off to you for not reacting knee jerk - but by the same token you don't want too much water under the bridge before raising it with the appropriate people (senior staff or authorities etc)

How would I react? Honestly as a father of two under two I can't say. I know my eldest has been baby sat in our home by one of his carers - but that's a female carer. Would I feel as comfortable with a male carer? probably not - and most definitely I'd question any staffer inviting my children over like that. I mean it would be different if the staffer was chatting to you and you were, lets say for example, chatting about brewing, and your young fella is hanging around pestering and the staffer said "You should come around for a beer..." to you "so you can come around and play my new games on my playstation" to your son. I'd probably not really think too much about it. Context is key.

I certainly don't envy the position you find yourself in. Hopefully it was an innocent &/or misheard/misinterpreted comment. But I do think you should at least raise this issue with senior staff.


He had EVERY opportunity to be a paedophile and looking back, fit the profile to a tee. Never once was he inappropriate towards me.
Very interesting story and one that has certain parallels to my own mothers story growing up.
My grandparents had a friend who was a bachelor. He used to look after my mother and take her out shopping and to the zoo and stuff like that. Any way when my mother was about 13 or 14 Dave turns to my grandparents and says "I'm going to New Zealand for a holiday to meet some family I've not seen since back home (home being England), and I'd like to take Glenda if that's ok with you?".
So off they go over to NZ for a few weeks. My grandparents thinking nothing of it only "what a lovely thing to do"
Now as it turns out Dave was a perfect gentleman and nothing happened. My mother still speaks very fondly of "Uncle" Dave and my sister calls him "great uncle dave" (I never met the bloke)

Now is it that that kind of relationship was more accepted back then? and that there were less pedos? or is it that because of the stories that have come out we are now much more conscious, both about who is interacting with our children and also being put in situations with children (especially as men).
To be honest I think its a bit of both and I think its quite sad as there are a lot of genuine people out there that are too scared to help kid - be it in sport, scouts, being a good neighbour - what ever. Because of the fear of being labelled a pedo.

I look back as a kid and I remember knocking about with a bloke who would've been probably mid - late 30s (maybe even older) who was slightly mentally handicapped. Now we thought it was awesome cause here was this adult who was like a child. But I think about how I would react now if that was my kids knocking about with a much older mentally handicapped person and I'm not sure I'd be real comfortable. Again nothing happened but the "what if"...
 

dicko

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dicko said:
Would it not have been better to turn around and go back to the child care centre manager and report this incident....
At best it was a harmless comment at worst the Paedo may have another child at his house while you are posting your story on a forum.
Your last three days would have been easier as well had it had been dealt with immediately.
Ducatiboy stu said:
Exactly.

When I was used to have to work in schools, even though It was only in the office's and not associating with students I have to get a working with children & criminal history check. I lost count of how many times I had to go thru that
Yes, anyone who works within a similar environment has to comply with the necessary checks applicable to state requirements.

dicko said:
So, has this guy had his house raided and his computer impounded, is he locked up or released on bail, has he been beaten up by other gaol inmates who although they are criminals themselves, despise child molesters or was it just a geniune offer to play a computer game?
Or did you just "let it slide"?
So Stu, what happened? I am sure that are many of us are wondering the outcome!!!
 

wide eyed and legless

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To be fair dicko, it didn't totally go unreported, stu did report it here, where else could you get a larger congregation of 'Bar room Barristers'.
But as you questioned, what has happened? I for one am waiting for stu's response to the outcome.
 

dicko

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Ducatiboy stu said:
So..

I ******* shit myself

I will be be mentioning it directly with management

To say that I am in a some what fucked up state is putting it mildly....
You are the OP Stu,

There are some of us that are interested in the outcome, after three pages of infinite wisdom and advice the actual result would be good to know...
 

droid

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You are the OP Stu,

There are some of us that are interested in the outcome, after three pages of infinite wisdom and advice the actual result would be good to know...
 

malt and barley blues

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The carer went off to Melbourne to seek his fortune, became a train driver and is now living happily making $143,000 a year.

The End
 

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