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GMK

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OK - Guys i coming out of the closet.....

i am proud to admit to being a...........



RETROSEXUAL !

I would like to meet & greet with other RETROSEXUALS - and to start the
RETRO REVOLT/REVOLUTION.

Come join the ranks....

As a MAN this is your duty!!!

THE REVOLUTION HAS BEGUN!

This is for the real blokes out there to pass on to all the blokes who
now days think it is cool to be a metro. Bring back our masculinity - stop
being a bunch of pussies who have far too much gel in their hair and smell
and look like chicks.

Something to ponder over a skinny decaf frapachino:

Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I
can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is
effeminate men prancing about, Dedecorating houses and talking
about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual,
bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-
sexual...

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch yourarse, burp, and yell
"ENOUGH!"
:chug:

I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars,
the Retrosexual movement. "

The Code:

A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR
THE DATE.
A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tyre, break-in into your
home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long
you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and
drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a
woman.
Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need
deodorant and shaving gear - that's it!!

A Retrosexual does not dress like a homeboy with baggy pants that
look like he's shat himself, or with a gay chain from pocket to pocket. If
wearing a hat, wear it correctly - not on the side like a faggot. Blokes and
necklaces (unless you are an Australian fast bowler) are out!

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if
need be.
This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbours screw up rooms in his house
on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for
women.
Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to
you becoming a handbag carrying little puss, and in the long run, she ain't
worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental
stress such as drug/alcohol addiction ( YEAH BABY - open another beer for me Honey :chug: ), death of your entire family in a freak
BBQ accident, favourite sports team being moved to a different city,
favourite dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because
Daddy didn't pay you enough attention.

Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT.
When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to
conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag
about getting.
This does not include males who have had cosmetic surgery.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't
hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can-or be
rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are
riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT.
Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things
that just need a little "wakin' up".

Crying.

There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and
none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas.
Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a
Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss
of major body part on your Holden ute.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train,
and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands
up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-
called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you rude pri*ks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do
not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset
the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in
a serious healthy relationship - i.e., Brewing, hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance and drinking piss with the boys.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen
utensils.
A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he
wants. Wherever it lands is where he bloody well wanted it to land. Except on
his ute-that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the
retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women
but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE:
The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual
man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their
country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract-a handshake is good
enough.
A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when
he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes
in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT!

Ask Yourself....Can you live up to the Code....
 

Hopeye

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bout F*CKIN' time..........


Where do I sign ??
 

MAH

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That's nice Ken. Just let us know when you've worked up enough courgae to show your wife this thread and tell her that you're a Retrosexual ;) .

Cheers
MAH
 

GMK

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MAH said:
That's nice Ken. Just let us know when you've worked up enough courgae to show your wife this thread and tell her that you're a Retrosexual ;) .

Cheers
MAH
i have it printed and displayed on the FRIDGE...

That would be the Real Man's Drinking Fridge.....

OOPS


does having that fridge in the garage still count... :lol:

Time for a beer....

Honey.... :lol: :chug:
 

GMK

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Sounds like we should have this on the back of the aussie homebrewer gear...

Aussie homebrewers...........

.........were RETROSEXUALS..... B)
 

Snow

Beer me up, Scotty!
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am I allowed to cry if my wort gets infected or I leave the fermenter tap on during racking? :(
 

RobW

The Little Abbotsford Craftbrewery
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Snow said:
am I allowed to cry if my wort gets infected or I leave the fermenter tap on during racking? :(
Course you are Snow. That's major mental stress if anything is. But you should probably swear a lot and chuck something as well just to cover yourself :D
 

chiller

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Ken .............. what can I say!!! B)

And what brought this on?

Now all we have to do is get rid of all the weak gutless men that have forgotten how to be male and leaders and we may get somewhere.


Although in the humour section it is none the less a very serious issue.




Well done.
 

wee stu

wee stu's brury - hand made beers, award winning l
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I'm a hand tool challenged Scotsman, so I'll cry if I want to AND wear a skirt with a dinky little tassled purse accessory on special occasions, if I want to. So there!! :p
 

ghos

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Geez, mate.
Real men don't need revolutions. And we don't care what other rejects do with there time or money.
But most of all we don't get upset.
Settle down.
Deal with it.
 

deebee

The Bludgeon Brewery
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Blokes sticking up for themselves? Very risky behaviour. But if you are dinkum here is a new list of rules for your (inside) fridge:

> We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
>rules from the male side.
>
>These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON
>PURPOSE!
>
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
>down. You can handle it. We need it up, you need it down. You don't
>hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

>1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon. Let it be.

>1. Crying is blackmail

>1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one Subtle hints do
>not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

>1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
>question.

>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
>what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

>1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
>to act like soap opera guys.

>1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

>1. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the
>ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want
>it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
>yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
>during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
>neither do we.

>1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
>Peach,for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
>We have no idea what mauve is.

>1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
>nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
>hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
>answer you don't want to hear.

>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
>discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
>trucks.

1. Additionally, if we say "nothing" it really means we don't
>have a thought in our head at the time, men are able to do this with no
>difficulty.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping
 

Tony

Quality over Quantity
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yep

Have the V8 holden ute, hand sighned by peter brock himself, and would cry if a tree fell on it.
Grew up chopping down trees for fence posts, kneeling on sheep while they got there troats cut, killing and preparing the sunday night roast chook, have worked in heavy industry, including steel works, gold mines and cotton gins since i was 15 and i lait the skin on 1/2 of my right leg to 2nd and 3rd degree burns in febuary, caused by a blown steam pipe.
I didnt cry, I actually drove my self to the hospital and waited for 6 hrs to see a doctor <_<
Join me up and long live the Retrosexual :D
 

GMK

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Tony

I think you should be the RETROSEXUAL Mentor...

Just read this post to the wife...

.....she is now out in th ecold get her RETROSEXUAL Fella a BEER...

A JS Strong Ale for A Strong RETRO....


in the imortal words.....Viva the Revolution.
 

GMK

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wee stu said:
I'm a hand tool challenged Scotsman, so I'll cry if I want to AND wear a skirt with a dinky little tassled purse accessory on special occasions, if I want to. So there!! :p
So What Wee Stu......


........DEAL WITH IT!



Are you a closet RETROSEXUAL.
 

MAH

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GMK "doth protest too much, methinks"

Don't worry Ken we understand perfectly that such public declarations of your masculinity are not just smoke screens for some latent alternative tendencies! We all truly believe you're a big strapping bloke, who is perfectly capable of holding his own ;) .

Now obviously I don't fit into the Retrosexual category becuase I used a quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet to start my reply. But then again anyone who posts a whinning list that laments the demise of real men has clearly forgotten their own tennant to just "deal with it".

Cheers
MAH
 

GMK

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This topic just gets better and better.....

:lol:
 

dicko

Boston Bay Brewery
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Wow!!
Some heavy stuff guys, especially for the humour and jokes section.
Many subtle changes to our masculinity have been allowed to happen over the last 50 years and really all I can be glad for is that I am not 20 years old today cause I would hate to have to "deal" with the changes that are being inflicted on us males at the present moment.
Well bugga' it!!!
I'm goin to the shed to do another brew.

Cheers
 
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