The Wild West Saloon
- Thread starter bradmcm
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These are just getting worse 
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, "That's a nice shirt." The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"
A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "A Canadian Club," replies the seal.
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, "That's a nice shirt." The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"
A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "A Canadian Club," replies the seal.
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"
Duff
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Three soldiers are lying in beds the army hospital when the General walks in.
"What are you in here for soldier?" he asks the first one.
"A bit of marching rash sir, bit of groin rub" he replies.
"And what are they doing to fix the problem soldier?"
"A little bit of iodine, on a toothbrush, and they rub it on"
"And your main ambition in life soldier?"
"Get out, get fit, and fight for my country SIR!"
The General moves on to the second soldier.
"What are you in here for soldier?"
"I've got a boil on my bottom"
"And how are they fixing the problem soldier?"
"A little bit of iodine, on a toothbrush, and they rub it on"
"And your main ambition in life soldier?"
"Get out, get fit, and fight for my country SIR!"
The General moves on to the third soldier.
"And what are you in here for soldier?"
"I've got laryngitis" he replied with a raspy voice.
"And how are they fixing the problem soldier?"
"Iodine, on a toothbrush, and they rub it on" he whispers.
"And your main ambition in life soldier?"
"To get to the toothbrush before the other two"
:blink:h34r:
"What are you in here for soldier?" he asks the first one.
"A bit of marching rash sir, bit of groin rub" he replies.
"And what are they doing to fix the problem soldier?"
"A little bit of iodine, on a toothbrush, and they rub it on"
"And your main ambition in life soldier?"
"Get out, get fit, and fight for my country SIR!"
The General moves on to the second soldier.
"What are you in here for soldier?"
"I've got a boil on my bottom"
"And how are they fixing the problem soldier?"
"A little bit of iodine, on a toothbrush, and they rub it on"
"And your main ambition in life soldier?"
"Get out, get fit, and fight for my country SIR!"
The General moves on to the third soldier.
"And what are you in here for soldier?"
"I've got laryngitis" he replied with a raspy voice.
"And how are they fixing the problem soldier?"
"Iodine, on a toothbrush, and they rub it on" he whispers.
"And your main ambition in life soldier?"
"To get to the toothbrush before the other two"
:blink:
h34r:
TidalPete
BREWING BY THE BEACH
My first attempt at humour in AHB. Will I be banned???
Huey, Dewey and Who?
A man walked into a quiet bar. He carried three ducks, one in each hand
and one under his left arm.
He placed them one beside the other upon the bar.
He had a few drinks and chatted with the ducks, and with the bartender.
The bartender was surprised, but experienced and had learned not to ask
people about animals they bring into the bar, so he didn't mention the
ducks..
They chatted for about another 30 minutes before the man with the ducks
had to go to the restroom.
He left the ducks there on the bar. The bartender was alone with the ducks.
There was an awkward silence as they all looked at one another.
The bartender decided to break the ice and try to make a little
conversation.
"Say, what's your name?" he asked the first duck.
"Huey," replied the first duck.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day! What
else could a duck want?", said the duck.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender.
Then he said to the second duck, "Hi. And what's your name?" "Dewey," came
the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?", he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too! Been in and out of puddles all
day myself. If I had the chance another day, I'd do the same again!",
said the duck in reply.
So the bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be
Louie?"
"No," she said, "my name is Puddles. And don't even ask what kind of day
I've had!"
Huey, Dewey and Who?
A man walked into a quiet bar. He carried three ducks, one in each hand
and one under his left arm.
He placed them one beside the other upon the bar.
He had a few drinks and chatted with the ducks, and with the bartender.
The bartender was surprised, but experienced and had learned not to ask
people about animals they bring into the bar, so he didn't mention the
ducks..
They chatted for about another 30 minutes before the man with the ducks
had to go to the restroom.
He left the ducks there on the bar. The bartender was alone with the ducks.
There was an awkward silence as they all looked at one another.
The bartender decided to break the ice and try to make a little
conversation.
"Say, what's your name?" he asked the first duck.
"Huey," replied the first duck.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day! What
else could a duck want?", said the duck.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender.
Then he said to the second duck, "Hi. And what's your name?" "Dewey," came
the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?", he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too! Been in and out of puddles all
day myself. If I had the chance another day, I'd do the same again!",
said the duck in reply.
So the bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be
Louie?"
"No," she said, "my name is Puddles. And don't even ask what kind of day
I've had!"
