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The Wild West Saloon

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bradmcm

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A three-legged dog hobbles into a saloon in the American West.

He scrambles up to the bar stool and sits at the bar.

The dog calls out to the entire saloon - "I'm ah-lookin' for the man who shot my paw"



Told ya it was silly.
:rolleyes:
 

dicko

Boston Bay Brewery
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An oldie but a goody Brad :lol:

Cheers
 

Kai

Fermentation Assistant
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A horse walks into the bar and takes a seat. The barman turns to him and says "Why the long face?"
 

barfridge

Small fridge, powerful thirst
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A nun, a priest, a rabbi, a blonde, a brunette, a redhead, an irishman, an american, an englishman, a kiwi and an aussie walk into a bar.

The barman says "is this some kind of joke?"
 

Doc

Doctor's Orders Brewing
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Kai said:
A horse walks into the bar and takes a seat. The barman turns to him and says "Why the long face?"
That one always gets me.
Especially when it showed up in Shrek II as well :lol:

Doc
 

Vlad the Pale Aler

Cereal Killer
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A penguin walks into a bar and asks the barman, "has my brother been in here today?"
barman says, " what does he look like?"
 

The Duke

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a ham sandwich walks into a bar and the barman goes, "sorry mate, we don't serve food here".
 

Doc

Doctor's Orders Brewing
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How do you hide an elephant in an apple orchard ?
Paint his balls red.

Doc
 

dreamboat

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A piece of rope walks into a bar and asks for a beer.

The barman says "you're a piece of rope aren't you?"

The rope says "yes" and the barman says "Sorry, we don't serve rope here"

so the rope goes outside twists himself up a messes up his hair, then walks back into the bar, and again asks for a beer.

The barman says "you're a piece of rope aren't you?"

The rope says "no, i'm a frayed knot"
 

Tallgum

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Quasimodo walks in the bar and asks for a scotch,
barmaid says, Bells ok.
Quasimodo says , mind your own f...en business. :rolleyes:
 

THE DRUNK ARAB

Zen Arcade
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A set of jumper leads and a bra walk into a bar.
The jumper leads go up to the barman and orders two beers.
The barman tells the jumper leads that he isn't going to serve them.
The jumper leads ask why.
The barman replies " well your mate is of his tits and you look like you're about to start something."
 

deebee

The Bludgeon Brewery
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so the Englishman delicately picks the fly from his pint of bitter, flicks it into the corner and takes a hearty swig.

The Scotsman, having watched the Englishmans performance, looks at the fly in his red ale, thinks for a moment, then shrugs his shoulders and sinks the lot in one gulp.

The Irishman fishes the fly from his stout and firmly grasping it around the neck with his fingertips yells at the top of his voice, Spit it out, you thievin bastard!
 

deebee

The Bludgeon Brewery
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and my personal favourite bar joke:

>A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while
>he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs
>some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and
>eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard
>balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow
>swallows it whole. the bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what
>your monkey just did?" The guy says "No, what?" "He just ate the cue
>ball off my pool table-whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied
>the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll
>pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill,
>pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves. Two weeks later he's in
>the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the
>monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing
>his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it,
>sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds
>a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
>the bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he
>asks. "No, what?" replies the guy.
>
>"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it
>out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
>
>Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats
>everything in sight, but ever since he had to sh!t out that cue ball, he
>measures everything first."
 

barfridge

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Awesome work guys!

SWMBO just wandered in to see what all the noise was about, then walked out again shaking her head.

I think you're a bad influence!
 

Tony

Quality over Quantity
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A mans wife is heavily pregnant and is about to drop her bundle.
He cant handle the stress and goes to the pub.
He sculls 3 schooners in quick sucession and decides to phone the hospital and see how things are going.

"The first one is a boy and there is another one on the way"

"A NOTHER ONE" he screams (i know how he feels, really)

after another 3 beers he rings again.

"2 boys and a girl and there is more to come"

He drops the beer in his hand, goes to the loo and looses the last 3 and goes back to the bar for another.

Make it a rum!, a tripple.

Three more of these and he gathers up the courace for the final score.

Only he is too pissed to ring the hospital and gets the Fox sports hotline.

Richie benau proclaims........

The final score was 257 and the last one was a duck!

The poor bastard proptly passes out.
 

Tony

Quality over Quantity
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My all time fav joke


Why did the Coala fall out of the tree?






Because it was dead.






I know , i know
 

Tallgum

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Tony said:
My all time fav joke


Why did the Coala fall out of the tree?






Because it was dead.






I know , i know
Hey Tony, those coalas up there in Tamworth eat euchalyptus leaves same as our koalas in Queensland. :p
 

Batz

Batz Brewery...Hand crafted beers from the 'Batcav
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Tony said:
My all time fav joke


Why did the Coala fall out of the tree?






Because it was dead.






I know , i know
Like a rum and coala

:chug: :chug: :chug:
 

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