from the mouths of babes

[KevinR]

My grandson,8 who helps brewing some times went school and told the teacher that his poppy has a science lab with real beakers and he cooks stuff up! Daughter got asked to explain before the school took it further

 

[mudd]

I was looking at a website that had a list of the things to look for as signs of a meth lab. Man I've got a lot of that stuff.

 

[spog]

The look on the teachers face would have been priceless !,let alone the cogs whirring in their head.

 

[jyo]

Love it!

The other day I was mowing and whipper snipping. Started out the back with the mower and it took a few pulls to start. I remarked with a "C'mon, you piece a ****", forgetting my little fella of 4 was out the back with me. He says "It's a piece of ****, dad.".

I had the convo about not saying that, and that dad was naughty and shouldn't say that either.

Anyway, half an hour later, I'm out the front with the brand new whipper snipper, and the clowns in the shop have given me the wrong sized cord, so it keeps flying out of the slots. I am grumbling and carrying on. Little fella pipes up "Is it being a piece of ****, dad?"

I nearly pissed myself!

 

[spog]

20+ yrs ago we had a 10 acre block with sheep for keeping the grass down,the neighbours had cattle which would damage the fence and the sheep would do a runner.
I was well and truly over trying to get them back when our eldest, 4yr old at the time came into the shed telling me,
Dad,Dad the sheep got out . I said I've had enough,they can stay there,to which he replied. Yeah **** em.
Must have got that from his mother!

 

[BottloBill]

20+ yrs ago we had a 10 acre block with sheep for keeping the grass down,the neighbours had cattle which would damage the fence and the sheep would do a runner.
I was well and truly over trying to get them back when our eldest, 4yr old at the time came into the shed telling me,
Dad,Dad the sheep got out . I said I've had enough,they can stay there,to which he replied. Yeah **** em.
Must have got that from his mother!

Christmas morning my 4 year old boy had similar words to say when he seen this sitting in the garage.....he said "ah get ****** you got me a quad bike"

Definitely comes from mums choice of words

 

[TheWiggman]

I'm enjoying this thread.
I'm at work, and out of nowhere my 5yo son says to my wife at home "did dad nearly get fired mum?" She asks why I would get fired and he said "because he didn't go to work".
She then explained that I'm allowed to take holidays (I recently took 2 weeks' leave).

 

[Lemon]

Saturday morning I'm sitting at the table reading the paper drinking my coffee, when my 7 yo looking over my shoulder, says "fuckit". I say "what did you say?". He repeats pointing at the paper, not quite so emphatically , I look - "PHUKET".

 

[Kumamoto_Ken]

My grandson,8 who helps brewing some times went school and told the teacher that his poppy has a science lab with real beakers and he cooks stuff up! Daughter got asked to explain before the school took it further

This is not in that league but my 4yo has just finished pre-school and I imagine this is how I'll forever be remembered by the lovely carers there.

 

[Kumamoto_Ken]

This is not in that league but my 4yo has just finished pre-school and I imagine this is how I'll forever be remembered by the lovely carers there.

The lad is five now and working hard on his reading skills.
We went to the pub for lunch yesterday and he was busy reading the text on signs/posters, and doing a great job until he suddenly came out with "Happy Whores" (Happy Hours).

The old lady tucking into her Sunday Roast on the table next door did quite the double take.

 

[glenwal]

My wife and some of the mums from school often take the kids up to our local hotel as it has a really good playground in the bistro, and they can have lunch/dinner whilst the kids play.

They were up there the other night when my parents came around to my place to visit. When they got home, my dad asked my 7 year old daughter "have you been having a play at the play ground?".

"No pa, just been up at the pub" was the response she gave.

 

[Droopy Brew]

Few years ago I picked up my 2yo from daycare. The carer said- have you got problems with ants at home?

I said yeah we do actually. Why?

She said, I saw your daughter squatting down near the fence jabbing her finger towards the ground saying "******* ants"!

They hear everything the little bastards.

 

[Mardoo]

There's a kid we look after who has problems saying s's and t's. Today he found a particularly choice stick and ran around waving it shouting with excitement, "I have a big dick, I have a big dick!" Impossible not to laugh.

 

[peteru]

Wife and 5 year old son were out this arvo and decided to pick up some Thai take away. While they were waiting for the food to be cooked, they took a stroll up the street and my son saw a bottle shop. He immediately instructed mum that it would be a good idea to quickly pop in and see if they have "Any interesting Belgians for dad." As they were browsing the fridges, my wife reached in and decided to pick up a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. My son stopped her with "No, not that one mummy! This one is better, it has more hops." Pointing to the Torpedo.

I'm still amazed how on the ball this little guy is. Last year, about a month after we did a brewery tour while on holidays in Europe, he came back from childcare with a drawing. I could not quite make out what it was, so I had him explain it to me. What I was looking at was apparently his plans for making a beer factory and a recipe for the best beer in the world. He even remembered some Czech words. The plans were not bad at all, he made the distinction where adding yeast starts turning "sugar water" into beer. We had lagering tanks and even a step for yeast collection at the end of the primary ferment.

For his show and tell at childcare he devised a science experiment where he put a balloon over a plastic bottle with some sugar water and yeast and left it to ferment at his childcare, thus inflating the balloon. He took great pride in explaining to the other kids that the yeast eats the sugar and makes alcohol and farts. The yeast farts so much that it makes bubbles in beer and it can even blow up a balloon! All inspired by watching an airlock bubbling away on the fermenter and wanting to know what was going on.

 

[wide eyed and legless]

My eldest, a 7 year old wanted to watch a movie so we slowly scrolled through the downloads and she spotted Ted 1 & Ted 2 she asked could if she could watch them and I said no to much swearing, I can handle swearing says she, what swear words do you know says I, Shut up, idiot, says she, I replied not nice things to say to anyone, but not swearing, so its ok to say, Shut up you ******* idiot says she. It was like I had been knocked out, I could see her lips moving but couldn't hear her, when I snapped out of it the last word I heard was Pussy!

 

[Mardoo]

A few months ago my 4-year-old daughter got angry with me and said, "You're a poo head. I'm going to destroy everything you believe in!" :blink:

Her friend got angry with her Dad and said, "I'm going to cut off your head and eat it!"

 

[spog]

A few weeks ago at the Adelaide airport I took my 4 yr old Grand Daughter on the escalator for the first time,as we got near the bottom she started to back up as the stairs were disappearing in the floor,I told her its okay as we will jump off at the end.
She said " jump Pa or else the floor will eat us and we will say oh ****".
A lot of passengers went on their way that day with big smiles on their faces.

 

[Mardoo]

My wife and I run a daycare together and it's not uncommon to get to the end of the day with a massive sigh of relief. Last night my wife said, "Oh man, all the kids are gone. I am SO tired." Our 5 year old said, "Well Mum, suck it," and cackled for about five minutes.

 

[Lord Raja Goomba I]

3 year old looks at her pregnant mother's stomach and says "you're definitely having a boy. You have blue stripes. If it were a girl, you'd have pink stripes', referring to stretch marks.

 

[wide eyed and legless]

Reminds me my eldest daughter asked my wife why her stomach was swollen she replied that her stomach was swollen because your Daddy has given me a baby, when I got got home my daughter told me. "That baby you gave Mummy, well she's eaten it "