lynchman, what have the recipes been for the beers you feel are too bitter and also throw a recipe up for one you've been happy with so we can get an idea of what your process is and what you're after.
If the guys above don't mind me saying so, don't take any of the advice given yet as gospel. Much of it can, and most likely would, be useful but there's too many unknowns here for good, tailored advice. Pay particular attention to ignoring the bit about the extended secondary - it might benefit your beers in some way but I don't think it is going to fix what is going on here.
As for the the finished beers - can you describe this bitterness at all? There is a chance this issue might not be IBU related so the more detail you can give the better answers you'll receive.