Ross
CraftBrewer
- Joined
- 14/1/05
- Messages
- 9,262
- Reaction score
- 373
Saw Billy Connolly live earlier this month; his observations on life truly make him one of the funniest guy's there is...
Billy Connolly's 13 things I hate about people:
>
>
>1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where
>my watch is pal, where the f*** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I
>ask where the toilet is?
>
>2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room
>for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the
>channel manually.
>
>3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
>F****** right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
>
>4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
>Why the f*** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do
>this? Who and where are they?
>
>5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I
>paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f****** floor.
>
>6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?. Didn't really give me a
>choice there, did you sunshine?
>
>7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then
>there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there
>must have been something before it.
>
>8. When people say "life is short". What the f***?? Life is the longest
>damn thing anyone ever f****** does!! What can you do that's longer?
>
>9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come
>yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?
>
>10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So
>what did they used to be? Ears, Wellington boots?
>
>11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's
>really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
>
>12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image
>I really didn't need.
>
>13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't
>insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a
>McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have a
>McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f****** McTosser.
>
Cheers Ross...
Billy Connolly's 13 things I hate about people:
>
>
>1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where
>my watch is pal, where the f*** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I
>ask where the toilet is?
>
>2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room
>for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the
>channel manually.
>
>3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
>F****** right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
>
>4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
>Why the f*** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do
>this? Who and where are they?
>
>5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I
>paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f****** floor.
>
>6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?. Didn't really give me a
>choice there, did you sunshine?
>
>7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then
>there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there
>must have been something before it.
>
>8. When people say "life is short". What the f***?? Life is the longest
>damn thing anyone ever f****** does!! What can you do that's longer?
>
>9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come
>yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?
>
>10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So
>what did they used to be? Ears, Wellington boots?
>
>11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's
>really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
>
>12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image
>I really didn't need.
>
>13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't
>insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a
>McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have a
>McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f****** McTosser.
>
Cheers Ross...
