I have beer!
This is a long story with tales of woe and violence.
I stripped the whole thing apart and started again. New beer line, new gas line, new disconnects. I tried most of the suggestions in this thread and miraculously, I managed to get beer out of both kegs. The first keg which is a Coopers ROTM, and was working previously, seemed to have a bit of crud in the post. I cleaned that out and removed the dip tube and that seemed to fix it. The second keg, I did the same thing although there wasn't any blockage. I suspect the beer out post poppet was out of align. However that's not half the story.
Aside from stinking of beer from beer spraying into my face and onto my clothes and everywhere - the cockroaches are going to have a field day in beer room.
First keg - I ran the gas line into the beer out line and squirted a load of gas into it. It bubbled away so assumed that was good. Unfortunately I ended up with the beer going back into the bloody regulator. I managed to run the gas so beer is now out of it but I'm still a bit concerned about it. It seems to be working fine however I bet this isn't the last I hear about that incident. I'm going to look into stripping the regulator (a Micromatic) and giving it a clean up, but it's working at the moment and seems to be working fine. Or perhaps I should just leave it and prepare to buy a second one. We shall see. I did remove the beer out post and dip tube, gave them a good cleaning and it seemed to all work.
Second keg - decided I wouldn't do what I did with the first keg. What I did do though, which was clever, was to remove the beer out post above a sink only for the poppet to drop out and into the plug hole. Basically, it was impossible to get out. So in a massive panic, I gave a local bloke who I bought a few bits from a while back, a call to see if he still had any kegging bits left and if he was home. Yes to both questions. Panic almost over. He was a superstar and lent me a couple of empty kegs in case I needed to transfer my second keg, and he had a spare beer out post although it was slightly knackered but, as I've found out, not knackered enough that it doesn't work fine. The lip at the top of the post is slightly bent on the edge, which I just snapped off and it works a treat.
So what works - I'm getting beer out of my kegs, but only through my bronco tap. The beer line is 2.5m long and I've got my gas at about 12psi. It's coming out great through the bronco tap, perhaps a little bit foamy but it settles.
I bought a Perlick 650SS tap the other day and fitted that to the fridge but buggered if I'm getting beer out of it. I took the Perlick off the fridge and checked to see if that was clogged up. What I did was blew into the shank and set the tap forward. I didn't get a lot of air coming out of the tap but adjusted the flow control back so it should have been wide open. Seems not to be the case. I'm expecting a second Perlick 650SS to arrive tomorrow so I will give that one a go and see if it makes any difference.
So close, but yet so far. At least I have beer and I must say, this dark IPA is possibly the best beer I've made yet so if nothing else, I've got that to take home from this whole debacle! I was so, so close to throwing in the towel this evening, saying **** that and going back to bottles. But I'm sure once I get it all dialed in, it'll be fine.
Talking of which, I need a top up.