Missus Spat It !

[Morebeer4me]

I tore a calf muscle at tennis the other night, limped home the missus was all over it (she's a nurse), Rest, Ice, Pressure Bandage etc etc.
I mentioned that the cold pack she gave me was not that good, she replied "all we have is some ice, Do you want it". she asked. "No" I replied.

about 30 Secs later I said "Be a darl and grab me a stubby it will work wonders"

She hands me the stubby and turns to walk away..

Pssst !!!! Arrrrr. Her head spun and the look on her face was confused then pissed off,

turns out she thought i was going to put the ice cold stubby on my leg........

Had to fend for myself rest of the night. B)

 

[Amber Fluid]

LMAO.... that's gold!!!!

:kooi:

 

[Bongchitis]

Being a nurse she should have understood the virtues of pain relief. She also should have known the low surface area of contact of the stubby due to its shape would have rendered it useless except for one thing and that is to drink.

Chicks.....Should stack m 10 high at the tip!

 

[Pollux]

I did that a while back when I sprained my finger building sandcastles with the little one (don't ask me how, all I know was that it was fine and two seconds later it was swollen and unable to be bent).....

My solution was to drive home hold an ice pack, go buy some ice cold beer and spend the night nursing one after another.....By the next morning it was perfect.

 

[Malted]

Saw the title of this thread and had to have a look because my missus doesn't swallow either. Thought I might glean some wisdom...
Read an amusing story though.

 

[newguy]

A few years back I was in the garage working on making a neat hole in a metal enclosure with a needle file (switch cutout hole). Got a bit too exuberant with my backstroke, needle file came out of the hole, and I promptly plunged it right into my wrist on the forward stroke.

Didn't hurt. I could only think "Oh shit, this is bad." Pulled out the file, and was promptly amused/scared by the 1.5m blood spurt timed perfectly with my pulse. "Oh shit."

I squeezed the wound HARD, to the point of the squeeze/pinch hurting worse than the injury, and made my way to the front door. Since I was leaking blood everywhere and had only finished installing a new hardwood floor in the house only a few months prior, I was reluctant to enter the house. So I calmly stood at the door and called my wife.

"NICOLE!!!!!!!"
"What!?!" (faint - from bathroom)
"C'MERE!!!!"
Toilet eventually flushes and she leisurely walked up to door some time later. I'm still leaking blood everywhere, by the way.
"What?"
"BRING ME A TOWEL!" (in that tone of voice - the don't **** with me, just do what I say tone)
She can see blood so she disappears for a looong time and returns with a tiny band-aid, already peeled and ready for application.
"I SAID A TOWEL!" (at this point I release my kung-fu grip on the wound and spray the screen door for effect, just to let her know that she shouldn't second guess my request again)

That time she actually complied with my request. Quickly to boot. I wrapped my wrist with the towel - tightly - and I then drove to the hospital. Quick tip: If you spray blood on the floor at admitting, they take you right in. By the time the doctor saw me, the bleed had completely stopped. Didn't even require a stitch.

And I of course paid for yelling at her, even though I was spurting blood and a band-aid would have been about as useful as a fart in a windstorm. Silly me.

 

[Morebeer4me]

Saw the title of this thread and had to have a look because my missus doesn't swallow either. Thought I might glean some wisdom...
Read an amusing story though.

We have more in common than just beer then malted

 

[yum beer]

had a similar story with my wife a few years back now...
I was preparing lunch for her grandmothers birthday and had sent her and children to in-laws house( just down the street) while I finished desert, anyway I take the end off my finger...I ring wife and tell her I need to go to the hospital, Ive cut the end off my finger, yeah yeah, righto she says. 15 minutes later she walks in laughing about what a big girl I am....she near died when she walked into the kitchen to see blood sprayed up 3 walls to the ceiling and me holding a tea towel soaked in blood...funny thing was mother in law put a band aid on it and all was fine, and most of it has grown back

 

[ledgenko]

Piss funny guys .. 18 yrs a paramedic.. Still laugh at guys who's Missus think they are fully shit and then.. Baaahaaaa.. Gold dust.. Anyway the fractured penis story and X-rays are such an awesome story but can't talk about it .. What happens at work stays at work.. U know the drill.. Lol

 

[Pistol]

Saw the title of this thread and had to have a look because my missus doesn't swallow either. Thought I might glean some wisdom...
Read an amusing story though.

LMAO