Malted
Humdinger
- Joined
- 15/5/10
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Have you been writing the latest Twilight book, Malted? All I've seen from you is blood and testicles.
You forgot the coights!
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Have you been writing the latest Twilight book, Malted? All I've seen from you is blood and testicles.
Have you been writing the latest Twilight book, Malted? All I've seen from you is blood and testicles.
Gold Pure Gold.I have written the wonderful and touching story of a lone duck's adventure to find himself and happiness in a keg, I hope you like it.
I'd like to thank Petesbrew for the inspiration, it is the story of his magnificent Black Duck.
Once upon a time in a land beer, beer away, there was a black duck named, black duck. Black duck heard about a mystical keg of beer that looked like a carrot and thought surely that could be his. He consulted with the grand sage Beerforal, "If you seek it, surely it will find you, little Black Duck. He who finds it will be beerily rewarded". So off Black Duck waddled on his journey to reach the mystical carrot.
Along the way Black Duck met some graphical designers and they tried to stop him on his quest. They cried "we'll all be ruined; you can't go to the holy lands and claim that mystical carrot, turn back Black Duck, turn back!". Black duck didn't listen to them, he kept waddling along becasue that is what ducks do, apart from duck do of course.
Pretty soon Black Duck got thirsty so he stopped in at the local for a pint that looked suspiciously like blood. He shrugged his shoulders and kept drinking; "At least it will match my eyes" thought Black Duck. Whilst Black Duck was having a slash he met a beautiful black duck who was actually white, depending on where it stood. He said bugger this, I have the DT's I must be seeing things.
Red eyed, Black Duck decided he needed a better self image if he was to be successful on his quest. Red eyed Black Duck popped into a St Vinnies and bought himself a lovely blue tie. So handsome did he look that red eyed Black Duck changed his brand of beer to celebrate his new corporate image. Warmbeer was in St Vinnies too and said red eyed Black Duck also needed a hat. I guess he was worried that blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck might get sunburnt on his quest for the mystical carrot.
Maybe blue was not blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck's favourite colour or maybe the tie was choking him, shopping at Vinnies, he tried to sell his tie back to them. Poor blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck could not sell his tie to anyone. Lurking in the back of the shop behind a pile of dusty cardboard, green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck found Schooey.
Obviously it was not that he didn't like blue as blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck loved the blue scene that Schooey showed him! That lifted his spirits so much that blue tied, red eyed Black Duck merrily went off to a Led Zepplin concert and ended up at a St Paddy's day event. "Whoaah that sure was some party man," said blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck "and what's with this hat? I like totally got lost in time and space!"
Green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck had to ask where he was. Brad said he was at a music festival, Bjon said "hey bro you're in New Zealand". Dr Smurto said "Aach Aye, I'm nort sure where you are wee Duck, but I ken say I've met yer cousin, Red Duck. He's a mean sonnabeetch, if you ken what I mean but he sure can fight!"
Green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck thanked them for nothing and waddled on anyway, "Mmm, to the mystical carrot, go must I!"
As he waddled around the corner he saw BCP playing with himself and said, "Mmm a goose, you are looking like. Away must I go!" and quickly waddled away as fast as his little ducky legs would take him.
Green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck had to duck his ducky head, "Some bastard is shooting at me!" Beerforal piped up, "I am shooting for you Green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck!"
Waddle, waddle, waddle, see green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck run for his life. " Mmm a disguise, must I have" cried he as he saw a tree hugging, tofu farting hippy asleep against a wall and lifted his guitar before he woke. "Mmm, if shot I am not, sell this guitar for beer will I!" said a very pleased green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck.
But our fine feathered friend was not out of the woods yet, Supra Jim tried to give him a virus! Luckily he found Warmbeer and he introduced him to four new beers. "Now more like it, that is!" groggily said guitar carrying, green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck, "But on my quest continue must I".
As guitar carrying, green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck waddled away Brendo whispered to Warmbeer, "It may be against the law to give so many beers to guitar carrying, green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck, and you have forged his signature; you could be up for a lawsuit. You'd better hope he doesn't sue or you will be ducked!"
Well guitar carrying, green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck sure was surprised when he saw the infringement notice. "Faaaark" cried he, "What in hell, the heck is this?" So upset was guitar carrying, green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck that he left without his hat or tie.
# Personally I think it was not surprise on his face that made his tongue hang out, I think guitar carrying, green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck was getting his Johnson gobbled by a hooker that Pete hooked him up with. Pete did say to mintsauce "Leave it to the pro's".#
Just when we all thought it had gone to ***** for poor guitar carrying, green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck, an Afro Duck named Jackson turned up with some grand advice. "Mmm guitar carrying, green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck, seek the mystical carrot you must. Be true to your self, be true to yourself" and disappeared in a cloud of fairy dust. "Thank goodness for that" said guitar carrying, green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck, "He was one mixed up duck, he didn't know if he was black or white!"
Stay tuned for more exciting tales of guitar carrying, green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck.
Malted, seriously, can you provide a daily summary of the top threads of the day. Much better than reading through the entire thread... great stuff.I have written the wonderful and touching story of a lone duck's adventure to find himself and happiness in a keg, I hope you like it.
I'd like to thank Petesbrew for the inspiration, it is the story of his magnificent Black Duck.
OK, you've all read it.. Snip
Oh man, someone link these guys to that Simpsons Chinese Bulk Buy sketch, that was deadset brilliant.Malted, seriously, can you provide a daily summary of the top threads of the day. Much better than reading through the entire thread... great stuff.
If you're taking requests, can we go back to the chinese hop buy thing?
Forget Chinese hops, I want a summary of the "AG are the new underclass" thread!Malted, seriously, can you provide a daily summary of the top threads of the day. Much better than reading through the entire thread... great stuff.
If you're taking requests, can we go back to the chinese hop buy thing?
I'm all ducked out for the moment. Giving someone else a chance to pirate my winning design. :icon_cheers:Now come on guys show some support here, I know you are all thinking exactly what I am thinking... So I am going to just say it...
What is the Green hatted, blue tied, red eyed, Black Duck doing now?
Petesbrew, you can't leave us all hanging like this!
Oh hey and don't forget, Beerforal is looking for some logos and stuff.