Funniest Posts And Pm's You've Read

[stephen]

I have had a carrot dangled in front of my face reageding making this post. I thought long and hard about this.

So I thought long and hardabout this and decided to start this thread.

(Blame it on the teenager stuck inside a 43 year old body!)

This i found funny and the ensuing thread:

Hey Guys it's us, Bindi, PistoPatch and Screwtop. Ross is pouring us beers on the other side of the bar and he thinks we are using his laptop to buy stuff from Craftbrewer but we're really here just making frivolous posts under his name - don't tell him.

Whoops! Bindi has just had his eight Ruination Ale and fallen on the floor. Have to go now and attach syphon hose from tap to Bindi'd mouth - he keeps pointing at the tap and then his mouth.

(Don't tell Bindi's Mrs that his still hear. if she asks, he is still stuck in the same traffic he told her about 4 hrs ago. OK?)

Have a read and enjoy. I believe that laughter is a great thing.

Steve

 

[PistolPatch]

Donya Stepen!

I have heaps of posts and PM's I can post to this thread! Until I get a chance to dig them all up, this one from Deebee that I read months ago still brings me to tears. Here's what deebee wrote in the, What do you do to finance your brewing? thread...

"I am an exotic dancer in a cabaret line-up in Perth's scummiest gay bar. I take off my clothes and perform degrading acts to bad music played through a cheap PA. If the money's right I will take some blokes out the back for something quick and satisfying. The pay is shit-house and I hate my work.

Actually I'm a criminal lawyer. I work for killers and the people that pinch your VCR. But I tell my kids I'm an exotic dancer so they have something respectable to tell their mates at school."

More on the way!

 

[homekegger1]

PP,

Same story I told some mates from work only two days ago, however the job description was that he played for the all-blacks...

Carn those Aussies...

Damn, just realised, not only will I cop it from the wife if NZ gets up but Doc, will rip into me all day tomorrow when I visit for the AG demo.....

Carn those Aussies...

 

[Stuster]

So many funny posts. One that comes to mind was a series of posts about the Xmas in July case. DrewCarey said homebrew guys were the scum of the earth. Gerrard then posted dryly something like, well I guess that's your answer to whether I can pick up your case for you. DrewCarey then attempted to save the situation as he has no car, but only dug himself in deeper. :lol: (I may be sick, but made me laugh. Sorry DC.)

 

[Mr Bond]

Yeah DC ay..
One of the funniest things i read was during some heated posts he declared that he had nominated himself to be a Moderator, but was knocked back :blink: .................Phew

 

[PistolPatch]

Screwtop has got to be one of the funniest buggers you'll ever meet. Just look at the caption he scripted in Post #21 here. (Might have to read a few posts prior in the thread but I think you'll get the picture.) Best caption I've seen!

EDIT: Batz was pretty bloody quick too! Check out Post #39 of the above thread while you're there - LOL.

 

[Batz]

Going back a zillion years and lost in AHB threads

I remember Jayse being very very pissed off about someone posting under his name,after checking some IP's seems it was him but he was just a bit under the weather and could not remember posting :lol:

Late night on the computer takes it's toll on us all

Batz

 

[Mr Bond]

"Anything good in life is either illegal,immoral or fatting"

hey batz, Whats fatting?you mean fattening or farting? :lol:

 

[tangent]

i thought the "No Brew" following the "No Chill" storm in a tea-cup was pretty bloody funny.
Love the posts you blokes make with the dry sense of humour, makes my day.

 

[poppa joe]

AARR WELL>>
Guess its no good asking any of you blokes anything...

Your all drunks.....
PJ

 

[PistolPatch]

LOL Tangent! Loved Tony's comment in that, 'No Brew Method' thread...

jesus christ Zwickel.
everyone gives me a hard time about my pic
i look great compared to you
you look like a 3 year old thats been holding in a great fart for 6 months
hehe

Probably need to look at their pics to get the full effect of this one.

 

[PistolPatch]

The following explanation from Tangent still cracks me up and also had a huge impact on me at the time. I was brewing kits and basically throwing out the results. Tangent told me to ditch the kits and start AG with the following reasoning...

You can try to make a woman out of rubber, but in the end of the day, you'll always have a blow-up doll, not the real thing, and no matter how much lippy you apply, it's always going to pale in comparison to the real thing. No matter what brand it is.

Haven't read a better analogy since!

 

[tangent]

thanks PP
some of my best work

 

[Screwtop]

Love the posts you blokes make with the dry sense of humour

It's caused by continuously mashing at 62C

 

[PistolPatch]

Here's the funniest PM I've ever received. Screwtop again! I must have written to him telling him about some mistake I made on a brew day. Here's his reply... (I've edited one section out but it's still pretty long. Worth the read though.)

"Love hearing about other brewers brew days. The morning I did my first AG I must have been kissed on the bum by an angel. Here was this know-nothing in the shed making AG beer with nothing more than a brew sheet from beersmith and the luxury of having watched the Basic Brewing "Stepping Up To All Grain Brewing" DVD. Boil X litres of water. Pour into mash tun add grain for mash temp of X deg C. Yeah, Yeah, follow the instructions, boil wort, should have 23 litres in fermenter at 1047. Yeah, Yeah, got 23 litres at 1047 hit 75% brewhouse efficiency, Piece Of Piss this game really, can't see what all the fuss is about.

The next brew was to be a masterpiece, as I knew everything. All I had to do was tweak a recipe. This time I would design my own mash schedule, I'm f*cking clever! Gathered all the grain, nothing simple this time, specialty malts and adjuncts. Milled the grain, all going to plan. Think I'll drop the water to grain ratio to 2L per Kg for this one, just rework the mash schedule, I'v got a computer program to do that for me, it's f*cking clever. The rest of the day turned to shit really, missed target temps added too much boiling water, couldn't add enough boiling water to reach mash out as the volume was too high in the tun. Everything going wrong, STRESSSSSSSSS, find something to f*cking smash! Forgot the HLT water and switched it off at 98 C. HATE THIS F*CKING ALL GRAIN!!!! Got 31.5L in the Boiler for a target of 29.5 GOING RIGHT OFF THIS HOBBY!!!!! only managed 10% evaporation this time, first time was 15%. Remembered the hops additions and the whirlfloc tablet, got too much beer with a low AG. F*ck! What Went Wrong? I have a f*cking computer program AND experience!

The third AG was when I started thinking about the process, finally, nobody mentioned that - wasn't anywhere in Beersmith.

Now I find brewdays calming. Am really enjoying the whole process. Think I enjoy making it more that drinking it (who said that), just running out of places to put all this fermenting wort.

On, On, Brew, Brew. You have f*ck-ups to make! See if you can catch up to me.

Don't know why I wrote all this crap really, but I felt better afterwards.

Cheers,
Screwtop

If you enjoyed this then have a read of Rook's description of his first brew day here

LOL!
Pat

 

[bindi]

Oh Dear we will have a fun with this when Screwtop comes here sometime in the morning to split the grains we bought last friday before going to Ross's place. Kama is GOOD

 

[PistolPatch]

I think this thread and the Frivoulous Posts thread are way overdue for a bump.

If you do enjoy the great humour and off-topic rambles on AHB, make sure you use the 'Subscribe to this Topic' function as these two threads don't appear in The Latest Threads box This thread is great for posting anything funny you see while the other thread is perfect for posting when you've had way too many and are making no sense. Personallly, I could spend a lot of time in the latter thread!

Anyway, what better way to bump it than with the first post Sqyre made after doing his first AG...

OH YEH!!!!

I was thinkin of doin a trial run with just some water today and i though.....Sqyre.. HTFU...

So i went and got me a recipe off Mothballs and he gave some grains, some hops, etc....

and i forgot the yeast...had to send the missus up to see mothballs again...she said she paid with natures credit card.. dunno what she's on about..dont care....

Oh yeh...

Its all good ...(feel like smokin a ciggy)

The Boy becomes a Man...

Everything went sweet as... had a few leaks pop up in the plumbing with the chiller. and pretty much glued my foot to my thong with a bit of spillage.. but all good. I will fix these probs through the week.

Otherwise i can see no other problems...

I would like to thank the fellas who have helped along the way and showed me right from wrong. i.e (k+k versus AG)

You are all champions ( i promised myself i wasn't gunna cry... )

Blah blah blah...

(sniff).....I lOvE YoU GUys...

SqyRe,...,,.

 

[PistolPatch]

And here's another beauty from Sqyre. OMG!

 

[PistolPatch]

Any QLD Swap thread is a wealth of wit. Here's a tiny sample of what goes on there daily.

Sqyre...

Sh*t ...someones gunna have to give me some bottling advice...

Never done it..
Sqyre...

InCider's reply...

...turn the caps anticlockwise to remove them from the bottle, then when full of beer...

This is why any QLD Swap requires around 700 posts to organise - lol!

 

[PistolPatch]

The exchange between Fixa and Pumpy in the first few posts of this thread cracked me up especially when I noticed the speed at which it was done :blink: Fortunately this thread has kept it's frivoulous flow. Donya!