Farting

[bum]

As if you wouldn't own up to a fart like that.

I'd want my picture taken with it.

 

[komodo]

LOL

 

[newguy]

My mates still talk about my New Years Day fart, about 15years ago.
Dropped in a room with a bunch of sleepers, and it worked better than an alarm clock.
A heavy night on the Old's will do that to you.

My best friend Russ is truly rotten inside. After a night of almost straight vodka he cleared an outdoor mini-golf course - in a stiff breeze! This was 20 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday.

























Memories are funny things. :icon_vomit:

 

[petesbrew]

My most memorable fart was dropped in a net cafe in london. It was before work, and I thought I could touch base with some friends back home.
The place was pretty empty, and I felt a small one coming on. I thought "Yeah, i can sneak this one out", so lifted my leg.

Let me tell you, it reverberated off that wooden chair like a wooden rule slapping on a desk. **** it was loud and had a good, fast "Crack! crack! crack! crack! crack! crack!" to it.
Holy crap! What do I do now?!. I just sat there and looked straight ahead, trying not to laugh.
About 12 empty desks up, I saw ( in my peripheral vision), this single girl slowly turn her head and look at me with the most horrified, disgusted look on her face.

I remember it like it was yesterday. :lol:

 

[peas_and_corn]

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the case swap at BYB's yet

 

[Katherine]

Girls don't fart!

 

[bum]

Girls, don't fart!

 

[Adamt]

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the case swap at BYB's yet

:icon_vomit:

^--- and that wasn't from alcohol consumption.

 

[petesbrew]

Girls don't fart!

Yes, Katie. :icon_cheers:

 

[newguy]

My most memorable fart was dropped in a net cafe in london. It was before work, and I thought I could touch base with some friends back home.
The place was pretty empty, and I felt a small one coming on. I thought "Yeah, i can sneak this one out", so lifted my leg.

Let me tell you, it reverberated off that wooden chair like a wooden rule slapping on a desk. **** it was loud and had a good, fast "Crack! crack! crack! crack! crack! crack!" to it.
Holy crap! What do I do now?!. I just sat there and looked straight ahead, trying not to laugh.
About 12 empty desks up, I saw ( in my peripheral vision), this single girl slowly turn her head and look at me with the most horrified, disgusted look on her face.

I remember it like it was yesterday. :lol:

I don't know why I didn't remember these. This jogged my memory. Unfortunately I can't lay claim to either.

1) My friend Dave is a really slim guy. Maybe 75kg soaking wet, and almost 2m tall. He's kind of like a shrew - has to eat every few minutes or he'll die. Anyway, this one day he swears he only had 2 pieces of toast and a cup of coffee, nothing else. He was shooting pool in my home town's only pool hall with another friend. This place had two doors - front and back. The till was near the front and the closest door to the hall was in the back. My home town has a christian dormitory-style high school where rich parents send their kids when they can no longer control them. Very popular with chinese immigrants. After classes the chinese kids all tend to group en masse, walk downtown, and play pool for several hours. The closest door for them is the back door.

About the time school lets out for the day Dave and Mike are just finishing several games of pool. Mike was already up at the till paying and Dave was still in the back when the gas pain hit him. The kind of pain that doubles you over - very intense. Just as suddenly he lets rip a paint-peeling ripper and feels instantly better. It echoes around the hall. "Hey Mike, come here!" Dave calls to Mike. "**** you" comes the reply. Just then the back door opens - a group of chinese kids.

Dave sees this and takes off running for the till, grinning ear to ear. Mike is trying to keep a straight face. A guy is in front, his girlfriend immediately behind as they walk through the invisible cloud. "Ho da, mi o la see mi da STINKY!!!!!" The girl, more reserved, is walking behind saying "Stink, stink!" and furiously waving her hand in front of her face.

I still laugh out loud every time I think of it. Of all the english words, they both chose stink (or a variant) instead of the chinese equivalent. ....And it caused them to break mid-sentence (whatever they were saying) too.

2) A different group of friends was in a restaurant in the middle of nowhere, drunk, on a fishing trip. The place had plastic bench seats. My buddy Travis holds onto the seat and actually pulls himself down, then farts. It echoes around the place and every conversation stops - like you see in the movies. The only noise to break the silence is Travis' laugh - "heh - heh - heh - heh." The rest of my friends said they wanted to kill him as they weren't sure they'd make it out alive. This was on a Sunday morning and the locals had probably all come straight from Sunday church services. The waitress stopped warming up their coffee after that.

 

[Tony]

I remember lying in bed one night and the wife came and got in bed. She let off a bit of a fart.... wasnt big. (sorry Katie)

I rolled over and pushed. My wife said..... oh you trying to outdo me are ya, and ont commes the tiniest little squeek..... its all i could muster.

She burst out laughing... saying "what was that... that was pathetic". she didnt feel how warm it was

at this point i gave the sheets a good flap and all i heard was a gagging sound followed by footsteps running from the room.... and still the gagging dry reaching sound, followed by her voice from the loungeroom when she felt safe to breath yelling........... you filthy *******!

I tell ya it drove me from the room as well........ a true kamakasie fart!

she is terrified of my squeekers to this day!

 

[manticle]

Girls don't fart!

Especially not beer drinking girls.

Actually they do - it just smells like perfume and lollies. My partner's farts are even more fragrant than my own. We both take great delight in the subtle nuances of beer induced methane emissions.

 

[Dazza_devil]

Girls don't fart!

They fluff.


Anyone ever heard of the expression silent but deadly?

 

[petesbrew]

I enjoy dropping a fart as I pass through the Perfume floor in Myer or DJ's, letting the vapour trail do its horrible job.

 

[Adamt]

I enjoy dropping a fart as I pass through the Perfume floor in Myer or DJ's, letting the vapour trail do its horrible job.

:lol:

I call that place "The Gauntlet". I swear, with all the plastic and makeup in and on those ladies' faces, you could restore a building in Haiti.

 

[MarkBastard]

:lol:

I call that place "The Gauntlet". I swear, with all the plastic and makeup in and on those ladies' faces, you could restore a building in Haiti.

Me too. I can't imagine hell being any worse. It is the most uncomfortable place to be. All the smells, all the bright lights, all the old bulldogs with makeup applied with a brickies trowel.

 

[petesbrew]

:lol:

I call that place "The Gauntlet". I swear, with all the plastic and makeup in and on those ladies' faces, you could restore a building in Haiti.

Appropriately named.... trying to get through there, being assualted on each flank by metros armed to the teeth with sweet smelling napalm, when you just want to get in, grab your Old Spice and get out ASAP. Maybe I should stop in one of my vapour trails one time for a sample?

 

[Hazy]

A mate of mine at work drinks bucket loads of xxxx mid strength. When he farts you can smell it through your ears.

 

[ledgenko]

I don't think I would be alone thinking a females fart Always smell worse.. Non believers you need to visit my house after French onion soup nights.... DAMN !!! It's a gas works fir sure

 

[DangerousDave]

dunno if its the English in me, but i love my pickled onions

could peel paint off the walls after, mss groans when i crack open a jar