dicko
Boston Bay Brewery
- Joined
- 11/1/04
- Messages
- 3,393
- Reaction score
- 577
> >Things to ponder...
> >I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
> >
> >Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing
> >a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
> >
> >The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
> >
> >Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
> >
> >There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
> >
> >Life is sexually transmitted
> >
> >An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
> >
> >If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
>
> Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
> >
> >The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
> >
> >Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
> >
> >Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
> >
> >Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
> >
> >Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
> >
> >Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
> >
> >All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
> >
> >Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
> >
> >In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
> >
> >Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
> >
> >How is it one careless match can start a bush fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
> >
> >
IMPROVED PROVERBS
> >
> > A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave >each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to
> >come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you.
While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders.....6-years-old,
>
> > 1. Better to be safe than......................punch a 5th grader.
> >
> > 2. Strike while the............................bug is close.
> >
> > 3. It's always darkest before..................Daylight Saving Time.
> >
> > 4. Never underestimate the power of............termites.
> >
> > 5. You can lead a horse to water but...........how?
> >
> > 6. Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty.
> >
> > 7. No news is..................................impossible.
> >
> > 8. A miss is as good as a.......... .. ............Mr.
> >
> > 9. You can't teach an old dog new..............maths.
> >
> > 10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning.
> >
> > 11. Love all, trust.............................me.
> >
> > 12. The pen is mightier than the................pigs.
> >
> > 13. An idle mind is.............................the best way to relax.
> >
> > 14. Where there's smoke there's.................pollution.
> >
> > 15. Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents.
> >
> > 16. A penny saved is............................not much.
> >
> > 17. Two's company, three's......................the Musketeers.
> >
> > 18. Don't put off till tomorrow what............you put on to go to bed.
> >
> > 19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.........you have to blow your nose.
> >
> > 20. There are none so blind as..................Stevie Wonder.
> >
> > 21. Children should be seen and not.............spanked or grounded.
> >
> > 22. If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries.
> >
> > 23. You get out of something only what you...........see in the picture on the box.
> >
> > 24. When the blind leadeth the blind............get out of the >way.
> >
> >
> > And the favorite:
> >
> > 25. Better late than............................pregnant
Cheers
> >I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
> >
> >Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing
> >a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
> >
> >The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
> >
> >Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
> >
> >There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
> >
> >Life is sexually transmitted
> >
> >An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
> >
> >If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
>
> Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
> >
> >The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
> >
> >Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
> >
> >Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
> >
> >Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
> >
> >Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
> >
> >Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
> >
> >All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
> >
> >Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
> >
> >In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
> >
> >Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
> >
> >How is it one careless match can start a bush fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
> >
> >
IMPROVED PROVERBS
> >
> > A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave >each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to
> >come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you.
While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders.....6-years-old,
>
> > 1. Better to be safe than......................punch a 5th grader.
> >
> > 2. Strike while the............................bug is close.
> >
> > 3. It's always darkest before..................Daylight Saving Time.
> >
> > 4. Never underestimate the power of............termites.
> >
> > 5. You can lead a horse to water but...........how?
> >
> > 6. Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty.
> >
> > 7. No news is..................................impossible.
> >
> > 8. A miss is as good as a.......... .. ............Mr.
> >
> > 9. You can't teach an old dog new..............maths.
> >
> > 10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning.
> >
> > 11. Love all, trust.............................me.
> >
> > 12. The pen is mightier than the................pigs.
> >
> > 13. An idle mind is.............................the best way to relax.
> >
> > 14. Where there's smoke there's.................pollution.
> >
> > 15. Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents.
> >
> > 16. A penny saved is............................not much.
> >
> > 17. Two's company, three's......................the Musketeers.
> >
> > 18. Don't put off till tomorrow what............you put on to go to bed.
> >
> > 19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.........you have to blow your nose.
> >
> > 20. There are none so blind as..................Stevie Wonder.
> >
> > 21. Children should be seen and not.............spanked or grounded.
> >
> > 22. If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries.
> >
> > 23. You get out of something only what you...........see in the picture on the box.
> >
> > 24. When the blind leadeth the blind............get out of the >way.
> >
> >
> > And the favorite:
> >
> > 25. Better late than............................pregnant
Cheers
