Things I learned from watching action movies

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Approaching an intersection and confronted with a red light signal..
.. I nail the accelerator and fully expect to slide through unscathed.

I very rarely perspire... but if I do it's just a light dew on the brow.
 
good4whatAlesU said:
Approaching an intersection and confronted with a red light signal..
.. I nail the accelerator and fully expect to slide through unscathed.

I very rarely perspire... but if I do it's just a light dew on the brow.
Running the red light generally results in a huge pile up of crashing cars that overturn, burst into flames and explode. However most of them are at least 20 year old Ford Escorts, old Ford Crown Vics and Corollas that looks suspiciously as if they have been resurrected from wreckers yards for the movie.
 
When I end up on a random mission in Rio de Janeiro or New Orleans, by some strange coincidence the Mardi Gras is always happening.
 
I've learnt that:
  1. Everything is hackable.
  2. Wearing a bullet proof vest makes you more likely to get blown-up / stabbed / poisoned / shot in the head.
  3. Not wearing a bullet proof vest isn't a big deal -- there's almost always something in your pockets to stop the round.
  4. Despite spending days being on the run/being chased/chasing the Big Bad Guy™ without sleep, you can still dead-eye most things with a pistol round from more than 100m away.
  5. There's almost always a case full of "spare" passports and cash under the floor boards.
  6. Normal people would need more than 50 years to amass your amount of weapons/martial arts/driving/flying/explosives/language experience & skill, but you're barely out of your thirties (if at all).
  7. Doesn't matter how far your fall, water will always save you.
  8. Going in to the men's room is a good way to get into a close-quarters fight (and someone will always end up either in the toilet, breaking the toilet, or being hit with part of a broken toilet).
  9. Your nemesis will almost always be someone you used to be best mates with, or someone you thought was dead.
 
GrandioseUnfortunateCrane.gif
 
Bruce Willis will never again promote the fantasy that he actually has any hair left.
 
1. In spite of my training, I have discovered tyhat I can fire an M72 without having to worry about the safety of comrades standing directly behind me.
2. If my agent gets me a role playing the best buddy/best buddy's son/former comrade who owes a debt of honour to in relation to Chuck Norris, sack him. I ain't gonna make the closing credits.
3. It is safe to hide in a clapped out old weatherboard shack while it is getting riddled with M60 slugs.
4. The 15m effective casualty zone of your average hand grenade is a myth.
5. If you just got a love letter from home, or you just got back from leave where your girl accepted your proposal of marriage.......see #2.
 
OT. But the one and only thing I learned from Romantic Comedy movies is this bloke is in every single one of them. Or at least for the 5 seconds it takes me to get up from my chair and leave the room.

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Dave70 said:
OT. But the one and only thing I learned from Romantic Comedy movies is this bloke is in every single one of them. Or at least for the 5 seconds it takes me to get up from my chair and leave the room.
Is that so you can get SWMBO a nice hot drink , some biscuits and a few tissues...?
 
Ducatiboy stu said:
Is that so you can get SWMBO a nice hot drink , some biscuits and a few tissues...?
Yeah right, here's Dave the muppet providing the solace with his stable table of coco and bickies whilst some philandering Englishman gets the girls and makes them cry. Nuts to that.

Be like basically re living my high school romances, and then some..
 
Female runs in high heels to escape bad man, shoe comes off and she falls over, she is in very grave danger from bad man.
Hero man saves her.

Female returns to office/house/bad place and bad man will be there. Female is again in very grave danger.
Hero man saves her.... again.

(repeat similar scenarios endlessly)

Female who makes poor decisions and runs in high heels, falls in love with hero man.



The end.
 
Baddies have facial hair -> therefore baddies are brewers.
 
Whenever I need to jump in a car in a hurry:
1. it's always a manual
2. it never stalls.
3. I never need to adjust the seat.
 
put a silencer on any gun and it will be truly silent even high velocity rifle rounds wont have a supersonic crack to them. if you have a scoped rifle you become an instant sniper that doesn't have to adjust for drop or windage no matter how long a shot your taking.if you shoot the bad guy in the finger they die but a bullet through youre heart is only a minor wound thet you will recover from before the final redemption scene.
 
In the absence of a silencer, a handy nearby cushion will completely muffle the noise of a. 44 revolver.
 
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