Who Needs A Laugh?

[jonocarroll]

'The Pub' seemed like a good enough place to put this - a stupid story about a beer that just won't go right. Tired of seeing all the 'have I stuffed it up?' threads with minor problems. Sorry about the literary style.

I decided to make a dunkelweizen for my 3rd AG. First two went just smashing FWIW. 4th seems to be going quite well so far.

Got some good advice from those who may know. Got all the ingredients, no worries. Scheduled brew day, but no-one could make it. "Stuff it" - decided to go it alone. That was probably the only thing I did right...

Slept in a bit, so the HLT wasn't heated 'till a little late. No worries. Forgot to pre-heat the mashtun. Oh well, not the end of the world. Infusion temp a couple degrees off - no harm done. Oops - forgot to heat the sparge water back up - longer mash than planned.

Added sparge water, stirred, waited, opened tap to kettle... first runnings draining okay. Now less. Now none. Gave it a stir and it flowed for a little while, then nothing. Blowed back through the hose, nothing. Added hotter sparge water, nothing. Stirred like mad, nothing. Great. Removed the tap assembly from the mashtun, nothing. Poked thermometer probe up spout hole, nothing. Ugh! Used mash-paddle to disconnect manifold from the inside - voila!

Stream of hot wort flows like a fountain from the non-existent tap towards the kettle... over the kettle... onto the gas bottle. Managed to aim the stream towards the kettle. Now I have hot wort pouring from a height into the kettle, splashing about. Eventually even that stops - the hole is jammed with grain. Managed to put the measuring jug under the tap hole and dislodge some of the grain with the mash-paddle, slowly filling the jug, which I then pour through a strainer to the kettle.

After about an hour of this, I seem to have enough wort for a boil. Run the strainer through the wort and remove 1-2 kg of grain, but not all of it. Stuff it. Getting late. Boil. Hops. Beer. Boil. Hops. Beer. Drain to cube.

Checked cube the next day - bottom 1/3 seems to be sediment. UGH! Poured liquid to fermenter, leaving as much sediment as possible. Cooled, pitched yeast from starter. Ferment seemed to go okay, but sediment covering tap. Krausen pushes up through air-lock, splatters fridge ceiling. Decided to rack to secondary. Waited till ferment seemed done, racked, leaving sediment. Noticed I've lost a significant portion of this brew so far.

Chilled secondary for a few days, then got ready to bottle. Sanitised bottles, got sugar ready, remembered I never took a FG reading. Got 1.030... that ain't right. BeerSmith predicts 1.014. Warmed up secondary, pitched harvested yeast from primary. Waited. No change. Pitched leftover Coopers Kit yeast. Waited. No change. Recalled someone telling me not to use a refractometer for FG readings (mine has SG (wort) on it - tricked me!)... Got out the hydrometer... 1.014! Checked the BeerSmith Refractometer Tool - plugged in Brix and OG... Expect 1.030. Damn.

I'm bottling this tonight. Then I never want to see it again.

What I've learned in doing this;

- Brewing alone means no-one to blame but yourself
- Mashtun taps should remain on mashtuns while the tun is full
- Refractometers don't measure FG
- There's plenty more for me to learn about all-grain brewing
- Absolutely none of this would have happened if I was doing a kit with my trusty hydrometer.

I'm willing to let someone else taste this sometime. If it doesn't have HSA oxidation, isn't infected, doesn't explode, and doesn't kill them - it's being named 'miracle-weizen'.

 

[KHB]

That was classic, ive had a few brews like that. I use my refractometer for FG i just beersmith to adjust. Ill take a bottle to try(note to self store in corner of shed in 20lt bucket with lid just incase). Hope it turns out for you.

KHB

 

[drsmurto]

Refracs do measure FG, use the spreadsheet floating around here somewhere.

Or use the refractometer tool in beersmith.

I use that, the first few times with a hydro as well to check it was ok.

Altho i do like to use a hydro more often so i can sample the beer!

Cheers
DrSmurto

p.s. didnt see an invite to your brewday, i assume it was a private invite?

 

[himzol]

Yesterdays brew day was something very similar...couldn't hit a temp, boil volume wrong..boil longer, OG ok,
Chill to within cooee of pitching temp (water tanks were at 27C)

Make room in brew fridge for fermenter to drop a few more degrees, ...knock, roll, smash... 2 liter starter gone.. HSM..

Much swearing and cursing was the result...

Make up a new starter, pitch 24 hours later... might be the beer for the case swap :lol:

Also use a refractometer for FG,

 

[jonocarroll]

Refracs do measure FG, use the spreadsheet floating around here somewhere.

Or use the refractometer tool in beersmith.

I use that, the first few times with a hydro as well to check it was ok.

Altho i do like to use a hydro more often so i can sample the beer!

Cheers
DrSmurto

p.s. didnt see an invite to your brewday, i assume it was a private invite?

Yup - the tool in beersmith is great... when you realise you need it. I didn't.

I don't believe we've actually met yet. I'm still glad no-one was around to see all the fail, but yes, it was a private invite for a few mates. Once things start going smoothly I'll open up the offer to anyone keen. You'll be surely on the list, I'm just down the bottom of the hill from you.

 

[jonocarroll]

Make up a new starter, pitch 24 hours later... might be the beer for the case swap :lol:

Now there's an idea... Not sure if I've even got enough of this one for the swap. Not sure if I'd want my first swap beer to be as bad as this one could be though. :huh: