Neighbourly Revenge!

[Pollux]

Bribie, you are a disturbing man......

 

[Ducatiboy stu]

Disturbed.....Mmmm.....that would be putting it mildly

 

[fraser_john]

Note to self, don't piss off Bribie. Ensure car locked and parked in locked garage so he cannot "gain access".

 

[warra48]

Invite them along to your all night Prayer Vigil and Bible Study.

 

[Steve]

The to be father-in-laws classic! My guess anyway.

I had a major incident last night - one of the dogs next door barked until 2:17am.... Lets travel back in time to when I moved in her 10 months ago...

I was used to going to bed at 9:30pm on work nights. On the first night here I realised the main female dog barked every 20 minutes until 10:30, so I eventually had to accept that I had to delay my bedtime until 10:30 and my work stat time accordingly. Then the bitch's barking started extending to 10:45, then almost 11pm - all with major concequences on my work start time, as I need my sleep. Then about 6 months ago they changed the dog that slept on the balcony to a male (from the bark), and it has barked at particular intervals right up until 12:27pm vertually every night - so accurate is this dog, that I can and have actually set my alarm clock by its last bark - thats just wierd!?*!
So I have now been starting work at 8:30am instead of the 6:30 to 7am I would like - simply due to not being able to have a good nights sleep - let alone 6+ hours sleap per night. This has meant that I have delayed my bedtime until late, and thus make noise for the people who live below me - so there is a transfer effect - especially to the 11 month old baby which I dont like disturbing - and so I tippy toe around for its sake.
Last night, this dog barked at the normal times: 9:35, 9:55, 10:23, 10:57, 11:23, 11:52, 12:27 (these are from memory, but are barked in my brain) plus an extra 5 more times until 2:17am!!!! I was so stressed I was still not asleap at 3:10am, and at that point I figured - its too late to go to bed now! I wont wake up for work, and will get fired as I am on my last warning because of this whole f'd up sitch.



So I got up, brewed the first of 9 coffees today, and wrote them a letter\note.

The note was very friendly, and I summarised the above bedtime and work start time changes, and the fact that I was going to stay up all night to ensure I didnt loose my job today (actually got to work 1/2 hour before anyone else at 6:15am - but only because tuesday is a gym morning or one bloke, and another bloke rode his bike ~15km to work). I said "please, please, please can you stop the dog from barking. Please! And suggested that rather than the dog sleeping on the balcony where it can see every cat or whatever it is barking at, perhaps putting it in the den with the other dogs would be the idea? While others would certainly be calling the police or council to complain, I am writing this note instead.

And tonight - one tiny little growl about 7pm, but not the usual massive bark every 20 to 40 mins! Oh the peace is heavenly!

Now the only hard part is getting drunk enough to avoid the dreaded 36 hour (getting used to staying awake brain mentality - Brain says I'm getting used to this - lets stay up until 54 hours straight!) NO BRAIN! BEING AWAKE FOR 54 HOURS STRAIGHT IS BAD! DONT YOU REMEMBER? (no!) F' YOU! tAKE THIS BEER AND THAT!

You see the hard part is overcomming the amount of caffine I ingested today, and at present have been awake since 6am monday? So thats 38.5 hours. Worst part, still not drunk enough to counteract the caffine or anywhere near passing out - I could actually go for another day. Just called a cab to go get something stronger - tequila me thinks! Suggestions? Yep got tequilia, just had one sip, and adhering to beer regulatins will now ban myself from the site for the rest of the night by shutting down all brewsers and pc, and tying them in a knot! Knot kidding! Oh no, taking effect on the puns. Evil in a bottle!

at our old place there was this little white fluffy thing (I think it was a dog) that lived a few houses away. It would bark constantly all night, all day. I simply put a note in their letter box saying that if it does not stop from today the dog will disappear. Simple and effective. Never heard it again.

 

[Bribie G]

One thing I learned from "Lucky Jim" by Kingsley Amis is, if you are going to drop a note in somebody's letter box, it's best to write it in very illiterate looking scrawl and spell everything wrong, so they will assume you are a redneck lunatic white trash who can do them real harm.

So instead of

" I would appreciate it if you could kindly keep your dog quiet so we can sleep at night "

More effective is:

"Yo fucin mofo yo keep you dugg quite or the kernt dies sreeeeemmmmin so don mak me cum round with me kikboxin buddies bro."

:icon_cheers:

PS I work in Chinatown and I can get litres of fish sauce real cheap. Bulk buy? Edit: if you buy large quantities of fish sauce locally and the "maniac fish sauce car vandal" gets into the local papers then it may ring a bell with the checkout chick at the IGA, and you could be indentified. That's why Chinatown is the best bet for arming up as we all look the same to them. B)

 

[drew9242]

You really have thought it through bribieG

 

[petesbrew]

Boss's neighbour had a little white oxygen thief (maltese terrier) yapping at all hours. After countless complaints with no result, another neighbour abducted the dog, drove 50k's away, and dumped it by the side of the road. It never came home... so much for dog's reputed navigational skills.

 

[schooey]

Let's just say I have a mate that once got into a neighbourly type stoush fued war...

... it ended when he got a weather balloon from one of his mate's whose old man worked at the bureau of meteorology. The weather balloon was strategically placed under the bonnet of the victim's car, filled with a small cylinder of acetylene with a healthy dash of oxygen and had a spark plug taped in the neck to seal it. One of the leads off this XF Falcon was placed on to that plug..

...it made the paper. War over

 

[Bandito]

Well, to be honest, I think my pleading neighbourly note has had more effect than world war 3 would have, or an aggressive note.

The key aspects to a note I believe are:
1\ that and how it is affecting your life and work, bedtimes, starttimes etc.
2\ how long you have been putting up with it without complaining.
3\ The fact that you dont want to bring the police or council or epa into it, and would rather resolve this on the quiet.
4\ That many other neighbours would also be effected, and are likely to call the authorities - where as I am not going to get them involved - so that demands some extra respect.
5\ Give your first name and address so they can relate to you directly.
6\ No threats or aggressive language at all - people respond best to friendly language
7\ Suggest a resolution to the problem ie: move the dog into a place where he wont bark, a town hall that can be hired for band practise etc. I think this is a very critical part. Infact, my neighbours have done exactly as I suggested, and locked the dog that usually stayed on the balcony overnight in the lower storey of theur house with the other 5 dogs that dont bark - it still lets out about one bark a night - but is the answer to the problem - so find an answer to the problem and suggest it in a nice way.


Threats are a last resort, not a first.

Tonight, the neighbour came home really pissed as usual, and the dog went ape shit as usual (last weekend he almost got mauled by his own 6 dogs while trying to get in the gate). Thankfully, he has a wife which is obviously the rational one.

Anyway, he started yelling "Shut up! or I'll get Bandito onto you!" He yelled this several times for my benefit, as I had my front door open, so obviously it is my note that has caused this piece and quiet! B)

One of the other neighbours put out their 'Jesus Lives' signes up the day after the dog was locked in the house at night - I didnt see this over easter - I guess they have been praying for quite a while!

Anyway, this method seems to have works so far - had the first decent sleep in 10 months lastnight! - time will tell though. It took two days to get over staying up for 41 hours straight, and no, no drugs apart from coffee and alchomehol were involved, and at the time of posting, I had only had 3 bottles of reshes pilsner. The trick to staying up for that amount of time is the right amount of caffine, and heaps of food. I had 3 pies, one sausage roll and a hamburger over the day, plus dinner. The tequila did the trick of counteracting the caffine in 20 mins, and tonight I got some lemmons and lime and salt - thats just dangerous! Tequila is even more evila than skelitore - and now I have almost a full bottle calling me constantly!>?!

Definetely try this civil approach before planting a fernenting diaorhea container. On that note, what weast would one use to compliment the smells? Standard S-23 or US-04 would be the go, as speciality yeasts would implicate knowledgable homebrewers. And standard coopers cans of goo would be better over dex for the same reason. And dog do would be better than human.

 

[HoppingMad]

Haven't tried this one but have heard it's a goodie.

Roll a marble or ball bearing down their car's exhaust pipe. The marble will drop into the muffler - and every time they brake at a light they will hear a small 'clinking' noise as the marble rolls around in it. From what I hear it's no big deal at first but after a while when it happens at every place they stop the sound of it will slowly drive them crazy - and it takes a mechanic a long while to figure out what the issue is.

Hopper.

 

[staggalee]

Well, to be honest, I think my pleading neighbourly note has had more effect than world war 3 would have, or an aggressive note.
Infact, my neighbours have done exactly as I suggested, and locked the dog that usually stayed on the balcony overnight in the lower storey of theur house with the other 5 dogs that dont bark -

How come the local Council allows him to keep 6 dogs at the premises?

stagga.

 

[Tony]

A mate of mine had a dog barking problem. a blue healer and a white fluffy maltese oxygen waister

He was always tired from them barking across the road and the owners would do nothing about it.

I lived on my parents property about 5 K's up the road. One arfternoon the two dogs turned up on our farm, chasing our horses. That was an instand death sentance for any dog.

Enter instant 30 Cal lead poisoning at 200 yards!

He comented a week later that he was sleeping better and the dogs were gone. I told him what happened and he took me to the pub to shout me a beer.

 

[Ducatiboy stu]

The best way to look at a fluffy dog is thru cross-hairs.. B)

 

[Bribie G]

Gotta buy one of these

 

[brettprevans]

give them crabs

from this article

 

[Fourstar]

give them crabs

from this article

so thats where those crabs came from!

 

[Digger11]

It's sad that we support governments who promote policies to overcrowd our country and create all of the issues highlighted in this thread.

Never had them as a kid as we lived on a 1/2 acre property (do they still exist ???).

Welcome to Australia with all of these problems at 23 million, what will it be like at 36 million ????

 

[Steve]

It's sad that we support governments who promote policies to overcrowd our country and create all of the issues highlighted in this thread.

Never had them as a kid as we lived on a 1/2 acre property (do they still exist ???).

Welcome to Australia with all of these problems at 23 million, what will it be like at 36 million ????

quite possibly like the US?.....they dont put poo on your door step or potatoes down your exhaust....they just shoot them.

 

[Fourstar]

It's sad that we support governments who promote policies to overcrowd our country and create all of the issues highlighted in this thread.
Never had them as a kid as we lived on a 1/2 acre property (do they still exist ???).
Welcome to Australia with all of these problems at 23 million, what will it be like at 36 million ????

And yet we have some of the worlds lowest population densities in the world.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_count...ulation_density

Check out our population clock... do you think thats outrageous?!
http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/[email protected]/94...63?OpenDocument

Then look at the United States as an example.
http://www.census.gov/population/www/popclockus.html

Get off your soapbox, put down the herald sun and dont be such a biggot.