And Then The Fight Started...

[thunderchild]

> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
> in bed. I turned to her and said,
>
> "Do you want to have sex?"
>
> "No," she answered.
>
> I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
>
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
>
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>
> And then the fight started....
>
>
>
> ********
>
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
>
> Security.
>
> The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify
> my age.
>
> I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
>
> I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
> come back later.
>
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
>
> So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
>
> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
>
> And she processed my Social Security application.
>
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
>
> Social Security office!
>
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> Disability, too'
>
> And then the fight started.....
>
>
>
> ****
>
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
> the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
>
> I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a
> torrential downpour.
>
> The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on
> the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
>
> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
> bed.
>
> I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
>
> whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
>
> My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband
> is out fishing in that?'
>
> And that's how the fight started ...
>
>
>
> ****
>
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
>
> kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at
>
> a nearby table.
>
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
>
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
>
> drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
>
> hasn't been sober since.'
>
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
>
> celebrating that long?'
>
> And then the fight started.....
>
>
>
> ****
>
> I rear-ended a car this morning.
>
> So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other
>
> driver got out of his car.
>
> You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and
>
> little things just seem funny?
>
> Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
>
> He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
>
> 'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!'
>
> So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
>
> And then the fight started.....
>
>
>
> ****
>
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
>
> order first.
>
> 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
>
> He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
>
> 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
>
> And then the fight started.....
>
>
>
> ****
>
> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
>
> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
>
> 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me
>
> a compliment.'
>
> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
>
> And then the fight started....