Steep, strain, boil then add is the safest way. There was a recent thread on boil v pastuerise, but it would be quicker to boil the liquid then to wade through that thread. Do not boil the grain.
Steep the grains for the required amount of time, usually around 20-30 min in 60-70c water.
You then need to boil the resulting liquid for around 20-30 min to kill of bacteria that is present in the grain, but remove the grain before you boil, as boiling the grain will give unwanted flavours.
After boiling, cool the liquid and put into the fermenter.
Will, You gotta strain it. I once used a strainer that had a hole in it which let in some grain matter and the brew was not nice. I've since invested $40 and bought a fine conical catering strainer (attached), which is the bees knees. It takes virtually all grain and hop matter out of the wort and leaves me with a high quality brew (really don't need to use finings etc.). Cheers, Pete
Another word of warning on using too much as well.
I recently did an American Brown Ale and steeped some grains at the front end - used Belgium Special B and some CaraPils. I obviously used way too much Special B, as all I can taste is buttery raisins (a flavour of Special B). I used 250grams of each in a 30 min steep - I should have only use maybe 100grams of Special B.