Worst Customer Stories

[pint of lager]

In keeping with the thread, Worst Advice You Have Got From A Hb Shop, Dont name the shops please.

How about some of the hard working people in the Homebrew industry tell some of their stories?

To start this thread off here are a few I know.

Customer is having problems with their brew, turns out, they have pitched the yeast sachet in wholus bolus, no snipping and sprinkling.
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Customer on phone: My brew isn't working
HBS: Is there a froth on the surface of the brew?
Customer: The airlock isn't working
HBS: Open the lid, is there a froth on the surface?
Customer: I have done heaps of brews, it isn't working.
HBS: (patiently) Good, but please check, is there froth on the surface?
Customer finally checks and yes, there is plenty of froth.
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Customer is having problems with sour brews. Is encouraged to bring in fermenter. This turns out to be black with layer upon layer of grunge. Customer goes away with new fermenter and some neopink. Returns some time later, ecstatic that brews don't taste sour.
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Fortunately, all these people got the right right advice.

So, who has some more tales?

 

[Jovial_Monk]

Hahahaha POL, but I think I can top that!

Phone rings, typical "My airlock isn't bubbling" so go through the usual routine and he goes and takes an SG reading (he doesn't usually do this, of course) and it is a bit high. So I go through and suggest how he can get some more attenuation.

Phone call has lasted 30 minutes, right at the end he informs me he added LACTOSE! Duh!

Course, there are other stories, like the guy bought a still but didn't buy a fermenter etc. WTF is he going to distill?


Jovial Monk

 

[Gerard_M]

I have had a guy use sodium met to carbonate the bottles. I don't sell sod met so I don't know what was going on there.

How about the guy that falls down the back stairs whilst carrying the HLT.HLT bounces on his chest as he goes down 15 steps. That is 20 litres of water @ 70ish degrees c. Oh your thong broke!

Same guy places his kettle on the top step of the pool to cool the wort. Kettle floats off to the middle of the pool! His wife got it out for him.

Mr Peter Wadey can dob himself. I can't remember all the details of his story other than he survived.

Oh the guy who comes in with the keg that won't dispnse. I sold him a dud. Opened it to find 15 litres of frozen beer. when it thawed out it was pretty good!

Cheers
Gerard