and my personal favourite bar joke:
>A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while
>he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs
>some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and
>eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard
>balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow
>swallows it whole. the bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what
>your monkey just did?" The guy says "No, what?" "He just ate the cue
>ball off my pool table-whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied
>the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the little *******. Sorry. I'll
>pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill,
>pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves. Two weeks later he's in
>the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the
>monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing
>his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it,
>sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds
>a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
>the bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he
>asks. "No, what?" replies the guy.
>
>"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it
>out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
>
>Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats
>everything in sight, but ever since he had to sh!t out that cue ball, he
>measures everything first."