The Drunktionary

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The Drunktionary

Ah drunk people...will they ever say what they mean? Below youll find some common drunk phrases and what they translate to in sober language. I hope this helps you gauge whether or not its a good idea to let your buddy in the car when he claims hes totally fine, dude.

(Drunk Term = Sober Translation)

I LOVE This Song! = I KNOW This Song!

Dude, all the chicks at this party are ugly = Dude, none of the chicks at this party will talk to me.

Youre really pretty = Im going to be ashamed of it tomorrow but tonight is all about instant gratification, honey.

Want to watch a movie? = Want to come over to my room for some extremely creepy back rubbing and some equally disturbing neck-nibbling?

Im soooo drunk = Im planting a seed in your head that will eventually grow into a beautiful tree which excuses me from blame for my actions tonight.

I just, like, want to help animals, ya know? = I just, like, want to get in your pants, ya know?

Youre my best friend, man = Youre my only friend in arms reach right now and I need someone to pay for this shot, man.

I dont want to ruin the friendship = Youre a nice girl but youre very heavy and Id rather pretend I value our friendship than spend tomorrow dreaming up ways to kill myself.

This is the BEST night of my LIFE! = This is the BEST night of my WEEKEND!

Lets take a walk, this bar is crowded = I prefer my handjobs outdoors.

Im totally fine, dude = Im totally going to be needing a toilet or bucket in about five minutes, dude.

Whats up, Bro? = Whats up, guy-whos-name-I-cant-ever-remember?

Who wants to dance? = Who wants to watch me stumble around the party, waving my arms, spilling my drink and pile-driving my genitals into anything wearing a skirt?

Hey, did you get the notes from Bio? = Hey, Im going to ask you about class because Im too scared to ask you out.

I had, like, ten beers before I even came out = I'm, like, the kind of guy that lies about how much I drink.

Dude, I didnt even make it out of the dorms last night! = Dude, my girlfriend made me stay in and watch the Gilmore Girls season 1 DVD with her last night!

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