The Beer Problem Troubleshooting Guide.

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johnno

It's YUMMY
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The Beer Problem Troubleshooting Guide.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves
 
some of that sounds scarily familiar.


good Find johnno
 
I think my mrs could relate to some of that especially the Taxi one cost her $25 for a cleaning fee!!!

Then theres my fermenter!!!
 
dont take her along to the 04 perth home brewers gathering and all should be well vnthb.
hopefully you can make it along. the 03 one was great and i should be in perth along with batz in 04 sometime time for another great west oz homebrewer gathering.
we even may entice the guestlurker along if hes not o/s at the time.

cheers
big d
 
Yeah no worries Big D I will make sure she gets left at home maybe she can be my Taxi

Has a date been set for the Perth brewers do yet??

Would really like to come Im only a K&K man at the moment with a little hops added in there som Im not a full 'man' as yet but id still really like to come along and talk beer.

VNTHB
 
VNtoHB, All are welcome - I'm sure I can speak for everyone on that score.... :rolleyes:

If I remember correctly its on Jan 17th at Clancy's (Freo) - check out the Perth Brewers Get Together 2004 thread

And don't worry about the beer you bring... let he who is without (brewing) sin cast the first stone...
 

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