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The Beer Problem Troubleshooting Guide.

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johnno

It's YUMMY
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The Beer Problem Troubleshooting Guide.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves
 

wedge

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some of that sounds scarily familiar.


good Find johnno
 

verynewtohomebrew

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I think my mrs could relate to some of that especially the Taxi one cost her $25 for a cleaning fee!!!

Then theres my fermenter!!!
 

big d

Hopaholic
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dont take her along to the 04 perth home brewers gathering and all should be well vnthb.
hopefully you can make it along. the 03 one was great and i should be in perth along with batz in 04 sometime time for another great west oz homebrewer gathering.
we even may entice the guestlurker along if hes not o/s at the time.

cheers
big d
 

verynewtohomebrew

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Yeah no worries Big D I will make sure she gets left at home maybe she can be my Taxi

Has a date been set for the Perth brewers do yet??

Would really like to come Im only a K&K man at the moment with a little hops added in there som Im not a full 'man' as yet but id still really like to come along and talk beer.

VNTHB
 

Goat

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VNtoHB, All are welcome - I'm sure I can speak for everyone on that score.... :rolleyes:

If I remember correctly its on Jan 17th at Clancy's (Freo) - check out the Perth Brewers Get Together 2004 thread

And don't worry about the beer you bring... let he who is without (brewing) sin cast the first stone...
 

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