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How not to fit taps to your fridge

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Lurks

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Earlier I documented the omnishambles relating to the acquisition of a new fridge. Specifically how I wasted half a day disassembling and trouble shooting the fridge only to find that it was as simple as needing the damn egg tray mounted on the front door to switch the door sensor.

Continuing the theme of inept DIY fridge-related disasters, today I present to you documentary evidence of disturbing nature. I've been decking out this fridge to fit kegs in it, the first time I've ever done this sort of thing. I should say that I managed to work out how to drill a hole in the side for a gas line without degassing the fridge.

The problem with that, you see, is that as soon as I had kegs in the fridge with those cheapo 'bronco' taps, my friends immediately had to come around and drink my beer. Not that they seem to need much encouragement at the best of times but this was new. Like cats that insist on sitting on top of whatever new thing has been deposited in their abode, so too thirsty friends arrived en masse.

So we're half a keg in and I show them the high quality flow restrictor tap freshly purchased from the people's republic of China, via some local eBay seller. This, I explained, will be going on the front of the fridge. No more opening the door and using those plastic taps. Thereby promising something extra beyond what we had already been experiencing.

An enticing prospect, no doubt, but when one considers the environment of half a keg of California Common or more precisely the alcohol in that half keg, now providing sufficiently inebriating effect to make all sorts of things seem like a better idea than they otherwise would seem to be. Or, if I'm honest, actually are by any standards of logic and reason.

It was clear what we had to do. We had to drill the hole in the front of the fridge right now. I mean we had a room full of engineers, scientists and linguists, what could possibly go wrong?

How about trying to drill the hole in the wrong place. More or less the only place one could have drilled, quite the effort really, which would have come out directly on one of the moulded shelf fittings. If you look at the shameful evidence attached to this tale of woe, you will see the, ah, fail hole as we'll call it, positioned in the front place. You'll also see a tap mounted and a bit of tape over a hole which is also in the correct place. This is because I did this before I started drinking, I believe you're probably beginning to see a pattern emerge.

Of course drilling the hole in the wrong place couldn't possibly be enough. Another reason I hadn't drilled the hole already was because I realised that I lacked an appropriate tool to do so. What I had, in fact, was the nastiest cheap, useless and entirely unfit for purpose hole saw kit, purchased from a guy in Hong Kong that bought them off the back of a horse drawn cart from Guang Zhou, most likely. It's not even hardened steel. Shit, the one thing that they needed to do right, place the hole in the middle of the hole saw, in the middle position, was somehow beyond their meagre skills. A fact I'm disappointed to note was not mentioned at all in the ebay advertisement. Hmph.

Anyway, however cheap and nasty you think that hole saw kit is, I assure you that you're not there yet. This would be barely fit for chewing a hole in a bit of cardboard. You could do wood at a pinch, if you wanted the thing to wobble like victorian medical lady pacifier, and make a hole some random degree larger than the supposed diameter of the device.

Nevertheless, I can tell you that after one half keg of Common lager, this contraption, this cheap artifact of recycled tin cans and bamboo was magically transformed. It appeared as if on a shaft a light. As if Mao himself has stepped down and proudly offered this artefact on a tasteful and entirely thematic red cushion. Here, he would say, is the fruits of our revolution. The finest engineering that has graced this earth. Made in manners and with alloys your puny Western mind cannot possibly understand, for a price which is as spectacular as the fine craftsmanship on offer.

Into the drill it went. The correct (as in not at all correct) location was marked out and drilling commenced. The drilling went on for longer than expected. In fact, it didn't seem to be working. So a few of us had a go. Which involved trying to stand up straight while trying to aim something straight, leaning into the fridge. What's that smoke?

I think a reasonable outcome could be described less as the holesaw of doom drilling into the fridge than the fridge drilling into the holesaw of doom. The result is a hole, where the drill bit went through the door, and an indented circle, more the result of four overweight men leaning into drill than any sort of penetration. At some point I thought maybe I should look at the teeth of the holesaw whereupon I noticed that there weren't so much teeth as a series of stumps.

I'll say this for it, it got through the paint.

IMG_20130404_180640.jpg
 

Lurks

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Yes indeed, takeaway tub and some leftover magnets from a homemade stirplate. Still smells of Thai.
 

spog

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funny post,of course i will never admit to doing anything remotely like it...neveeerrrr. .cheers..spog..
 

J.T

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You sir…are one funny bugger! Cheers to you!

I too know what it feels like to try and burn a hole through a fridge door with a less-than-adequate hole saw!
 
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Look at the positives.........................................that is one of the straightest lines I have ever seen.
 

Lurks

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Black Devil Dog said:
Look at the positives.........................................that is one of the straightest lines I have ever seen.
Ah that line is non-permanent marker from when I decided to drill the holes properly. A piece of chalkboard vinyl is going to go over the whole area, covering up the fail hole.
 

jaypes

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2 holes are better than 1.....
 

GalBrew

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Chinamat said:
Ah that line is non-permanent marker from when I decided to drill the holes properly. A piece of chalkboard vinyl is going to go over the whole area, covering up the fail hole.
You can always fill in the fail hole with builders bog, sand it back and repaint......good as new.
 

Edak

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Chinamat said:
.... A piece of chalkboard vinyl is going to go over the whole area, covering up the fail hole.
I like the idea, though it would still be better if you did the bog thing first so that you don't accidentally pierce with chalk.

Better yet, leave it as a permanent reminder not to buy crap tools and use them whilst drunk.

I love your story though..
 

Lurks

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GalBrew said:
You can always fill in the fail hole with builders bog, sand it back and repaint......good as new.
Indeed, I was going to use some gap filler stuff but probably wont even bother to paint since blackboard vinyl sticker will go right over the top.

Has to be filled because I might try to write something with chalk over the hole etc...
 

GalBrew

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Bog is good as it sets like rock and sands well. I sprayed my fridge with blackboard paint, comes up very nicely.
 

Fents

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any holes a goal right?
 

Lurks

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Can you get that 'bog' in a tube rather than needing to buy a big tub? Tight-arsed student, see.
 

GalBrew

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Chinamat said:
Can you get that 'bog' in a tube rather than needing to buy a big tub? Tight-arsed student, see.
Sure can, you can get a small tube in a box (with hardener) at Bunnings....and it is literally called BOG.
 

Edak

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by the sound of it, Fents would have a great time with your taget BDD... :)
 

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